Is the fantasy of play better than the reality of how it turns out to be?

Curious if others here experience results in their play that are less satisfying than the mental planning and prep. I’ve found a bunch of my sessions this past year have been less physically enjoyable than the mental stimulation and fantasy of it all. Which isn’t a complaint, I accept that the fantasy can be better than reality. Today for example I had a few activities planned that were nice, but after spending most of yesterday dreaming them up they paled by comparison. I even had a moment last night where I thought to myself there was no way it’d be as pleasurable as I was imagining. Even knowing that I still played and had a nice time today, but a part of that just me knowing myself well enough to know I needed to scratch the itch or I’d be stuck on it for weeks.

So yeah, anybody else enjoy the fantasy more or get stuck on an idea?

For me it's absolutely true that often the reality of a situation pales in comparison to the fantasy I created in my mind when I was planning it.

The best example is when I arrange a one-on-one bondage session with a guy. I'll go over my likes, dislikes and limits with him ahead of time. We'll go back and forth discussing the kinds of things that he likes to do to a sub to determine whether we're a good fit to play with each other. After all, we both want to have a good time if we're going to meet. Often I'll give him feedback based on things that he'll say. For example, if he says he has a e-stim device, I'll tell him that sounds fantastic and by all means I'd enjoy him using that on me. Or if he says he likes to chain subs to a wall, I let him know that I'm all for something like that. That sort of thing.

So most of the time, I have a mental image of how the bondage session might go, what kinds of things he'll do to me, what kinds of toys he might use, etc. But more often than not, he'll leave out things that I would really like, or it just won't go the way I pictured it in my mind. That doesn't mean I didn't have a good time. But it's just that the reality doesn't match what I envisioned when we were planning the meeting. I'm realizing that I'm very hard to please, and no matter how good a session is, I always seem to want more and more.

I am an injection fetishist. I fantasied to give injections for almost 40 years. Giving injectios to a nice female was my greatest fantasy. Later i found a partner, after chatting almost a year we established a trustee to each other and devided to meet. She was great for receiving injections, i believe there cant be anyone else that could satisfy my fantasies better then her.

We met with her several times and played. I injected her and she injected me too. I enjoyed a lot with injecting her. But I realized that my fantasies satisfy me better then realizing them. Before our meetings and plays, my fantasy was giving, watching and getting injections in order. Now changed to watching, giving and getting.

I wouldn’t say better, just different. You can do things in fantasy you can’t do in reality. I like to fantasize about a scene, maybe for a few weeks then discuss it with my husband, maybe talk it out so we have a shared image of what we’re acting out. It makes it better.

I have been mentally imagining and writing and fantasizing for some 30 years now I'd say. And I have had one real actual play exam from a real person. It was nice and it went according to a classic medfet exam. But the truth was it came nowhere near as close to the intensity I can achieve through my imagination alone.

Maybe sad, maybe not. My take on the outcome was that it involved making an appointment and then hoping that the desire for medfet play is present when you go. Of course that is hard to predict or plan and so I'd say unless one has an intimate partner available, planning such activities with others will very much be a trial and error process.

Meaning that I have decided to stay with fantasy and imagining as my main outlet. It has worked quite well for me for many years. I can imagine and fantasize about all manner of things I would never do in a real play situation.

Is the fantasy of play better than the reality of how it turns out to be?

For many people it is.

For many people it is.

I used to date or be married to switch women who shared my kinks, often several at once. Fantasy can be delightful as well as extremely arousing, but when we actually had mutual kink play with sex, it was always even better than I imagined it. Just as a quick example my ex dressed me in sneakers and complete latex including hood and gloves, tied me and gave me large enemas before making me do various submissive tasks for her and to her before we each wound up with a terrific orgasm. It was spectacular in reality, so we kept repeating it.

Eric

I used to write erotica. It was driven by an unfulfilling sex life. It was my outlet, I enjoyed it. I even wrote a few with my now husband when we were first dating. I have no desire to write it anymore. I get started and then just stop because I go and act it out with him. For me the reality is now better.

It's often the case with me. I intentionally schedule play dates a week or more in advance so I can play it over and over in my mind.

I used to write erotica. It was driven by an unfulfilling sex life. It was my outlet, I enjoyed it. I even wrote a few with my now husband when we were first dating. I have no desire to write it anymore. I get started and then just stop because I go and act it out with him. For me the reality is now better.

^^^This^^^ For me, the ideal is to match need/desire with reality. i am disappointed by role play and would rather go without than pretend... and often do. So i look for the Yang to my yin, where there is opposite need and desire and each persons need nurtures the others desire. If the other person deeply desires 3 out of 5 of the things i deeply desire, then i'd rather forego the other 2 items and just work with the 3 where we are both deeply needing and invested.

I've had a few play exams with various docs. Some have been mind-blowing. Some less than fulfilling. But even those are still more exciting than a vanilla sex life.

So I think of play exams like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. ?

The fantasy can be perfect. Reality can sometimes not be. Nozzles come out, hoses break, partners actually become jealous, or any number of other realities that can ruin a fantasy.

Yes, very much so, what I fantasize happening never takes place the way I envision. I would need to find a mirror-image of myself to achieve all I want in my fantasies.

I've never been sexually active (severe disability). But I can imagine nothing but disappointment. My fantasy mind is extremely active, and all the time , the girls in them have perfect abs and legs and a pretty face. No weight issues, etc. And always very open to my fetishes. I feel like I've set myself up for disappointment, tbh.

I have a very active fantasy engine and use it a lot to help me generate orgasms at the age of 67 with bad ED. At various times I'll usually incorporate all of my 4-5 major kinks and fetishes, sometimes all at once, and whatever fantasy is almost always stimulating enough to arouse me to have an orgasm. And yes, of course any fantasy can be made perfect either in execution or in my response to a particular fetish, or to incorporate or experience a fetish that's just impractical to do in reality (e.g., being "forced" to have sex wearing wetsuits and sneakers while taking an enema from my Domme GF while in an underwater habitat). And I certainly enjoy any fantasy I generate.

But I've been lucky enough to have not all but a number of my common fantasies in real life with some of my Domme ex-GFs. For example, she dressed me in very snugly tied clean sneakers plus head to toe latex, a gag and rubber gas mask, cuffed me to myself or the bed, and gave me two separate enemas totaling 3-4 quarts. Then after edging me and making me sweat for 1/2-1 hour, I had to do various submissive tasks while dressed in the fetish clothes holding the enema (like getting up and walking around to show off my enema belly, getting her coffee, mild exercises, and finally kissing and fingering her to orgasms followed by vigorous PIV sex). Eventually I'd be allowed my own orgasms. We did that type of scenario a number of times, and I'd love to do it again because it was so satisfying and delightful. In other words, the real version was very, very good even though I could have somehow made the fantasy even more perfect.

I think what does it for me IRL is the actual physical sensations of the sneakers, the rubber suit and clothes, the gag and gas mask, the restraints, the enemas, etc., as well as the real domination I had from her which were all very real so I could feel them not just imagine them in a fantasy. For example the real smell of the rubber, tightness of the sneakers and rubber suit and hood, insertion and inflation pressure, fullness, distention, and finally both her and my orgasms all physically felt on or in my body.

Fantasies can be even more perfect in execution or scope, but to me, real physical and psychological sensations are better and more memorable in real life than any fantasy.

Eric

The reality of my fantasies never work out as planned whether it is a fantasy involving me as the recipient of a fantasized activity or that of me interacting with my partner. The fantasy always seems to be perfect or at least perfected as I play it through in my mind. In the practical reality, there is something that doesn't go as planned which can include the room temperature not being ideal, not enough lube, toy batteries drain prematurely, legs cramp up, or any myriad of other issues that may crop up. I do remain undaunted in my hopes of living out the perfect fantasy experience and each real life experience seems to be so much the better each time.

I like to think I have a very active imagination. My imaginations are often difficult for me to express out loud and explain so I will then usually write my thoughts out on paper. I've got lots of thoughts rummaging around in my brain at once due to ADD so, often what happens is, even if I get my thoughts on paper, they are a hot mess lol. Thankfully, I've got Anthony in my corner and he tends to help me decipher and organize what I'd like to express.

With that said, I fantasize often. It just depends on what and who I'm thinking about and even, the surrounding stimuli such as the location, the smells, whatever, that will trigger a thought. I call them fleeting thoughts and not many of them have come to fruition. I think that is what makes fantasy so much fun; separate from reality. Fantasies give me a chance to explore on my own what I like or don't like, and they give me a reprieve from the mental madness of our work and life at times.

I've had a few fantasies come to fruition, and they've usually been a result of me communicating my thoughts and ideas with Anthony who then makes my fantasies a reality, and vice versa. 😈

This post makes me think of play exams. There are many things we'd like to explore in them and, being that I've only this year really allowed myself to have fun with them, there are still more fun things to explore. We've had a few play doctors that met certain criteria such as being very dominant and sure of themselves and in control but then, maybe they didn't quite meet some other expectations we were wanting like them having a steady hand and not dropping the rectal thermometer, for example! Some doctors are great with the rectal thermometer but then they might not be as dominant as I like or the chemistry just isn't right. That's where the fantasies and expectations of play ultimately seem to be a little better than reality.

My imaginations are often difficult for me to express out loud and explain so I will then usually write my thoughts out on paper.

That is a problem I have. How to get the fantasy out of my head with the details and the emotions that are also involved that are making me horny/interested.

Writing it down may not even get that all across. And if my sub doesn't get it just right, it will not be near as exciting as it is in my head.

Curious if others here experience results in their play that are less satisfying than the mental planning and prep.

Oh yes, actual doing with another never worked out quite as good as I imagined and wanted it to be...

My imaginations are often difficult for me to express out loud and explain so I will then usually write my thoughts out on paper.

That is a problem I have. How to get the fantasy out of my head with the details and the emotions that are also involved that are making me horny/interested.

Writing it down may not even get that all across. And if my sub doesn't get it just right, it will not be near as exciting as it is in my head.

i love the written word and am notorious for long profiles, posts and emails with hopefuls. i'm a firm believer in openness when it comes to connecting with another person. i think there can be a lot of benefit to writing stuff down, one of the biggest i experience is being able to take my time and to go back and edit. Once you've said something to someone IRL, the first impression cannot be taken back. Though the written word also has its shortcomings when it comes to communication. It lacks the visual and tonal parts of face to face communication.

Since i personally eschew 'role-play,' for me either mode of communication is about being open vs me writing or speaking a script that i want to 'act' out. So, communication for me is more about being open in an effort to discover where we align, not about asking someone to be or do something that does not resonate with them. For me, communication in this area about discovering resonance.

So, to me, "openness" has to be mutual. i've found lack of mutual openness to be the biggest impediment to making fantasy into reality. For example, if i am open and share a desire/need i have with another person and they do not have a corresponding need/desire, even if we try, it's going to be a disappointed fantasy. For me, a big part of what makes the "play" a deeply satisfying reality is when both people want the same thing from opposite sides, not that one or the other is just doing something to accommodate the other.

This is a great topic! I'll bet a lot of people weigh in on this. I have a very vivid imagination, and I'm guessing a lot of you do as well. And sometimes the actual experience of getting an Enema isn't as electric as experiencing an orgasm through fantasizing about it. I think this is why I write stories. For me they provide the opportunity to really have an Erotic Enema experience. My mind is in "play mode". I get create and I get so turned on as I write that sometimes I actually get off. Reading a well written story can do it also. And one of my all time fantasies is to film one of my stories "Jake and Dominique's Erotic Encounter" or "Aunt Margaret". I fantasize about casting it, where I would film it, getting all the Enema equipment assembled, the administering table, lighting equipment, finding the supermarket, the Rexall drug store, the perfect house to film the major scene...etc. I would want to find the perfect mature woman to play Dominique, or Margaret...someone who is an actual experienced Enema Nurse/Mistress who would be paid well and who would be really into doing it. And of course, the lead.... the lucky boy getting all the ENEMAS!! But I can always revisit the story to have a fun experience. The mind is an incredible thing!

Yes and no . It all depends on who you are sharing your fantasy with and how they feel about it . I have had a few ladies into some things who had no clue and just spoiled things and others who were just as kinky as myself and made it 100 times better . Better still if you share a fantasy with your partner . One girl i dated liked to indulge me but she was half hearted about it and it was apparent it bored her after a while . She told her mother about us and then dumped me . Her mother on the other hand was right into it and when we got together we blew each others minds . It all stopped when my ex found out and gave her mother the ultimatum . She either stopped seeing me or her grandkids .

I think it is certainly different and can be better or worse depending on whether I have expectations of what I think it should be versus what it really is. I empty my mind of all preconceived notions and let the Domme take over. If I seat topping from below it always ends up being less than.

The short answer is to let go of what you think it should be and allow it to be what it is.

One girl i dated liked to indulge me but she was half hearted about it and it was apparent it bored her after a while . She told her mother about us and then dumped me . Her mother on the other hand was right into it and when we got together we blew each others minds . It all stopped when my ex found out and gave her mother the ultimatum .

My goodness. Think of what kind of psychological thriller you could make out of such a situation if you add in some uncontrollable rage and envy ...

Precisely me!

My only live kinky meetup was entirely with a very ethical, senior portly, play doc. A virtual medfet 'Santa Claus' who caters to women, & occasionally to male "littles" & "middles" .& tweens

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He was a retired lawyer who invested lots of time & energy to learning to be a play doc. He had brought real doctors over to his home to teach him, using paid real life models as subjects. He did a lot of photo shoots using models & even porn actresses, so his FetLife profile looks very professional.

He had planned to practice his avocation at his home, but because a young female relative had to live with him, & in order to avoid family scandal, he made motel/hotel calls bringing a large suitcase of medical equipment.

There were 5 sessions over 9 months, & HE paid the motel day rates. He was VERY careful not to exceed my limits, so he was constantly talking & asking me questions to keep things safe. His incessant verbiage was quite distracting & made me a bit detached. This was a literally a fantasy come true, but I didn't get a single erection, maybe because he wasn't into feet tickling & giving hand jobs..He had certain limits, such as insisting I close the bathroom door all the way when I expelled the ena water..The attention was still nice.

He did a lot of enemas, bum toys, & what he called prostate message, probing digging & circular movements that he claimed to learn from the best experts: doctors! The fact is that in my humiliation fantasies, I find my own rectal G-spot,focus on it & drive myself nasty wild while on my back in a tight knee-chest position..

With my limitations, being the only unclothed participant & in the reviewing role only, 'll probably never have another live meetup like that again.

I was always better playing out in my mind...

Yes, I am sure often it can be. But the first zity member I met for RL play turned out much better than I could ever have imagined. Although it was different from what I had been fantasising.

I wouldn’t say fantasy is any better. It’s like when you’ve been asked out on a first date with someone. I know for myself I fantasize about how the evening will go. Sometimes it doesn’t go as well as I hoped. Sometimes it goes exactly as I fantasized