We come up with general terms, like "Top, bottom, Dom, sub, Straight, gay, Bi, etc., etc., but at the end of the day, we are individuals with all sorts of variations on those identifiers. Some stuff we can choose, others seem more locked in and immutable. For instance, i'm "gay, total bottom" and there's no honest choice with that for me (i tried... for a long a time). On the other hand, i can choose to be hairy or smooth. Personally, i like being smooth because it feels more in line with being bottom, but in this case, i can choose in response to what my Top gets turned on by.
i think we all have examples of stuff we can choose, and other things that just do not aline with our wiring. Rimming to me is a form of penetration, and it feels disconnected for me to do it, like 'role play' vs an honest expression of who and how i am. i love to get rimmed by a Man Who loves to do it, but would pass if He was just doing it because i like it. That's true about all kinks, needs, desires. i look for mutual desire/need so the connection is symbiotic.
I'd rather go without than have a Man rimming me only because He thought it's something i'd like, but He was neutral or not really into it. For me, it's not just the act, it's the mutual desire behind the act that brings it all together and connects us.