How Long Do You Have to Know Someone....

Thanks for all the concern over my breakup, folks. No worries, I'm sure everything will work out in the end. Ha, ha. So this has got me wondering...

I was very nervous over the idea that my boyfriend might actually be willing to give me an enema, my first from a significant other. This has always been my greatest fantasy, yet I was terrified.

I've been thinking, maybe I didn't know him well enough to share myself that intimately with him?

So my question is, how long do you generally know your partner before you feel comfortable sharing this aspect of your sexuality with them?

After you start having regular sex, and the lovemaking is up to par, then you can suggest spicing it up in the bedroom with a little kink. I recommend starting with the most basic kinks like spanking and role play with docs and nurses, and then suggest things you can do as docs and nurses like rectal temps, suppositories, and (gulp) even enemas. Good luck.

Naughtydoc

[quote author=naughtydoc link=topic=16243.msg167686#msg167686 date=1231465033]

After you start having regular sex, and the lovemaking is up to par, then you can suggest spicing it up in the bedroom with a little kink. I recommend starting with the most basic kinks like spanking and role play with docs and nurses, and then suggest things you can do as docs and nurses like rectal temps, suppositories, and (gulp) even enemas. Good luck.

Naughtydoc

[/quote]

BOTH OF YOU SHOULD GIVE AND RECEIVE THE BELOW ACTIVITIES BEFORE ENEMAS COME INTO PLAY:

I think maybe a little light bondage, silk scarves to tie wrists together, maybe a blindfold, etc., before you start with the spanking and "impact" maneuvers.

Also, anal/rectal massage using your fingers should come before anything foreign gets inserted into them. A dildo is also a good toy to start with.

AFTER your partner is accustomed to these insertions and anal play you can start with "impact" maneuvers and enemas.

The length of time before you start enemas with a new partner can vary. I would not get too involved even mentioning enemas until you have had at least a few sexual encounters and have done the above.

TRUST ME: ENEMAS ARE ABOUT THE KINKIEST THING YOU CAN DO. If you don't believe me, tell your vanilla friends you spend time pumping water up your ass. They will definitely tell you enemas are much kinkier than say, tying up your partner to the bedposts.

You know, I think that I will take a perverse pride in the fact that my greatest fantasy is one of the kinkiest things a person can do.

Seriously. That's kind of awesome.

P.S - Are enemas really kinkier than suppositories? I would have thought the other way around....

[quote author=Anne B link=topic=16243.msg168172#msg168172 date=1231552062]

P.S - Are enemas really kinkier than suppositories? I would have thought the other way around....

[/quote]

Are you kidding? A little 1" long suppository vs a one or two quart enema with a "real" (not what comes with the drug store bag) enema nozzle?? 😮 😮

Yes, an enema is WAY kinkier.

😃 I prefer enemas myself, but I can't seem to find someone to share.

If his mind is closed, you may wait forever. Otherwise your waiting time could be short enough to surprise you.

Test the water before diving in. Hang an enema bag in plain sight in the bathroom. Then if he uses your bathroom, watch his response. Explore ways to test his reaction.

I have decided to let any lady interested know that I do use enemas and see what they think. Yes I have lost a couple, but I do not want to end with somebody that talks a good game about kinky sex and when enemas are mentioned runs away. I want to find a nice lady that shares my enjoyment of kinky sex and enemas.

I usually find if you are comfortable enough to keep the bathroom door open when you are on the pot.....then you should be comfortable enough to ask/discuss enemas and anything anal. 😁

Hi All:

My married girlfriend and I will have few hours for love session tomorrow for the first time in almost 3 mths. Been in this lustship for less than 2 yrs and I am 25 years her senior! Talk about an ego boost?? Whew!!! Both are married with high libidos..... she is a real sex machine and multi-orgasmic (easily) with large sensitive nipples and as a bonus is anal erotic and likes spanking especially while thrusting during coitus.

We are about ready for anal sex and may try tomorrow because she also has so far been VERY receptive to anal massage and shallow finger penetration. I am giving this background because I am shy about whether to place a "Fleet Enema" on the bathroom counter for her to choose to use before our first back-door experience. I would like to eventually introduce her to real bag type enemas but so far have been too inhibited, even though we both agreed to be totally open with each other when we first met. But the enema subject has been very difficult for me to approach!!

I got a cute little vib butt plug and will introduce that as well tomorrow. I think she will enjoy it during IC. Oh, one other thing.... she is very stern about closing the bathroom door while she is busy.... I often tease her with knocking on the door and threatening to enter.

Except for the fact that we are both married to prudes.....and thus very limited to quality time; we are both experiencing the most erotic and fun times in our lives. Sorry this is so long..... but wanted to give enough background so your advice would be easier and more accurate.

Please give me your opinions..... your advice is very much appreciated.

He should get together with my wife! They could have a wonderful evening of watching TV and reading the paper together, followed by rolling over and snoring.

It's not about "time", its about trust. If you establish the trust in the relationship, anything's possible. Not an expert, but common sense tells me that unless you and your partner are committed, there will always be a question about what can be requested, no matter how long you've been together. Once you've earned the trust, everything else will fall into place. That's not to say they'll be receptive to your interest, but at at least its a starting point to honestly discuss the issue.

I agree. It is all about trust. I am in a friendship with a widow lady that has gone on for over 15 years. We had IC about two years into it, while we were both married. We began our friendship by saying of all the people in the world, we would be completely open with one another, and we have done a good job of being that way. She lost her husband about ten years ago. I remain married but my wife could care less about sex or anything kinky. She tolerates my routine and I don't rub her nose in the fact that she doesn't participate. But my GF, when we last were able to be intimate, seemed to be open to both giving and receiving. That was about five years ago, but I think that will change in the near future and I am anxious to see if we can renew the giving and receiving we shared then. Again, the trust thing is SOOOOOO important. Needless-to-say, trust is also important when one is engaging in an extramarital relationship!

Hi Anne,

I have to say that I disagree with a number of replies advising that you "work your way up to it," or some variation thereof.

The problem is that you build this intimate relationship with lots of good things going for it, then you throw a "make-or-break" wrench into the works.

Prior to getting married, & a couple of times since, I've faced that situation. I found it MUCH easier during those initial discussions about whether or not to become intimate to ask a woman about her expectations, desires & limits - nothing specific, just an open question. The response was generally very nonspecific, but she ALWAYS turned the question back on me.

I took that opportunity to put out a feeler on the subject of interest. My answer was usually along the lines that while I hadn't had scores of lovers, I was okay with anything she was, as long as it only involved the two of us, intimacy, trust, honesty, and sensuality. Then I'd throw in that I've even known women who were into enemas. I had to be prepared though. The next question was always, "Giving or receiving?"

The appropriate answer of course is "Turnaround is fair play ... do you like to play?" Anything other than an outright "no way" always seemed to indicate that my potential new lover was at least open to giving it a try.

Once our physical relationship developed enough, sensually and sexually, I simply brought out the paraphenalia & asked "Ready to give it a go?" Lots of embarassment came back at me, but the easy way to deal with that was a simple discussion of how & what to expect. "You or me?" came next. Again, I always tried to make it easy for my lover. I always suggested, "Since you're new to this, let me do this for you tonight." It let her take a passive role. Someone new to an experience is much more likely to go ahead when they only need to let it happen to them rather than take an active role.

Within a few weeks after that introductory occasion, the new lover either suggested it was my turn, or I brought out the gear again & THEN she said it was my turn!

Much easier for all involved.

TexasWaters

We tend to alternate between "frustrated, but non-playful" insomnia and then the resulting exhausted snoring here. W

Very sensible attitude!!! Wish I had it done wyears ago

Put all the snoring ones in the same room and those who wanted to stay awake and play in the other?

Gotta wait to find out how much "anally" open ur partner is.if there s interested in that field or if he/she is totally new to it u can start slowly introducing the E factor.

u ll b surprised,there s so many guys that r really not that open minded and not even willing to try anything anal.SO LAME!

There are a couple of variations:

One is to advertise for a mate interested in anal kink and meet him/her on neutral ground before disclosing real names, addresses, etc. This after e-mails, trading pics, telephone conversations, and the like as trust grows.

I met my wife 2 years ago on Match.com and it was apparent on the 2nd date that we had the chemistry.

After about a week of hot standard sex, I started gentle anal play without penetration until she started trying to slowly impale herself on my finger. After this, I informed her that anal play should be preceded by an internal shower called an enema. I agreed (being the kind and loving guy I am) to do her first one which was a very slow and sensual approach with a lot of anal massage progressing to finger lubrication with a gloved finger and then very slowly letting the flow enter, telling her that it would give her a nice warm feeling. I also told her that massaging her clit was to help her with the process.

We exchange enemas weekly now and have very sweet sex afterward. It could be argued that the entire process is sex.

My first experience of an enema with a woman other than my mother, aunts, or nurses, was with an RN I dated in college who informed me one evening that she needed to practice enemas and I needed a nice cleaning out. I agreed with the proviso that we reciprocated. Unfortunately, I was leaving town for medical school and lost track of her.

Well, my new submissive is about to experience an enema for the first time. She expressed a "curiosity" about enemas in her profile on the site where we met, and I plan on satisfying her curiosity. Next week. But this will be our first time together, and I may relent, just to give her time to get more comfotable with me. We shall see...

Thank you everyone, for your thoughtful replies and good advice.

After much reflecting, I know that was terrified of the idea of my boyfriend at the time giving me an enema because ultimately I didn't trust him. And rightly so. He may have been kinky, but he was young, dumb, and selfish.

I have met someone new, someone from this site, actually. Our first conversation, as best I recall, was me trying to talk him into letting me treat him to the virtual e experience. We started off playing, and talking about our fetishes, but it turned out we have a ton in common other than loving kinky sex. I trust him to pretty much have his way with me in any way he chooses.

Ultimately you all are right. It isn't a question of time, but of emotional connection.

Thank you again for the insight.

Love,

Anne

Best wishes Anne_B. If your new friend is half as nice as you are, he must be a terrific person. Good luck!

Anne B.,

To answer your original question, I think it depends on the person and the nature of your relationship. I have a new boyfriend (about 3 months now) and in the past I would never have had the nerve to tell him about my interest in enemas. I found enema bags under the sinks in his master bathroom, so I got up the courage to tell him I suffer from a "mild case of klismaphilia." I know some people on this site are very open about their desires, but I'm not, so this was a huge deal for me. Anyway, the point is...if I hadn't found his stuff, I wouldn't have told him. At first I was going to orchestrate something...like leave my bag hanging in my shower and let him find it, but then I decided just to tell him and get it over with. So again, the answer to how long do you have to know someone depends on many things. For me, it was finding his bags plus the fact that I trust him. I trusted that I could tell him and that he would accept this as a part of me.

Arianna

Arianna:

I think the central issue is not enemas but knowing that you can share anything with each other. Many people never learn that....Good luck to you!.......Jimbeaux

Jimbeaux,

You are right. And thanks for wishing me luck. It took a great amount of courage to tell him about my fetish, even with my find. Thinking about it, it came down to trust and knowing that I could share this with him without fearing consequences.

Arianna

Back in the late 1980s, when I administered my first enemas to a bevy of big gals (bbws)I wasn't acquainted with them for very long. I met the gals on a one-by-one basis at parties and through mutual friends. The Net didn't exist back then, so I had to meet with them face-to-face. Dating for a short time was a great way to gain trust. Trust is the coin of the realm in any relationship, be it medfet or not. They all had fun and so did I. It was so long ago. I'm thinking about bringing my stethoscope, RT, and my H20 apparatus out of retirement. Now, if I can only find some large and lovely ladies... Dr. X

Hi Anne

Some reasons for secrecy is that if you advertise you are into enemas, about 90% of people will consider you a pervert, that can be bad with husbands, wives, coworkers, next door neighbors etc. On line most people, except me, use a fake name to hide behind. But there is the 10% that will be interested.

Next, how important is it to you. If you are interested in enemas and want to try it, it's not that important. If you have been fantasizing about having enemas since you were five, and it is the central theme of your sexuality, then look for the right person, and take the necessary risk, with necessary caution.

In contrast to those that say try a list of things first, be aware that fetishes tend to be very specific. A person that likes loving enemas will be appalled by painful, cruel ones, as I am, etc. There are about 8 billion people on earth with about 8 billion different fetishes, the best that can be hoped for is a close match, and a partner willing to meet you needs, and doing things that are repulsive to you to get them to play your game doesn't work either, so gauge your options. And there are some very bad options: IE the young medical student in Boston who was just arrested for killing women from Craig's list. He looked great, nice guy etc, just liked to shoot a women on the side, but that's not how he got them in a room alone with him. Be careful meeting people, anonymity is good, but has some big risk.

the enema is in the vein of non harmful fetishes, but with all the secrecy, it could be used by a predator. But any safe, true enema lover will give a non harmful, pleasant treatment that some people find sexual. If you do and your partner doesn't that is fine when you want to have enemas. Giving them is no big deal, fifteen minutes of their time, and no risk to them. If you find a person willing, actually loving you enough to take care of you, and their fantasies are not repulsive to you, you can work with that, and should. sex, live, and love are two way streets.

I hope this helps, but a strong fetish needs to he honored. If your mate can't, don't marry. If they talk to much and it hurts you that can be a problem too, what starts in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom, and anything you do that doesn't cause harm, is your business.

Far beyond enemas, if the fetishes of everyone you have ever known, were known they would all be in trouble, we all have them, the key is to control the ones that can do harm, and accept and work with the ones that do no harm---and enemas are very high on the list of those that do no harm, properly done they only make you more healthful.

Hope this helps

I usually like to tell a person almost everything about me when I first meet them. When I met my wife, I told her right off th ebat that I'm bi and she was fine with that. Perhaps when you're in that "getting to know you stage" you should broach the topic sooner than later.

My wife did not get interested in administering enemas to me until after we got our computer and got on the internet. The internet really opened her eyes and her horizons and she was immediately intruiged with stories of wives who used enemas to keep their subby hubbys in line!