How should an unexpected relationship be handled?

I don't know where to put this based on the available selections so mods can move it as they see fit.

I joined Zity to find an E partner some months ago. A young lady contacted me a week ago with interests of enemas and kinks. We have been talking (chatting) sometimes more than 10 hr /day straight. Some (most?) of the chats have been sexual in nature. Yesterday we changed from chat to phone calls. It seems to have changed from two people looking for an e partner to something stronger

... I am rapidly falling in love with this woman. I'm getting the impression that she may be feeling the same way. I have not expressed these feelings other than putting some ❤️s in my texts. On the phone yesterday i almost said it but didn't for fear of scaring her off.

I would like to know if anyone else has had this happen (guys/gals) and how to handle it. I'm really afraid of scaring her off to the point of tears (I'm a guy & we arent supposed to do that). She lives about 4 hrs away and we have yet to meet in person. Am I going off the deep end? I haven't had a relationship since I was divorced. I really need help, particularly from ladies, but all comments welcome.

TY in advance

It can be scary when you’re in this situation. My advice would be to don’t rush it. She won’t disappear if she’s really interested. You should meet in person before saying anything that suggests commitment. Make sure the chemistry is right!!

I recommend you arrange a meeting in person as soon as possible, so you don't run yourself ragged. Start out in a public place on neutral ground (e.g., lunch at a family restaurant half way between your homes). You'll find out quickly whether you want to continue or quit. That is the single decision you will have to make at the time. IF you decide to continue, you proceed from there...

It sounds like you have a prospect for companionship. Be sure to broaden your discussions to include where you would live, how your diets fit, your children if there are some, and finances just to name a few. Finances are a problem and source of angst in many relationships and we typically do not put the importance on them that we should. Congratulations, and I hope it is all it so far seems to be.

I'm sorry to sound negative but PLEASE be careful. You're in a vulnerable state of mind. Please talk to friends about what is going on and what was said and done so that they can pick up on possible red flags.

As @Bagme53 said, do not suggest anything that sounds like any kind of commitment.

@intruder has some good advise as well.

Just be careful, there is just so much bad out there. Hopefully over time, you will have found either an E-mate or a deeper friendship among all the scammers out there.

Another deal breaker in relationships can be any pets involved. A dog person with a cat person can be grounds for disappointment.

Be sure to broaden your discussions to include where you would live, how your diets fit, your children if there are some, and finances just to name a few. Finances are a problem and source of angst in many relationships and we typically do not put the importance on them that we should.

I disagree!

The first meeting should NOT be one that discusses all that stuff in detail! Supposedly the start of the relationship is to share enemas, kinks, and (I assume) sex. IF they decide to continue, limit the discussion to where and when the first session should be. All the other stuff can be discussed IF the first session is successful.

Pushing living arrangements and finances could be an immediate turn-off for her if she only is looking for the play time...

You met here here on Zity? If so, it strikes me as a bit strange to publicly be asking for advice on a forum she can read. And most of your conversations are sexual in nature? There’s a lot more to a relationship than sex. You both have to meet up (publicly) and let this develop if you seriously want something long term.

Unless you are 110% sure they are an enema lover, and even more sure they can talk about it, it is better NOT to say anything.

Let them initiate the subject.

@LisaK , she made the initial contact and we have been talking ever since, enemas, kinks. No way to be 110% sure until we meet. I'll let time work it out.

You HAVEN'T MET HER???

We're not going to turn on the TV and see you talking to Chris HANSON are we??

You HAVEN'T MET HER???

We're not going to turn on the TV and see you talking to Chris HANSON are we??

Read the first post. They met here due to a common interest in enemas .... over a short period, that's the basis for their relationship.

But to your point, there is a long way to go beyond an enema/sexual attraction to turn into a lasting relationship.

I think you've been given a lot of good input. Humans are both emotional and rational beings. In my view, emotion often ends up being the decision maker. i ran a marketing business for 21 years, prior to becoming a nurse. Marketing 101 is people buy based on emotion.

That doesn't make emotion bad or evil, it's good to be aware of how powerful it is though, and how much it's a part of who we are and influences decision. i think this is especially important for men. You even elude to it in your post where referring to crying: "I'm a guy and we aren't supposed to do that." Guys have emotions, we are often culturally conditioned against acknowledging them though. That does not make them magically go away, it means we are less adept at managing them because we often are ignorant or in denial of them.

Right now, most of what you truly have is projection. Face time is very different from online, or even over the phone. It all can look great on paper, but that is not reality. i've had guys i was crazy about on paper, and even actually loved, but when it came to sex it was not good... at all. We may be using the same words, but everyone interprets stuff individually, and you do not know how that is until you actually do it. I.e., you've talked 'mostly' about sexual stuff. She from her perspective, you from yours. You will not know, for instance, if your idea of 'gentle' and hers are the same. There are so many subtle factors in the actual sexual act, be it enema or otherwise, and you will not know if you have chemistry, or enough potential, till you try it out.

Again, right now your excitement is real, and valid, but it's mostly based on imagination and projection, not actual experience. So i would say experience needs to happen and based on your experiencing each other, you will better know whether you want to take the relationship to another level.

@Rigel:You met here here on Zity? If so, it strikes me as a bit strange to publicly be asking for advice on a forum she can read.

Yup and so I think that's the answer to his how-too question.

Gotta wonder what happened? It's been two months.....

@reddevil After a month of chat, she flaked.

So i would say experience needs to happen and based on your experiencing each other, you will better know whether you want to take the relationship to another level.

@Public_Enema -- Nothing has ruined more relationships prematurely than one party moving too fast. " Slow down you move too fast you got the make the morning last."

I would suggest lunch first. I say lunch because there is usually an absence of alcohol at lunches. You got to remember she is going to going to be feeling you out like you are her. Take it slow. Remember we women "want a man with a slow hand". Sorry to use so many songs to describe what I want to say but the writers of those songs write far better than me.

After my divorce, I swore off men until I met the love of my life on a red-eye for LA to DC. The thing that stands out in my mind after the beginning of our relationship is how slowly he moved even when it was obvious that the sparks were flying. We had had several dates when he ask me to go away for the weekend to a condo on Maryland's Eastern Shore. Thinking back on it, he was so cute emphasizing that the condo had more than one bedroom. By the time he made the big move, I was damn ready. If he hadn't made it, I would have.

@ddell2 I was just reacting to the things the was saying. I suspect she was more of a tease more that anything else. I'm actually kind of introverted. I'm not likely to make the first move.

I’m sorry that happened @Public_Enema. You deserve the girl of your dreams … and the bonus would be if she likes enemas! You just never know.

@Public_Enema The world would be a far better place with less aggressive men. I was just trying to offer my perspective on how men should approach relationships.

@Public_Enema I apologize that I only read your first post. I didn't see the second when I answered your post.

@reddevil After a month of chat, she flaked.

@Public_Enema I know the feeling. They talk a big game then when it gets down to meeting they bail, has happened many times to me! 🙄

Yup! Time will eventually reveal their true colors. This is why I want people to take time to get to know each other. The one Zity member that I met here for live play took his time and we did a lot of messages to get to know us. When met him in person in a public person twice and more messages, the we finally met for live play twice. Unfortunately, COVID-19 brought all of that to an end, and as COVID-19 came to an end, he retired so no more business trips to my city.

Time will eventually reveal if a prospective play partner is really serious about meeting live.

I am a woman and I do not think the OP is aggressive. I know a lot of women these days do not like men taking the intiative, but I actually like it when the man makes the first move. I like when men open doors or me or compliment me on what I am wearing. I have heard some women get mad when men do these things, but maybe I am old school, I just like a man who takes the initiative. A lot of older men have more respect for women in a way, and being a liberated man sometimes means men are lazy and make you do all the moves. I kind of hate this. So just ask her if she is feeling what you are feeling, and if she says no, then that is your answer.

After a month of chat, she flaked.

Sorry to hear....

Happened to me more than once. Some women talk a good game but once you make a date (time and neutral place to meet) they suddenly go dark and you never hear from them again. They are most likely trolls. Very discouraging. But I keep trying.

Shystripsearch Wrote: I am a woman and I do not think the OP is aggressive. I know a lot of women these days do not like men taking the initiative, but I actually like it when the man makes the first move. I like when men open doors or me or compliment me on what I am wearing. I have heard some women get mad when men do these things, but maybe I am old school, I just like a man who takes the initiative. A lot of older men have more respect for women in a way.

Being from a generation where we were raised to be ladies and gentlemen, I would fall generally in the first category and take the lead. May not always work but good old fashioned manners are hard to break.

@Public_Enema Not that I have loads of experience in such matters, but when someone won't take the next natural step, it's a red flag. It's a shame that there are so many "catfishers" out there, but it has to be in the back of your mind when a situation like yours is progressing like that, then takes an unexpected turn.

It can be all fun and games until they start stalking you. Trust me.

@Temptaker4u has it right! My husband’s uncle got scammed. I remember when he brought her over. At the time, she was in her forties like I was at the time. My husband’s uncle was like in his 70’s. I remember Uncle being excited about having a younger woman. I kept saying what was in it for her. He bought her stuff and gave her money. She would say that she would have to go to Alaska to take care of her mother so she would be gone for long periods of time. She would call that she needed money and Uncle would send it to her. Uncle was happy that he had this young woman. To make a long story short, Uncle decided to make a surprise visit. Well, she has a long term boyfriend who was her age. She was just using him even though her and Uncle were supposed to be engaged. Her daughter and my daughter had established a relationship. Older Zity members need to on guard with these scams and not lose sight of possible scams because they get wrapped up in the lust of the fantasy.

Yup. It's sad that people do that.