How much does your safety call person know about what you are up to?

So you're anticipating being tied up or some kind of bondage play with someone you don't know very well, and you have that number to call "just in case" or to give the heads up whether okay or not okay. And in many cases you even let your dom know up front you're going to make this call, or receiving a call, checking up on you.

My question is: How much have you let that friend or family member know about what you're up to? How much detail are they aware of, in terms of what might be potentially involved ?

My follow up question which i might start another topic on, after getting that call out of the way, did any unexpected surprises come after? Like as soon as you hung up, did unexpected people show up and things then went sour ? Like you made you phone call, you'e cool....you think...you proceed to get tied up. Then there's a "knock" on the door, and one or more folks suddenly come & "join the party."

I have two , safety call people . One altho my best friend , she does not know any details (yet) of my kink , but she knows where I am and I have check in times with her, she will also randomly send a " all good?" message too . The other is someone I am very close to from Zity , he knows where I am, and well being from zity he has a pretty good idea of what I may be doing or having done to me . Lol

Before meeting I have chatted with the person , not just kink but many other topics as well and gotten to know him on a personal level. I really rely on my gut instinct and listen to my intuition. If it doesnt feel right even in the tiniest way , dont do it .

I may not be fully aware of what is going to take place,but we have previously talked about what I may or may not like , what is strictly off the table , what is a maybe . I trust him that he knows me enough to push my limits but still respects my boundaries.

As far as being put in a situation like him having others come in without my prior consent or agreement I know if we never previously discussed that happening he would never do it .

While being nervous and anxious may be part of the allure in a kink situation I would never want to feel truly frightened for my life , and I would not be with a person that did not feel the same as I do .

Mutual trust is a big part of any relationship.

Never having done any kind of bondage play, I have to ask: Would it be better for someone like me to see a professional dom the very first time? My assumption is that might be safer since they're not about to do something that would end up costing them customers and money. It just seems to me that it might be safer to go that route if I wanted to try it out for the first time.

Thoughts?

Would it be better for someone like me to see a professional dom the very first time?

@JimmyJohnson Well... it would be safer in the sense that you want to bring your car into the dealer instead of trusting 'Fixer Joe' down the street who says he can fix ANY car! A professional should be vetted, public and known in the community, which should make them trustworthy.

You have to decide if you want to pay for that, not so much the money, but that they are there strictly because of the money, and aren't interested in you. Personally I could never pay for any sexual interaction, as it would lose all excitement for me. But many people enjoy the companionship and helpfulness of a professional escort or Domme, and they can get exactly what they would like. Submitting is certainly more difficult to do with strangers as the dangers are absolutely real, and trust must be HIGH.

Only you can really judge your best course of action. If trying to find a real person to establish a relationship isn't working, maybe using a professional is worth it.

A professional should be vetted, public and known in the community, which should make them trustworthy.

That was what I was thinking as well. It seems that part of the problem with finding someone to play with is trust. You need to develop enough of a relationship that you trust them with your body (and perhaps your life). And they also have to trust you. That takes a lot of time and effort, and in the end is probably worth it. But on the other hand, while a professional will cost money, you might be able to give it a try without investing a lot of time and effort. Just to see if it's something that you'd actually like. Once that's done, then you could try to build a relationship with someone and find a person that you trust enough to play with.

Never having done any kind of bondage play, I have to ask: Would it be better for someone like me to see a professional dom the very first time?

Absolutely. There are ratings sites for Dommes/Doms (as well as other 'professionals'), and a quick google and filtered search on them will tell you everything you need to know. The few I've seen have been professional, well-equipped, fastidiously clean, and thoroughly safety minded, starting with establishing safety words so they know when you really want them to stop/slow down/keep going etc. The fact that they were professionals certainly contributed to the experience - they knew what they were doing as experts. You get what you pa--- you know what I mean.

I never had a safety call person as I was concerned anyone who found or figured it out in my little circle of friends would have spilled the beans and my job, relationships with my vanilla girlfriend and family, and outwardly normal lifestyle would be in peril. Not worth that kind of trouble. Technically I rolled the bones, but it was low risk because I'd done my homework on these people and concluded they were a safe bet. I thoroughly enjoyed myself in each case and while I've moved on from this kink, it was a great experience.

And they also have to trust you. That takes a lot of time and effort, and in the end is probably worth it.

@JimmyJohnson While developing trust that goes both ways is absolutely essential, it doesn't mean that it takes months or years. Trust in and 'liking' someone can actually happen fairly quickly with IM or texting conversation. Be real, be truthful, be honest and forthcoming. If you are hiding anything (a wife, girlfriend, kids, your appearance, living situation, job... ) it WILL get noticed by your potential partner. They will sense that you are hesitant to talk or disclose something and big RED FLAGS appear, which generally kills any potential.

It's much better to be truthful about anything, even at the risk of losing their interest (like in the case of married folks), than to try to put one over on someone and hide the truth.

For trying out playing sub to a Domme, using a professional might work out best, since you are not sure you want a full relationship like that. Have a no-sex meet first if possible, and trust your gut instinct.

Thanks for all of your comments and suggestions.

Being in a position where I'm a sub has some appeal to me, but there's a lot to think about.

Last year I was trying to organize some nice clean sexy fun via Craigslist. Even just going for coffee and 'The serial killer check' with a guy, Jenny gave me a safety call. I would simply say, 'Things are great' and she knew I was okay. The safe words 'We should get together' meant come now. I never had to use them. So, my safety call person is also my lover, and she knows everything that goes on, AND that I'll always come home.

Since joining my swing club I don't worry as much about creeps. It's a community atmosphere, the BDSM room is adjoining the bar, and there's a bouncer nearby just in case.

Actually, I was the safety call for a friend and had to go rescue her from a scene gone badly. I had not been alerted that she was being played that particular day and when her call came in, it was garbled and hard to understand. I recognized her number and listened carefully as she kept repeating the address and room number and begging for help.

When I arrived, her car was parked outside and the door was left unlocked...I found her naked and tied on the bed with a gag and her cell phone next to her . Her makeup was a mess and she had been crying softly when I entered. I worked as quickly as possible to untie her and calm her down. Seems her Dom had decided to play her and then leave her alone in the room. She had waited for over an hour and decided that he wasn't coming back for her. She was quite shaken and couldn't focus for several hours. This is the type of scene every submissive woman dreads...the kind that gives bdsm a bad rap.

My main safety call person is also kinky, just more of the leather and chains variety than the zity type. They know what I'm up to. That just seems easier than having to explain things in the middle of a situation if things went south.

On the occasions that my safety call person has been somebody that doesn't need that much info, such as my mom, I just say I'm on a blind date.

Basically i feel all that they need to know is that your meeting someone knew .., and you'll be in contact throughout the night to make sure things go well...!!

In the employees lounge there is a big screen tv.. in the evening a lot of "Ion'''TV" that kinky somebody likes to slash, torture and kill young , foxy females show is on .............................

Your friend is lucky... this shit is real!!

'Ain't into that crap but some pervs are trollin'

Remember Col. Jeff Cooper's 4 levels of vigilance!!

WHITE... you are asleep

YELLOW ,,,you are awake and know what is going on around you!!

"ORANGE!!".. Something is going on.. not time to pull your piece .. but stand by when the hammer goes down...... "ALL BET'S ARE OFF!!!!"

"RED!!!!" the shit has hit the fan..."ALL BET'S are now OFF!!!!!". reload and empty your magazine and re-load!!

War is HELL but we are in one!!

highwater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS "Audentes, Fortuna, Ivat!!!"