Who Pays for the Hotel Costs?

Hi Everyone,

I was discussing this topic tonight with a play Doctor that I met on this board. (Hi Doc!).

When people agree to meet and play in a hotel room, how do you decide who pays for the room? What if you both decide that follow-up exams are necessary? How have other Doctor/Patients worked this out?

Just wondering...

Heather, Los Angles and Portland, OR, USA

I would say, generally speaking, that the doctor (the guy) pays for the hotel, or that the cost is split between the doctor and patient.

The reasoning behind this is simple: there are simply more men wanting to play doctor than there are women. Economic principles definitely apply here. A greater supply of available men equates to more choices for the women, which in turn increases competition among the men to present more attractive offers. This explains a number of things--why some men write stories, create private sites, post pictures of play spaces, post pictures of themselves, create medical history questionnaires, and all sorts of other things. It is, for the most part, about selling themselves effectively to the limited number of willing women. Some women might offer to split the cost as a matter of virtue, though.

Now, follow-up visits are a whole other matter entirely. After the first "appointment" has been completed and both parties are happy with how things went, the relationship solidifies. The man no longer has to worry about competition; the woman is usually content to play exclusively with him, or at the least, inclusively. At this point, I would have to assume that the cost becomes more of a shared thing, where as the hotel cost of the initial visit would probably be paid for eighty percent of the time by the male. Also, as the two become closer, they might decide to play at each other's homes.

Thanks Heather for bringing up the subject...and Matt for providing an answer...

I gather from that, that it would not be considered sort of 'rude', or contrary to 'play visit etiquette' if you propose to split costs even for the first appointment....?

Certainly here in the UK the concensus seems to be that the doc funds the room cost.

However, I always prefer a (particularly) new patient to arrange and book the room. I feel that the patient should have as much control of the location as possible so that she feels I am going to a place she has chosen and not vice versa. this helps give her some minor re-assurance of her safety. Nonetheless I will always refund the cost.

When there has been a hotel involved, I have paid the full cost with one exception. I was invited by a Dom to examine his sub. The Dom had booked the room and I shared in the cost.

As an aside in a related topic, after completing an initial exam with a patient in her home, she offered to pay me. I can still picture her, standing naked in her bedroom, holding her purse and asking me how much she owed me. I politely declined and assured her the pleasure was all mine. To think I could have turned pro! 😁

Thanks for all of the replies. I have had this discussion with vanilla friends and it is interesting to hear how the play Doctor handle this cost with their patients. I would love to hear more replies!

Heather, Los Angles, CA and Portland, OR, USA

I have no experience, but I would think that if there were any travel expenses, they would be paid for by the "patient" (or if the doctor was traveling, the doctor) and then the room paid for by the person who didnt pay.

If it's local, I would imagine that it would fair to split it, or maybe that is just what I would do.

In the case where most of the playdocs are male, when the patient is the woman, I can see that the male would offer to pay, but I think that the woman should at least offer to split it.

It does make sense that the play doctor would pay the hotel expenses, after all, he is getting the enjoyment of examining you. When you go to a real doctor, you are paying him for his services. It would probably be work better if both parties came to an agreement first. "We will pay our way there, you pick up the hotel room", etc. Since both parties are going to get some enjoyment and benefits, its not unreasonable to share some expense.

I like Matt's economic analysis, but what about when the doctor and the patient are both women?

I can tell you from experience that the laws of supply and demand still apply, and that means that the "patient" pays. Submissive women far outnumber Dominant women. And, since many Dommes also play with submissive men, the demand for a Domme's attention is excruciating. As a sub/patient, I have been more than glad to pay for the playspace about 80 percent of the time.

I also think it's nice and evolved when playpartners, who've gotten to know a lot about each other before meeting, also recognize their respective financial situations and if there is an inequity, the deeper pocket volunteers to pay.

Michele in NYC

I would have to say that the majority of the time, the Dr. would pay for the room.

In my view, at the beginning of the relationship the gentlemen should pick up such costs regardless of the patient/doctor role. Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but it just seems like good etiquette.

Once the relationship has progressed to a more mature stage, the costs could (should?) be split more evenly, perhaps with some thought to the individual income of the couple.

I totally agree that the Doctor should pay for the room the first time due to the numbers of Doctors to Patients as well as old fashioned equitte. After, the couple should think about dividing the costs more evenly, dependending upon various income levels.

Thanks for everyone posting on this topic!

Heather, Los Angles and Portland, OR, USA

The doctor pays the costs of the location.

my female patients never payed. it's my pleasure and my mission to take care of them

What about equality?

The one inviting should pay.

Both should get fun from the experience.

If I am inviting I would expect to pay.

If I was being invited I would not expect to pay.

It does come down to circumstance really and communication and understanding should have sorted out the logistics and financial side before you reach the door to insert the key.

Heartfuninmaine

I go along with your comment. Circumstances dictate solution, the main thing is that there is enjoyment for both.

When inviting my patients, I always pay for the hotel costs

I have always been glad to pay for the hotel room when I examine my wonderful patients. 😁

Absolutely the Doctor!

Great topic, Heather 😉! Because of supply and demand, I feel that the person who wants it the most should pay. In my personal experiences, the male Doctor has always paid for the room. However, when my regular play Doc and I did a threesome exam, we split the costs equally. So, it varies and good communication in advance is the key.

Lady Teddy

This is an interesting topic, and I see it ran for some time a while ago and that it is now in the limelight again!

I suppose that if significant travel is involved for one of the parties then he or she may have to actually stay over in the hotel room involved. That surely influences who might pay for the room?

From an overall point of view I think I agree with the established etiquette of the man paying for any type of entertainment between a man and a woman. If there is a significant difference between the financial positions of the players and it is easier for the woman to foot the bill, then I could accept that. That would probably only come to light after a few consultation visits.

At the same time I cannot help but think, drawing on some of the online experiences I have enjoyed, that there are many women out there for whom the idea of paying for the examination, just as she would in real life, would add hugely to the excitement and enjoyment of the overall experience?

The whole idea of who is asking or inviting whom also begs some comment. I would not want any of my patients to feel that they are doing me a favour by meeting with me in a neutral, or any other, venue! In terms of safety in playing our med-fet games it is absolutely necessary that both parties are entirely happy with any arrangements made. Considering this aspect alone it would seem incorrect to take an approach where one party felt obliged to pay because the other party was "doing it for me".

I was hoping that there would be some discussion around this topic?

No comments?

Circumstance surely dictates?

The doctor may have to prepare his surgery so he would have to be there first to do so.

The patient may require a room visit so would have to have a room.

We live in an "equal world" so let's be equal.

I'd offer to pay for dinner whatever!

I think that recent posts of this topic reflect my feelings too. Each case will depend on its own circumstances. Some of the factors will be the distance either person has to travel, the economic situation each is in, and - let's face it - who is the one that is most anxious to arrange the meeting. I don't think that it should be governed by some set rule such as "doctor always pays", nor should it be determined by the gender of either the doctor or the patient.

I am the patient but I basically control everything. This includes choosing and paying for the hotel. I like the chain"suites" hotels since there is room in the living area to create a spacious exam area and it minimizes the feel of anything sexual since the exam is kept out of the bedroom.

I've been thinking about this lately, as an exam opportunity might arise soon..

I think as I am offering myself up as the patient, for the Dr's benefit of examining me, and therefore resulting in his needs being met, it should be him who pays for the room, and any other costs involved.

Fact is, if I didn't offer my body up for his exam, there wouldn't be any appointment!

I think giving a detailed indepth internal exam of myself would deserve at least a hotel room to be provided.

I think it should be split 50/50 , yes the Play doc wants to do the medical for his benefit, but lets face it the patient wether female or male is getting plenty out of the experience, we did have a appointment arranged with a play doc and we were more than happy to offer to split the bill 50/50 and he was happy to accept our offer.. Everybody got something out of the experience and we all contributed financially.

I would always meet hotel expenses.

The nearest I would come to a contribution from the patient would be to suggest we met half way in terms of distance, if the distance was great and it meant they didn't have to wait for one of my 'mini tours' to their area.

I generally have paid for the hotel cost in the past, but we both agree as to which hotel we use. I would not turn down help from a play partner, but have no problem paying.

In my case, I would be assuming the patient role, and would be comfortable "paying my share-copay" for the thorough examination. It if only fair that playmates share in the burden and cost.