Is the fantasy of play better than the reality of how it turns out to be?

Curious if others here experience results in their play that are less satisfying than the mental planning and prep. I’ve found a bunch of my sessions this past year have been less physically enjoyable than the mental stimulation and fantasy of it all. Which isn’t a complaint, I accept that the fantasy can be better than reality. Today for example I had a few activities planned that were nice, but after spending most of yesterday dreaming them up they paled by comparison. I even had a moment last night where I thought to myself there was no way it’d be as pleasurable as I was imagining. Even knowing that I still played and had a nice time today, but a part of that just me knowing myself well enough to know I needed to scratch the itch or I’d be stuck on it for weeks.

So yeah, anybody else enjoy the fantasy more or get stuck on an idea?

For me it's absolutely true that often the reality of a situation pales in comparison to the fantasy I created in my mind when I was planning it.

The best example is when I arrange a one-on-one bondage session with a guy. I'll go over my likes, dislikes and limits with him ahead of time. We'll go back and forth discussing the kinds of things that he likes to do to a sub to determine whether we're a good fit to play with each other. After all, we both want to have a good time if we're going to meet. Often I'll give him feedback based on things that he'll say. For example, if he says he has a e-stim device, I'll tell him that sounds fantastic and by all means I'd enjoy him using that on me. Or if he says he likes to chain subs to a wall, I let him know that I'm all for something like that. That sort of thing.

So most of the time, I have a mental image of how the bondage session might go, what kinds of things he'll do to me, what kinds of toys he might use, etc. But more often than not, he'll leave out things that I would really like, or it just won't go the way I pictured it in my mind. That doesn't mean I didn't have a good time. But it's just that the reality doesn't match what I envisioned when we were planning the meeting. I'm realizing that I'm very hard to please, and no matter how good a session is, I always seem to want more and more.

I am an injection fetishist. I fantasied to give injections for almost 40 years. Giving injectios to a nice female was my greatest fantasy. Later i found a partner, after chatting almost a year we established a trustee to each other and devided to meet. She was great for receiving injections, i believe there cant be anyone else that could satisfy my fantasies better then her.

We met with her several times and played. I injected her and she injected me too. I enjoyed a lot with injecting her. But I realized that my fantasies satisfy me better then realizing them. Before our meetings and plays, my fantasy was giving, watching and getting injections in order. Now changed to watching, giving and getting.

I wouldn’t say better, just different. You can do things in fantasy you can’t do in reality. I like to fantasize about a scene, maybe for a few weeks then discuss it with my husband, maybe talk it out so we have a shared image of what we’re acting out. It makes it better.

I have been mentally imagining and writing and fantasizing for some 30 years now I'd say. And I have had one real actual play exam from a real person. It was nice and it went according to a classic medfet exam. But the truth was it came nowhere near as close to the intensity I can achieve through my imagination alone.

Maybe sad, maybe not. My take on the outcome was that it involved making an appointment and then hoping that the desire for medfet play is present when you go. Of course that is hard to predict or plan and so I'd say unless one has an intimate partner available, planning such activities with others will very much be a trial and error process.

Meaning that I have decided to stay with fantasy and imagining as my main outlet. It has worked quite well for me for many years. I can imagine and fantasize about all manner of things I would never do in a real play situation.

Is the fantasy of play better than the reality of how it turns out to be?

For many people it is.

For many people it is.

I used to date or be married to switch women who shared my kinks, often several at once. Fantasy can be delightful as well as extremely arousing, but when we actually had mutual kink play with sex, it was always even better than I imagined it. Just as a quick example my ex dressed me in sneakers and complete latex including hood and gloves, tied me and gave me large enemas before making me do various submissive tasks for her and to her before we each wound up with a terrific orgasm. It was spectacular in reality, so we kept repeating it.

Eric

I used to write erotica. It was driven by an unfulfilling sex life. It was my outlet, I enjoyed it. I even wrote a few with my now husband when we were first dating. I have no desire to write it anymore. I get started and then just stop because I go and act it out with him. For me the reality is now better.

It's often the case with me. I intentionally schedule play dates a week or more in advance so I can play it over and over in my mind.

I used to write erotica. It was driven by an unfulfilling sex life. It was my outlet, I enjoyed it. I even wrote a few with my now husband when we were first dating. I have no desire to write it anymore. I get started and then just stop because I go and act it out with him. For me the reality is now better.

^^^This^^^ For me, the ideal is to match need/desire with reality. i am disappointed by role play and would rather go without than pretend... and often do. So i look for the Yang to my yin, where there is opposite need and desire and each persons need nurtures the others desire. If the other person deeply desires 3 out of 5 of the things i deeply desire, then i'd rather forego the other 2 items and just work with the 3 where we are both deeply needing and invested.

I've had a few play exams with various docs. Some have been mind-blowing. Some less than fulfilling. But even those are still more exciting than a vanilla sex life.

So I think of play exams like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. ?

The fantasy can be perfect. Reality can sometimes not be. Nozzles come out, hoses break, partners actually become jealous, or any number of other realities that can ruin a fantasy.

Yes, very much so, what I fantasize happening never takes place the way I envision. I would need to find a mirror-image of myself to achieve all I want in my fantasies.

I've never been sexually active (severe disability). But I can imagine nothing but disappointment. My fantasy mind is extremely active, and all the time , the girls in them have perfect abs and legs and a pretty face. No weight issues, etc. And always very open to my fetishes. I feel like I've set myself up for disappointment, tbh.

I have a very active fantasy engine and use it a lot to help me generate orgasms at the age of 67 with bad ED. At various times I'll usually incorporate all of my 4-5 major kinks and fetishes, sometimes all at once, and whatever fantasy is almost always stimulating enough to arouse me to have an orgasm. And yes, of course any fantasy can be made perfect either in execution or in my response to a particular fetish, or to incorporate or experience a fetish that's just impractical to do in reality (e.g., being "forced" to have sex wearing wetsuits and sneakers while taking an enema from my Domme GF while in an underwater habitat). And I certainly enjoy any fantasy I generate.

But I've been lucky enough to have not all but a number of my common fantasies in real life with some of my Domme ex-GFs. For example, she dressed me in very snugly tied clean sneakers plus head to toe latex, a gag and rubber gas mask, cuffed me to myself or the bed, and gave me two separate enemas totaling 3-4 quarts. Then after edging me and making me sweat for 1/2-1 hour, I had to do various submissive tasks while dressed in the fetish clothes holding the enema (like getting up and walking around to show off my enema belly, getting her coffee, mild exercises, and finally kissing and fingering her to orgasms followed by vigorous PIV sex). Eventually I'd be allowed my own orgasms. We did that type of scenario a number of times, and I'd love to do it again because it was so satisfying and delightful. In other words, the real version was very, very good even though I could have somehow made the fantasy even more perfect.

I think what does it for me IRL is the actual physical sensations of the sneakers, the rubber suit and clothes, the gag and gas mask, the restraints, the enemas, etc., as well as the real domination I had from her which were all very real so I could feel them not just imagine them in a fantasy. For example the real smell of the rubber, tightness of the sneakers and rubber suit and hood, insertion and inflation pressure, fullness, distention, and finally both her and my orgasms all physically felt on or in my body.

Fantasies can be even more perfect in execution or scope, but to me, real physical and psychological sensations are better and more memorable in real life than any fantasy.

Eric

The reality of my fantasies never work out as planned whether it is a fantasy involving me as the recipient of a fantasized activity or that of me interacting with my partner. The fantasy always seems to be perfect or at least perfected as I play it through in my mind. In the practical reality, there is something that doesn't go as planned which can include the room temperature not being ideal, not enough lube, toy batteries drain prematurely, legs cramp up, or any myriad of other issues that may crop up. I do remain undaunted in my hopes of living out the perfect fantasy experience and each real life experience seems to be so much the better each time.