Humiliation: the actual thing or the thought

For many years, actually decades, I was a diaper lover who kept my diapers and rubber pants secret, not telling anyone, except girls I met occasionally who I wanted to start something with and told about my diaper fetish. When I knew I was going to reveal my deep dark secret, I'd get so nervous and scared, when I finally told her and usually showed her the diapers and rubber pants I had on, I'd become extremely humiliated, expecting nothing but the worst reactions but hoping against hope she wouldn't reject me. Most of the time I wasn't disappointed, that is she rejected me completely, laughed at me, told me I was a pervert or just plain weird and of course I felt even more ashamed and humiliated, but also aroused and would play with myself as soon as I could to get off. But I kept doing this again and again and ever when the girl was nice and gave me a chance, I still felt deeply embarrassed and ashamed, but at the same time, aroused, sexually excited, and totally hard.

For the past several years since meeting my wife who not only accepted my fetish but participates with me, I've had numerous times when she's told someone we were with that I had diapers and rubber pants on, even had me show them my diapers and on those times, I've felt both embarrassed and humiliated but also aroused. My wife knows how I get aroused when she tells her friends and family about me and seems to get off on this almost as much as I do. We seem to be a perfect match.