Losing the Orgasm

I am wondering if women have ever lost the ability to have intense orgasms? It took me a while to really find myself, but when I did.....wow! I always cum through intercourse and really enjoy sex. However I feel like I just came down from a major high. I was experiencing the best orgasm of my life then all of a sudden it's like they went flat. I am still enjoying sex, I love my husband. We are both on Zity so really open about desires.

I still have an intense build up, and am enjoying him. But when I orgasm it's like I just lose it..... and not in a good way. I mean I feel like the pressure is gone but I don't explode. Anyway know anything? If emotionally or physically something could be up?

You're probably just going through a phase.

I have phases where a climax is like whatever, and phases where it makes my eyes involuntarily roll back in my head for what feels like forever.

Whichever phase I'm in, I can't imagine that it will change back to whichever phase I'm not in. But it always does.

They say an orgasm is a reflex in the brain, like a sneeze.

I have also had phases of intense arousal and orgasms that were brought on by milestones in my sexual development or "finding myself" as you put it. And then when such a discovery was no longer a new discovery, it was still interesting but not as intense as before. But I figure that if my sexual response could fluctuate one way, it can always fluctuate the other way and back again.

I find that truly intense excitement is spontaneous and involuntary. There is nothing in particular that automatically activates it. If you are just patient with yourself and never put pressure on yourself, it will always find its way back to you, or you will find your way back to it. Pleasure is like wisdom, we can't accumulate it over time, we can only drift into and out of it.

You might want to check out a book called The Inner Game of Tennis. The author has a lot of theories about how all you need to do is let yourself do your thing, and don't try to force yourself or you just get in the way of yourself. Your body knows exactly where it is going, but when you try to steer it and control everything, you could simply end up nudging it off balance and then not quite get there.

Or as the late, great, Bowie once said: I think my spaceship knows which way to go.

That could be a useful mantra. It has been for me, when I needed it.

I do the same thing. For the years that my husband and I had sex, I was able to cum. I don't think I ever didn't with him. The problem with him was sex got boring. He would make me cum, then it would take hours (no joke) for him to cum. I would get bored and fall asleep on him, lol. That didn't make him happy. The last 7 years of our marriage, we didn't have sex at all. He was way over weight, had health issues that he wouldn't take care of, so his "plumbing" didn't work.

Now, for the past year, I have a Dom. He sometimes comes around about once a week, other times, I am lucky to see him one a month. He can't ever get me off. I admit, I have faked an orgasm just so he will finish up. He doesn't know I have faked. He has never gotten me off even once, but not through lack of trying. I think it's because he does things hard and fast, and I like it slower.

I can make myself come, with or without toys and a good fantasy. I don't know if it is because I am doing things the way I like or what. I have only ever had sex with 2 guys, my ex and my Dom. I was a virgin until I was 31 almost 32. I wanted to save myself for that "right guy", and I did. I am a rather shy person (believe it or not) and I get to embarrassed when I go out and try to meet new people. I think a big part of the shyness is because of my hearing loss. Sometimes, it's just to much noise, and all. I am not one to just go up and meet people. You will probably find me in a dark corner, just watching people.

Back to my Dom, he has gotten me very close to an orgasm, and it just "goes away". Poof, gone, like it was never there. My friend thinks I over think things, but I don't think that I do. I get a lot of pleasure from him. Sometimes, right when I am getting close, he cums, and then he is done, or if he wants to cum again, he starts all over again, but I don't get to "that point" again. It's very frustrating for me. I still like and want to play with him because it is fun. It gives me new fantasy's to think of when I do need to get myself off (which most of the time is sometime after he leaves). I don't want to stop playing, just because I can't cum, and I wont!

The other thing is, he isn't into Med/Fet. That might be part of it. I never played like that with my ex, even though I tried a few times to "suggest" it. He lacked imagination, unless it had something to do with a classic car. I didn't know then, about all the toys one could get online. Perhaps then, I might have been able to, lol. Honestly, I didn't know that there were so many people out there that knew about it and there was actually a name for it all!

I really hope that I get to have sex with someone else, someone that can make me cum. A lot of the guys on here say they could make me cum, and I think some of them really could, if only they were not so freakin' far away!! There is one guy...phew...man...I wish, but he's all the way in California, and here I am, in the middle of the Bible Belt, in Kentucky (hard to find peeps in my area that don't want more than a one night stand-no thanks!). So yeah, you are not alone in the not cumming area. I understand how you feel!!!

Breaze

Breaze I completely relate . It has been ages since a man made me orgasm , just him without me helping my self . Literally the planets and stars had to be aligned just right . I too have mastered faking it . I know how terribly frustrating it is . It wasnt like that many moons ago when I was in my twenties I almost always climaxed . I started to think something was wrong with me . Until a couple of years ago I was introduced to cyber sex . I will spare all the details . Lol

I really think alot of it is phychological . For me it is . How I am feeling about myself , how the person makes me feel is also a huge factor . For me I go through little spurts or phases when my arousal can be triggered very easily and lulls where I am just not in the mood .

With the right person , he reads me so well that he usually knows what I want and need before I do . I can say I have never " lost " the orgasm with him , and I know If I was to he would be understanding and not make me feel pressured or like I was defective in any way .

I have had the same experience. I think there are many physical and emotional reasons. Physical: hormonal changes, muscle atrophy, reactions from medication, etc. Emotional: not feeling good about yourself, issues with your partner, stress, etc.

I had one, genuine, unassisted orgasm when I lost my virginity. After that I needed to assist, but they were pretty good. I stopped being able to have good orgasms when I gained weight due to a pituitary problem. I was ashamed of how I looked, and was so self-conscious that I couldn't enjoy myself. I still feel this way, and don't have sex very often because of it. The intensity of the orgasms I do achieve have decreased in intensity since I had a hysterectomy. I don't know if it is because my cervix was removed, but some people think that is true.

One interesting side note: The best orgasms I have are ones that I have while I'm dreaming. I would guess, in my case, that not thinking about it lets me be freer and my body can react without my personal issues coming (no pun intended) into play.

STOP,

I am going to tell you things you would probably scoff at a man for saying, but since I share your anatomy, please listen.

First of all, YOU make you orgasm. If your man needs your help to get you off, it is your responsibility to teach him. Every woman is different in what they like and need in order to have an orgasm, so it is wrong to expect him to know what you like. He may have been fantastic at getting his last girlfriend to have orgasms all night long except if you don't like what she liked and he doesn't know that, you get to suffer for it. TEACH HIM exactly what you want. Take his hand and show him where to put it and move his hand around the way you like doing it yourself. Men learn all sorts of finger motions from video games, typing and their jobs and other activities. HE CAN LEARN this too, but you have to teach him.

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Next, only about 30% of women can have an orgasms from sexual intercourse. DO NOT blame your man for this. If you have to blame someone, blame your parents.

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Contrary to what some may think, the orgasm is the result of an extremely complex aggregation of stimuli and reflexes, both physical and emotional. Orgasms in women is unfortunately a partially learned experience, whereas many to most guys have them faster or sooner than they or their partners would like. There is a double standard in orgasms. The man is supposed to last and last and the woman is supposed to quickly have one orgasm after the other. Well, it rarely works that perfectly. The women here who say they have an orgasm after a minute of stimulation are the rare bird. On this site of super sexual people, many expect their orgasming ability to be very high, with long lasting, very intense orgasms, except It doesn't always work that way either!

If you have had neuropathy, you may have a harder time having an orgasm. Unfortunately, there is usually little that can be done for that. Many women have a post-orgasmic let-down called post coital dysphoria. Look it up.

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If you enjoy sex with the company of your man and intercourse doesn't give you the sensations you want, masturbate together or masturbate each other. TALK to each other, have a "learning session" with each other NOT a love making session and show each other what you both like. There is no reason to be unfulfilled.

@Switchablesusie said

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First of all, YOU make you orgasm. If your man needs your help to get you off, it is your responsibility to teach him. Every woman is different in what they like and need in order to have an orgasm, so it is wrong to expect him to know what you like. He may have been fantastic at getting his last girlfriend to have orgasms all night long except if you don't like what she liked and he doesn't know that, you get to suffer for it. TEACH HIM exactly what you want. Take his hand and show him where to put it and move his hand around the way you like doing it yourself. Men learn all sorts of finger motions from video games, typing and their jobs and other activities. HE CAN LEARN this too, but you have to teach him.

Susie is quite right, and I'll say much the same from a male perspective. When a man asks you to tell him if you like what he is doing, be sure to ANSWER him. He doesn't deserve to get the silent treatment in that situation.

Some past girlfriends wouldn't answer me when I asked the question, and I think that was probably out of a misguided view that to answer would have been taken as an insult. That was absolutely NOT the case. I used to say, "Tell me if my head is in the wrong position, if you want more or less pressure, go faster or whatever". Some expected me to know what they liked as individual women without being told, and that wasn't actually giving me much of a chance at all.

Good communication is key.

Thank you girls for replying to this thread, especially susie. I appreciate that you are all different and like things in different areas and WE NEED TEACHING. I've purposefully replied to this thread so that I can find it in my profile later to show my partner (who is away at the moment) to show her just how open and honest AND USEFUL this forum is. Thank you ALL that have replied in this thread, kind regards, irrigator333