Just wrote my first story, any writing tips for newbies out there?

Pretty much what it says in the title. Any tips for writing well? Anyone want to read a draft for me haha

I thought you're story was very well written. It makes the reader almost feel like they could be any of the characters.

I thought the content was great!

As regards formatting, the convention for dialog is to start each new speaker on a new line. (You might also indent.) This would also make your longer paras easier to read. Like this:

They both walked into the enema-room.

"Pass me the 10-quart bag," said Jane.

"Wow, massive!" replied Jim.

"It will do for a start," she said.

@Graybeeb I'd love to read it and give you feedback!

Maybe you can take a look at some of mine as well?

And if you want to write in a screenplay format, theres a free program called Celtx that works really well.