Asexual orientation and medfet desires

Does anyone else out there identify with the asexuality spectrum? I've had strong medfet desires since childhood, but much less interest in sex. I can remember very well being in the early years of puberty and having fantasies about examining one of the girls in my class, or letting her examine me. I thought these fantasies were bizarre and shameful. Meanwhile, I had no girlfriends and zero intimate experience until my college years.

Once I reached my twenties, I did have some sexual relationships with women, but perhaps more because I thought I was "supposed to." I am not repulsed by the idea of sex, but I just don't enjoy it that much. The unclothed intimacy of a play medical exam is far more attractive to me. But medfet is ruined for me if it's just a prelude to sex.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Everybody has different degrees of interest in having sex and different ways of obtaining pleasure.

I was wondering if you ever masturbate in lieu of other sexual activity.

The two combine for me. I like to take a girlfriend with me to watch as I get injections in my bottom. The excitement gives me an erection, which is not wasted when we get home!

Oh, good! I thought I was the only one!

I don't publically identify as asexual...I'm just an "old maid" as far as my family and friends are concerned, but I've felt connected to that label ever since I discovered it! I've never felt sexual attraction to girls or boys. I had two boyfriends in my college years, but we never had sex - the idea felt kind of gross to me, though I didn't understand why at the time.

I have always been into medfet, and I often masturbate/orgasm while reading through these forums. But I never imagine myself or any real people I know in place of the OP/character in the story, and if the story ends in sex I get completely turned off. I am aroused on by the scenario, but real life exams just make me uncomfortable. I have taken my own rectal temp for fun before, but I would NOT enjoy having a playdoc do it. I don't know why I would rather imagine these sensations than feel them myself. Everybody's different.

I would say that while not identifying with asexuality as a deliberate choice, I do understand that sometimes that condition is forced upon people by circumstances. And then engaging in medfet fantasies on your own or in the imagination, can be another outlet for sexual urges, perhaps even just as satisfying.

Besides, I've always thought that medfet play is just as valid and fulfilling a form of sexual activity as anything else.

I'm certainly not asexual, but my medfet is not really a sexual interest. I'm fascinated by medical exams, not aroused, and I don't have any interest in participating in anything medical that's outside of a real, needed medical exam.

I'm kind of the opposite of the topic creator in that I'd say I'm pretty asexual when it comes to medfet.

Yes I agree! It's hard when doing medfet things because people will want to go in a sexual way, but as long as you keep it kind of professional, it's great!

I've always thought that medfet play is just as valid and fulfilling a form of sexual activity as anything else.

Agree completely. A person who is sexually aroused only by medfet but no other form of sex is not "asexual" since medfet is sexual. An asexual person would have no interest in any form of sex at all.

I fall in this area the thought was always off the charts born with a sexual defect didn't make the alfa male.

I have to disagree with some of the other commenters here, I think it is definitely possible to be both asexual and be aroused by medfet. One doesn't cancel out the other.

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to other people. So for someone like me who has always been a little repulsed by the idea of sex and never really felt sexual attraction, but who still gets aroused by reading about medfet (thinking more about the acts than the people involved), my asexuality is still valid. If I try to imagine a myself or someone I know participating in the act I get completely turned off. The characters are nameless and faceless to me as I read or daydream, but I immensely enjoy the scenarios.

Sexuality is a spectrum. I'm sure some aces out there don't have any fetishes/don't masturbate/never experience sexual arousal, but that doesn't mean we can't.

Do those who identify as asexual masturbate?

Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to other people. So for someone like me who has always been a little repulsed by the idea of sex and never really felt sexual attraction, but who still gets aroused by reading about medfet

Sexuality is a spectrum. I'm sure some aces out there don't have any fetishes/don't masturbate/never experience sexual arousal, but that doesn't mean we can't.

Maybe what you're talking about is more akin to self-imposed chastity or perhaps even an aversion to physical contact.

I doubt that this is all that odd or even rare an occurrence, as what you're describing sounds very much like the experiences described by some mystics and saints, who were often beset by very strong sexual urges and temptations, but who for whatever reason, abstained from any sexual acts in the flesh. They may end up dedicating their abstinence as a sort of religious test of wills between sexual desire and control of the mind.

Of course in this day and age, such kind of (religious based) self-denial is no longer as prevalent as in previous centuries, but I'd venture to say there is a similarity of kinds.

There is also the phenomenon that for some people, physical chastity and abstinence works to greatly enhance sexual desire. Everything then becomes seemingly permeated with sexual significance, which can be an exhilarating mental state, for some people even more satisfying than experiencing actual physical sexual release. For consider, what is more pleasurable: a typical short-lived physical coupling or a several days long mental arousal?

Frankly, I would sometimes be hard pressed to choose.

Maybe what you're talking about is more akin to self-imposed chastity or perhaps even an aversion to physical contact.

That's NOT what asexuality is.

@agracier said

..............

There is also the phenomenon that for some people, physical chastity and abstinence works to greatly enhance sexual desire. Everything then becomes seemingly permeated with sexual significance, which can be an exhilarating mental state, for some people even more satisfying than experiencing actual physical sexual release. For consider, what is more pleasurable: a typical short-lived physical coupling or a several days long mental arousal?

Frankly, I would sometimes be hard pressed to choose.

Surely there can be little choice between a self-imposed state of frustration and actually fulfilling a desire. I have no doubt which I choose. Back in 2010 when it was necessary for me to be away from my wife for several days, I did have some mental arousal when I could afford the time to speak to her on the phone, or allow my mind to stray onto thinking of her when I could, but at least there was the prospect of fulfillment at the end of my isolation from her.

I don't believe an indefinite abstinence combined with mental arousal is at all healthy. Unfulfilled desire can emerge in inappropriate ways.

I concur with Susie that self-imposed chastity and aversion to physical contact do not meet the definition of asexuality. If a person has any sexual attraction to others, that person cannot be accurately described as asexual.

self-imposed chastity and aversion to physical contact do not meet the definition of asexuality. If a person has any sexual attraction to others, that person cannot be accurately described as asexual.

Here we go again into the murky depths of language and implied meanings. The above definition is certainly correct.

However, without being a mind reader, from what I read and understood, it seemed to me that, what some people at least, understand under asexuality, means - for them - going without physical sex, or not committing any sexual acts with others, maybe not even masturbating, though that last isn't clear from what I've read so far.

I suppose some clarification might be useful

You could also ask, which I actually do right now, what word should be used to describe someone who refrains from sexual acts, but still has a strong sexual imagination? To others, such a person might appear to be chaste, but they are certainly not so in the mind and may even be more obsessed with sex than 'normal' people.

Surely there can be little choice between a self-imposed state of frustration and actually fulfilling a desire.

I don't think the use of self-imposed 'frustration' is an accurate word. There is nothing 'frustrating' about self-imposed periods of abstinence, if abstaining provides a different sort of sexual pleasure. Granted, the pleasure is mental, imagined and in the mind, but that doesn't mean it is any less intense, sufficient or fulfilling for some people. This isn't for everybody of course, but apparently some people do find a certain type of fulfillment. Just think of religious or monastic orders throughout the ages. In the distant past, just as now, people often struggled with their sexuality, it sometimes being in opposition to religious beliefs. And this not only in many forms of Christianity. It appears in the Classical Roman-Hellenic world as well, where abstinence could at times end up being transformed into a form of mental ecstasy or transcendental pleasure of the mind.

As a personal observation, due to circumstances, I have gone for very long periods of physical abstinence (and not just a few days or weeks or more) and I know from experience that being in an acute state of mental sexual arousal without physical fulfillment, can be especially overpowering and intense, infusing almost everything with sexual connotations and reference. The smallest occurrence or sight can provoke strong and wondrous streams of sexual energy into the imagination.

This is, of course, not a life-long option to ever choose as life-style, not in my opinion for whatever that counts, but there is an attraction to it, if you have the discipline to adhere from physical contact with others.

...... without being a mind reader, from what I read and understood, it seemed to me that, what some people at least, understand under asexuality, means - for them - going without physical sex, or not committing any sexual acts with others, maybe not even masturbating, though that last isn't clear from what I've read so far.

If so, then it suggests some people don't actually know the correct meaning of the word. They are confusing asexuality with celibacy. They are NOT the same thing.

I suppose some clarification might be useful

You could also ask, which I actually do right now, what word should be used to describe someone who refrains from sexual acts, but still has a strong sexual imagination? To others, such a person might appear to be chaste, but they are certainly not so in the mind and may even be more obsessed with sex than 'normal' people.

The word to describe them would be celibate, and this does not necessarily imply a religious basis for abstaining from any sexual practices.

A celibate person still has sexual feelings and has sexual attraction to others, which cannot be said of someone asexual. Being sexual does not necessarily mean practicing.

I don't think the use of self-imposed 'frustration' is an accurate word. There is nothing 'frustrating' about self-imposed periods of abstinence, if abstaining provides a different sort of sexual pleasure. Granted, the pleasure is mental, imagined and in the mind, but that doesn't mean it is any less intense, sufficient or fulfilling for some people. This isn't for everybody of course, but apparently some people do find a certain type of fulfillment. Just think of religious or monastic orders throughout the ages. In the distant past, just as now, people often struggled with their sexuality, it sometimes being in opposition to religious beliefs. And this not only in many forms of Christianity. It appears in the Classical Roman-Hellenic world as well, where abstinence could at times end up being transformed into a form of mental ecstasy or transcendental pleasure of the mind.

The use of the word 'frustration' may indeed have been inaccurate in some cases. However, for many (if not a majority) there must still be an internal conflict between the urge to express a desire and the 'brake' that has been applied to suppress it. There must have been many down the centuries who have been kidding themselves that they were happy with abstention being imposed on them.

Once again the dictionary definitions of the language MUST BE USED AND RESPECTED.

WORDS are how we communicate.

People cannot use words according to what they mean to THEM.

You have to use the words according to the DICTIONARY.

My personal opinion on the matter is that a lot of people do not want sex or sexual activities to be a part of medfet, without being asexual or anything of the sort. Most vanilla people have no sexual interest in what happens with a doctor, but have sexual feelings about intercourse. I see no reason why people can't have the opposite interest, be sexually excited by medfet but not sex.

Celibacy is generally known to mean abstaining from sexual activities. Abstinence does involve restraint, you have to WANT the thing you are abstaining from, like chocolate. Asexuality involves a lack of interest in sexual activities. If I don't like chocolate, I'm not abstaining from eating it, I'm just not eating it. ASEXUAL= don't like chocolate, CELIBATE= chooses not to eat chocolate, but does like chocolate.

If a gay man has sex with a girl, is he still gay? I would say yes, not everyone would agree. Maybe he was picturing a man or was too drunk to tell. Or just wanted to try hetero sex. The same can go for an asexual person. Maybe they want to try sex, or oral, or masturbation, etc. which does not mean they are not asexual.

Once again the dictionary definitions of the language MUST BE USED AND RESPECTED.

WORDS are how we communicate.

People cannot use words according to what they mean to THEM.

You have to use the words according to the DICTIONARY.

Obviously so.

However people do use incorrect words from time to time, especially with delicate and unusual concepts or when trying to express themselves about complicated matters. When this seems to be the case, and that can often be seen from the context and explanation, then it doesn't do anyone any good to be obstinate and insist on adhering to dictionaries.

The more obvious thing to do is ask for further clarification. so both sides of a conversation are in accord and agree with each other on what they are trying to get across.

You obviously have no or little experience trying to communicate in different languages with people who are not always native speakers. In such conversations, simply through inexperience, people do end up using words that are, strictly speaking, incorrect or insufficiently nuanced. Then it often comes down to context and situation or subject of the conversation to try and get at the more accurate word.

And even when speaking the same language, people do come from different language cultures, where some words and concepts are virtually never used or brought up.

There must have been many down the centuries who have been kidding themselves that they were happy with abstention being imposed on them..

Yes that is so. However the post was about self-imposed abstinence. Not forced.

I wonder if anyone responding was ever raised a Catholic? Probably not from the answers I see. Not that there is anything great per se about it, but it does help understand how issues of sexuality, chastity, abstinence and intense longing are all so often intertwined and codependent on each other, the one substituting for the other in the right circumstances.

The whole thing about being CELIBATE in the bible was a MISTAKE in transcription.

The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE. 😁

The whole thing about being CELIBATE in the bible was a MISTAKE in transcription.

The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE. 😁

That isn't the only error that was made in translating the Bible from Hebrew. Problems with etymology and very basic misunderstandings of synonyms and related words occurring in ancient translations have distorted its meaning in significant ways. I won't elaborate further on this point, but will leave it to others to decide if they want to research it for themselves.

Yes, some asexuals masturbate. Others don't. Some aces have partners and in rare cases, they may even engage in intercourse because the non-ace partner enjoys it (but the ace partner is neutral about it). Others are repulsed by the idea of sex and would never do it. But they may or may not have a libido which they satisfy in other ways, like masturbating. The defining characteristic is a lack of attraction to other people, not total abstinence nor complete lack of libido.

Asexuality doesn't mean simply choosing not to engage in sexual acts with other people (as others have pointed out, that's celibacy), it's literally just a lack of sexual attraction to other people. Asexual people aren't repressing or ignoring anything, the attraction just is not there for them. To the best of my knowledge, celibacy is a choice, whereas asexuality is something people are born with. It's honestly a giant spectrum anyway, as all sexualities are.

Dictionary definitions get a little muddy sometimes, especially considering that asexual is a term used in biology as well as gender/sexuality studies. Maybe this will help with some of the confusion? http://www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/

There's a courageous article in the November issue of the Australian journal for sexual matters, 'Archer', which I've recommended to Zity-ers previously. The article is called "Ace up my sleeve: coming out as asexual", and it's written by Gabrielle Ryan who works for the Wheeler Centre here in Melbourne, a literary and ideas centre housed in our State Library.

http://archermagazine.com.au/2018/11/ace-up-my-sleeve-coming-out-as-asexual/

There's a courageous article in the November issue of the Australian journal for sexual matters, 'Archer', which I've recommended to Zity-ers previously. The article is called "Ace up my sleeve: coming out as asexual", and it's written by Gabrielle Ryan who works for the Wheeler Centre here in Melbourne, a literary and ideas centre housed in our State Library.

I merged this into an existing thread, that despite its title, broadly discusses asexuality.

I think it's worth making it clear that asexuality is an absence of sexual attraction to other people. It isn't the same thing as celibacy, but some people do confuse the two. It therefore cannot be accurately described as a "lifestyle choice".

To bring this back to the OP's question...I also consider myself to be asexual with a medical fetish. Like the other asexual people who have commented here, I also thought it was weird to have a fetish while not actually being interested in sex (but definitely getting physically aroused by it). I'm still trying to figure it out, to be honest. It makes me wonder how differently I experience this interest, compared with a sexual person. Like, are we even really talking about the same thing? Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I think not.

Would be very interested in talking with other aces here. Feel free to message me.

I'm not an ace by any stretch, though I once thought I was (I did start an account on asexuality dot org to explore this, and I am still a member) Turns out I was making that same mistake confusing asexuality with celibacy. I am involuntarily celibate. I am disabled from birth, and between the taboo against disabled people expressing sexuality and the fact I went to four high schools in three states and two colleges in two states, I have experimented VERY little. Literally three kisses with girls, all when I was 15 (I'm 43 now).

One night in 2006, I was walking behind a girl to a benefit concert for her lung transplant. She was already masked up in one of those newfangled fashion masks to protect her because of her immune system (Vogmask is the most well-known brand, but this one was from I Can Breathe). I remember my heart beating a bit faster the first time she spoke to me and asked if I was _____, her online friend ( I was). But she was also carrying her other mask. A really heavy duty one. Matte black, made of silicone, huge cartridges coming out of either side, with a big black strap assembly dangling from it. As I was walking behind her, I gazed at that big respirator, and specifically the face seal, which was pointed right at me.

It was stunning to see her carrying that mask, even though it was not yet strapped to her mouth and nose. I remember just wanting to run my fingers on the seal, just to get some idea what it felt like, even though my medical mask fetish isn't to wear them, but to see them being worn by an attractive girl (which she was).

So, while I preferred her actually wearing the mask (and listening to her voice and her breathing while masked), I did get something out of the actual apparatus itself (see my avatar), and I still do. Similar to the OP getting something out of the exam, even without the people in it.

Besides, I've always thought that medfet play is just as valid and fulfilling a form of sexual activity as anything else.

Hmm. Do you still think that, agracier? You wrote it in 2016 (post #5). I find it very congenial! 😃

By 'medfet play', do you mean just physical hands-on, i.e., touchy-feely, activity with another roleplayer? Would you include online roleplaying activity (including my favourite of all, 'literary' composition with another person, i.e., interactive story-telling, perhaps in a doctor-patient situation)?

For one reason or another, I've been celibate for long stretches in my life, probably originally prompted by my fears about my gay feelings. But I'm certainly not asexual. I do find Zity helpful (although there are a few people here who strike me as 'touchy' without being 'feely', if you follow me!).

I practise meditation. And 'detachment'. That includes detachment from the sorts of feelings that Zity helps me to cultivate. Then, from my detached perspective, and 'discipline', I try to be a good human being able to listen to and/or reach out to others, with empathy and understanding.

Go Zity!

- Ken

Yes indeed, my med fet interest was sparked by my examinations and circumcision age 6, and from then on i have been fascinated by circumcision, and craved medical examinations, but sex does not interest me, i identify as gay as i do like guys, but i have never had any sex so asexual does fit me as a descriptor, though i do masturbate from time to time since discovering it age 16, though it doesnt do much for me either, whether that is to do with my circumcision, upbringing, place on the autistic spectrum, or just me, perhaps only a psychologist can answer

Hmm. Do you still think that, agracier? You wrote it in 2017 (post #5). I find it very congenial! 😃

By 'medfet play', do you mean just physical hands-on or touchy-feely activity with another roleplayer? Would you include online roleplaying activity (including my favourite of all, 'literary' composition with another person, i.e., interactive story-telling, perhaps in a doctor-patient situation)?

n

Tnx. Like many conservative/religious people, I think I do have a very wide and all-encompassing definition of what sex is. But, unlike them, I find it all perfectly acceptable and fine and fun.

So yes, on-line medfet play with no physical contact is indeed a form of sex. It is certainly not traditional, but still valid and enjoyable for some. Due to my wife being ill for some 22 years, I was in such a situation, with no physical sexual activity during that period, and it started suddenly, from one day to the next. Somehow, without thinking about it purposely, I sort of drifted into doing lots of imagining, certainly a lot of writing stories and helping to edit and run a dedicated web-site (Speculum Pages), into collecting imagery and corresponding with others. Now I naturally realize it was all a form of compensation but still pleasurable in its own way.

So enjoy it all, whatever suits the situation best.