Spanking with a nurturing tone

When I was punished with spanking as a child and teenager, my mother did it without getting angry.

I could never understand the phrase: "This is going to hurt me more than you!" (…)The person getting spanked is the person who is going to hurt!!

But she had never said such cliche. If I did not listen to her explanations and made serious mistakes, I was punished physically. My mom said it was going to hurt me because the purpose of the punishment is to cause me pain. She saw spanking as a certain procedure to help me change my behavior.

Spanking was done just like a medical procedure is done. Mom often compared the two. She said that a medical procedure such as an injection was supposed to keep me healthy, and that a spanking procedure was supposed to make me polite. She said she didn't like spanking me, but she would if necessary. I believe that if a parent says it hurts him more, it is as if he expects the child to feel sorry for him. This is an attempt to burden the child with guilt.

My mom used to say, you're gonna get spanked and it's gonna hurt. Don't hold back your scream. If you scream, I know it hurts and the spanking is working as it should. As a child, I didn't like getting spanked. Now I sometimes fantasize about being spanked as in childhood: politely but firmly.

My own childhood spankings for my mother weren't too far off from that. She wasn't quite that syrupy and she was definitely capable of being angry…but the overall atmosphere in our house was definitely more nurturing than otherwise. Once the spanking was over she had to explain to me how long I would be grounded for and exactly what I was to do next, but she didn't carry on with being angry.

My spankings have occurred in the last few years by professional mistresses. The first time I was scolded before and during the spanking. A major turn on for me. It was the way I imagined a real spanking would be. Not to say it wasn't a real spanking, I got it good for an hour. The mistress taking charge in her role was definitely a turn on. With a recent mistress the first two sessions were great, but there was not the scolding and describing what was about to happen. (Young man, I'm going to pull down your pants, put you over my knee and spank your bare bottom. Naughty, naughty boy) She actually taught me how to take a hard spanking. She created a very trusting and intimate session. However, for our last meeting I requested role play. Me being the one whose behavior warrants a spanking. Before beginning she asked if there were any particular role she should take? A teacher or an aunt? Having retired from teaching 37 years I without hesitation chose the aunt. The session began with her explaining she had gotten a call from my mother requesting help with my behavior. At that time I stood before her as she questioned me, then scolded and then this is what I'm going to do to you. Again a great turn before the spanking. The nurturing began after receiving an enema. Absolutely fun for me to indulge in the role play.

When I was a kid. my parents (mostly my father) administered spankings on me always in an angry state, with me being held down while I struggled to get away. It was always this intense and sudden flash of anger, and me suddenly getting my ass getting hit. But I was always fascinated and aroused by the more methodical, ostensibly “loving” way that I would hear others (supposedly) getting spanked. I would hear second hand descriptions of a “loving” spanking (this was many years ago, in the '80s), where a kid would calmly but firmly be told he (or she) was going to be spanked because they misbehaved and they needed to be corrected “for their own good,” and then they would be made to submit to a firm strict spanking, followed up with a “loving” hug and wiping away the tears, and being told it was all because they were loved. I was just fascinated by the contrast between the purported love being expressed through strict discipline. To receiving a harsh and embarrassing punishment for their own good.

This is the way a real parental spanking should be otherwise its a beating rather than a spanking

This is exactly how I get spankings. It always comes with a caring conversation about how a spanking is necessary, and how it will teach me a lesson I need to learn. My ‘Daddy’ makes it perfectly clear that this is the only way naughtiness is ever addressed by him. I don’t want to cooperate, and my ‘Daddy’ understands this, so he talks with me as he prepares me by taking my pants and panties down to expose my bare bottom before he tugs me over his knee. He spanks my bare bottom hard, and it always hurts enough for my legs to kick about as I cry, and when he finishes the spanking my bottom is always red and sore. He explains that as his naughty ‘little’, I should know this is how he disciplines me … and it will never be any other way, always a bare bottom over the knee spanking.

I have to admit … it works.

I think a lot of us spankos can relate to childhood spankings being given by a mum or dad and in later life often thinking about them times and I like a lot would enjoy a spankIng from mum or aunty but in real life I expect it’s very rare , but role play is good for all sorts of enjoyment of powerful women or men

Women need guidance, and sometimes guidance requires a firm hand, in this case, on her backside. But I do believe that a short (or long) lecture is always necessary because she needs to understand why and accept the spanking. If she doesn't believe she deserves it, it's not going to do her any good. And this lecture should, in my opinion, be delivered with a nurturing tone. It lets her know that she is cared about, and it can also offer her a little encouragement and reassurance if she is disappointed in herself, or worried she has disappointed her partner.

I suppose with all that being said, I really am not that into spankings just for fun. They need a reason.

My parents never seemed angry when they spanked me. They never yelled etc. but they did lecture me in soft but very firm voices that made me feel really naughty.

THIS. Every single spanking fantasy I have involves an older male, speaking in a very gentle soft voice, telling me I have to accept my punishment and to comfort me. It's just incredible. Making me answer questions and saying 'ok' a lot, in a 'shh' kind of way and describing what he's doing to me. This is my absolute ultimate fantasy.

Anyone want to talk about this

Spanking with a nurturing tone - is that anything like: "I'm so sorry that I'm now going beat your ass black n' blue with the back of this hair brush".

There used to be a spanking video website, "Marked Butts," in which the chief spanker was very good at this. He looked to be around 30 and spanked, mostly with his hand, damn hard. The young recipient had come with a behavior problem such as stealing, fighting or smoking. She would be gently lectured for half the tape with words like "you know you are better than this" and "you know you owe it to yourself and your parents and friends to deal with this and once you've accepted punishment you can clear your mind of guilt and freely move forward." That kind of stuff. After the spanking the spanker would often give an interview, saying how much better she felt. Voices we're never raised. It seemed pretty convincing to me.

It's completely "unrealistic" (or at least I hope so) but I fantasize about being subjected to regular, ritualized spankings by a nurturing, maternal top because it's just something that has to be done to "little" boys and girls to keep them sweet and good. I'm in my fantasy there's a lot of emphasis on being embarrassingly bared and exposed (perhaps with a little check-up of my naughty parts, or a temperature being taken in my bottom) before being given a very sound spanking over her lap, then comforted at her breast...

@Luce let's talk 😊

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THIS. Every single spanking fantasy I have involves an older male, speaking in a very gentle soft voice, telling me I have to accept my punishment and to comfort me. It's just incredible. Making me answer questions and saying 'ok' a lot, in a 'shh' kind of way and describing what he's doing to me. This is my absolute ultimate fantasy.

@Luce

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... THIS is how discipline should be administered...

😁

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Anyone want to talk about this?

@Luce

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... contact me via a Zity DM, if interested in chatting?

😁

Hi everyone. I'm new and am glad to find this site. I had only gotten spanked a handful of times that I remember and they definitely hurt.

I was playing in the living room when I was around 6 years old and broke one of my mom's nic nacs on the shelf where I was playing. She came running in there to see what the noise was when she saw me holding a broken bell in my hands.

She sat down on the couch and told me to come over to her. I instantly started to cry and said no.

She got up off the couch quickly and grabbed my one arm. She drug me back to the couch and started to undo the button of my pants. My hands were trying to slap hers away, but she managed to get them undone and had my pants and underwear down at my ankles. As she sat at the edge of the couch, she instructed me to step out of them. I did so I wouldn't get into more trouble.

She lifted me up and over her bare legs. (summertime) I instantly felt the first blow as it stung my ass badly. The second slap was even worse, making it feel like my buttocks were on fire. The third strike was just as hard, but something else felt differently. The end of my penis started to also hurt badly. As she made the fourth one landed, the end of my penis hurt even worse.

On the fifth, it felt like the end of my penis was going to explode. As she lifted me off of her lap, is when I realized I had an erection and the very end of my foreskin was bright red. (Probably the same color as my ass was.)

She grabbed the end of my foreskin with her fingers and said that she is probably going to have to do something with all that worthless skin.

(I had extremely tight foreskin at that age where I wasn't ever able to react it.) As she got up, she told me to pick up my clothes and put them back on in my bedroom while she cleaned up the mess. I did as told and walked back to my room naked from the waist down, still had an erection the stood straight out about 3 inches. My sister stood at the doorway of her room with a big smile because I had gotten punished. Here eyes were locked onto my small erection as I walked by.

I suffered with severe phimosis growing up. The spankings were causing me to go forward and made my glans push against the end of my foreskin. Those are another story for another time. Thanks for listening.

I have almost zero experience with spanking. But I can think of a couple women who I think I’d like to do this to me in a sweet nurturing tone. But the mommy daddy baby talk doesn’t do anything for me tbh.

I was bought up by an elderly Aunt and understand the fascination of this scenario completely. I particularly remember the calm authority with which my punishment was explained to me and that my shame and embarrassment at having my shorts and underpants pulled down was of absolutely no importance. The explanation of what was going to happen during my spanking was delivered with gentle, lengthy and extremely firm authority too. For me it was particularly shaming in front of her friends as there would be a conversation with them and me about my misdeed, about tears, about the spanking doing me good, an embarrassment that lasted for sometime with me standing beside her, everything completely on show to her and the company.

My approach to spanking has always been with a nurturing tone. Don't get me wrong, I do think that a spanking should be a most unpleasant experience for the recipient and should hurt quite a bit. A spanking is, after all, punishment. But the spanker should spank out of care and affection and the desire to, if not correct, then at least to provide a very uncomfortable consequence for misbehavior. For me at least when I have spanked it has been a very nurturing act.

For me , my arousal is first from the spanking, as long as it’s sensual in nature. over the knee, my penis hanging between the spankers thighs which will be holding me in place, with lots of rubbing and caressing. A nurturing tone is also helpful, as it adds to the scene . He often bought a couple pairs of panties for me to wear and change into during the spanking …

My last spanking was awhile back from a much older guy (64 years old) . He often bought a couple pairs panties and would ask me to wear and change into them during the spanking.

My favorite part was being nude and over his lap, him in underwear, and my cock pressed against his crotch as I was spanked. He’s often move his underwear to the side so that our cocks would touch (more like me poking my erection against his) during the spanking.

This went on for about a year till he moved away… we switched and I def enjoyed spanking and playing with him as well. I loved having him stand before me , hands on his head while I removed his underwear, and slid on a lace pair of panties for him to be in while I disciplined him. Humiliation, corner time, was a fun component and brought out the little dom in me.

He was patient and I hope to meet someone like him again..

Yes I have fantasies about being spanked by an uncle or someone know to me....it's embarrassing, humiliating but not hard or painful. The excitement is in the exposure and vulnerability.

Yes!

This was posted four years ago by a former member:

---- Does anyone else fantasize about being spanked by a mommy/daddy in a way that's free from anger or harshness, but still painful and embarrassing? Sort of like it's something that inevitably must be done to boys/girls when they've been naughty, but not because the parent is angry? "I know you're scared, sweetie, and it's ok to cry. I'm going to need to make your bottom very red and sore. Now lift up your arms so mommy can pull your pants and underwear down." ---

Mom never spanked in anger. Regretfully, sadly, even sorrow with determination to do what she had to do were the usual.

When I heard, "Tommy, mommy wants to talk to you about ---- " I knew from her tone a spanking was on the table. I'd also know she was more unhappy in many ways with the need to spank than she was unhappy with what I'd done, or not done.

The trigger might be a report from a neighbor .... "I met Mrs. XXX at the grocery store and she told me you and John were teasing Lucy (his sister) and really upset her. Is that right?" From there we'd talk about why, and if I blamed it on John she'd say, "no honey, you had a choice and I think you made a bad decision, now we have to decide what to do about it. Do you think you deserve to be punished?" That part of the conversation might include, "do you think this merits a spanking?" The tough question, "Do you think mommy should spank you?" Or, "Would you feel better if I gave you a spanking?" and "Would a spanking help you better in the future?" All this would be in a very calm, even gentle way often with the two of us sitting side by side on a bed, or a couple of kitchen chairs, with her taking my hand and asking me to look her in the eyes, not look at the floor.

Eventually, and likely more often than not, it would conclude with her saying, "Alright, Tommy, let's leave it but if something like this happens again I'm afraid I'll have to spank. Do you understand?"

Sometimes it would end with her saying, "I'm sorry Tommy. I have to spank you. You understand why, don't you?"

Sometimes I'd protest I didn't need a spanking and she'd say, "But I think you do, Tommy. Mommy has to spank you to help you be a good boy."

I'd protest I didn't want a spanking and she'd say, in a quiet and totally sympathetic voice, "I know, I know, I don't want to spank you either but it's something we need to do, don't we?"

If I agreed, and at some point, especially when I was older, I'd admit defeat and say, "not too hard ... please not too hard," and she'd say, "I wish that was possible Tommy but mommy has to give you a good spanking. I have to teach you a lesson. You know that, don't you?"

When I'd protest it would hurt, she'd say, "I know it will. A spanking has to hurt to work. Mommy has to make your bottom hurt. That's what a spanking is. You know that."

Finally mom would say, "You go to your bedroom. I'll be there in a couple of minutes to give you your spanking." Sometimes she'd say, "I'll give you your spanking at bedtime. I want you to think about what you've done and why mommy has to spank you."

Regardless of whether I got spanked then, or at bed time, she'd stand up from where we'd been sitting, hold out her arms, and say, "hug please." Those were such warm hugs and she might say while she was hugging me, "I'm sorry, Tommy. I really am so sorry I have to spank you."

A few months ago in another thread I spoke of this same sort of sad but resolute nurturing way mom spanked. Here, in part, is what I said:

"Then mom would sit beside me on the bed and soon after she'd be inserting the thermometer. While in place one hand would likely be on my bottom, the glass rod sticking up between her fingers while the other gently rubbed the small of my back and she asked how I was feeling. Sometimes this would lead to a discussion of my recent behavior. In general or a specific issue. This could lead to her saying. "I'm afraid mommy is going to have to spank you. You know this means a spanking, don't you?" I had little choice but to mumble a yes. She say, "very well then. Let's see what the thermometer says and then I'll get the suppositories and give you the spanking when I get back."

There would usually be more conversation of the sort I wrote about above than I shared in the other thread. Central though was the calm, regretful authority. There was nothing gentle about her spankings once started but they were delivered in a calm firm and loving way.

Sorry to write such a long message. Hope some find it interesting. I've found it good to remember these aspects of my spankings.

Footnote: When it was enema-time they too would be delivered with the same loving calm, regretful authority and like with a spanking she believed if it was going to be done it needed to be done well. A good spanking. A good enema.

I am of the opinion that a timely spanking (read that as timely to the generative incident) can be a very good reminder that the disciplinarian in the relationship has a firm control. It needn't always be looked at in the harshest of terms as there is a whole range of spanking types, positions, situations, and what is going on in the psycho-social mentation of both the spanker...and the spankee. Done properly, spanking can be an affirmation that one is submissive to the authority figure, that the spankee accepts their role, agrees to authority, and desires to be compliant, obedient and is willing to mature in their behavior. In my opinion, I believe that spanking should be followed by other forms of reinforcement such as cuddling, spooning, massaging and tenderness. This should not be some form of Crime Punishment situation, but there are needful times of compassion, and let's not forget passion in this equation. Sexual passion is a principle reward in the relationship.

I fantasize about my dom spanking me.

Naked. Over his knee.

I have to count and thank him.

He’s going to spank me and soothe me and comfort me and play with my clit at the same time. Makes my brain short circuit from lust.

@EnchantedAmethyst, yes indeed. But shouldn't that be Dom...with a capital D? ; ) I think that will be OTK time!

@MasterJack I do apologize. Don’t tell my Dom. 😜

All of my spankings that I remember getting from my mom were given with her firm yet loving tone. She always seemed to take me to the edge, dangle me over it, and then pull me back to the safety of her warm embrace and calming assurance of her love and forgiveness for my misbehavior. I feared her punishments but never feared her. The opposite was true when my father punished me. I still love him very much, but I think his less caring discipline style is partly why I have always been much closer to my mom. While I consider myself 90% Dom, the submissive in me longs for the strict, sometimes severe, but always loving and well deserved maternal punishment of my youth.

@Reman - I like your thinking and your explanation and the explanation from your mother.

I don't think I was spanked with anger and my Father never said that stupid phrase either. (He was the punisher, not Mom.)

The pain was terrible though, maybe too terrible. Maybe I have too many nerve endings in my butt cheeks.