I'm still pretty new to this site, but have been really impressed by many of the thoughtful members.
i want to first qualify that i am not attempting to imply "right" or "wrong" in this post, just to express my own feelings and thoughts on this topic and find out other peoples.
Where i am coming from, in general terms: i'm gay, mostly bottom with a dose of sub thrown in. i don't consider myself very (if at all) masochistic, but admit there's a gray area for me there.
Now to the subject:
my experience with "Dom" guys has been that many (most?) seem to equate domination with bullying. There have been a few exceptions though, and that has nurtured the distinction(s) i make in the subject line.
For me, 'real' dominance begins in the mind. But dominance doesn't equate to superiority in my mind, but a position of having control. For me, submission is me submitting to control, not having my control taken from me. There is something(s) about the 'Dom' that elicits a desire to submit.
Bullying has exactly the opposite effect on me. Someone who expects submission just because they assume the label "Dom" or see that i identify as "sub," almost makes me laugh. i have a second degree black belt and almost back kicked a guy into oblivion once for presuming to get rough with me without my submission.
Bullies make me angry if they attempt a physical approach, or fill me with derision if they try to bully verbally. Bullying seems weak to me, which i know can seem contradictory in some circumstances. For instance, to me the Nazis were bullies, and they came close to taking over Europe. In a sense, they were powerful, but they also were so insecure that they had to convince themselves they were a 'superior race,' and the only way they could get others to 'agree,' was to make them. Which to me is a good example of bullying, using force to get what one wants.
On the other hand, nothing elicits a submissive response in/from me faster than desire mixed with affection.
i had an experience with a Dom guy a little over a year ago. i met Him at a gay resort in Palm Springs. He didn't identify Himself as "Dom," never used the verbiage, but He had me jumping through hoops wanting to please Him. He wasn't even 'my type' visually/physically, but the chemistry was such that i was totally smitten and i instantly and thoroughly submitted to Him.