You are not the only one! In the beginning of each of my kink experiences, the element of fear is there - big time.
Psychologically it makes sense, too. When faced with a fear, there are really only a couple of choices: fight or flight.
So, let’s say you face your fear, you fight it. If you conquer it, there is a power there. Power is intoxicating. You get a rush of endorphins and endorphins are some of the feel-good hormones we depend upon. Victory produces a change in you, changes the way you approach something next time, how you feel about it. And next time, when you face it, you think about how good it made you feel to achieve victory over the obstacles in your way. It is easy to see, from there, how something like that becomes a turn-on.
Now, let’s take a look at the taking flight from fear. There is a rush involved in flight too. When you run from something, hide from something, etc., anxiety increases. You may have difficulty breathing, your heart pounds, adrenaline surges, etc. So maybe you do not gain victory over your fear, but I bet you go back over it in your mind... what should I do instead next time? So you research options. Behavior management. You look into activities that will feel close - but may not be quite the same - and you run scenarios in your mind. What would happen if...?
22-year-old I was deathly afraid of going to the doctor. Throw in a forked up childhood in my background.... issues + stress = an extreme reaction.
I wanted birth control, so I went to an appointment. I actually took flight out of a doctor’s office one day because she scared me to death when she said “take off all your clothes” and did not offer to leave first. Issues. Flight response and all the chemical and psychological phenomena that are involved with fleeing from something or someone I feared, etc. But in order to get what I wanted, eventually I knew I would have to go. So I went on the internet and researched. Everything. And somehow stumbled across the medical fetish sites.... and started reading, looking at pictures, watching videos, going through the walkthroughs, etc.
So next time, I remembered some of the things I had read and seen... and I knew what to expect.... well I mean it was, of course, the soap opera version. But long story short, I eventually made it to the appointment and faced my fear. And the victory was sweet - I was proud.... it felt good.
So anyway, not sure how many others may feel similarly but your statements and questions make sense to me on a personal level. Thank you for asking.