Child birth desire to watch, but not fetish?

I'm not sure if this counts here or not. I watch birth videos, and they provide me a form of mental comfort?, but not arousal.

My wife has had two children for us, and I'm very thankful for her efforts, but they were C-Sections due to heath issues.

She almost died birthing our second child (Her heart rate started to drop down to zero multiple times, as did the heart rate of the child.)

I guess I just needed to vent, not sure where else to do so, with out being judged for it?

Our first child was born many moons ago. And enjoying photograph I asked both my wife and the doctor if I could photograph our child being born. This was a time when men were not usual permitted the delivery room. The wife thought it was an interesting idea and the doctor said "ok but you will have to stay in one place iand not walk around" and my wife said don't faint at the sight of blood. I bought special film and and special uv filter because of the medical lamps. At first I stood at my wife's head holding her hand. Just before the baby's head crowned the doctor said, "Why are you standing there? you cannot get any good pictures up near her, come stand behind me and shot pics directly of the delivery. I didn't faint and shot an entire roll of film! Both times the delivery was normal. We still look at the pictures and re-enjoying the moment. For the next second child I spent the entire session next to the doctor taking pictures. Both kids, as they grew up, made their opinions clear "gross, how could you? and why?"