I suggest a change, Molly. This response is not about med fet, but about reality in health care. As a purely practical matter, these days with useless insurance (if any) and most all procedures being out of pocket expense (as is my case), I don't just expect but DEMAND the best care AND I expect it to be to my standards. I'll 'fire' a doctor in a second and find one who works with me.
In Med Fed with my husband, it's all play with a very Dom role for the doctor. However in real life medical, I expect to be part of a 'team' with health care providers (thus most all healthcare providers we see are on a 'wellness' track) I expect to work together on issues and to be heard and treated with respect.
It sounds as if your OB/GyN is one of the old 'god complex' types who thinks just 'cause he went to school and has put in his time, he can say and do as he pleases and everyone must do as he says. I obviously don't know the man but the fact that he's not showing consideration and respect for you in a simple exam setting makes one wonder what you could expect from him in a medical emergency.
In dealing with recent family health issues, it was brought up to me that the doctor that I did not like had 'done his time' and to that I responded (My little rant from last week):
I guess I tend to have no problem whatsoever firing someone who takes a lot of my $$ and doesn't give me value for my $$. Since we have no real insurance and haven't for many years, it's all out of pocket and I expect THE FINEST care for the dollars I spend, since I'M spending them - not some insurance bean-counter. As for any professional, doctors included, don't care what their profession is, what their 'degree' is nor do I care about about their egos when it's the health of someone I care about at stake. All that 'time they've put in' means nothing except that they've managed to keep insured and to keep out of the court system. Even criminals 'do their time'.