When you're into BDSM kink but partner isn't.

I have been married for 35yrs now to a wonderful woman. I thought I was hiding my gay side, but she said she knew. That's why she liked me, from other men. It took me awhile until I started exploring my desire for men. I have always loved pain,self inflicted or other. When tortured by men,my fantasies have no limits. I love being fucked by men, and used for their desires. My wife and I have a active sex life, but she would prefer it remain very vanilla. I have a very heavy, active, male side, that likes pain and sex. I really do love my wife. I'm looking for a male friend to explore BDSM with. I think she would be ok with the right person. How would anyone handle this situation.

Talk, talk, and more talk. If you think your wife would be ok with that sort of arrangement. Talk with her about it and be fully truthful with your desires.

She sounds like a wonderful wife who is very understanding. It's all about communication. Good luck.

Establish limits with the spouse and always observe them. Remain honest and respectful, both with spouse and play partners. Works for me in our 35 years of marriage.

Why do couples get married when one of them has such a fetish and the other doesn't? I can't imagine them even being attracted to each other in the first place, let alone married. Most people want a partner on their own wavelength, don't they?

Plenty of people fall in love and marry without having explored together sexually very much. While we had sex before we married, we both knew people who were virgins. (My sister and her husband, both of them.) And we didn't do much that wasn't pretty vanilla.

When you truly love someone, if you're not sexually compatible, either you work out some arrangement acceptable to both of you (i.e., a friend with benefits, a professional, someone you met online, etc.) or you take care of yourself via masturbation, fantasy, and whatever else fulfills your needs without cheating.

We've been married a very long time. He's not into the stuff I'm into, but I wouldn't consider leaving him, or cheating on him. I love him.

Most of the married couples I know well explored everything together and lived together for a while before they got married, so they each know what the other wants. It must be difficult to fall in love with someone without knowing them that well.

Been married 35 plus years to the love of my life, we’ve always had a great sexual relationship. I never expressed my spanking desires until 10 years or so ago. I finally asked my wife if she would paddle me, her response was immediate, she said if that’s what you want I will, she did express that she would not like to be spanked at all. So now I either say I think I need a spanking or on several occasions she will say, how about a spanking? Same thing with enemas except she has asked a few times for an enema but she doesn’t really like them, I think she see how much I like them and thinks she’s missing out on something

Why didn't you express your spanking desires when you first met her? I would have done.

Why didn't you express your spanking desires when you first met her? I would have done.

Reminds me of 1st marriage that lasted some ten years... easy answer to the question is because at first I was most happy just to be having sex, and lots of sex, all be it missionary position and absolutely nothing more with a very attractive woman. But as the routine/complacency of it set in, enema and BDSM desires began to emerge on my part.

That's unusual. Most people's fetishes begin at an early age. I've always enjoyed being spanked by females since 1968.

ETA just to clarify - I had enema/BDSM interests long before I married; but these interests were suppressed by the joy and excitement of new marriage - but once the shine wore off; old interested slowly began to surface...