My Switch Role Has Thrown Me a Curve Ball

Most of my adult-kinky life I have enjoyed taking the submissive role. The feeling of relinquishing control to my partner feels euphoric and freeing. However, in the past with other play partners I have switched and taken on a dominate role from impact play, sensual play, humiliation, servitude, and among a few others. I find it a huge turn on for myself to be in control when the mood strikes right.

My current play partner is a very strong Dom who's expressed interest in submission. While my eyes light up at the thought, I quickly find myself intimidated because it's a different role for me; medical play, enemas, etc. I'm very confident in my past roles of switching. My excitement is there to explore something new, yet I'm finding my confidence lacking in fear of not holding up to his expectations, disappointment or even frustration. I am typically the one to dive in and say "let's go for it". Frustrated with myself and worrying I won't hold up to his fantasies. I want to bring him the pleasures he desires, just as he's done for me.

Any advice?

The two play partners I have met on Zity have asked for kink activities that were new to me. I was not opposed to them, just had no experience with them. I discussed their desires with them beforehand and then used my personal experience and imagination to build scenes I thought they would enjoy. They seemed to enjoy the experience. Don’t be afraid to communicate and ask a lot of questions. You are not the Dom until the scene starts. After it is over, do a recap to see what worked and what could be done differently. Good luck. 😈

The two play partners I have met on Zity have asked for kink activities that were new to me. I was not opposed to them, just had no experience with them. I discussed their desires with them beforehand and then used my personal experience and imagination to build scenes I thought they would enjoy. They seemed to enjoy the experience. Don’t be afraid to communicate and ask a lot of questions. You are not the Dom until the scene starts. After it is over, do a recap to see what worked and what could be done differently. Good luck. 😈

Just curious if you don't mind as I used to switch with my ex-wife, but we always knew our kinks and Likes and limits. What did your playmates ask for that was new for you? Thanks,

Eric

As I have stated in previous posts, I was in a vanilla marriage and had to coax my wife to do things to/for me. I was totally topping from the bottom. So the first thing that was new to me was being a Dom to someone else. The kinks that were new to me were MedFet (as the Doc), giving enemas, and ABDL play. The rest were just being able to do to someone else what I had wished would be done to me. All encounters involved switching roles.

As I have stated in previous posts, I was in a vanilla marriage and had to coax my wife to do things to/for me. I was totally topping from the bottom. So the first thing that was new to me was being a Dom to someone else. The kinks that were new to me were MedFet (as the Doc), giving enemas, and ABDL play. The rest were just being able to do to someone else what I had wished would be done to me. All encounters involved switching roles.

GreyD,

This is the only Post of yours I'd seen about this subject. Thanks for answering. I hope it went enjoyably for you all.

Eric

I have always been the bottom when dealing with enemas from my wife. She is not into receiving, so I let her have her way with me. Believe me, I still get the good end of it.

Lately my dom side continues to push into the foreground and I have been playing enema games with others. I find that to both give and receive, I take the switch role... dom to give, sub to take.

Usually it is guys who enjoy this type of play more. Only a few girls have really taken on the switch role and seem to stumble through giving an enema in a dom role.

No matter... enemas are in play and that is all I need. I will say, like I have said many times before, communication is the key!

Have fun and enjoy the fill!

I am typically the one to dive in and say "let's go for it". Frustrated with myself and worrying I won't hold up to his fantasies. I want to bring him the pleasures he desires, just as he's done for me.

Any advice?

@SammyBliss24 - you asked for advice:

• First, DON'T be "frustrated!" -- chances are, you WON'T "live up to his fantasies" (few things in real life ever do) - but so what?! Are you afraid of rejection? You're a female, offering to top a male - pfft - trust me there's not gonna be any rejection, and if there is, then you're in the wrong kinda relationship?! Are you afraid that he won't want to try submitting again? Perhaps, but that's his decision, (and may or may not be based on your actions).

• Research #1: As a Dom, whenever I am exploring an activity/fantasy with a new partner, I always ask them to share with me several stories/videos that turn them on. Has your partner shared with you any med/fetish/enema photos, videos, stories that he finds arousing? I never directly "copy" any of these stories/scenarios directly (too scripted!) - instead I look at the similarities and differences, find the common themes, and then make my own scenario by pulling bits-n-pieces from the various scenarios.

• Research #2 - Any med/fetish/enema photos, videos, stories that turn YOU on? The Top/Dom needs to get aroused here also? Are you excited by the naughty-doctor/nurse, the mother/aunt, a strict femdom disciplinarian, or a sensual partner? Share those thoughts and ideas with your partner - and talk about what you find sexy and then compare/contrast to what he enjoys.

• Research #3: Learn/know your options. Know the difference between an enema given with a bag vs. one with a squeeze bulb. Know the the difference between hot and cold, and plain water vs. soap or other additives. Honestly if you've not done so already, you REALLY need to put on your "sub" hat and ask (beg) your partner to give you a bit of trial-n-error. 😝

• Communication! What is your sub looking for (is it physical vs. mental?) Does he REALLY want that 5 gallon enema with a high-pressure fire-hose or he he simply turned on my the thought of being forced beyond his limits. Also remember to hold a debriefing -- what worked, what didn't, what you wanna try again vs. wanna try differently.

Lastly -

• Have fun -- remember to laugh (at the appropriate times), and share your experience here on Zity so we can all live and enjoy it vicariously!

Any advice?

Don't worry about meeting his expectations on the 1st try. Go Slow, and expect to get better with each successive session. if you are perfect at the get go, there's no room for growth. Expect to be green as a newby, and enjoy the learning process that is to come.

If he cannot be understanding that you are just starting out and give you time to grow and develop in this role, and that you are doing it for him, then maybe it's time to considere another option.

@Zansabar - this is one of the most thoughtful and clear posts I have read on this site. Thank you for addressing the concerns of the switch (@SammyBliss24) in a very beautiful way.

Great advice from several people here for you, so just a brief thought since my exes and I switched a good deal, with me usually being the sub so my Domme ex could enjoy giving me extremely submissive enemas mixed with our other kinks. And she loved enemas from me given as her Dom so when I was her (sincere and strict but not very experienced) Dom, I did a lot to her that i knew I would have enjoyed her doing to me or "forcing" me to do to satisfy her Domme desires. Fortunately we both agreed on the same kinks in addition to our enemas, so thinking up fun and extremely erotic things to do to her as well as how to talk her through it to increase her submissiveness and thus pleasure was not only easy but great fun.

You can get things approved ahead of time to be sure you know what their desires and limits are, but if there's something you always want your Dom(me) to do to you, it's at least worth a try at doing it to them. In our case almost every time, we both loved it. Have fun.

Eric

I began this journey as a receiver but gradually grew to really enjoy giving as well. I cant decide what I like more but suppose it has to do with the chemistry of the lady I am with. I truly believe I am a better administrator because I know what it is to receive.

Update:

We’ve had countless discussions of his likes and desires about enemas. I did my homework and prepared as best as I could reading other’s experiences, advise, suggestions or recommendations. Still nothing prepares you until the time has come and you’re called up. My confidence was questionable as I still felt unprepared and nervous to do this. But here we are and now it’s time. My pep talk to myself: “Fuck it, we’re going live!”.

He had crawled into the empty tub and positioned himself as if he was preparing for what looked like a Muslim sunset prayer. Only now he better have been ready to pray to me for what was about to come next and hoping for the best.

The front of his head facing the faucet lowered as his bare bottom raised, presenting himself in a position to me in which I found myself becoming eager and excited. I began filling the 2 quart measuring cup with warm weather from the sink. Frequently pouring small streams over my wrist to test and ensure the water wasn’t too cold or too hot. Next, I place the Higgins bulb into the measuring cup and place the nozzle in his ass. So far so good. I nervously squeeze the first pump and feel the water flow through the bulb. It’s done, the first squeeze is in. Is it what he expected? Does he like it? Immediately there’s a request for a second squeeze. I continue to smile and grimace with each pump I squeeze into his ass. He’s now asking for more. Another. Now he’s masturbating and I’m turned on. Watching him pleasure himself while taking what I filled his sweet little ass with, he finishes and I clearly see the results of a happy boy. As he slowly rises up out and over the tub, he makes his way to the toilet to expel himself. I’m a happy girl.

A familiar feeling is coming back - control! There’s that confidence again, yes, there it is.

It wasn’t until after I gave my first enema that I believe I’ve opened up a Pandora’s box with myself and the arousal I had from an administering my first one.

I am DELIGHTED you and your partner has such a good experience! . . . and WELCOME to the world of erotic enemas!

My 2nd wife and I were like a vanilla relationship she had me making most of the decisions.I was older than her it seemed to work then a few yrs along my incontinence came back had some childhood problems.We went to buy a need mattress and had to get a mattress protector and pad plus she wanted to stay dry so was returned to diapers.Then about this time noticed a big change in her she became a more dominate person.The scale tipped the other way this is true post.

I know this is an older post, but I wanted to jump in with my two cents and experience. I've had similar experiences, primarily finding myself in a submissive role in sexual relationships, but had a few semi-recent experiences in a more dominant role and I think the biggest keys were just… cliche as it sounds, communication and trying to let go of the worrying and enjoy it. Learned a lot about myself.

Stop taking things so seriously. Laugh a little and have fun.