Thank you for asking and sharing this intimate part of your self... and to me, that is key to the question you are asking.
i think part of what makes understanding difficult sometimes is when we try to fit how we are, how we feel, into a mold or already labeled container. While i do believe we all have similarities in common on many things, at the end of the day, we are all different too, individuals. i think you do a great job of seeing and articulating what you feel and what arouses you.
The first thing that stands out to me is that 'realness' is an important factor for you. i can relate to this. i do not like role play because, to me, that is a denial of something that i perceive as very real and deep. I.e., i don't want to "play" a "role" that i perceive i really, truly am. Again that's just an individual thing, not making it a universal thing. Porn also turns me off, but videos of people not acting, but having sex for themselves, not as a production, can be very arousing to me.
As to the embarrassment/shame parts? i also get deeply aroused by some very specific kinds of being embarrassed/shamed. Again, i think the type, or what causes that response in us is very individual. i believe that it's based on having desire/need that is taboo, not the norm, etc.. From an early age, we are culturally conditioned that some things are shameful. If those things happen to be desires or needs that we have, when someone taps into it, it evokes the conditioned response of shame and embarrassment.
Feelings are deeply rooted in our brain, our senses all process through the feeling part of our brain before that information goes up to the reasoning part of our brain. i believe that the feeling part of our brain governs a lot more of who and how we are than the reasoning part of our brain. I.e., the reasoning part of our brain may tell us that there is no reason for us to be embarrassed or ashamed, yet our feelings tell us the opposite. i think there is a part of you that likes being controlled in specific areas that would normally be very private or intimate, and the feelings of embarrassment and shame are conditioned responses.
That's how i have come to see it in me anyway. i get very deeply aroused by certain kinds of Men Who have/want/need to assert certain kinds control with me. So for me, it's different because of Their component of want/need to have that control and embarrass/humiliate me. It's not the same for me in a professional setting if i do not perceive want/need from them that matches mine, where you seem to want/need that "professional" buffer.