Is it important to know "why" a person likes to receive spankings and canings?

It seems to me that at the beginniing of almost any BDSM relationship people often spend a great deal of time and effort in an attempt to explain "why" certain acts turn them on. While there is nothing wrong with this, it does seem to me somewhat of a waste of time. Much of the time this seems like an exercise in futility, because it often makes me react by thinking "So what". So as a child Aunt Millie used to take you across her lap, pull your pants down, and spank your little butt. As she did so your genitals would rub across her warm thighs and it turned you on. Now you are an adult and Aunt Millie passed away ten years ago. You spent a lot of time figuring out why spanking appealed to you. Now what are you going to do with that information that is helpful, supportive, or therapeutic for you?

Please don't misunderstand me. You may find the exercise meaningful, and it may give you some other insights as a result, and I certainly support that. But might you not be better spending that time actually doing the things that give you and your partner(s) pleasure and fulfillment?

I think a lot of people feel a need to discover why so they don’t feel like they are weird or damaged. Especially before they find a likeminded community! Doubly so if they’ve been told, wrongly, that anyone into BDSM was abused as a child. It also helps to know where those memories come from so you can make scenes that really tap into those feelings well! You’re right that’s though, it doesn’t really matter why you’re kinky, if you can just enjoy being kinky with people who can enjoy it with you!

I think a lot of people feel a need to discover why so they don’t feel like they are weird or damaged.

I think that may be the primary reason. If you're engaging in some fetish or activity that the general public views as "weird", "perverted", "sick", etc., you want to find some rational reason why you're engaging in it. Just so that you feel a little better about yourself. I think that applies to any kind of fetish or activity.

What is it with today? Is everyone on here a genius? So very many good and thoughtful posts...

I confess I am one of those people who do this. For me it is VERY important, as I am confused myself by all of this, So often I am trying to sort out my own feelings and emotions. There is also a deep-seated fear that I will seem weird. So I do not feel comfortable without going through some of how I got to be here. I think you must be very accepting of yourself and your interests. I envy you that.

I feel so uneasy with my kinks, that I guess I do tend to explain myself too much.

SorePants, thanks for your thoughtful response. I am in no way judgemental of your struggle - we've all been there! The point I am trying to make is that we all need to find the level at which we are comfortable. "To thine own self, be true."

And Peachfuzz, I appreciate your last sentence greatly. You've nailed it!

Sometimes a spanking is just a spanking;.

To me "why" is not that important

But I am the dominant part when it comes to BDSM

And I want my slave to be clear about his likes and dislikes and so on

So maybe to him it is helpful to know "why"

I am just a dominant lady not a therapist but if I get the impression that a slave is better off with psychological help I won't play with him

Now what are you going to do with that information that is helpful, supportive, or therapeutic for you?

Self-knowledge is a boon unto itself. It gives you more information about who and what you are so that, in the future, you can make better informed and reasoned choices. It is also a buffer against feeling weird or ashamed about yourself. There will always be judgemental people, especially when it comes to sexual practices. Knowing yourself better helps make you more sure of yourself.

Sometimes a spanking is just a spanking;.

If only things were so simple.

If a spanking were only a spanking, then why do some like it so much and others recoil in horror and disgust and want nothing to do with it?

It takes time for one to feel comfortable with their partner. It took me many years before I told my husband that I like to be spanked. In the past, my husband would ask me if I liked spanking and I would say hell no but in secret I craved to be spank. I did not want to say yes because I feared that he might thInk that I am weird. I was sacred that I would ridiculed for liking to be spanked. I tried to figured why I liked to be spanked. My husband took the time to help me get comfortable with myself and my desires. Many guys are in a hurry to spank a girl's bottom and / or shove a nozzle up our ass rather take the time to help us feel comfortable with our secret desires.

I disagree with not having the communication be tween the dominant and submissive. This makes the submissive be more comfortable discussing limits, and if he or she wants to. Be pushed beyond their limits just a bit. Sometimes I will tell my dominant, push me please a bit and he understands. I will repeat again, BDSM met can be painful, but enjoyable with encouragement and sensous touching. It does not have to be cruel and intimidating

Yep - I agree with TOSHE63 - the communication of the context, historical experience and motivations of both partners in a new spanking relationship is important. It's not only key to setting the stage of expectations and limits, but I tremendously enjoy providing that narrative to new connections as well as reading their own spanking biographies. It's both useful and very stimulating, building anticipation and enjoyment on both sides of the connection.

I have to agree with @toshe63 and @rufus-tee that communication is key to having a positive outcome for both. The dominant needs to get inside the head of the submissive to not only see things from there side but helps the dominant plan on how is going to do it for the mutual benefit of both. There has to be a balance of needs for both involved so it is not one sided. There are many elements and levels of thought that goes on between two people and the more you know, the better prepared when things might go wrong to be able to make for a positive experience. Some may wonder what a dominant gets out of it, it can be complex considering the responsibility involved. Maybe a good question to ask a dominant is why does he do it and what type of person is s/he is? And asking a submissive why they want xyz done to them and find where that came from as usually there is a history and evolution to desires.

When I was pretty sure my GF would not leave me due to my need and want spankings, I brought home a paddle to spank me. She instantly found it made me HARD and her WET! We were VERY soon married! 48 years of me being spanked for foreplay & Punishment, even severe ones😃!

I have decided long ago that I will accept that I love being spanked in the same way that I accepted many other things that I love such as white chocolate, techno music, stormy weather, fashion, ink on my skin.

I don’t spend hours breaking my head analyzing why I love other things. Should my love for spanking be seen any different? I don’t think so.

My view is that in terms of spanking, sex, fetish - knowing what I like and what I don’t like and what my non negotiable limits are are far more important than to know why I like it.

I got into the spanking part somewhat by accident. The lady that took me under her wing as the 'enema Rookie" used to get spanked by her mom when she wouldn't take her enema. I brought a paddle with her permission the next time we met and heating her bottom while giving her an enema was a very hot scenario for her and added something to my list that I enjoy sometimes. Some people can take more than others so work it out beforehand and stay safe!