I always thought I had experienced as much comfort and security as I ever thought I would ever get from wearing diapers. I had never been into the whole baby thing, and I just loved to wear and use my diapers without that and used to feel at ease with myself, feeling that sense of comfort and security that I didn't usually get without them. Sure, in the past I used to have the odd pacifier or bottle but I never felt that it added anything and on the several occasions I had them I would dispose of them and just stay with the diapers.
However, this has changed for me somewhat in the last 18 months or so since telling my fiancée about my fetish, in some ways good, but in others, not so. On one our first forays into diapers together my fiancée to some degree misunderstood the feelings I draw from them, which is understandable, but because I liked to wear diapers she also thought that I would like to be treated like a baby (a failing to explain fully on my part really) and brought bottles, pacifiers, and spoon feeding into play as well. I wasn’t too keen in the earlier days but I found discussing my love for diapers very difficult back then and to a certain degree even now. I didn’t criticise her as she had gone to a lot of effort to become a part of what I enjoyed. As our play developed and she became a bit more involved she discovered that she had a babyish side and liked this more than being tied up and diapered which doesn’t do much for her. But along with this she wanted to do the same to me and role play being Mummy to a baby. After her acceptance of me for my fetish and despite feeling quite apprehensive of being babied I felt reluctant to say that it wasn’t what I enjoyed from it and agreed to let her baby me.
I admit that at first I felt out of my “Diaper comfort zone”, being diapered and laid across her lap being fed from a bottle in my PJ’s, it just wasn’t what I was used to. The turning point of this for me was when the bottle was substituted for her breast to suck on instead, I cannot explain the overwhelming feeling I got from it but I lost myself. I was tucked up with a blanket, warm, diapered and in my PJ’s, in her arms sucking on her breast and the feelings of any comfort and security I had felt before from diapers alone were surpassed! The most evident was when I was wetting at the same time without it actually needing much thought, to say I was lost in the moment is an understatement.
Although I now don’t mind being babied because of the further feelings it invokes in me I still do prefer the bondage and restraint side of my fetish more. As much as I can enjoy being babied I do feel it is for a different reason, different emotion than I have been accustomed to and also from the years of being used to keeping this fetish to myself.
This is what is making it more difficult for me than ever before as our diaper play for her is more of a sexual thing, but for me it is far more than that. Our bondage and our role play always result in sex from my arousal from being diapered and was how I introduced her to it. The deeper aspect and wanting to be diapered further than our sexual games and roleplay are now becoming more difficult to open up about.
In fact just writing this has posed a thought in my mind for another post to others of you in a relationship. I will post it in Psychology Corner shortly.