Your reaction to witnessing the infliction of severe pain?

In two instances I have observed reactions to witnessing the infliction of severe pain that surprised me.

The first occurred when, I believe, I was eleven years old. I was an ear witness, so to speak, to an event that disturbed me profoundly. Several friends and I were playing with fire, burning model cars or something with cigarette lighter fluid. The father of one of my friends, the one in whose yard we were playing, discovered us. Ignoring the rest of us, he spoke sharply to his son, snatched him up and dragged him into their house. The child was obviously TERRIFIED! His wails were unlike any sound I had ever heard come from a human. Once they were inside, the sounds of a horrible beating could clearly be heard from where we were. It sounded as if the child was being viciously beaten on bare skin with a heavy strap. Of course, I do not know exactly what was going on. I do know that the child was being severely beaten and the sounds of the beating and the indescribable screams of the child almost made me vomit and stayed with me for days. When I would think of it later, I would feel sick and fear and dirty. The memory did not arouse me, more the opposite, but there was somehow an erotic component to it. I am not sure even a shrink could help me understand this.

The second event to which I referred above, was much lighter because it was another's reaction to fictional infliction of severe pain. When first married, my wife and I went to see the movie "The Story of O" with another young couple. I found much of the movie very arousing but was turned off be the more brutal parts. Leaving the theater, I was surprised that the girls admitted being extremely aroused and sloppy wet. Later, discussing it with my young, relatively innocent wife, I was even more surprised to find that it was specifically the more brutal scenes that aroused her so much. Forty years later, that still surprises me.

I would be very interested is any experiences you have had witnessing the infliction of severe pain and your reaction to it. I would be open to discussing this subject privately with anyone interested.

First of all, I think my reaction to the first incident you describe would be the same as yours. I remain violently opposed to any kind of abuse of children, and that includes physical punishment. I was regularly beaten throughout my childhood and I hated it. The only things it taught me were anger, dissimulation, secretiveness, distrust and manipulation-- useful qualities perhaps in a politician or a terrorist, but not otherwise terribly admirable. Yes, as an adult I love inflicting and receiving all kinds of physical discipline, but I only play with consenting adults who, like me, are free to decide. Children do not have that freedom. But moving along to your second example, I have not see the film of the story of O, though I have read the books... and quite arousing they were. Though I must confess some of the really extreme stuff was not so pleasurable-- perhaps because I have first-hand actual experience and a lively imagination. But to come to actual experience, my first experience of adult disciplinary play was using a strap on my male lover. The thing that worried me at the time was how aroused I became by his cries and yelps, and by the other signs of distress and discomfort. But as he explained to me later (and as I found when being delightfully disciplined by a really expert fesseuse) these are not indications of intolerable pain but are part of the shared intimacy -- they are communications as valid as murmurs of love. I still become hopelessly aroused by the sounds any partner makes under my discipline. But film depictions of extreme brutality leave me repelled.

Spankings were the norm when I was growing up so hearing one being admisistered was no big deal. I had cousins, my brother and friends who were l spanked and some carried on more then others. However I would notice girls being spanked and was: drawn by their crying, pleading and carrying on before, during and after a spanking. I didn't recognize this as being aroused until around age 13. I became very aware at that point that hearing a female get spanked was a huge turn on for me.

I can remember in 7th grade watching three 8th grade girls who were caught leaving the campus get marched in to the principles office. I went to a Catholic school so corporal punishment was used but not all that much. You had to do something pretty stupid (like leave the campus and get caught sneaking back in). Watching those 3 girls get marched in to the office by the princple (who was a very mean nun when she needed to be) got my attention quickly. We new something bad was going down. I could hear them being interregated by Sister ######## through the door. My friends and I just stood there staring at each other in disbelief. Then I heard it. "I'm going to paddle the three of you". The please of " I'm sorry sister, No Sistser #####, " blah blah blah.... My friends were starting to snicker and laugh but I just sat there staring at the door. My heart was pounding. I felt this wave of strange excitement envelope me. I could feel the pulse in my ears. All three girls were in there at the same time. This is the only time that had actually been around when a paddling was administered at school and I had been going there for years.

Sister ###### door had a window in it but it was old style glass that was textured so you could not clearly see through it and it had metal wire running through it in a criss cross diamond pattern. You could see the his and the dark figure of a nun. I/we knew these girls so we could tell who was talking and one was blonde so it was clear who one was through the class. We couldn't see them get paddled but you heard them. All of them cried out on most of the watts. Hearing this happen was a huge turn on for me. Seeing them leave the office with red faces, runny noses and runnjng make up still crying has been burned in to me and is a huge part of why I have a spanking fetish. That has also been a big part of my confusion and the main reason my I had this most of my life. I have some guilt about feeling this way. I don't know why I'm like this but I want that girl to cry, struggle and not enjoy the spanking.