Here's one I posted two years ago in a different thread, HPV swab by my PCP around 2006 (just had a second one done by a young PA at my new dr. in LA, 10/16, see below.)
First went like this, was fairly memorable:
"I know this is an old thread, but I just spotted it and so I'm weighing in now -
I had the equivalent of a Pap smear, but for guys. It consisted of the same thing as women get (I think) and for the same reason: looking for pre-cancerous and cancer cells, in the anus instead of the uterus this time.
I had this done in 2006, when Gardasil started being pushed by the drug company (and legislators, who were being plied with contributions from the drug company) and doctors started testing more people, including guys, for the HPV virus (cause of genital warts and an infrequent form of cancer - Deaths due to HPV/cervical cancer in women each year, around 4,000; men, HPV/anal cancer, 1,800.)
During one of my few physicals, Dr. G asked if I had ever, at any time in my life, etc - had sex with men, either giving or receiving. I made him wait, then said "Yes I have" without giving him any info. He paused, then told me to come back in a week for a "smear" as he put it. I was fairly puzzled, looked up the procedure (and drug, starting to be pushed heavily although it was arguably causing a few deaths each year, and the AMA said at the time that there were no 10-year studies of safety and efficacy because it hadn't been out for 10 years. No track record. At the time, they advised against HPV vaccinations.)
Back to Desert ____ the following week, told by the assistant Jordan to take off everything below the waist, I kept shirt and socks. Up on the table on my hands and knees - Dr. G came in, said with a grin "Here's where we get to know you", started by plunging a lubed finger in my ass, followed by a scope - cold steel going in several inches; I could feel it jerking as my pucker tried grabbing it. Next he reached for a speculum, inserted that and started ratcheting it open, stretching me wide. I was dreading what might be coming next.
He picked up something else and said "I have to get samples from a few different places" and started scraping inside my rectum here and there with what felt like a potato peeler. 30-45 painful seconds, he was done; I was allowed to recuperate for a few minutes before Jordan hoisted me down off the table. Very slippery from the lube until I could get home and shower, asshole was fairly sore for a few days after. (Don't know where I got the idea that the test would be something like a Q-tip quickly inserted.)
I wasn't given the drug at the time, the MD had several concerns about it also and wanted to hold back, at least until some results from long-term studies came in. However, it was offered: at the time it was 2-3 injections of Gardasil spaced a few weeks apart, for roughly the price the treatment is today - $400.
I told my then-girlfriend that I'd had this done, and we compared notes (she couldn't quit snickering) on how similar the procedures were, for all the differences in where they were done. She kept me away from The Grail for several days after her smear, my "Pap smear" didn't affect us in any way other than I preferred to stand instead of sit for a day or so. Anyone else have any similar HPV testing?"
10/16 - Second time was evidently SOP due to the physician's West Hollywood/UCLA location, for what are probably very "active" populations, to say the least. Second time was more like a swab - told to pull everything down to my knees and lie on my stomach on the exam table; the PA showed me what was going in next - 3" tree-shaped pipe cleaner, complete with bristles.) Had to be dry to work; he apologized and pushed it in using thumb and forefinger; after a few seconds and rotating it quickly, Done. Totally painless, I was relieved it was nothing like the first time.
Was told they liked to test all "unprotected" clients (meaning Gardasil-free) every year or two, that HPV was getting to be more commonplace.