Can abuse be erotic?

A neighbor boy used to put his hand down my future wife's panties and under her tops. Often when they were playing. The first time was playing hide-and-seek. He pulled her into a closet with him and made her sit on his lap while he proceeded to feel her up. She was wearing a dress at that time. It progressed to him making her stand in front of him and lift her dress for him while he looked at her and felt her up.

She knows this was abuse, but she said it made feelings in her that she later learned was arousal.

She is conflicted that this boy, four years older than she was, took advantage of her, but she loved those early sexual feelings.

Sounds like she was somewhat of a willing partner - even like being “abused”. Or maybe that's just how she rationalized it in her mind - to not feel hurt by it.

I think most people would say that at such a young age you could not be a willing participant. But sexual arousal certainly can create conflicted feelings and i am sure she was trying to make sense out of it all.

Arousal is a physical response. To an extent, if you do X, then Y will happen. The fact that she became aroused doesn’t negate lack of consent. Arousal in sexual abuse cases isn’t uncommon but doesn’t make what happened consensual.

Arousal is a physical response. To an extent, if you do X, then Y will happen. The fact that she became aroused doesn’t negate lack of consent. Arousal in sexual abuse cases isn’t uncommon but doesn’t make what happened consensual

That's a really good point….. I was wrong to assume she was a willing partner.

In my opinion this is why age of consent laws are so necessary - and I’m pretty libertarian in outlook. Children aren‘t emotionally equipped to make that decision at a young age.

Age of consent is a funny topic. In most of the world it is more like 14 not the puritanical 18 like in the US and some countries it is 13.

Emotional maturity happens at different ages for different people.

People yelled that Monica Lewinski was only 22 so she was abused. it is very individual.

Age of consent in the US varies from state to state and averages out at 16 years old nationally. 18 is the age of legal emancipation when you can enter into a legally binding contract. I HOPE you’re not suggesting a 13 year old is mature enough to consent to sex. If you are then you don’t know very many 13 year olds.

Monica Lewinsk‘s age wasn’t the issue, her position as an intern and the power disparity between that and the POTUS was and is the issue. At 22 she was legally an adult in all respects.

A year can make a great deal of difference in the ability of children to react and perceive their world and how they feel about it and lack the experience to appropriately make the safest decisions. I agree that the age of consent laws are very important and need to be followed. @XposeHer you said that your wife's abuser was at least 4 years older than she, and if she was 13 then that would put her sexual abuser at about 17 years of age.

As has been nicely covered by @Nurse_Phillips the body responds to stimuli and if a young child is being sexually assaulted, it is not uncommon to be confused about feeling aroused. What happened to your wife at that young age by someone four years older than she was a sexual assault. His scrotum should be stapled to his forehead.

‘Can abuse be erotic?’ Sure it can, when fantasised about post hoc (or may itself be a fantasy to start with).

- Ken

@kenneth177 – i completely agree

The fact that she became aroused doesn’t negate lack of consent. Arousal in sexual abuse cases isn’t uncommon but doesn’t make what happened consensual.

And

Children aren‘t emotionally equipped to make that decision at a young age.

@Nurse_Phillips thank you for pointing out the consent issue being a part of this.

His scrotum should be stapled to his forehead.

Yes, he definitely took advantage of her innocence and there is no excuse for that. He could have been prosecuted and branded for life. He's lucky. I suppose it's too late to thump him too!

Abuse is acceptable when consensual and both participants are of legal age. PERIOD

Abuse is acceptable when consensual and both participants are of legal age. PERIOD

But in such instances, it is not really abuse anymore, is it? It has then become role playing, which is something entirely different.