Differences in sex drive between partners

Hi I am happily married to a lovely man 22 years my senior. I am 36 and would love to have my bottom or pussy spanked , my pussy eaten or giving my man a blowjob and fantasize over being sexually humiliated, esp. subtly in public.

I would even settle for plain old sex. Unfortunately my husband's sexdrive is virtually non existing. And as for giving him a blowjob he thinks this is gross ( so needlwss to say I m not getting my pussy eaten either) We have had a bit of fun ( fingering / touching/ kissing) but never more then half an hour ( if I m lucky) and then maybe about once every 3 months. And as for sexual intercourse, last time we had intercourse I became pregnant and our son started secondary school last September.

Am I the only member here with such a huge difference in sexdrive to my partner, and if not how do you deal with it? Or is it just his age?

I don't think it is possible to associate a particular sex drive to an actual age; I'm guessing the variations could be endless as everybody is different. A seventy-year-old could have a wilder drive than a twenty-year-old. However - and I can only talk from my own experience, of course - I do think that sexual insatisfaction, if not properly addressed, has a great chance to play a major role in a potential downfall down the line for many people. The truth is that love simply isn't always enough. How one deals with being sexually frustrated to a degree or another varies; we all have ways to deal with frustrations. But if the situation doesn't change and you don't find yourself being acknowledged in a way that is satisfying enough to you, I'm afraid you might have to make difficult choices sooner or later. One thing is paramount, though: open and frank communication. I hope you will be able to find a way to get what you want and need!

Check his T level , it will make a big difference for him . It sure helped me !!!

A situation very much like this was the main catalyst of my wife filing for divorce. It wasn't so much drive as it was taste. She wouldn't satisfy me beyond a simple orgasm and I got bored.

If you want to keep him, talk - even if it takes professional help.

My ex and I are 7 years apart and only in the beginning we had hot steamy sex, but soon it became a boring activity, she had no interest and only laid down or bent over so I can do my thing, or gave me a BJ when on her period.

Age did not have anything to do with it, just... I don't know what really.

Hope things work out for you, perhaps there is a little something that he likes that will make him change.

While I am not a doctor, there could be many reasons for his problem. BHP or enlarged prostate is common in older males, and can result in diminished sex drive, low T, and even low vitamin d levels. It would really help if he would discuss this with a doctor, no matter how embarrassing it may seem.

You might have to threaten him into seeing a doctor or therapist.

As others have said, there might be a medical issue that is causing his lack of desire. On the other hand, was he ever interested in eating you out, receiving a blowjob, or any of those other things you mentioned? It sounds like that's the way he was from the very beginning of your relationship. If so, I doubt you'll be able to change things now.

I feel for your situation. I am going through the same thing with me wife.

You are not alone. I outline a similar disparity in sex drive and desires in my profile as well as a couple of posts. I resort to self pleasuring myself in hopes that she will be better as she gets past menopause - or that I may be able to improve things through better communicating my needs.

Being in that type of situation certainly makes one entertain thoughts of finding new partners to satisfy their desires. The whole thing certainly requires a lot of thought and soul searching.

It is clearly fairly common to have different libidos in a relationship, especially one that is long standing as I think every individual's sex drive is going to wax and wane over the years, affected often by other significant lifecycle events (different places of living / stages of children growing up / menopause / stress from work - or having no work, etc ).

I am working on re-kindling my wife's sexual desire having been married over twenty years. She took the lead regarding sex when we first met, but having now gone through a couple of decades of parenting we now have the time and opportunity to rediscover each other sexually. I am taking the lead this time, though, since my wife's libido is much reduced. I am taking things slowly, since I think this will pay dividends longer term.

It would appear the original poster is no longer with us.

Clearly there is a difference, [differences in sex rive] sometimes it can be reconciled if both want to. . . .

Reconciling differences in sex drive is as easy as having Halibut for dinner when you actually wanted Ahi tuna.

It's that simple.

All you have to do is take off your pants and do it---or keep them on (boring).

The partner that doesn't get enough sex becomes frustrated and may go outside the relationship to get what they want while the cold fish (I know, I'm cruel) who doesn't want sex just gets annoyed by the prospect of sex.

Regarding the original post, a 58 year old man should be enjoying a rewarding sex life with his 36 year old wife. Not the same as when he was 20, but it should be fun filled, happy and weekly at the very least, preferably two or three times or more frequently if he's a maniac! 😁 If he has low drive, he could have hormonal problems that needs to be addressed.

Being married over 20 years, my husband and I have very few mutual interests. We do still love each other but the excitement and creativity is gone. We do stay together I guess because we do love each other because the kids are older teens so it is not like we are staying together for the kids. I should have begun looking at different venues and options to satisfy my interests and experiences I want to at least chance years ago but I still believe mid 40s is a good age to begin my journey. Anyway I think most partners that are together for a certain number of years do eventually veer from each other in both desires and wants and sought after experiences.

I lost my a lot of my drive with age and been returned to diapers didn,t help much.

I know this is an old thread, but there may be new and relevant advancements in the medical field coming this way. I came across this report of scientists isolating a naturally occurring hormone that make people horny, and then testing it on people who report low sex drive. They are getting positive results for both men and women.

https://futurism.com/neoscope/scientists-discover-libido-hormone-drug

Among various tests used in both sexes, they checked the male patients for their "penile rigidity." I wonder if this requires a special device, or if it is the job of a researcher to handle and squeeze and manipulate each penis to determine their score. Any volunteers?

Wow, forgotten about this post. I posted the original post when I was here under a different user name ( I left and rejoined a while later under different name as I had deleted my account)

Unfortunately nothing has changed since than other than our ages. And the “ fun” every 3 months or so has now dwindled to nothing at all.

I have tried discussing hormone levels etc with him orceven therapy but in his mind, there is nothing wrong with not liking sex, and “ i do not need telling by a shrink how to live in my marriage" were common replies, so I have given up trying.

We are still together and there is still love. But a physical side to our marriage is now as good as non existent.

He knows I have toys, and he knows I watch and read porn, but shows no interest in using this an opening for discussion. Whenever I try, the reply “ do we need to discuss this now? ” is a standard.

Thank you @Hookajoe for finding one if my older posts.

This is a very important topic, and I'm a bit surprised it isn't a more active area of discussion on Zity.

As for myself, I have much stronger sex drive that my wife and the difference has only become larger as she went through change of life. One reason that I am on Zity is that it is an innocent outlet for sexual expression for me. I wouldn't be surprised if other Zity participants have similar stories.