Is it really so simple for all?

I've been a member here for a while now and also talked to others on another site and when asked what they like, for most people the answer seems to be simple.. one word, one sentence. "I like spanking", "Im into medfet". Just like that.. and they expect me to give them the same kind of reply. The truth is, I simply can't.

I like spanking but 99% of how its done leaves me cold, disgusts me or is offensive. I also like a number of other things but the same applies to them too. I find it so difficult to explain and every time I try, it results in a novel with countless if's and but's. Maybe I don't have a fetish for any of those things at all and it's for something completely different and in-explainable that connects them but if, then I have no idea what it is. I'm just going to say here that if done rights, all of those things have huge impact on me, they're either very erotic, turn me on or are otherwise enjoyable.

This has actually become somewhat problematic when trying to talk with others about it. Has anyone else faced something like this? And if, then how did you figure it out?

Are you sure you are really into any of the fetishes?

You might also only find these things erotic when you are with a specific person you enjoy, trust and who turns you on in a wide variety of regular activities during the day.

I am but it gets complicated. I guess I could say I like kinky things but want to take most of them a step further so they can go under other fetishes but the reasons why are completely different.

For example lets take spanking since I already started talking about it. A lot of people like kinky spanking as foreplay, not as punishment and not as part of a BDSM session but usually its really light and is more like playful patting on the bottom and not an actual spanking. I on the other hand would like to get marks and stripes but don't want it to be painful and dont want to be dominated and most certainly dont enjoy roleplaying submissive role during spanking.

I also enjoy it if things get a little bit bizarre or surreal. For example my partner would compliment the marks or how he enjoyed spanking me and I would respond as if he had said something nice about my hair or the dinner we had last night.

I actually identify with the issue you raised. I initially came here because of an interest in enema play which started in childhood and then grew as I matured and then aged. That can be explained in part as just learning about all of the different ways, equipment, experiences and people with whom I was able to share helped me learn. That said, when discussing this issue (and since that time a growing interest in med-fet) I still find myself explaining my likes and dislikes in expanding detail. Example. I enjoy both giving and receiving enemas. That said, I am not into pain, discomfort, humiliation, control, irritation, public display and the list goes on. I now recognize that under one category there are lots of variations that appeal to some and not to others. The same can be said about med fet. I don't like pain, humiliation, etc. In addition, I don't like needle play or injections and I don't need my mouth pried open and I don't want marks left. I have been discussing a play meeting with a person who seems to be wonderful, a member of this forum. She has asked me to consider playful spanking. I have never considered that and initially while I agreed to the suggestion to please her, after considerable thinking about it, I am eager to try. I think I will find it exciting. But even there I need to explain more. I am not interested in either receiving or inflicting marks. all you have to do is look at the people posting in Fetlife.com to understand that having marks, even letting blood is a giant turn-on and part of creating pleasure for many people. There are lots here who enjoy the very things I have stated above that I don't like. I am not passing judgement, just pointing out our differences and as the person who started this thread stated, it does get complicated when it comes to explaining what we do like and do not like. It almost can not be summarized under a simple heading.

R

I am not so much into receiving pain, as I am into "suffering" for my Dominant to please him (if he is worthy of my suffering 😉 ). If a spanking pleases him, I find comfort in receiving one, and that comfort really does change how my brain processes the pain. If the spanking is for punishment, it is not about pleasing him, it is because I have displeased him... and I will feel every blow, and my brain processes that pain in multiples of 10 or more! Many times, your experience with an activity depends on your connection with your partner during that activity. What you enjoy with one, may totally turn you off with another. 😉

Thats an interesting point you both make are making. Especially the pleasing him part. For me however its not about him enjoying my "suffering", I just want him to show hes enjoying what hes doing and need it to be on the open all the time. Other than that, it's about the connection with my partner, doing something like that and sharing it with someone requires a lot of trust and a deep connection with that person. Roleplay and involving people who are not into it or being in situations where these things happen or need to be done for medical reasons for example either leaves me completely cold or is unpleasant.

Hm, that's really an interesting point of view of "suffering" for the dom's pleasure. When I'm in this game, I'm "suffering" only for my pleasure, and I decide what can and can not happen.

I find that spanking serves at least two purposes for me. My girlfriend enjoys a spanking as foreplay and I do as well. We spank each other.

I unlike her though, need a very hard ass beating at times for a different reason, I like to see if I can take it hard. Thank goodness she can dish it out hard and I love it. I am kind of a workaholic and I get a sense of accomplishment by taking a severe spanking. When the session is over I am usually too traumatized for sex, however she has sucked me to a semi flaccid orgasm before, afterwards.

I don't let her stop beating me till there are bruises that I can see and feel for days. I feel so close to her and love her more after these sessions, I am a lucky guy!

First of all communication and experimentation is critical with your partner. You also need to have a partner will to try new things, even if out of their comfort zone.

Fantasy is wonderful, and reality is total different. Still can be wonderful but it doesn't mean you can do your fantasy actually. So make sure your ideas for real time activities have real expectations. Also remember everything is relative. What is painful to one person is a love pat to another. For example, I find it difficult to put stripes on a bottom that last for more than a few seconds without causing pain. Or if your fantasy is to get numerous enemas without considering voiding, it is not going to happen in reality. Fantasy is like an oil painting...you can paint whatever you like. Reality is like a non manipulated ( non photoshopped) photograph.