Communication skills

Do you and your partner have good communication skills?

The simple answer is "yes." In fact I don't see how people can play together safely (especially any kind of flagellatory play) without having and using good communications skills. Candid, clear communication is the foundation of any kind of play, surely. Right from the start, successfully negotiating a scene with a new partner requires you to communicate... and if you cannot successfully negotiate a scene than really you shouldn't be playing.

Sure. My wife who I love very much communicated very clearly that she would have nothing to do with anal play of any kind,she has recommunicated this over the years.So I would say we communicate very well.That,s the reason I,m here on zity.

Splatem, your post made me laugh a lot, it was very well put. I am sorry though. Communication is the key to any relationship not matter what relationship that is. I have learned that the hard way over my life a few times, okay, more than a few, lol.

Mashie

Communication skills - one of my pet hates for those that don't have them, or choose not to use them.

If you don't have the time to speak with someone, or the mannerisms to do so correctly, what is the point of the relationship/friendship?

Yes I agree, good communication is surely the basis for a successful relationship be it friends, romantic or even in a role play setting.

Communication skills I have found to be very important. Becoming a good listener takes some time also. Being compassionate about another persons deep feelings and desires is vital to a good relationship. Learning about team work is necessary. I've learned to laugh with however never laugh at! Learning acceptance for other people and how they feel deep inside about what they like or desire with their lover is a giant step toward a happy and fulfilled life. I love the knowledge of knowing my husband worships the ground I walk on. Communication over the years has seen us graduate from a married couple to best friends. And we continue to have a fantastic life together.

Communication skills I have found to be very important. Becoming a good listener takes some time also. Being compassionate about another persons deep feelings and desires is vital to a good relationship. Learning about team work is necessary.

Yeah communication skills are very important. I think I have always been able to communicate well with my husband. We just listen to each other and we know what each other is really saying. Misunderstanding just does not happen very often. I think it gives us a really happy marriage because we know each other really well. He knows what I want because he listens to me and I think listening is so much more important than just talking. I listen to him as well. I think it is bad for relationships when couples just do not put aside some time to listen to each other.

Communication is very important in relationships otherwise they just don't work. Everything is discussed in mine from day to day little things to very serious decisions. It's important to communicate your feelings honestly and truthfully and try not to make the other jealous because at that point you've pretty much killed the relationship. Jealousy is very hard to recover from due to lack of trust. You have to be smart. Listen to your intuition. To your partner. Listen to how they feel the rest just falls in. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes work. And there are so many people waiting and watching to see you fail at it and you just walk on because they don't matter. You realize who you're friends are real fast when you fall in love.

Agree with all the coments so far.

Another thing my wife and I do is rephrase things - if there seems to be confusion or hesitation on either of our parts. What you believe you said may not be what your partner heard. Keep discussing until clear.

We also wait to have a calm discussion. Not sure if this is scientific or just a personal observation - that men need more time than women to formulate thoughts, opinions, and be able to present them concisely and with less stress or agitation.. Usually takes me about 30 minutes "alone time" before dialogue with my wife starts. She is wonderfully supportive.

This has helped us complete 30+ years of marriage... Communication AND Commitment...

My husband and I have vastly improved our communication skills in just the past few weeks - it is phenomenal at how things have taken off. I have to take a lot of the - responsibility, or blame, for it taking so long, though. I think - to have good communication skills, I had to know what it was I wanted. Granted - before Zity.Biz, I may not have been aware of what I wanted, but now that I do have a good idea, it helps me better communicate what I want.

@DanielDm77 - I think my writing here, is my version of 'alone time' where I collect my thoughts, and seeing them in writing, helps me better communicate with my husband. Also here - I get some feedback at times, and questioned, and the comments, all help me to be able to organize my thoughts before I open my mouth and say something. I really - really understand where He was coming from all that time ago.

@submissivlee - you got that right, 'Staying in love takes work.' Once that communication is opened up - and kept open, details discussed, or just plain listening, it has to be an ongoing process. It is a lot of work - but it is worth it.

My husband and I communicate very well. We have known each other since we were 11-12 years old in middle school. We know basically how the other will react to things but we DO NOT communicate by trying to read each other's minds. We communicate well because we use words, actions or visual signals.

I've always said that love is a verb, meaning it requires action. So when I may not be feeling it, I make a conscious choice to think of all the reasons I love my husband, and soon those thoughts turn to action. No, not always physical... just a state of being, I guess. But snuggling together does help as well.

I don't know if we have the great communication skills, but we must be doing something right having been married for over 30 years. We've gotten to know each other rather well. I know what he doesn't like. I'm still learning what he does like (he's more of a perv than I am). He's learning a few things when I find them out.

I've learned we can't get along all the time we have to have a our fights. Otherwise when could we have great makeup sex?

Say what you mean; mean what you say. Ambiguity and hints are asking for miscommunication.

Yes, after 31 years of marriage I fully agree with @repressed. Love IS a verb, an active verb, not a passive one.

Having written a Masters Thesis in Clinical Psychology, albeit many years ago, on marriage, a successful marriage has a lot of similarities to one's body. If you want to keep it in good shape, you need to work out. A good marriage does not usually just happen, it is the result of both parties working on bettering it. Many of my friends in their early years of marriage, would take classes, symposiums, groups counseling, or what ever, just to stay tooned in on their marriage. Not that they were in any trouble, they simply wanted to fine tune. I think that as one gets older, the need for this drops off as the two people have somewhat adjusted to each other; generally.

I do believe my husband and I do communicate well on daily issue but no longer on what satisfy us in many areas. We have been married just over 20 years and I am sure that has a lot to do with it. We do go out for regular dinners and friends gatherings but no longer any spontaneous adventures or sexual activity. I guess we do have normal married sex mostly ending with he is satisfied and leaving me frustrated.

Many years ago i did casually mention about a couple we have known for many years who had become swingers and my husband was so shocked and disgusted with the idea I have been a bit nervous to even bring up anything not the norm like bondage or bdsm or showing me off when we go out. I am not sure your suggestion about being direct and telling him what I want would really help our marriage.

Just because he reacted so negatively to the idea of swinging doesn't necessarily mean that he would not want to try other things as long as it is just between the two of you.

I found that with my 2nd partner, if i mentioned anything new about sex,or wanting to try something different, i would leave it for a couple of days,so she

had plenty of time to think about it,then i would casually go back to the subject,i found doing that i got more success.

I suppose my wife and I must have had good communication skills, since were together for 45 years and married for 40.

But one thing that I did learn from that time is as MrsRemsbu indicates. There are things that are better not brought up at all, especially if you sense or have a fairly good idea of what might seriously upset the other person. Talking things out is great and all, but only up to a point. There are always things that should remain private in a relationship. I often think that is an important part of making a relationship a lasting bond.

Communicate....keep it simple......there is no reason to miss communicate......that's why the "International Phonetic Alphabet" was invented.....so you say "WTF???" and your SO says,"WHAT?????" Oh, lets get this straight,.........."Whiskey.....Tango.......Foxtrot!!!" Got that ? 10-4!!

With a "Click!!!" of the mike on the old Cobra 29 on Ch. 19.........,

highwater, 10-4

Highwater, you freaking crack me up all the time with your posts. Thanks for all the laughs. Just thought you should know.

Mashie

Not sure this is the right place but had a thought about trust, relationships of any kind are built on trust. In order to maintain one trust is important. Being open is also important. If one is unable to say in written word or by mouth thoughts then what happens. I think trust is like a mirror once it is broken it never looks the same. Things can be replaced words can be said but in the long run the feeling is never the same. Now I know time mends what happen bu things move on and people go in different directions. As my son has said coulda, woulda or shoulda can't always fix it.

I think sometimes one has to realize and accept the outcome. Real friendship and or relationships survive because changes are made. A comment about my behavior in a chat room has shown that it is time for me to evaluate how I act and what I say so that I fit in. My dad use to say you made the mess now think about it and adjust. I apologize and will try and do better.

I'd give our communications a good 9. We talked a lot about being open with one another in the early years of our marriage, and that got us through many a minor and major disagreement. Never go to bed angry. Always try and talk it out, and lots of love!!! My husband clams up sometimes. I'm more outgoing and don't like small issues to linger and become bigger problems. Occasionally I'll need to drag it out of him. I think that's pretty normal with guys. I can be too chatty, and that sometimes bothers him. I can usually tell when his attention span turns off.

Funny thing, an interesting test of our communication skills is if he's sick, which has been pretty rare. I'd love to have a recording of our conversation one night when he admitted being constipated and I felt he should have an enema. What a hilarious argument we had. It got to the point when I said I don't care if you ever go. An hour later I decided to prepare the enema, go to the bedside and just give it. Surprise, honey! Amazing what a little assertive communication from the wife will accomplish!!

There is no relationship without good communication by both partners

As many here have already said - a relationship cannot survive without communication.

I remember my grandfather telling me at a very early age "you have two ears and one mouth - use them in that ratio!" Communication is also about listening too.

Sometimes when you are in-tune with your partner you can communicate without saying anything. You can say and read so much through body language, little looks and gestures, nuances in the voice when the words are saying something else.

Understanding what your partner is 'communicating' to you is so important in any relationship, and from being in a solid, loving BDSM relationship with my partner, I would say we wouldn't be in this 'good' place if we couldn't communicate - sometimes telepathically it seems!

We are communicating all the time, whether we realize it or not. Good communication is loving communication. Love first and comms will be good. Care less and comms will be distorted, and confusing. Love then click! Talk it in, don't just stick it, shove it, probe it. Love it in, especially when comms has not been the best.