Bi on the side actually HELPS a marriage and shouldn't be considered cheating

To keep the spouse happy, as I have said before, the wife (it's usually the wife, so bear with me) should just get some lube and spread her legs for five or ten minutes once in a while. She might actually like it once she gets into it.

@SwitchableSusie - I'm so glad a woman said that; no man would have dared. I'm going to suggest you write some of those info leaflets they leave in Doctor's waiting rooms. Yours might be read more often

I think it's a myth that all women lose their sex drive after menopause. Granted, no one is as sexually active as when they were 21. But I think a lot of men just assign the reason of "menopause" to their wives not wanting sex with them. There are other things besides intercourse, if that is painful.

@Sundaybrunch - I have to disagree. It's certainly a myth that ALL women lose their sex drive after menopause, but from talking with many male & female friends in this age range, it most certainly happens for some. And as I alluded to in my post, the frequency with which gynaecologists seem to use hysterectomy or at least ovary removal in response to problems makes this more common than you might think. I’ve heard of young, talented female Doctors advocating ovary removal to fifty-something women on the basis that ovarian cancer is hard to catch early enough so this was a favour to them. Never heard of Doctor offering castration to a man as casually.

So no, not always underlying tensions in the marriage or an ignorant husband. Sex drives can become unbalanced for reasons beyond anyone’s control and so the question of what is acceptable behaviour in such cases is a valid one.

Is there really a difference between my hand jacking my cock, and someone else's hand jacking my cock ?

Is there really a difference between my hand jacking my cock and someone else's cock?

What's the REAL harm, if any?

The harm, or negative effects of this often comes from the emotions that often develop from this kind of activity. People sharing sexual pleasures usually develop some kind of emotional bonding to each other. It may be slight, it may become intense, secretive or open. There are endless variations.

But even so, an emotional involvement almost inevitably causes problems for the original partnership.

Perhaps the only way to prevent such kind of feelings from developing is to pay for the services of professional sex providers. But that in turn may often cause monetary problems when one goes overboard, as often happens.

Is there really a difference between my hand jacking my cock, and someone else's hand jacking my cock ?

Is there really a difference between my hand jacking my cock and someone else's cock?

What's the REAL harm, if any?

You jacking yourself off won't have the same legal consequences if it is done by anyone other than your spouse. You aren't legally married to anyone but your wife. If your wife is not happy with you going somewhere else for sexual pleasure it may cost you alot financially and personally.

Not having sex is constructive abandonment,

Depends if constructive abadonment or adultery is more easily regonized and able to be proven to the courts.

@MissStress said

You jacking yourself off won't have the same legal consequences if it is done by anyone other than your spouse. You aren't legally married to anyone but your wife. If your wife is not happy with you going somewhere else for sexual pleasure it may cost you alot financially and personally.Depends if constructive abadonment or adultery is more easily regonized and able to be proven to the courts.

Constructive abandonment only needs to be a statement made by one person.

You cannot prove constructive abandonment one way or the other. Who is going to be in your bedroom besides the couple who can say if you had sex one way or the other? If one person says we never have had sex in the last year, that is constructive abandonment. You don't need physical proof for that.

This is a tough one for me. I’ve been in a relationship where my gf gained weight and lost interest in sex. I was always ready to go and love a woman’s body and would buy her sexy clothes, reassure her that I thought she was beautiful and sexy and that I wanted her. She said she didn’t feel sexy anymore and didn’t feel comfortable naked and eventually she stopped touching me and moving my hands away when I touched her. I didn’t want to cheat and just tried to be supportive and wait. I craved touch soo badly and sex and it was really hard. I ended up getting grumpy when I would think about how I wasn’t having sex and how I was getting older and older. I can definitely understand the dilemma

@Seudeau said

This is a tough one for me. I’ve been in a relationship where my gf gained weight and lost interest in sex. I was always ready to go and love a woman’s body and would buy her sexy clothes, reassure her that I thought she was beautiful and sexy and that I wanted her. She said she didn’t feel sexy anymore and didn’t feel comfortable naked and eventually she stopped touching me and moving my hands away when I touched her. I didn’t want to cheat and just tried to be supportive and wait. I craved touch soo badly and sex and it was really hard. I ended up getting grumpy when I would think about how I wasn’t having sex and how I was getting older and older. I can definitely understand the dilemma

It's NOT A DILEMMA. This is something you DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH head on.

According to your profile, you are a young guy.

You said she is your GIRLFRIEND, not your wife.

Give her a week to change her mind. If she doesn't, DITCH HER. It won't cost you a dime and you will have the opportunity to find someone who you are better suited for.

DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN. If you do marry her and your life sucks, just remember I warned you!

I can't understand why anyone would stay with a girlfriend who isn't giving them what they want in life.

#1--Using my mother as a gauge for when menopause will happen to me, I still have five years to go.

#2--I'm not quite as active as when I was 21, but we still throw each other around the bed pretty well.

Braggart

You are right, I’ve been putting off confronting this With her for a while and have been passive aggressively trying to say what I have been afraid to bring up. Things started off really great and I just kept thinking that if I was patient and support things would go back to the way they were.

@Moppys_jalopy said

Braggart

I can't help it.

We eat well, exercise and stay in good shape. Of course my husband is bigger and stronger than I am, but I can still push him around pretty well if I want a change of position! 😁

You are right, I’ve been putting off confronting this With her for a while and have been passive aggressively trying to say what I have been afraid to bring up. Things started off really great and I just kept thinking that if I was patient and support things would go back to the way they were.

Susie's 100% right. If you're not being satisfied now, this WILL catch up to you at some point and be considered wasted time. We only have one life to live with which to enjoy our bodies, and those of each other. And that life is running out fast and will be over before you know it.

...in case when Susie advised you to give it a week, and you may have thought that was too short.

Susie's 100% right. If you're not being satisfied now, this WILL catch up to you at some point and be considered wasted time. We only have one life to live with which to enjoy our bodies, and those of each other. And that life is running out fast and will be over before you know it.

...in case when Susie advised you to give it a week, and you may have thought that was too short.

If a week isn't enough time to have sex, a year won't be long enough either.

Like I have said before all she has to do is get some lube and spread her legs for five or ten minutes.

I'm sorry if that sounds unsympathetic and a bit gross [who am I kidding, I am NOT sorry] she has to do what she has to do to make her boyfriend/significant other happy because if they stay together and get married, the marriage will be nothing more than entrapment.

You jacking yourself off won't have the same legal consequences if it is done by anyone other than your spouse. You aren't legally married to anyone but your wife. If your wife is not happy with you going somewhere else for sexual pleasure it may cost you alot financially and personally.Depends if constructive abadonment or adultery is more easily regonized and able to be proven to the courts.

Most states have No-fault Divorce. It doesn't matter if the other person slept with 100 other people.

The courts got too bogged down with cases, so now, they care about 2 things: Children, Large assets, or what you don't agree upon.

You can't "punish" someone with a divorce. No one takes the house from the husband. Everything is calculated based on what someone makes or owns.

So if the guy lets the wife have the Porsche, the courts don't care.

You might divorce for infidelity, but the court doesn't care.

It's not going to cost him MORE for fooling around, than any other reason for divorce.

Most states have No-fault Divorce. It doesn't matter if the other person slept with 100 other people.

The courts got too bogged down with cases, so now, they care about 2 things: Children, Large assets, or what you don't agree upon.

You can't "punish" someone with a divorce. No one takes the house from the husband. Everything is calculated based on what someone makes or owns.

So if the guy lets the wife have the Porsche, the courts don't care.

You might divorce for infidelity, but the court doesn't care.

It's not going to cost him MORE for fooling around, than any other reason for divorce.

THANK YOU.

States either have community property or equitable distribution and couples better have iron clad prenuptial agreements. One lawyer told me the prenup should be re-signed and notarized YEARLY on or about their anniversary, lest either party "forget" what they agreed to before they got married.

My daughters have been told NOT to live in a state that has community property if they get married and they have also been shown our wills stating that THEY must have a prenuptial agreement stating their spouse relinquishes any right to what our daughters may inherit from us. If they do not do that, the daughter's inheritance from us will be ONE DOLLAR, (necessary to prove that we didn't forget about or neglect them in our wills). Our money is going to BLOOD RELATIVES.

THANK YOU.

States either have community property or equitable distribution and couples better have iron clad prenuptial agreements. One lawyer told be should be re-signed and notarized YEARLY on or about their anniversary, lest either party "forget" what they agreed to before they got married.

My daughters have been told NOT to live ion a state that has community property if they get married and they have also been shown our wills that they must have a prenuptial agreement stating their spouse relinquishes any right to what our daughters may inherit from us. If they do not do that, the daughter's inheritance from us will be ONE DOLLAR, (necessary to prove that we didn't forget about or neglect them in our wills). Our money is going to BLOOD RELATIVES.

You're quite welcome.

Divorce does affect both parties financially. But the idea that someone can "keep" someone in a marriage because of some financial threat with a divorce, won't keep them faithful.

This is a tough one for me. I’ve been in a relationship where my gf gained weight and lost interest in sex. I was always ready to go and love a woman’s body and would buy her sexy clothes, reassure her that I thought she was beautiful and sexy and that I wanted her. She said she didn’t feel sexy anymore and didn’t feel comfortable naked and eventually she stopped touching me and moving my hands away when I touched her. I didn’t want to cheat and just tried to be supportive and wait. I craved touch soo badly and sex and it was really hard. I ended up getting grumpy when I would think about how I wasn’t having sex and how I was getting older and older. I can definitely understand the dilemma

@Seudeau - I think you should probably start a thread in its own right for this, separate from the serious escape options being discussed here. There's nothing sadder than a lady who decides she’s become unattractive, often due to weight, and so withdraws from intimacy whilst no amount of reassurance will convince her that she’s loved & fancied as much (or even more) with the extra weight, wrinkles or years.

Divorce does affect both parties financially. But the idea that someone can "keep" someone in a marriage because of some financial threat with a divorce, won't keep them faithful.

No. It will make them better at hiding their infidelities and extramarital affairs.

Being bi on the side did not help my gal's imagine of me being the macho kind of guy she gets wet over...

@sundaybrunch said

Divorce does affect both parties financially. But the idea that someone can "keep" someone in a marriage because of some financial threat with a divorce, won't keep them faithful.

@MissStress said

No. It will make them better at hiding their infidelities and extramarital affairs.

WHO CARES, and being faithful or not has NOTHING to do with how well you hide your affairs. They are two distinctly different problems.

If their relationship is already that bad, one more thing that is hidden won't matter at all.

They should just get out of their marriage.

and being faithful or not has NOTHING to do with how well you hide your affairs

If one is faithful, they have no affairs to hide.

They should just get out of their marriage.

They could, but sometimes the cost is too high. One may lose more than the other when all is said and done.

If one is faithful, they have no affairs to hide. They could, but sometimes the cost is too high. One may lose more than the other when all is said and done.

One's life and happiness are not expressed solely in financial terms.

As I posted earlier, the court systems try to make the financial split agreeable. Everything is joint marital property.

Also, one person might have to go out and work if there is a divorce. A lot of people stay in marriages because they are being supported by the other person. People may be content to stay in marriages where the other spouse is cheating, because they are being financially supported. So in THAT case, the person IS putting money before principles or happiness. 😃

No. It will make them better at hiding their infidelities and extramarital affairs.

How does one get “better “ at hiding infidelities and affairs? Were they not doing a good job hiding them before the financial threat? Whether threatened or not, most realize there is a financial risk if caught, so I would expect a high level of discretion regardless.

@SwitchableSusie please note I said “regardless “ not “irregardless”. ?