@latchon2me …
My boyfriend wants to be gagged and to have me dildo his ass. Is he considered a sub? Or is it just kinky?
“Being a sub” usually implies that “the sub” belongs to at least one Dom (usually just one). If your boyfriend wants to “be your sub”, this means that he wants you to “be his Dom”.
Simply wanting to have a submissive experience occasionally does not mean that he always identifies as “a sub”. Does he want you to ALWAYS be the boss in the bedroom (you give the orders and he must obey you)? Does he want you to Dominate him in other ways? Would he like for you to tie him (wrists & ankles) to the bed? Would he like for you to blindfold him? Would he like to be disciplined (spanked, whipped, etc)? Would he like the idea of a Mother/son or Mistress/slave dynamic in the bedroom? Would he like for you to make the rules in the bedroom, and punish him if he misbehaves? Would he like for you to put some Icy Hot on his penis and watch him suffer? Would he like for you to lock up his penis in a male chastity device (a cock cage)? Would he like for you to make domestic rules for him regarding your relationship and his life OUTSIDE the bedroom, and punish him if he misbehaves? If several of these (not necessarily all of them) are the case (if he pretty much always wants you to be the powerful partner and he wants to suffer at least a little bit of pain/humiliation/discipline at your discretion), then it sounds like he should be identified as “a sub” (even if he doesn't realize it, or want to admit it).
If, on the other hand, he only wants to be gagged/dildoed occasionally, but is not very interested in experiencing a broader degree of Dominance/submission, then he may simply be mostly “vanilla” with a limited kink/fetish.
Does he like to “switch” up the power dynamic in your relationship (sometimes you're the boss, and sometimes he's the boss)? For example, would he ever prefer that you be gagged, instead of him? If he likes the D/s dynamic in the bedroom, but likes to “switch” it up (maybe give you a spanking sometimes), then it wouldn't necessarily be appropriate to identify him as “a sub”. If his interest in BDSM, or Domestic Discipline, or whatever is closer to a 50/50 split (50% Dominant / 50% submissive), then he would more appropriately identify as a “switch”.
As you can see, this gets little bit complicated, because not everybody is at one extreme or the other. Many people fall somewhere in the middle on the D/s spectrum. And, many people are 90%+ plain vanilla, with a bit of a specific kink/fetish to spice things up a bit.
You should really make every effort to talk openly with your boyfriend. The best relationships are those where each partner knows what the the other finds relationally attractive and sexually arousing. If you eventually find out that your boyfriend is definitely “a sub” and wants/needs to be submissive close to 100% of the time, then you are going to have to be very comfortable being his Dom (Mistress, Mommy, Head-of-Houshold, whatever).
Hope this helps. 😳