Pain... A primal need

Pain. A four letter word but one that conveys so much emotion.

I seem to have a need for a certain amount of pain, and a certain type of pain. I have to admit that I really don't understand what is behind it, but there is the pain of a good stretch, the pain involved in pushing the limits showing me that I am at my limits. Something well beyond discomfort. Sometimes it is even a question of showing mastery of myself. Or perhaps the added extra that helps me get out of my own head.

Right now I am a solo player. That makes it a little difficult at times. It means the pain is controlled. And I can pull back at any time. Occasionally I wonder what it would be like to have someone else pushing my limits, the feeling of being out of control. But right now in my life, it is not the right time or place.

I want to hear about your pain. Share your needs and experiences with me - I know I am not alone in this.

I'm surprised that nobody has responded to this. I'm sure I am not the only person here to have these thoughts? Or am I? :😃

Efetish: Indeed you are not alone. Like you, I am without a partner/dom at this time, but hope does spring eternal.

Sometimes,when the pain is too deep, I can think of nothing more than my body being bound and my soul being set free. Unfortunately finding the one who can bring you to that place is not always so easy.Take time to find the right Master. It is worth the wait!

On the subject of pain... I could never release my pain to the extent that someone could release it for me. My release comes after pleading, begging,anger and crying(in that order,lol) The tears come..the pain(physical and emotional) leaves and bliss follows. I could never push myself over that edge. Be patient. It takes time to find the one and trust to allow him take you there.

Hi efetish.

So much of what you said is a mirror of my own experiences. I don't have time to write very much right now, but "the pain of a good stretch" caught my attention - how I enjoy it -especially riding a cone, thinking I've stretched as much as I can, but then feel my anus slip even further down - what a feeling! So sweet!. I have used a variety of toys, the bigger the better. And there's the disappointment that the pain, the lovely ache, doesn't last as long as I want. The pain becomes a lovely reminder of what was, and a tease of more to come.

Like you, efetish, I do it solo, in a way. I've been lucky enough to find someone online who shares many of my kinky kinks, and has set up scenes for me to play out - doing what her inventive mind comes up with, takes me beyond what I might otherwise do, and I love it. Although it not quite the same as being together, and that would be amazing, the scenes I play out take me to another level.

Hope you get to enjoy someone else's kinky and anal side.

Pain is clearly NOT a primal need. It is generally something to be avoided.

I give pain, I take pain and I will say that the enjoyment of pain is definitely an acquired taste. . . . just like bleu cheese, enemas, doing integral calculus and being restrained.

You want proof? Just ask your six year old kid if he wants to be beaten with a belt.

SOMEWHERE, we LEARNED to like it, just like we did with stinky bleu cheese.

I want to hear about your pain. Share your needs and experiences with me - I know I am not alone in this.

No you are not! I wish I could tell you the difference between self administered pain and receiving sensually intended pain by the hands of someone else, but I can't (yet). I hate being in control of my own pain when I need it. It's never enough, because I can't let go. Even when (mildly) intoxicated with alcohol or benzodiazepines I can't seem to give myself what I need. Rationally I know this is a good thing since it protects me from doing unintentional harm, but often it frustrates me only more. What worked miracles in that situation before was going for a run in the park. (Unfortunately I can't work out anymore because of some stupid forever lingering sports injury)

But I know the feeling of needing pain till the point you're ready to jump out of your skin with frustration. Then I often wish someone could take me apart, replace what's broken, put me back together again and I'd be "good as new". Like a car. Maybe I should look into objectification and find a handsome mechanic. 😃

I think one of the attractions of pain is if applied correctly and with skill, is the release of endorphins and the rush that accompanies that. This is something a good partner can provide for you. But there has to be a lot of trust and it is something that takes time to accomplish. Ask any sub who enjoys a good session with a flogger. It is the gradual build up and final release. There is also for some, the innate desire to see how far we can push ourselves

I feel that "pain" is too vague a word for what some people want and what some are able to give. I know several ladies who have said, (in a moment of extreme excitement,) 'it hurts so good." I also know people who know just how to "read" the person they are working with and can bring them to a point of maximum excitement without causing "unpleasant" pain.

In other words, pain is in the eye of the receiver and knowing just how much to give is a skill of the giver.

I am not personally "into" pain, but the women I have known who needed pain generally also experienced it as a form of accepting control--you take what I give you, and so forth. I may cry, and beg, and so on, but I give you permission to use me that way...the pain GIVER is as important in this equation as the recipient, since the giver has to be a trustworthy individual, and has to have the "mirror image" of the same kink. I know I have a "self-limiting device" inside my head. If I sense I might do real harm, I stop immediately. I've only been misled by this sense one time, and that was when the girl went completely silent, so I had no way to gauge her reactions. I was using a riding crop on her, and wound up whipping her with it till she bled, but she never uttered one word. When I SAW what I was doing to her, I stopped immediately, we looked carefully at her welts, etc., and then proceeded. What was interesting is that during the session, I gave her a good-sized enema, but not larger than she could be reasonably expected to take; she cried and whimpered and begged from the moment I inserted the nozzle until she had received the whole bag, and I withdrew the nozzle. So different types of pain and humiliation affect us all differently. I do like to give some pain. and I love to hear the "sounds of pain," the crying begging, and so forth. But I DO NOT EVER want to cause harm. Interestingly, I am also very affectionate and sympathetic.

Go figure.

Doctorh2e.

Definitely a difference between pain and harm, but there is that good hurt. I fantasize about it, but can't always push myself as hard as I NEED to.

Looking for ideas on how to accomplish this solo - your suggestions are welcomed.

Hello efetish, If you really want to experience some discomfort with safety I suggest that you let a loved one paddle you until bright pink and then apply capzacin cream to the pink area. Be aware, the feeling will incease over the first half hour or so and cannot be "shut off" with any conventional washing or application of topical treatment. In other words, have your loved one apply it to a limited area the first time and see how it feels. If it feels good, great; if not just ride it out for an hour or so and never repeat.

You will not need to "push" yourself if you accept this treatment, it can bring you to a fantastic level without doing any physical harm. (If you find the discomfort too much you may suffer emotional harm if you cannot learn to forgive yourself.)

You missed out on the operative word here - "solo"

Anyone else with suggestions or ideas? Seem to be swinging back into a cycle of strong need.

Hi efetish. Have you tried various enemas to produce pain? This site gives dozens of ideas for solutions, volume, temperature, rate of delivery, etc.

With self administered enemas you have total control and can vary the parameters to find what you are searching for.

Yes, I do play with enemas regularly - the forum name likely gives that away.

But I am looking for more - I need more. And I'm not sure if I can find that solo.

Efetish: it's a shame you're not near north carolina, I'd help you out 😃

Pain is a delicious acquired taste . It is not a primal need.

I agree it is an acquired taste, or maybe I'm just being a ninny. I never considered pain as part of my "routine" until I tried limited nipple pain in the form of clamps, or in their place, clothes pins. It took a while to get the pleasure from the pain, but now it is regularly enjoyed. I tried piercing my teat and/or nipple area with a small syringe needle (size for insulin) and I just bled after the initial shock; the pain never persisted, thus no extended pleasure from the pain. I had a hard time getting the bleeding to stop - a real distraction.

I'm only interested in extreme pain

The only pain I really like is having a man spank me. I like it to be stern ritualized and parental. I like my spanker to put me over his knee and spank me with his hand then a wooden implement. I also like bending over for a spanking, because of the abject humiliation and the way my bottom stretches, which makes spankings sharper and more painful.

I crave pain. I love to submit to it and push myself through all of the emotions it brings out in me. I only like it within the context of a scene though, as I turn into a giant baby when I stub my toe.

I honestly don't know how or why this began for me. I DO enjoy having my balls "flicked" while getting oral sex or a handjob. My wife will take her finger and "flick" my ball sack striking my testicles. The jolt of pain is delicious. She'll also do this while we're having missionary sex. When she does so, it ramps up the intensity for me and I cum almost instantly.

I have no idea why but do enjoy the pain.

I don't know if it was for the pain or just for sensation play, but my first recollection was when I was somewhere between 4 and 8 years old and living in an apartment with radiators. In the winter, when I was alone for a little while, I would wait until the radiators were starting to heat up, drop my pants and underpants and hop up onto the radiator bare assed and sit there as long as I could stand it. There was no sexual component to it that I recall. I guess that was the start of my masocistic fantasy.

Pain for a lot of us is part of our makeup, whether through BDSM or other mechanisms. People who run marathons endure a lot of pain. I had a very high pain threshold and pushed the envelope through physical activity even to the point of ignoring doctors advice to back off. I still like to push my limits but the bar has lowered with age. I still like to workout to the point that it hurts.

pain releases endorphins for many of us. That is a high that people who do not understand will never realize. For those that enjoy spanking or othet forms of bdsm pain, it’s no different.

What are we really talking about, when discussing pain? I assume that we do not talk about pain as the perception of tissue injuries in general. Clearly, we do not speak about tooth ache or injuries due to unintended hurting of oneself - unless it does not create an added value with regard to masochistic feelings.

What is interesting in the context of BDSM is (1) the subjective perception of a certain amount and quality pain and (2) its connection to desire and lust. Only in this context we are able to describe pain as a desireable precondition for sexual feelings and even of orgasm. There is always a double bind of pain in this regard: to seek for and to avoid it at the same time, to enjoy and suffer, to allow and prevent. In this tension pain becomes a means of sexuality.

In addition to these phenomena, there is often a strong psychological connection to what we have perceived as pain related lustful moments in childhood or adolescence. The addiction to pain and the masochistic character develops and ist not created like a deus ex machina. Often this reasons are depply buried under the surface of consciousness. This makes pain so effective, together with the euphoria triggered by the production of endorphins. A good and satisfying pain setting therefore involves not only the (bearable and limited) pain as physical stimulus but also a setting in which central psychological triggers are evoked, e.g humiliation, helplessness or obediance to name only few.

The limits of being able to suffer (and enjoy) a certain amount of pain have to be agreed upon and secured by a safe word - this is especially needed when we talk about pain beyond certain limits. But who decides upon these limits? The difficulty in this regard is, that the specific reception of pain is very subjective. Therefore pain is not measurable and cannot be standardized. Sure, we do have a certain estimation on what is possible and what should not/cannot be expected, but there is no valid advise how far you may proceed. This gives utmost importance to a trustful relationship between mentally healthy partners. To facilitate Safe, Sane and Consensual D/s relationships one has to make sure that the one receiving pain always has to have the last word AND the punisher ACTS as an sensitive caretaker of the punished.

Some words also about the topic of self inflicted pain. It is true that it won' t push limits effectively. It therefore serves more as a discipinary measure than as a punishment. This has to be kept in mind especially in online sessions where the victim has to inflict pain on her/himself on request. Therefore it appears to be more safe than the creation of pain by others. The punished party has control as how hard it will create pain to itself. This can be very thrilling and demanding, too.

So is pain a primal need {like hunger}? Not at all, it is a learned desire and fetish. We could survive without suffering, would'nt we? But, @efetish some of us long for it badly: with the right persons, in the right situation and sufficient rules for both.