I've been going about this rather systematically, with my husband. He's quite open-minded, but has expressed that the idea of dressing up like a doctor and learning to use unfamiliar equipment doesn't much appeal to him. I accept that, but have pointed out a few things to him: one, my medical fetish isn't going anywhere; two: I can only conceive of playing this intimately (physically and emotionally) with him, and I'd really love for him to be the one to turn me on like crazy; and three: I do a number of things to accommodate his kinks that aren't necessarily my cup of tea - simply because they turn him on like crazy. Quid pro quo, buster. 😉
I think persistence is important, unless you know you've absolutely exhausted the subject. I want him to realize that this is something that means a lot to me, and isn't just a passing whim.
So - and we don't talk about it every night, but I do bring it up often - I've started talking to him about what exactly gets me off, for instance. I try to think of a guy I know who has a shoe/foot fetish, and how strange it seems to people who just aren't into it. I've focused on the feelings of vulnerability and embarrassment and the invasive nature of it all. Luckily, everyone goes to the doctor, so he can relate on some levels. I've stressed that I'm interested in feeling those things, and that it's not completely dependent on certain instruments or "doc-speak" or a white lab coat...though God, I would probably hyperventilate if he came in wearing a lab coat...and hey, I've told him that, too. But I've emphasized that I want him to be comfortable, and to have the choice in how far he wants to participate.
He's confessed that he's not up for full out role-play, and frankly, neither am I. This is the man I spend at least 50% of my waking hours with, and I don't think we could suspend belief enough to feel anything but silly, if I had to call him "Doctor". If he's able to get really into it, this might change, but for now, I can't see us playing that way.
I would be interested in exploring certain instruments and learning together how to use them properly and safely - but this, too, isn't mandatory, right away. My first objective is to get him on board. Baby steps. I've told him that if he would just wear a pair of latex gloves to lube up my anus for anal sex, that would actually do LOTS, for me. Plus - anal sex! What's not to love?
That's the other thing - I am quick to mention the benefits, for him, of exploring this with me. First of all, I'm going to be climbing the walls with arousal, just knowing he's trying. He really doesn't have to say or do very much - I've been going on imagination alone for years. Also, and I believe I put it this way (rather crass, but straight to the point): "There isn't anything you couldn't do to my butt, if you'd put a pair of rubber gloves on." He's been wanting to explore anal play, and I've been reluctant - but with just the suggestion of my fetish involved, seriously - everyone's happy.
I know, it's a far cry from the couples who have the whole authentic exam set-up in their homes, but - that's not for everyone, and we don't all marry fellow med-fetters. This is the man I love, and I want to experience this with him. In order to attempt that, I've had to do a lot of thinking about what I really want, what I would be satisfied with, what I don't want, and how it could be sexy for him. Then comes the scary part, and it's scary every time: talking about it. But it's worth it, to me, to be a little uncomfortable now - and to make him a little uncomfortable, too - if I can help him understand.
I really think it's the fear and the pressure of the unknown, that's the biggest "turn off" for our partners. We have to spell it out for them, and then let them decide.
And I know I'm lucky to have a partner who's willing to listen, who encourages me to talk to him about it, even though I'm always embarrassed and blushing, and who is willing to try.
Good luck and big hugs to everyone going through this. 🌹