Kink and Love

I agree to be honest up front as plain vanilla wouldn't interest me for the long haul.

Life is way too short to waste your time chasing down the wrong path.

I have lived by this rule and so far haven't been disappointed.

Have been married to the same woman for thirty years - we are both sluts - but very much in love with each other. Nothing better we we see a good looking lady and I tell my wife look at her and she says I go first!!!!!!!!!

I could not discuss my kinks with my first wife: much less practice them. Although she would try a few different positions for intercourse, anything even remotely associated with oral or anal was evilly deviant. Games, role-play and similar activities were totally out of the question. Numerous times I tried to discuss my "perversions" with her but it usually ended in an argument. Our incompatibility in defining the difference between perversions and enjoyable sexual activities was a contributing factor in our divorce. On the other hand, my present wife is just the opposite. She is very broad minded and enjoys sharing our fetishes-real and fantasy. It has led to 35 years of happy marriage.

If you do not find a partner who accepts your kinks (and vice-versa), you will go through life forever empty and frustrated and wishing that you had taken another path. At the first inklings of notable sexual incompatibility the best thing to do is to work your way out of the relationship....assuming, of course, that there are no kids. If there are kids, then you have to make the judgement of how much of your innermost soulful needs you can bring yourself sacrifice for them.

Sexuality is one of the deepest, most basic human needs which we all have - and while there ARE other deep needs - and in fact you can have a fulfilling life with a partner who does not share your sexual interests - lack of sexual fulfillment leads to emptiness at a most basic level.

I suppose in a way I was very lucky as most of my girlfriends were quite broadminded . I found out in a way that was a bit of a surprise just how broadminded my first wifes family was and just how adventurous she was soon after meeting her . We married after 2 years and it fell apart 8 months later .

I met her through a mate of mines sister ,she was just 18 blonde petite and an absolute knock out with an amazing personality .I never met her folks for nearly 2 weeks as we spent most of our together time at the cinema pubs or going for walks ,shopping etc .I finally got to meet her folks when I went to pick her up one evening and ended up staying in .They seemed to be really easy going friendly people and found out she had a sister who was a year older .We seemed to spend more time at hers and eventually one evening she said she wanted some privacy and we went up to her room and her folks seemed well okay about it .

One thing led to another and we ended up naked at it on her bed . While we were getting heated the door opened and in walked mum with a pile of ironing talk about kill the moment .We both stopped what we were doing and just sat there trying not to look embarrassed and no way to cover up .Her mum just looked at us smiled ,said don't mind me left the ironing at the bottom of the bed and walked out .

We both got dressed and went back down stairs and I apologised to her mum I felt I had to and we then sat feeling uncomfortable for a while .Her dad must have realised and said not to worry that they were our age once and even they still do it and not to feel uncomfortable around them as both my girlfriend and her sister were usually naked at home but had covered up because they didn't want me to feel uncomfortable around them and it really wouldn't bother them if we were naked kissing and everything round them as it was natural especially at our age as we were all hormones .

That was it I had to get out for a while and her and I went for a walk. I told her that I was a nudist while we were out as it seemed there was no point in not telling her after all that had happened .She was all smiles and said that was great. We finished our walk and I kissed her at her door said bye to her folks and went home for the night .

After work the next day I went round to see her planning on a night out .When she opened the door I realised she had other plans she was naked .She kissed me and whispered to me to just follow her lead it was going to be fun and to play along .

Everyone was in the living room and I said hi as I came through the door and sat with the girlfriend on the settee .Dad offered us a tea and went off to make it the mum and sister were watching tv my girlfriend was the only one naked .She cuddled up to me and kept looking up and smiling and the more uneasy I got .Dad eventually brought the tea in handed it to each of us and sat back down .Every one was watching tv when my girl suddenly started to try taking my shirt off and when I tried to stop her she gave me puppy dog eyes and whispered please ,so I relented .She then wanted my trousers and in the end I again relented she had me naked. When she threw them on the floor it caught everyones attention and they all looked round .Her dad just smiled and went back to watching tv as did her mum , however her sister definitely found what we were doing more interesting .She handed her sister the clothing and asked her to take the clothing up to her room .My girlfriend then knelt between my knees while looking up at me her hand went some where else and it wasn't long before I was throbbing , by now I was no longer worried about anyone else and even less so when she swallowed me .

After I started to go soft she grabbed my hand and dragged me upstairs , she was all smiles and said she just wanted to see if her dad had meant what he said the night before and had proved he did .

We then had some fun on her bed undisturbed got dressed went and said by to her folks before going home .

I went round the following evening and she was naked again and my immediate thought was oh no not again , I was wrong , she dragged me upstairs told me to take my kit off and said her dad said it was ok . We then headed back down stairs and into the living room .Her mum and dad were clothed and her dad said he was definitely ok with us being naked and not to feel awkward , I was soon aroused again as her sister was also naked .

From then on whenever we were at her house we were naked .and she proved to be as much of an exhibitionist as I was and game for a dare .

My girlfriend picked up my clothes

I think you should be honest about your kinks right from the beginning. Sex is very important in a relationship and love can fade if the relationship is not fulfilling you. I always tried to keep a really open mind for partners becasue I never wanted any secrets and felt that no matter what happens, especially in a marriage, that honesty is number one.

I learnt the hard way though when one of my partners really put me to the test. Although I thought I was pretty kinky, he still held a lot in. I was a stripper, openly bi, so why would anyone hide from me? But he did, and when it all came out it was so much more difficult to deal with. Not that I had any problems with his kinks, it was just so overwhelming. He had held it all in. It made me feel really stupid. Like I was not good enough for the truth and that he thought I was vanilla. It made it much harder to explore with him and it wasted a lot of time, time that we could have been enjoying and exploring together. It also made me feel betrayed, becasue we could have been growing together but instead he chose to do it all alone and not include me. Now I understand that it's not always so easy to put yourself out there and alone time is important too, but alone all the time and not sharing made me feel insulted and that I was not worthy of his time. So I say let it all out, if she's not into it or willing, then maybe she's not the one.

My years as a stripper was really more like being a therapist, just a nude one. Many men and women felt open to talk to me on my couch, when I was straddled and expose. They could share a lot of their life with me and I honestly think it helped a lot of marriages, men who had problems with confidence and more. I took a lot of time with clients and listened. I realized then, how many people are not living the life they truly wanted. I was not a stripped becasue I had too, I was one becasue I wanted to. I was educated and pretty good at whatever I set my mind to. I got every job I have every applied to so why strip? I chose the freedom of working in the club and when the time came I fucked of to Costa Rica where I live part of the year. I think it's really important for people to live the life they want and not the one they are suppose to. I would say, be open, talk to the ones you love and if it doesn't work out, maybe that's becasue there is something better on the horizon (for your partner too). For a long time I hid myself too but my experience in the club made me want something more real.

I have only read a few of the posts but I think it is fair to say that the common advice is to be upfront about your kinks in the early going of your relationship well before any marriage proposals are issued. If you take that advice, and pretty much use it as the litmus test for compatibility then you will definitely be setting a better foundation in your relationship that could be long lasting.

Of course it is so hard to find people you would want to have a relationship with that are at least interested or share your same kinks. You might think that if I draw a line in the sand and will not settle for anything less than real sexual compatibility then I may never find anyone. If you are single and willing to be in a relationship, I think you will have to put the effort into searching for someone who is compatible and not rely on just chance by who may meet in everyday life. The Internet will probably be your best tool for searching for a compatible match and even then it will take persistence and patience but the payoff will be much larger.

I'm actually going through this now. 20 years in a vanilla, very uptight about sex marriage where I was almost forced to bury my fetishes out of shane, I'm divorced and not going to go through life without enjoying these parts of it. I'm new here but it seems there are lots of like minded people and no one thus far has been judgemental in the least. Thank you all for that

I've been thru it numerous times. I would have to say that admitting your kinks to a potential love interest is a crap shoot. He/she may run, and never be seen again, be willing to experiment, or be with you 100%. There is no outward sign to tell you which way it's going to go. You may have to kiss a lot of frogs.

In my experience with women, and men- Women are much more likely to be open minded about your interests.

It's a matter of HOW kinky. Almost anybody will try spanking, whereas cuffing them to a cross may take some time. Baby steps. Find out what their general outlook is on a subject. If, for example, they respond to a question about anal sex with- God, no!! My church would excommunicate me for that!! There's a good chance that relationship is doomed. If they answer, I'm not sure, I've never tried it, it sounds like it might hurt- Well...You're in the door, now proceed with caution.

There is something about WHERE you meet as well. In a fetish bar downtown- Chances are good. At a Daughters of the American Republic tea social, you have your work cut out for you.

At my club, we wear paper wristbands that tell people what we like/are looking for. Wouldn't it be nice if people wore them out in the 'regular' world. You could walk up to strangers and say 'Hey, you have a yellow wristband, can I pee on you?

Good luck. I've met some Princes/Princesses, and I've scared away a few too.

I've never actually had anyone reject me because of my kinks. There are just some people who are into it and some who aren't. If any of you have been with me in a chat room recently then you know my current partner is EXTREMELY VANILLA and not into anything I'm into. But, over time I've told him (not in much detail) about the things I like, which is how I know he's not interested. So I don't really have to be "in the closet" but I do do a lot of play alone. The good news for me is that I play well by myself so a partner who shares my kinks isn't a requirement. If it was, well, I can imagine that would make life much more difficult. That would make finding an ideal partner like finding a needle in a haystack.

Sex is so integrally woven into love that I, myself will never ever be with a woman who isn't into at least some of the things that I am into. It isn't even fair to them.

Been there, done that and I missed a really long segment of living life without hiding and denying just who I am. I really hope to meet someone with the same likes, but if I don't, I won't "settle" for someone who isn't.

One of my best friends and I started dating a few years ago and it seemed totally ideal. This was a guy that I grew up with and had always held a torch for. We were in the early stages of dating where you're hanging out a lot and talking. I am not sure how we even got onto the subject but he made the statement that roleplaying was "messed up". My heart sank and I thought about how many more years of vanilla was I in for? I think it was then and there that I realized how quickly life passes that I couldn't just go about my life and wait for kink to find me. It is something that I have to actively explore. I found this site years and years ago but have just recently joined. It's a first step but it's pretty wonderful to know that there is a community here with similar kinks and a wealth of experience.

@SouthernBelle , I can relate to you here. I held that same torch for the brother of a good friend of mine in high school. I would ask her if he ever dated girls. She said no, he's terrified of girls. She explained how their mother, a raving ass backwards catholic had put the fear of god into him as a young boy. Going to hell was on his mind so he never had a date in high school. He was a pretty boy! Facially he looked more like a girl. He had a nice body! Wrestled, played football and baseball. After he graduated I did not see him again until a night in August of 1968 at a drive in. There he was in his new Pontiac GTO. My friend and I walked over to talk to him and he took us for a ride. That led to him asking me for a date.

That was the beginning of our Magic Carpet ride. I was more outgoing! He was shy and introverted but I finally broke the shell that surrounded him. I introduced him to my "Little Girl" hiding between my legs and my Perky Titties under my bra. I did have to reassure him that he would not go to hell if he touched me. The boy started to break away from his fear. I asked him, "What Made You Ask Me Out In The First Place' He blushed and said, "Your butt in those painted on pink shorts!" I remember all I wanted was his tongue in my vagina and his lips on my girl lips and my boobs. The real test was me asking him to please me orally when I was having my period. At first he balked but did pleasure me. That night was the true beginning of our love with no strings attached. He gave me the gift of total acceptance.

I was more aggressive and had most of the sexual ideas. We would sit and talk about our likes and dislikes. I wanted no part of Incest, BDSM, Masters or Slaves, Ropes, Masks, etc and no hurting animals, etc. We were on the same path as far as that goes. We enjoyed talking about dreams and fantasies and worked toward making them come true. We found over the years we enjoyed, enemas, anal, sex toys, kinky, med fet and some role play etc. Role play as he's the doctor and I'm the patient. Our love life was/is like peeling an onion one layer at a time.

We use to think that we were odd balls because we enjoyed many different types of sex, UNTIL, I stumbled on Zity Biz! Knowing we were no different that many people all over the globe made us more relaxed about ourselves. I'm still the Go Getter in those pink shorts from years ago. Staying Green and Growing is something we believe in. And "Team Work" is most important!

Love You All!

I think that is the big problem that affects a real big part of the people of Zity......to find someone that likes you and your kinks.....sometimes is not possible, so you have to choose.....thats life.....