What is optimal sexual partner for FIRST time for a male?

After thinking this over I begin to believe that a "Gentle Cougar" who wants the energy of a young guy and is willing to spend some time helping him is probably the best bet.

Got to agree with the previous poster. For me, an experienced woman – not a girl – is the best first partner for a male.

When a male loses his virginity, he is still a sexual novice afterwards, and although he might think he's the greatest lover in the world, he really isn't. I firmly believe that his 'on the job' training will progress faster and will be more complete if he starts out with an experienced, fun, considerate and patient older woman.

I was initiated when I was 16 by a gorgeous 36 year old with an incredible body, and the chemistry that sparked between us made sexual intercourse inevitable. I'll always be grateful to her because when we went to bed one sunny afternoon, she instinctively knew what I needed and when. I will never forget my first ever fuck, taking her from behind and shooting off inside her. I don't have words to describe how good it was. She was an excellent first lover and taught me so much about many things. I grew in confidence as time spent having sex with her equipped me with the lovemaking skills I would need in the future.

At that time I also had girlfriends my own age who were virgins themselves, and I think they expected me, as the guy, to already have some experience. I don't think I would have been as aware of their own needs if I hadn't already had my first time with my lovely 'cougar'.

I would think a young man would do better to have his first experience with a mature woman as the older woman knows they are merely having sex and not making love. A young woman, virgin or not, will gen be thinking they are making love and have emotionally invested in the experience. Older women are more knowledgable about what most women enjoy and don't enjoy so she can relate these important things to the young man. A virgin girl is more than likely also not going to know what to expect or do than virgin youth, but is more likely than not to have painful and disappointing experience with a virgin male. A youth who has been taught his way around a female body by the experienced older woman is more likely to give his GF a pleasurable time with less embarrassment for both of them. The mature woman is more confident, patient and knowledgeable about sex and able to be a reliable guide for the virgin male's first time.

Susie put it best when she said:

How can there be any question? An experienced caring female is by far the best for a first-time male.

This thread poses one of those questions that implies the answer. It is like a rhetorical question asked interrogatively.

However, it also implies some stereotypes. There are older, experienced people (both men and women) who remain quite ignorant about sex. Some people are just perpetually ignorant, and have nothing to offer anyone in terms of learning. The only thing that anyone can learn from such people is that age does not always bring wisdom.

There are also younger people who really know a lot and they know what they're doing.

So my point is, do not judge a book by its cover. The best way to judge people on this sort of thing is by how open-minded and inquisitive they are. Inquisitive people learn fast, so they are more likely to know things at a younger age than usual. The people who do not easily change their mind about anything are the ones to avoid because most of them would never learn anything, even if they lived to be a thousand years old.

When I was a mid teen ager i lived in a small town in New England and did yard work to make the odd bit of money. One of my clients was a woman who was just twice my age and married but not well satisfied in her relationship. She was a normally attractive woman who set about seducing me on my weekly work visits. This was not a difficult task and she was a very dedicated and skillful teacher. She taught me everything from kissing to oral skills when such things were really unheard of. This was the greatest part of my growing up and I still relish it. My GF says she appreciates my experiences and I suspect would be a wonderful teacher. She may well be for all I know and a well educated young guy he would be.

Well when I lost my vcard. It was to virgin girl as well. But having been on here and watch porn for some time. It was good. We had a great weekend trying everything we wanted. We did a lot. Traditional sex in many positions. Also did anal. I had spent time toying my self so I took my time on her. She loved it. We even trI ed shower sex.

My 2nd parter was very experienced and tough me a few things and I thought her a few things.

So I really can't answer the question.

I say to each there own.

. . . .A young woman, virgin or not, will gen be thinking they are making love and have emotionally invested in the experience. . . .

I can't say that was true in my case. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend--NOT the one who became my husband even though we had known each other for 5 or 6 years by then. I was 17, NOT in love with my boyfriend but REALLY wanted to fuck. I was horny, stretched out my hymen with candles when I was about 12 and had an incredible first time.

I had a very average first time with a girl with limited experience. We were dating because we each sought "contact" - I mean we thought we were in love but... So it was not terrible, but it was not much pleasure for her and not impressive for me.

The notion of two young lovers taking each others virginity is very sweet and also a bit boring, in my opinion. In my opinion I feel the same way about both sexes losing their virginity. Having an experienced partner for your first time has so many benefits. Having sex with an experienced guy, especially an older guy sometimes prevents a horrid and very painful first time for the girl. That happens a lot and it's too bad because it does't have to be that way. Mine happened that way and I so wish it hadn't.

On the opposite side, when a boy loses his virginity to an older experienced woman she will usually teach him the art of love making. She will teach him how to please a woman the right way. Yes, both sides will usually eventually learn these things but the more you learn and or are taught the better sex will be for all parties involved.

I mean how many times have all of us said something along the lines of, "If only I had known then what I know now"?

Mashie

I rather suspect, Susie, that you had some idea what to do with a guy even before you had gained any practical experience. If so I think that is a very good thing indeed.

When I was a teenager and in my early 20s, I was very busy sexually and among my partners were several virgins who seemed at the bottom of the learning curve. They seemed quite unsure of themselves and were very hesitant. Personally I tend to blame this on the prudish sex education in Britain, though I believe it is even worse in some parts of the USA.

Mashie: I think first time would have been easier had we had reliable information on how it works... perhaps nowadays with the Internet it's better. Sex ed classes were near worthless, they focused on AIDS and having to take contraception, but not on practical things.

Say, for instance, one of the things you learn in your first intercourse is to always go pee before, before a nonempty bladder will be highly distracting. That's something you learn from experience and that can really waste your lovemaking.

Pecan, You are right there. In my day, sex education was all about the biology of reproduction with some added threat and risk, and the attitude was that unless you were making a baby, sex was just better avoided. There was nothing discussed at all about sexual pleasure.

Unfortunately it seems little has changed with regard to teaching that sex is pleasurable. There is something in the British psyche that flinches from having a sensible, open discussion that actually admits sex is an essential basic pleasure.

I rather suspect, Susie, that you had some idea what to do with a guy even before you had gained any practical experience. If so I think that is a very good thing indeed.

I used candles to fuck myself silly when I was a girl and watched LOTS of porno movies. I was very "text book" smart when I had my first experience.

On the opposite side, when a boy loses his virginity to an older experienced woman she will usually teach him the art of love making. She will teach him how to please a woman the right way. Yes, both sides will usually eventually learn these things but the more you learn and or are taught the better sex will be for all parties involved.

I don't think an experienced partner necessarily teaches you about lovemaking. I think it is more realistically as it goes in the lyrics in Madonna's song, they "teach you how to fuck" among other techniques to please your partner.

Lovemaking comes from tenderness and how the partners care for and treat each other.

Sex ed classes were near worthless, they focused on AIDS and having to take contraception, but not on practical things.

Yes, sex ed classes teach you about basic biology, what to expect with your genitals as they change, a bit about how they work, pregnancy and disease prevention. That's it. NOTHING about how to use it.

Watching porno flicks makes such a difference in learning about how to please a partner, it should be required viewing. I know my daughters watched plenty, a couple even with me!

Well I grew up in the middle of an Amish community and sex and feelings and your body were not really talked about much. For those of you who are not familiar with the Amish I could also say that it was a very "Foot Loose" ( the movie) type of thinking. MTV was out for 4 or 5 years before the town would allow the cable company to air it in our town. We were allowed to have their sister station VH1 but that was it. And god forbid we have the BBC channel because Benny Hill was a bad bad boy, lol.

So when it came time for sex I am sure I was not alone in my town when I say I had no clue what things were, how they should feel what they looked like or anything like that. I made sure my girls didn't have to go through that.

Let me put it into perspective for you. I went to college at Ohio University in Athens Ohio. It is known to be a bit of a party school, but they are famous for their Halloween block party downtown. It's huge and college kids and others come from states around to attend. A lot of people wear costumes as traditions would dictate. Well my birthday is in late September and Halloween is in October. I had just turned 19 okay. So I am walking down the street and amazed at all the lights, costumes and just everything. I had never seen anything like it in my life. So these guys are walking towards us and one of them opens his raincoat and out pops this like 6 foot inflatable penis. I was shocked. I can still remember how I felt in that exact moment. That was the very first time I had ever seen a penis before in my life. Imagine my disappointment when I saw a real one for the first time, and it wasn't quite 6 feet long, lol. No, seriously just kidding. I am glad it wasn't lol.

But the point I am trying to convey here is that some people are really that sheltered. And my sex life suffered because of it for a very long time actually until I met Doc. Sex with him was a pleasure instead of a chore, and felt great instead of being painful. It changed my entire outlook and feelings about sex, and for the better. I really wish it could be that way for everyone, and wish nobody would have to go through what I did.

Mashie

Watching porno flicks makes such a difference in learning about how to please a partner, it should be required viewing.

Ho boy, that would be the day! You'd probably end up tarred and feathered for proposing that for sex ed ... ha ha

But on the other hand, it does sound eminently sensible in a way. But then stick to amateur and home made porn. Many of those type are realistic enough and often quite cute and innocently healthy looking. There's an esthetics in amateurism that can be endearing. A partner can be shy in one of these amateur vids and yet quite proud at the same time. Which may very well be a similar type of feeling for a first time sex experience.

There are so many different kinds of porn. Some porn is realistic and some is not. When someone says "learn from porn" they are talking about some very different porn than someone who says "you can't learn anything from porn." There is even some professional porn that depicts many kinds of sexual/erotic activities in a realistic and informative way.

It's kind of like how reading is good for your brain, but a lot of books are written by hacks so you have to choose your books wisely. And how listening to music is good for your brain, but a lot of music is written by hacks so you have to choose your music wisely. Of course, most people are not even good at choosing what to watch/read/listen to.

Learn sex ed from porn? Did you really suggest that? Porn is to titillate not for education. Read sex books (a dying communication form

I know) and learn from the school of hard knocks. Worked for me.

At the very least, if you follow what a lot of porn demonstrates, you WON'T be timid about what you are doing. You'll do it with gusto.

One complaint I initially had about my husband when we started having sex in high school was that he was "too gentlemanly". I told him not to be so gentle and to fuck me like he means it. He always thought he had to do a lot of foreplay before we would have intercourse, and that was partly my fault because as a high school monster, I always made the boys oral me to orgasms before I would let them fuck me. Once we became a real couple in college, that wasn't necessary and I told him he didn't have to do much foreplay unless he or I specifically wanted to. I told him not to bother getting me wet first because all he had to do was press his hard dick against me and my juice would flow. A few knocks on the door, I would be wet and he would be inside me.

I think I'd have to go with '- an experienced milf or mature (e. g. divorced or a widow)' for a first time male. The first time - for me anyway, was more about the experience, I was more wanting to fuck than make love. The next few times - for me, were more about learning how to fuck, not the emotional or 'love' strings attached. For a first time male - I think it would be important to teach him how to fuck, maybe keep him from 'falling in love' and being lead around by his nuts by a gold digger.

Yeah - my son married a gold digger, maybe if he hadn't been 'in love' and could tell the difference from being 'in heat' he would have had less trouble in life. He would have been better off - learning the ropes from a MILF.

Liquidsky,

Allow me to clarify. I thought I already made this clear, but there is porn that has educational value, and there is porn that does not have educational value. If you think there is only one kind of porn and you are going to stereotype an entire industry, you need to put your books down for an afternoon and check out some more porn!

I know HC. Of course there are different kinds of porn. I guess I'm just taking after my mom. A voracious reader she once said she couldn't think of anything to do that she wouldn't rather read about instead.

That is a very interesting remark. Reading sure is something!

Reading is the best! For me the most evocative of entertainment media.

Liquidsky and SwitchableSusie - I find I agree with you both even though you seem to have conflicting views.

Reading about how things are (or can be) done can be a very good introduction to the theory of sexual technique. Having read about it, a young person can consider it further - but by itself it's only theory without practical demonstration.

Some porn is valueless as an educational tool, but there is plenty that provides good practical demonstrations of techniques for hand jobs, blow jobs etc. To actually see this material would equip a girl with some basic knowledge that she could apply and build on - but even so I think she should read the book first to understand the theory. Similar advice for the boys with regard to breast play and oral on a woman.

So for me, good porn can reinforce textbook knowledge.

Porn also has some specific failings. There are too many scenes where the man ejaculates in the woman's face, which seems to give many young males (at least here in the UK) the mistaken idea that it is okay to do this sort of thing without any hint of a discussion with their girlfriends. I've never done that unless my partner has expressly asked for it. Nor have I ejaculated in her mouth without giving her good warning that I'm close. Porn misses a trick here. It could encourage better manners and consideration, and it is not as if it would be losing anything by doing so.

I would say an older more expirenced woman who can teach him everything about sex. She takes the lead and initiates sex and she is aggressive and seduces him and makes him try new things he may be too shy or scared to try like eating pussy or letting her finger him up the ass.