'Asking for it' in a roundabout way'

About 20 years ago I was dating a woman and one day she started teasing and tickling me. I told her several times that if she didn't stop I was going to tie her up and f--k her. She kept it up. Obviously she was 'asking for it'.

Anyway, playfully, I drug her into the bedroom and tied her up while she made a feeble attempt at resisting. When I finally got her tied up, I looked at her vagina! OMG!!!!! She was WET!!!! Y'all can imagine what pursued.

I was surprised because she was very conservative about most things. And by the way, I told her I am 'switchable' but there was no reciprocity.

Since then I've had a little luck by giving a teasing lady a playful swat on the butt and telling her to not to be naughty. If she keeps pushing, I took similar actions to what I stated above.

I've tried doing to same and teasing women to get them to do something dominate to me, but it never work out.

Can anybody add to or give any input on this 'strategy'???

You need to find a dominant woman, who after a possibly long time dominating you, will permit you to trade roles.

That is suprising SWM. Most women being the less physical of the sexes (not less sexual just less physical) get a kick out taking down their big bf or husband and having the upper hand. I never did NOT have a gf who didnt like to tickle me specialy when tied up or helpless to stop it. Maybe if you talk to her and tell her the truth that sometimes(not usualy) you like to be the sub , she will recipocate the turn for you. And im sure once she gets the top and sees how much fun it can be she gladly tie up her little boy slave and make him do things for her amusment. ANd im sure once she sees how hard you get from it she gladly top you.

Susie, I'll give that some thought, but I would really be attracted to a woman who, like me, is looking for what I define as 'equality'.

Mamasboy, as close as I've come to that are women who would initiate sex and even hold my arms down while on top of me, but I can't seem to get them to go further, even though, like you pointed out, I was REALLY aroused! Yet when I got agressive, I was encouraged and expected to go further! I guess that's the difference in most men and women.

And by the way, I have had a few instances of finding women who went further but those were when I was in to casual sex and not interested in relationships.

Equality does NOT mean you spend equal amounts of time beating one another, electrocuting each other's genitals or tying each other up.

Each person in the submissive and dominant roles are equals--yes, they are.

What makes you equals is how you respect and relate to each other in and out of your S&M character. Take this from someone who has done S&M activities, mostly with my husband, but also including numerous other men and women, from sensual to very severe for 25 years (since I was a teenager).

We were never in to the BDSM thing other than occasional role playing, tying up, spanking etc. I would have been willing to explore this much deeper given the opportunity, it just was never there. What I do find really interesting now is the dynamics of a real serious DOM SUB relationship, especially as Suzie explains it. It must take a long time to learn each other's desires and limits. It all sounds like probably the most complicated fetish to fully understand.

Actually before I joined this site I was wondering these same questions. It turns out I was always afraid to ask my girl what she wanted to do and I was never asked. We kind of just always had sex. Nothing wrong with that at all, I just want more to happen than just sex. So I have always known she liked a little spanking (well for her a lot) she introduced me to our first whip which we still havnt used lol. So anyways. My experience so far is that I just went up and asked her what her fantasys are. And after I could tell she was kind of nervous to tell me. I just simply asked have you ever wanted to tie me up or me tie you up and do whatever we want to each other. And to my surprise she said yeah. So once she gets off her period. Hopefully will be soon. Then we will start doing that and obviously put down some ground rules and a safe word. So really just try and talk to your partner and see where the conversation leads.

I'm not sure you can 'make' a person Dom or sub if they are not at least in some part that way naturally. I've pushed my BF to Dom me and he is getting better at it, but mostly he is not that way. He wants to please me, and I try to communicate what I want. I'd say we meet half way. He could never sub, and I am not Dom. We tried it, and neither of us got off on it. (actually it was kinda funny to try). But you never get what you don't ask for.

Since we tend to meet people r/l in vanilla settings, test balloons get floated all the time. People are afraid to express their desires and be judged negatively and unfairly, and circumspection becomes the Order of the Day. With all the fear of exposure going on in relationships I'm sometimes amazed the human race perpetuates. LOL

I agree with enemasubgirl that you can't "make" a person into a dominant or submissive any more than you can make them taller or change their natural hair color. For my part, I long since stopped attempting to date outside my species and refine searches to places where tastes are more in accordance with mine. Sure, it's slower going at times, but the fact is, the results matter more than the immediacy, at least for me.

Good luck!

--

Solomon

Around 16 years ago in my network of friends I knew a real nice couple near my age who on at least one occasion mentioned to me and went into some depth (npi) about their recent experience with colon therapy. I don't recall them ever mentioning the word enema.

Anyway it was a beautiful and warm day outside and they mentioned it. I had not heard that term so they explained a bit of it to me. I don't think I was as in tune with who I am sexually back then as I am now. But I could be mistaken. My point is in reflection I think they were 'fishing' and I've thought about that day and that conversation many times. I wish I hadn't of acted so much like the dope. If in fact I had of gone with the flow so to speak I might very well have some VERY erotic memories to soothe me when I'm lonely and got the blues.

These days whenever possible I strive to let my intentions be known and my preferences laid out. Like Solomon said it can be extremely slow going at times. Living in a small town sure don't help either.

We met and she seemed interested. I did the candles and blindfold on a chair with a feather massage. She never returned the favor

I would like to get involvedd at least a little but have no idea where to start. All my freinds seem to be very vanilla. It would be a difficult subject to breach.

Personally I think it's best to be up front about things rather than "roundabout," but to each his own. A surprise BDSM scene is probably not a safe BDSM scene (since it's good to plan/have a general idea of where things are going to go or at least know where each person definitely does NOT want them to go even though they're often heavily dependent on improv and anticipation/excitement/surprise can add to the thrill), IMHO.

I would say once you've been with someone for a significant amount of time they'd be more likely to try new things with you even if they aren't expressly "into" it to make their partner happy... for example with my Mommy I'd do anything she wanted to if I thought she'd like it because I love her and want to please her. Of course I'm a submissive, so I'm more open than a "vanilla" person, but...

If the girl isn't into any kink whatsoever it's just not going to happen. Some people just only like missionary, under covers, with the lights off and won't go beyond that. Personally I'd rather shoot myself in the head than go through that, but everyone's into different things.

But if you're in a "new" relationship if she IS into kink she may be antsy about experimenting because she doesn't know you quite well enough yet (BDSM can be quite dangerous it relies heavily on trust and knowing the other person, their bodies, their limits, etc). I'd suggest being careful with a "newbie" even if they are willing because you never know how it's going to affect them, if they'll get carried away, if they know how to take cues / be attentive of your needs/desires, if they can tie a knot without cutting off circulation... etc. Some people have a lot of baggage and/or pain in their life or even latent psychological issues and BDSM roleplay can be a shock to the system that will bring that to the forefront in a way they don't know how to handle if they weren't prepared for it. Of course some light spanking and very very uh... mainstream "kink" like furry handcuffs that don't even lock probably won't do that, but you never really know where a scene's going to wind up until you're in it.

But yeah... your best bet if finding a kinky partner is important to you is to look in "non-vanilla" settings or just be open and up front about your sexuality if you think things are going to head in a serious direction. Also if it's a relationship worth being in, your partner will be willing to experiment sexually if it makes you happy, but that's just my opinion. Now that being said don't expect a woman to go from missionary lights off to giving you an enema while you're tied up, whipping you 'til you bleed while it flows into you, and then wiping you down with baby wipes afterwards in one night... you've got to ease them into things and start them off with something that many vanilla people experiment with like spanking or gentle handcuffs / sensation play like pinching and nibbling and work your way up. Always be open, discuss what they liked / disliked, what can be done better, where you (both) want to go next, and research things you're curious about before trying them. Also I'd say know your partner VERY WELL before trying anything extreme / out of the ordinary. And I highly recommend never letting a stranger, escort, casual partner, or one night stand tie you up. I'd only let my Mommy (the woman I'm in love with) do that, personally... but a fuck buddy you know well could be OK, too. Just be smart, sane, and safe and you will have fun.