Encouraging gay sex

Because of a comment made in another thread, it got me wondering about being encouraged to engage in same-sex activity.

I ask this because with youngsters fooling around with girls, there is always the risk of pregnancy and all the sad limiting consequences that it involves, not only for the two in question, but also for the families of both future mother and father. Nothing ruins young peoples lives more than becoming premature parents.

So, with this in mind, I wonder if there weren't any members here who were perhaps encouraged to engage in same-sex sex play as an an outlet for their sexual urges? Or if there are members who know of such instances about others?

Ha, an interesting thought.

i'd be surprised to read such an account. Society has become a lot more progressive, but i still think many in American culture would label that "homosexual agenda," and trying to make someone gay. i'd imagine any parent thinking that direction would instead coach their kid towards hetero oral or anal before suggesting same sex experimentation.

My family/parents were cool with sexual experimentation, including homosexual activities. I don't think homosexual play was ever promoted intentionally as a safer way to experiment with sex, but I do recall comments along the lines of "no one gets pregnant that way" and an admittedly sexist (this was some years ago) attitude that boys fooling around was nothing to stress over, that it was somehow just a notch above masturbation, whereas boy/girl sex had to be taken more seriously.

i'd be surprised to read such an account. Society has become a lot more progressive, but i still think many in American culture would label that "homosexual agenda," and trying to make someone gay.

You're misunderstanding what I was asking about. From an American perspective with so much politicized talk about gays and such, it rapidly becomes a point of contention that people put into context with all kinds of notions from the 'culture wars'.

I do know from overhearing older ladies, my mother, aunts etc. talk about finding gay men at the least more pleasant to be around and would hint at how 'cute' it was men/boys being like that. How much better it would be for the ladies if more men were gay. Sort of like the meme about ladies and hairdressers, how they prefer them being gay.

The stuff I overheard from the older ladies didn't use our modern terms like gay, but older slang terms which made it more noticeable.

@agracier there is always the risk of pregnancy and all the sad limiting consequences that it involves.

It was the fear of pregnancy the put the kibosh on my doing too much with the gals in college I knew. I remember my male friend who was always looking to fool around telling me that the next generation of women were heavily into oral sex because of this (to avoid pregnancy)....

You're misunderstanding what I was asking about. From an American perspective with so much politicized talk about gays and such, it rapidly becomes a point of contention that people into context with all kinds of notions from the 'culture wars'.

I do know from overhearing older ladies, my mother, aunts etc. talk about finding gay men at the least more pleasant to be around and would hint at how 'cute' it was men/boys being like that. How much better it would for the ladies if more men were gay. Sort of like the meme about ladies and hairdressers, how they prefer them to being gay.

The stuff I overheard from the older ladies didn't use our modern terms like gay, but older slang terms which made it more noticeable.

Okay, i may still be misunderstanding what you were asking about? When i was growing up, homosexuality hadn't really entered the political arena?

i am drawing from my experience, which was decidedly conservative religious. Yet, as a kid when i realized i am attracted to the same gender, i went to the library and read about homosexuality (we didn't call it gay when i was a kid either). The only books on homosexuality in the library were medical, and prior to 1973, homosexuality was treated as a psychological disorder.

i can't imagine my mom or her circle of friends having the kind of discussion you overheard. If it was discussed, it was labeled as disgusting and perverted. For the longest time (and even still in some circles) homosexuality was/is synonymous with pedophilia,, which is in part where i was coming from in my comments. Growing up i can see a person encouraging same sex experimentation, even as a contraceptive outlet, be labeled as a "pervert."

That's the kind of culture i was surrounded by growing up, i never heard or read any accounts such as you describe.

As an aside, i remember as a kid wishing i grew up in England because of the stories i'd heard of same sex experimentation in boarding schools. i remember being envious lol.

....it was labeled as disgusting and perverted.

It was horrible back then!

i can't imagine my mom or her circle of friends having the kind of discussion you overheard. If it was discussed, it was labeled as disgusting and perverted.

i am drawing from my experience, which was decidedly conservative religious. That's the kind of culture i was surrounded by growing up, i never heard or read any accounts such as you describe.

Perhaps I shouldn't have used 'encourage' but terms like 'benignly looked on/tolerated'.

I suppose I should have mentioned this was from when I was still young and living at home in the 1960s in Belgium. An aunt of mine would also say things in that vein that stayed with me, even though it wasn't until later that my penny dropped.

And I most certainly did not grow up in a religious environment, even though being sent to a Jesuit school.

Anyway, I am certain that I could not have been alone in overhearing such remarks and just wondered if anyone else had anything to say on the matter.

Anyway, I am certain that I could not have been alone in overhearing such remarks and just wondered if anyone else had anything to say on the matter.

i think you are right... my experience is certainly not universal (thank goodness, eh?). i've had a few friends who grew up in New York City who's parents had no problem with them being gay and even encouraged them, and this was the 60's as well. So, i'm certain there were similar discussions as those you overheard here, they just weren't a part of my influence growing up.

my brother was 13 years older than me, and he was about as obviously gay as one could be in the 60's and still survive. We did live in Los Angeles, so i know he had plenty of experimentation growing up, but i never heard his predilection referred to in our home. Not even a hint.

I can't imagine parents of my day suggesting or accepting homosexuality as the 'safe sex' alternative. But what was often encouraged instead was same sex activities such as sports, scouting, other same gender organizations and heaven forbid, even convents and monasteries. Those activities often involved close quarter gatherings of sports teams in locker rooms/showers and group camping trips; all at a time when hormones levels are at their peak. Perhaps unintended consequences?

I don't really think so. Where anyone may fall along the Kinsey hetro-homo scale is pre-wired long before that (IMHO). But I could agree that same gender activities may provide opportunities to find others they are 'in-sync' with and lead to acceptance of others and yourself. Something every young person seeks.

I have been totally closed about my sexual play since I was a very young boy. I knew that once out of the bottle, it would never go back in. I discuss gay sex with men I am with, and girl sex with my GF and girls I am with. I never discussed anything with my parents.

I am more open on Zity than I have ever been able to be. It is been a wonderful experience to be able to talk about things society and my friends and family would have to condemn. I think I have just been able to actualize my range of sexuality, and keep it to myself!

I'm unsure when "encouragement" starts. When I was eight, I sucked another boys' cock. Afterwards, I was made to feel guilty for not doing it again. Encouragement, before that time could have make me realize that what I had done, was fine. It was my decision to make, not anyone else's.

At 38, I wanted to suck a friends cock, very badly. Encouragement, earlier could have helped me approach him,, and not feel guilty, if he said no. Homosexual sex was normal for men.

At 87, I did suck my first cock, and enjoyed it immensely! All those earlier years wasted, because I had no encouragement. While my sex life with women was great, it could have been increased substantially, if I had known what my real desires were. Ultimately, I came to realize that I like sex with men and women equally! Unfortunately, I have no idea how " encouragement " could have been introduced into our society.

There is a lot out there besides pregnancy that can upend your life. I would be extremely hesitant to suggest same-sex encounters as being "safer" in any sense. Much better to suggest specific activities as being safer and let the person decide who they want to do them with and when. Also definitely not pushing anyone into sexual activity!

For instance - solo sex = very safe. hand sex = mostly safe. Oral sex = somewhat risky... etc.

Well being born in the 1950's and doing most of my basic "growing up" in the 1960's, let me say that ANYTHING, remotely resembling gay behavior was treated like the bubonic plague. That was just not something one did. I know that one guy back in my high school days was sort of flirting with being "queer", but he was pretty much ostracized. My parents, well my mother, only basically touched on sex type things, and I was left to figure things out. Even in college in the 1970's, I had some opportunities for gay encounters, but the fear installed...well..it took me a while until that went away.

Elaine (and it's been a while here as well....sigh)

Up to the age of 18, we encouraged all our children to enjoy non-penetrative sex which I am glad to say they all compiled with (2 girls and 1 boy).

I would not have encouraged homosexuality although my elder daughter did go with a girl for a few years!

I think I've read about societies where gay sex is tolerated/encouraged before marriage for such reasons.

I think I've read about societies where gay sex is tolerated/encouraged before marriage for such reasons.

Throughout history there were many such societies.

To give one example: Sparta. It wasn't perhaps so much encouraged as tolerated/expected, especially since Spartan men were not allowed to marry until quite old. And once they were taken from home and communally raised, there was lots of older men/younger boys relationships so typical of Classical Hellenic culture.

One custom I found especially telling and sort of cute, was when Spartan men did finally marry, their brides first had their hair cut short in the male style so that the men wouldn't be too put off/unused to the way their usual sexual partners looked. The custom was to make the transition from same-sex to opposite-sex sex more easy on the new bridegroom. Had to make sure their uncut Spartan pricks rose to the occasion on the marriage night ... ha ha.

Obviously not all Spartans preferred this and sneaked away for illicit m/f sex, maybe with helots or others of the lower classes. But still, that pre-marriage custom of cutting the bride's hair short like a boy is telling.

@enough : The way I remember too, back in the early 1950's... have a feeling that this made the husbands of these women jealous of gay men in that regard.

I had the feeling that my mother/aunt and ladies making such comments, did so more out of a feeling of not having to worry about being propositioned or maybe groped because the men they were around were gay and hence supposedly not interested in ladies. I remember hearing something about 'feeling safe around them', which at the time I didn't really understand.

Up to the age of 18, we encouraged all our children to enjoy non-penetrative sex which I am glad to say they all compiled with (2 girls and 1 boy).

You encouraged your son to perform cunnilingus? Well done!