Guilt regarding kink

So, I'm 18, and I've always kinda been into spanking? And quite a few other things, and I think part of what makes me feel ashamed is that it isn't even related to sex all the time, some part of me just feels the need to be manhandled and taken control of by someone I choose to put my trust in, and I want to be taken apart and put back together again and made to cry and forced to let it all out. I feel like a freak for this. Does the shame and guilt ever go away?

Yes and no. It's up to you.

You may want to dig up and understand why you have theae desires and accept that this guilt is not something to be ashamed of. That these desires may come from darker places of your mind but can be safely explored, and that it can even be cathartic.

You may want to find people with similar and/or complementary kinks to yours, to explore safely. To learn that there is nothing to feel guilty about, unless this guilt is exciting to you ;-)

Or you may not want to explore it at all, ignore it and just let that guilt make you feel bad forever... But that would be sad, no? ;-)

Whatever you do, be safe. Learn your own limits, and don't let just anybody break you the way you think you want to: there may be something hidden behind that desires that deserve some proper care and love, and some people out there are not fit to welcome you fully when you explore that desire. Be safe and take the time to build trust and mutual respect, even through the most degrading and intense games ;-)

Speaking for myself, guilt never figured into it, taking the time to enjoy the positive feelings. Don't be afraid to ask questions of yourself to better understand what makes oneself ticks. Think along the lines of self discovery and a life long journey. It's not about the destination, but about the journey.

Yes, it can do. Finding others who share it is a good way of getting rid of the guilt.

It’s not something I would share with anyone except my close intimate friends, but I don’t have any guilt or shame about it.

It’s not something I would share with anyone except my close intimate friends, but I don’t have any guilt or shame about it.

Me too !! - secrets must be secrets !! - as this word signify !!

Used to feel ashamed and guilty about my kinks. I decided to share with my wife, I guess, about 10 years ago. Definitely, the right choice.. I don’t feel any more guilt and mostly she accommodates what I like.

The flip side though is that sometimes the naughty feelings are stronger if things are kept secret, I think ?

There’s no reason to be ashamed of your kinks. If someone makes you feel ashamed about yourself, then either don’t share your personal feelings with them, or avoid them altogether. I’ve had girlfriends who were boring sexually, and socially. They couldn’t comprehend that a straight man would be anal erotic. I’m sure that their world consists of card games, and Tupperware parties. No worries. There’s someone for everyone.

I was raised in an environment where I felt guilty for everything. That isn't to elicit sympathy, but to put forward that in this world, we are conditioned to feel shame for various things, by various people, for various reasons. I grew up afraid of almost everything and kept my guard up as high as I could. I wanted no contact with anyone because I refused to ever be vulnerable to anyone again. That's all it was, though. Fear.

Kink, whether we like it or not, is part of who we are. We can be afraid of it, we can try to hide it, but throwing a skeleton in a closet doesn't make it go away. It's still there waiting to fall out and shatter that illusion. There comes a time where you have to understand that if you're not hurting someone (at least not in a consensual way), you have nothing to feel guilty about. We are programmed to internalize fear of not belonging, of being rejected. Ask yourself if you want to be accepted for who you aren't by people you love. If you put up a facade about things, then they don't know you.

Do your friends need to know the ins and outs of your sexuality? Heck no. But would they need to know that if you were strictly vanilla and into crocheting while receiving oral? Again, heck no.

Intimacy is for you and who you share it with. It's a private thing. Think about it. Do you often hear about sex in normal conversation? Even the most mundane, vanilla sex imaginable? Maybe a joke, a line from a movie, but I don't often hear about sex in normal conversation. If you find the right partner, there's no need to feel guilt because if they're right, they'll understand. With that, there is no guilt. There's nothing wrong with you. You just need the right compliment to your inclinations.

So if your guilt is because you don't feel "normal", ask yourself what constitutes normal? Football games or trips to overpriced makeup stores? Trashy television binge watching or hating one political party or the other? Missionary sex with trips to the Golden Corral on the weekends? That doesn't sound entertaining to me. If it works for most people, more power to them. I'm okay with being completely disinterested in those activities for the most part (I am a sucker for a cheap buffet because I'm generally a cheap a** regardless). I'm sure that you're okay with being a bit odd as well.

And again, sex is primarily a private aspect. Nobody has to know about what turns you on unless they are your intimate partner. Nobody has a right to judge you for it. Go with that mindset and the guilt kind of dissipates.

@Quietly123, spot on! Don’t be affraid to put anything in the open with the right person living with you!

My kinks happen between my sub and I so why would I feel guilty? We've found them to be very enjoyable and pleasurable. Through the years we've grown and expanded those kinks. With some being repeated and few others staying in the fantasy realm.

With the finding of Zity.biz, years ago, both my sub and I found like minded people doing similar things. Showing that we are not the only ones interested in enemas and such.

My guilt feelings about my love of enemas is what paradoxically 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 made anything to with enemas sexually exciting.

My guilt feelings about my love of enemas is what paradoxically 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 made anything to with enemas sexually exciting.

Interesting concept: Could the desire to feel guilt be a fetish/kink?

Interesting concept: Could the desire to feel guilt be a fetish/kink?

Guilt spoils everything ... guilt is a fun killer and turns people into self-chastising killjoys and metaphorical Puritans.

I would say that the desire to feel guilt is a religious thing, like early monks denying themselves every normal earthly pleasure because they felt unworthy of their mere earthly existence.

That is weird, unusual and unhealthy, but I wouldn't call it a kink. Kinks are supposed to be pleasurable.

That is weird, unusual and unhealthy, but I wouldn't call it a kink. Kinks are supposed to be pleasurable.

People get pleasure from enduring pain, humiliation, debasement….why not the same feelings of pleasure from enduring guilt?

After all, a lot of Catholics are happy campers! 😀😀😀

I'm 30 now and I still feel it. I'm working on it and I definitely feel a lot better about it than I did when I was 18 but some traumas are really deep-seated. It definitely helps me to see other people who are into it and to remind myself that you can't really choose what you're into. Also it's no one else's business tbh.

I don't know if it's "guilt" but it sure does not make thing easy when one's spouse is vanilla.

@Rigel: People get pleasure from enduring pain, humiliation, debasement….why not the same feelings of pleasure from enduring guilt?

Reminds me of the feelings I got when going into a store to buy enema bags - I felt guilty and shamed, yet loved the deprecating feeling!

@Rigel: Could the desire to feel guilt be a fetish/kink?

Most definitely in my case.

My biggest kink would have to be mild femdom with pleasant, good-natured humiliation- the kind that those nude male swimmers and student athlete physical recipients experienced. Too bad I'll never get to see what that was like- at least not in THIS life.

My biggest kink would have to be mild femdom with pleasant, good-natured humiliation- the kind that those nude male swimmers and student athlete physical recipients experienced. Too bad I'll never get to see what that was like- at least not in THIS life.

Would that have been femdom to a strong enough degree? I

I'd figure a bit of feminization to be a usual/necessary part of the mix.

Would that have been femdom to a strong enough degree? I

I'd figure a bit of feminization to be a usual/necessary part of the mix.

If you're just passively and obediently standing there in front of a group of females while they shamelessly eye you up and down, it is a form of mild femdom. Especially if it's a female coach or healthcare professional giving you instructions while a teacher or administrator looks on.

If you're standing around flaunting your manhood, either uncovered or in a pair of tight-fitting briefs, nothing feminizing about that at all!

I think this is much more complicated issue.

On one hand, self acceptance is very important. But... what about those who crave humiliation? Or those who get a thrill from doing 'perverse' things?

What works for me is compartmentalisation. I keep 'the kinky me' separated from 'the vanilla me', do not mix them and never let the kinky one to influence vanilla.

This way I can feel ashamed in the act or even thinking about it, but it is 'kinky me' and does not have any influence on how I see myself as a vanilla member of the society and so on.