Yesterday was feeling like complete crap. I usually don’t take rectal temperatures on myself - so I checked orally... 99.1. A little high for me but nothing worth writing home about. But with lots heat coming off my head and neck, I didn’t trust the reading. So I checked under the arm. That came it at 99.0. Besides being so surprised at the negligible difference between oral and axillary, it still seemed lower than I felt.
Soooooo.... out came the kids’ old thermometer and the Vaseline. When it beeped 20 seconds later, I was cooking at 101.9.
I dragged myself to urgent care - told them of my symptoms (it really seemed like the flu at the time). Oral temp in the office was 98.7. They said “no fever.” I told them how I checked it at home. OMFG - the looks I got from the nurse and the PA. They actually said “if you think you can come in here and get us to take a rectal just so you can fulfill some sick fantasy, you can just leave.”
I asked to see the doctor in charge. She started to give me the same song and dance. And then she felt my head and neck and did a double... make that a triple take. I was clearly burning up.
She went and got the one rectal thermometer in the office that is used almost exclusively on babies, and had me lie down. Ended up checking twice. When the first reading was 102.6, she wanted to reconfirm. Second was 102.8. They then did another oral and it was 98.9, axillary was 98.4.
They said the oral for some people is artificially low but axillary, while not precise, should’ve been at least directionally predictive (i.e., over 100 in my case).
The parting comment from the lead doctor to the others was “rectal doesn’t lie.”
BTW the flu test was negative.