What do stories about pelvic exams and women's health get wrong?

As someone who identifies as a man and also enjoys writing fictional stories about pelvic exams and gynecology, I frequently read women's accounts of exams to learn more and (hopefully) write better stories. Recently I was talking to a female friend who writes and reads romance novels. She was saying that it annoys her how often female characters are written looking at themselves in the mirror naked, studying their breasts, as a way to introduce their bust size. To her, it didn't ring true. Unfortunately, this isn't the kind of friend I can ask about getting a vaginal exam, but it got me thinking.

I was wondering if any of the people who identify as women on this forum have things that they routinely think are inaccurate, or could be written better. I'm especially interested in emotional reactions and physical sensations. Since I've never gone through many of these procedures, the best I can do is imagine them, but that is inevitably informed (at least partially) by other accounts written by other people who haven't actually experienced the exams.

Of course fictional exams involve some element of fantasy, but if there's something that people routinely get wrong, I'd be interested to know! Hopefully your answers will lead to better stories, which are accurate (and fictional) in the right ways!

@hazel56 There is a meme about males writing about females:

"“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”

@Jacana, Exactly! That kind of thing is well documented online. Which is why, as someone who has never experienced a pelvic exam, I'm interested to hear what kinds of obvious mistakes get made.

Great question! OP, your asking of it and in the way you do is indicative of the artistry you hope to bring to your writing. Maybe a helpful thought is to consider what is a "textbook view" of something, and then what is the embodied experience of it. I have read plenty that operates off a stereotypical view of an exam, perhaps keeping to common knowledge or misconceptions, and a "Grey's Anatomy"-level take on an exam. This could be an idea that a certain part of an exam is distressing, or not, and writing to that assumption; in actuality, there are likely a wide array of reactions a woman could have to any part. For example, the breast exam is not just fondling a woman's breasts. Now, in a play exam, the level of clinical accuracy is variable, but what else is the woman feeling, thinking, saying? The doctor is keeping it clinical but the woman wishes she were being fondled? There is a hint of non-clinical touch from the doctor and the woman wonders if she's imagining it? Then how do these thoughts inform the next step of the exam, etc. As works of fiction, I like to read pieces that understand each character and don't break character throughout the writing. Happy writing!

Well, for starters, this may be basic knowledge but I've found out that for both men AND women (!), it isn't always: knowing the difference between a vulva and a vagina.

This will probably be the least exciting response, but the truth of it is that the vast majority of exams are not all that exciting. There may be the anxiety, the dreaded exposure and poking/prodding, but many doctors have fantastic bedside manner and do everything they can to make the patient feel minimally strange about the experience.

I think this is also why play exams have the potential to be so much fun - I don’t normally expect hidden or perverted motives from my doctor. In a play exam, I would hope for and expect it. The same idea of a good play dynamic involving people just as excited to be acting out a fantasy as the other person is, each in their respective roles.

That’s just my 2 cents… I have loved every doctor I have had and can’t think of many if any times that such exams were performed with anything but compassion and kindness. Even my IUD insertion. Perhaps I’m in the minority on that, though, and have been overall lucky 😊

Looking in the mirror is not an uncommon thing. All sorts of people are affected by social pressures of appearance and what others consider beautiful.

In the past, I looked at myself in the mirror and was not at all happy with what I saw. A short, underweight,muscular girl with flat breasts and no real curves. Scars on my face and funny teeth. My arse was even flat. It did not make me feel that good about myself.

I would think "May as well have a willy and conkers." I gave up on being a pretty girl.

I still do not consider myself to be all that attractive. Some seem to appreciate my looks more than I do.

Outwardly the girl in the mirror has not changed much over the years. I accept her now for who she is on the inside and her accomplishments. I am a bit ashamed to admit I try to hide the scars on her face sometimes. I never do that show-your-teeth smile thing.

The mirror can do a lot of harm

Buckle up! LOL

My biggest pet peeve is woman focusing on body parts in Male written fiction. Men are obsessed with 'size'. Her 34D breasts, his 8 inch penis etc. Women don't give a shit about size in that way. Looking in the mirror is fine, as @Bad_Princess says, most of us have a love/hate relationship with it, but saying something like 'she admired her 34D breasts' rings totally false. If you must go expository more than having someone ELSE admire her 'large shapely breasts' along the lines of 'Dan watched Mary stroll by on her way to work. "God she's got great tits, especially for someone so thin," he thought to himself. "Those things have to be at least a C cup." then work it in some other way, like she's upset that her bra doesn't fit the same anymore. "I've always been a 34C," she thought to herself, "but I'm spilling out of these cups. Damn it, I must be putting on weight."

Women tend to be holistic in their approach to looking at themselves or others and are more likely to obsess on self-perceived flaws than to 'admire' their own features.

As for checking out guys, it's the same. We're not going see a guy nude and go "OMG his cock has to be 10 inches!", we're going to say, "Mary stared at Ken's erection, her eyes widening. It was the largest cock she had ever seen." More likely we don't give a shit over his cock size as long as it's within the bell-curve of average and doesn't look diseased. We're likely to call a well-formed cock 'beautiful' as opposed to 'huge' or 'powerful' or something. Women tend to focus on face, shoulders, chest, hands/arms and bums more than cocks anyway. I don't speak for all women but if you're looking to write fiction from a woman's POV keep the above in mind. There are plenty of women who are 'cock watchers' but honestly, as a male author, you're safer writing characters that 'aren't'. You'll be less likely to make her a dude with a pussy and tits.

@hazel56 There is a meme about males writing about females:

"“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”

This is hilarious and, sadly, too true.

Even when writing erotica, make it about the characters first and the sex/body parts as an afterthought.