When I was nineteen I had some bad pain in my lower abdomen. My Mom thought they were just cramps but soon I was in terrible pain and running a fever. She whisked me to the doctors and the ordeal got worse. The doctor was her doctor. Since I was older I had no physician of my own and I had grown out of my pediatrician. I sat in the waiting room with my hands over my lower belly and slightly bent over.

"Anne...Anne Myers?" The nurse called and my Mom and I stood up. Now let me tell you that my relationship with my Mother wasn't all that great. She didn't like my boyfriend and even some of my friends. But she was always there for me. The nurse took my height and weight and then led me into the exam room where she made me dress into a gown and give her a urine sample. She then took my vitals and I laid on the table curled up in a fetal position waiting for the doctor.

"God, how much longer ?" I asked my Mom moaning in pain.

"They’re busy dear...they had to squeeze you in."

When the doctor arrived he sat down and asked me allot of questions about my pain, periods, sexual activity. I answered them all and felt embarrassed to talk to him with my Mom in the room.

"Ok, can you show me where the pain is." He said standing over me to my side. I rolled over on my back and pointed to the spot that hurt the most. He felt around that area on my lower right side and I grimaced.

"Is there anyway you could be pregnant?" He asked me and I shook my head already telling him what type of birth control I had used.

"Well let me get my nurse and we’ll have a look." He said walking out the door.

The nurse came back in and she handed me a sheet. to cover myself with.

"Have you ever had a pelvic exam before?"

I just shook my head and looked at my Mom with fright. She came over and took my hand. I had tears in my eyes as the nurse made me lay back and she helped me put my feet into the stirrups. She made me scoot down to the bottom of the table so that my butt hung off the end. She did this by looking under the sheet at me. I felt so exposed and wide open even with the sheet tented across my knees. I laid there as she went around the room clanking things around. I kept one hand on my belly and squeezed my Moms hand with the other. I tried to look from side to side to see what the nurse was doing.

Just then the door opened and the doctor came back in. He talked to the nurse as he came up to the bottom of the table. The nurse told him that my urine was negative for pregnancy. As he lifted the sheet so that I was now exposed to just him. I looked up with my head and made a small squeaking sound with my throat.

"Ok Anne...I'm just going to feel your uterus and ovaries." He said as he put on some gloves and the nurse squirted something onto his fingers.

"Just relax now....that's good." He said as I felt his cold fingers on my lips and he slowly pushed them into me. I could feel the cold jelly as his fingers entered into me deep. He pushed his fingers up on my left side and with his other hand pushed on my lower abdomen sometimes pushing and pulling down toward him. When his finger went to the right in me, I cried in pain. He tried to soothe me as he examined my very tender area.

"All right...that was pretty sore was it?" I sniffled as I nodded my head. I was hoping the whole thing was over. But the doctor talked softly to the nurse and sat down between my legs as he talked.

"I'm going to insert a speculum now...so that I can see your uterus." I felt something cold and wide on my jellied lips and it slipped in. I took a big gulping breath thinking that it was going to be painful, but it wasn't. I felt the thing widen then the doctor moved it this way and that. I kept taking in little gulps as this was happening.

"Ok good." He said as the thing closed and was removed from me.

"I'm going to check your rectum now." He said and before I could figure out what he was going to do he had slipped his finger deep into my anus.

"Oh...oh....god." I cried as I had never felt anything like that before. It made me feel as if I had to have a BM real bad. His finger came out and the feeling subsided.

"Ok Anne...we’re all done...you can scoot back."

When I was curled up on the table again he sat down and spoke to us.

"Well there is something wrong. I can feel a small mass on her right side, but she's so guarded that it's real hard to tell how big. You’re sure your not pregnant?"

"Pretty sure." I said thinking about when the last time I had engaged in sex and had my period.

"Well I would like to take a blood test just to make sure...sometimes urine test don't pick up ectopic pregnancies. I would also like her to see Dr. Scott. He's one of our best gyn surgeons....It would make me feel better if he saw her...the fever worries me." He wrote down a few things on a note pad and handed it to my Mom.

"Take that to the front desk. I will call Dr. Scott right now and see if he can't get her in....He's just down the hall."

From the exam room I was taken to a lab where I had to sit in a chair and get my blood drawn. I was exhausted as we waited in the waiting room for the nurse to come out and let us know if I could see Dr. Scott. After a half hour of waiting the nurse came out.

"Doctor Scott will take her in right now...take these papers to him...he's right down the hall on the left."

I walked down the hall half bent over with pain. We didn't have to wait long before I was called in. My eyes widened as I was led into the exam room. The stirrups on the table were different. They were big plastic things that jetted out from the tables end.

"I know that she just had her vitals taken but I would like to do them again. The nurse did the usual vitals then told me that she wanted to get a rectal temp.“

"Oh why...what for?" I pouted.

"Dr. Scott wants rectal temps on any patient that is running a fever...now you can lay on your left side if you wish or on your tummy."

I moved onto my side. I didn't think I could lay on my tummy with the pain. I would look behind me to see the nurse gather some stuff and bring it to my backside. She put on gloves and I turned away.

"Oh god." I said as she lifted my butt cheek and inserted the thermometer into me. The feeling was funny and my anus didn't seem to like it and tried to push it out. The nurse had hold of it so that it wouldn't dislodge.

I laid there quietly not wanting to move and hurt myself with that thing in me. After a long while the nurse pulled out the thermometer and told me that I could sit up. I just rolled over onto my other side. I had no sheet and I would get chills.

"I'm so cold."

"That's due to the fever honey." She said as she wrote in my chart. She left out the door and returned with a blanket. She covered me and I thanked her.

"The doctor will be in shortly."

"Mom...they aren't going to put me in those things are they?" Nodding to the stirrups.

"More than likely Hon." She said as she came over and held my hand.

"I'm scared...and I hurt...why can't they take away the pain ?" I cried.

She just patted my hand as I laid there and calmed down. The doctor came in and I blushed as I thought he was to young to be a doctor. He was tall and handsome and he sat down on a stool and came to my side to talk to me. He asked me almost all the same questions the other doctor had. When he was done he said that he would get his nurse to help with the exam.

A large lump formed in my throat as I knew he would have to see me and touch me. I was scared of the exam and the pain it may cause. They both came back in. I was crying as the nurse and my Mom helped to get my legs into the stirrups. These supported my legs at the knees and I felt even more exposed than before. No sheet this time and the blanket was bunched up on my belly. The cool air made me shiver as the doctor stood between my spread legs.

"Ok Anne...I need to feel your ovaries ...just try and relax as much as possible." I could see him look down at me and then up at my face as his fingers slid into me. He did the same as the other doctor starting on the left When he pushed on the right I cried and tried to bend over. Pain shot through me and he released his pushing.

"I'm sorry dear." He said and his hand left my abdomen but his fingers still probed inside me. I grunted, and winced as his fingers pushed up onto that side. Tears rolled down my eyes as he continued to feel. I let out a breath as his fingers left me. He snapped off his gloves and talked to the nurse.

"That blood work done yet…do you know?"

"It's not here doctor."

"Well put a STAT on it for me will ya... Anne, you can lay back and relax." He said and my Mom helped me out of the stirrups and I laid curled on my side.

The doctor came over and sat down again looking from my Mom and me. His eyes then fell upon me. " There's two possible problems here...and until we get the results from the lab I won't know about one of them....but this is it....There's a mass on your right ovary..or tube...hard to tell...now it can be a etopic pregnancy or it could be a huge cyst...I'm counting on the later. Either way...I want to admit you to the hospital and have a test run called and Ultrasound. It's noninvasive. Either way..I think you will need a small surgery and we will be able to control your pain. "

"What type of surgery doctor?" My Mom asked.

"Well I think we can get away with a laproscopy...a small incision is made into the belly button and I insert a tube that I can look through. If it's a cyst then I should be able to scrape it off...If it's something else like an ectopic pregnancy then the ovary and tube my need to be removed....let's not hope for that." He said.

Just then the nurse came in. "I have ordered something for pain...I also want you to be started on IV antibiotics." The nurse explained that she was going to give me a shot. She lifted the blanket and my gown and wiped my bottom. She then plunged the needle into me and emptied the medication.

"Just wait here until I can call over with my admitting orders." He said and both he and the nurse left. I could see my Moms worried face and she sat next to me. The medication started to work and I was feeling light headed but better. Mom Helped me to get dressed and we waited.

"I'm scared...Have I ever been in a hospital?"

"Sure you have....when you were born."

We both laughed. The rest of the day was fuzzy. I was placed in a semi private room and now had an IV stuck in my arm. The blood test came back negative and so the doctor was sure it was a cyst. The pain would come and go as the medication wore off.

"Anne...I need for you not to use the restroom...your bladder needs to be full for the ultrasound do you think you can do that?" She asked and I nodded.

With the IV going, my bladder filled up quick and I was soon in great pain. I couldn't help but to go to the restroom. My Mom was very upset with me and I cried as I told her it hurt to much to hold it. She told the nurse which in turn told the doctor.

The nurse came in with some more pain medication and a plastic covered box. She gave me the medicine in my IV and then talked to me.

"Anne...the doctor wants me to insert a small tube into your bladder. This will help the bladder to fill and hold."

"Will it hurt ?" I whined with teary eyes.

"It might be a little uncomfortable ...but when the test is done I can take it out." My Mom left the room as the nurse closed the curtains around me. She then made me bend my knees way up with the soles of my feet together. She explained what she was doing.

"I'm going to part you now so I can see the opening of the urethra."

Her fingers parted me wide open and it stung a little as she had to hold my lips back. "Now I'm going to clean the opening with some butadiene...it may be cold." She swiped down me with some big Q-tip looking things. I then started to cry as she dipped the end of the tube in some jelly and brought it to my bottom.

"Deep breath now...come on deep breath."

I couldn't take a deep breath with my sobs and she inserted the tube into me.

"Ohhhheee....owee it stings." I cried as I felt the tube make it's way up my pee hole.

"I know...I know...there it's in...just relax."

She took a syringe and filled a balloon that was now logged inside of me. I complained to her that I felt as if I had to go pee.

"Just some discomfort from the tube is all...now just try and relax...let the pain medicine work."

She covered me back up and left. Tears rolled down my eyes as I laid there. I was soon dozing in that medicated sleep. As my bladder filled I got more and more uncomfortable, even with the extra pain medicine that made me very hazy.

A man pushed a gurney into my room and helped me onto it. That's when I noticed that my Father was there.

"Oh Daddy...I'm scared.” I said. Him and I were closer than my Mom and I. He bent down and kissed my forehead and I was taken down to x-ray. There the lady put some jelly on my abdomen and took some pictures. I was even more uncomfortable when I got back to my room. My bladder felt like it was going to explode.

"Mom, the nurse said she would take this out when I was done...where is she?" I cried. I wanted that thing out of me right now. After a few minutes she came in and closed the curtains around me. She emptied my bladder through the tube before taking it out.

"Oh thank god." I said as the tube came out of me. After that I slept for a long while. On pain medicine sleep is different. I had strange dreams and would jerk awake every so often. The doctor came in that evening and talked to us.

"She has a cyst and it's about the size of a large quarter. It seems that it is right at the flanges of the tube...and I can't tell if it affects the ovary or not. I won't know until I get in there....The problem is with something this big there maybe some scare tissue...if there's to much scare tissue the tube will have a greater chance of ectopic pregnancy in the future...the tube and ovary may have to be taken out if that's the case...but like I said I won't know until I'm in there, and that would be the worst case scenario....Anne you'll have to go through some prep tonight. I'm just going to figure on a laprascopy but there my be a chance that I have to make a small incision on your right side."

"Will it leave a big scar ?" I asked.

"No just a real small line if that's what I have to do....Do any of you have any questions?....no...well I will have the anesthesiologist come in and talk with you...see you tomorrow bright and early."

My Father left for home but my Mom stayed. The nurse came in and told me she was going to start my prep. She gave me more pain med then left returning with some blue pads, towels, a basin and some other stuff.

"Anne first of all I'm going to shave your pubic area." I looked wide eyed at her then to my Mom.

Mom took my hand and nodded at me. The nurse asked for her to leave and I said I wanted her to stay. After she went into the bathroom and brought back a full basin. She had me lift my bottom up so she could place one of the blue pads and some towels under my bottom. I started to cry as she made me spread my legs open like she had done to put the tube in me. She shaved the hair between my spread legs and I held my Mom's hand and cried.

The nurse cleaned up and told me she would be back to give me my enemas. When she was gone I talked to my Mom. I knew what enemas were but never had one.

“Mom...you ever have a enema?"

"Ya...I had two or three...when I had you."

"Do they hurt?"

"I can't remember...I know it was hard taking the enema because I was pregnant with you...but I don't remember it hurting."

I laid there in that medicated haze as I heard the nurse working in the bathroom. When she came out she rolled with her another IV pole with a clear bag hanging from it. There was clear plastic tubing coiled around it.

"OK Anne...the doctor wants me to give you a few retention enemas...I will be using this special nozzle to do that with. This may take some time and be uncomfortable due to your pain....Is the medication I gave you working?"

I nodded as I looked at the full bag hanging with milky white fluid. She raised the bed so that I was at her waist level.

"Ok now I want you to roll onto your left side to face your Mom...good."

I rolled over and took hold of the rail that was there. My Moms face was close to mine and she caressed my hair.

"Now bring both knees up to your chest for me and hold them there."

I did as she said and I felt the covers being pulled away. Then the gown was pulled up so that my bottom was exposed. I could hear the nurse opening packages and then snap on some gloves.

"Anne, I'm going to lube you real well with just my finger...the inflatable nozzle nozzle it some what large."

"Uggghhhh…" I moaned as she inserted her finger. My mom brought her head closer and talked to me.

"Just take some deep breaths baby...come on now…"

I moaned some more and started to cry as the nurse stretched me down there. My anus had been violated so many times already today. thermometers, suppositories for my fever and now this.

"The nozzle now....I want you to bear down for me real hard...good girl."

"OWEEEEE." I cried and tried to straighten my legs as the thing entered me and then my bottom closed round it.

"I know...that's the hard part....your going to feel some fullness down here now."

I heard some hissing and I started to groan. “Mommy....oh god...I feel like I got to go....ohhhh."

"That's just the balloon sweetie...that's so you can hold the solution...it will help, you'll see."

There was some more hissing and I felt a great pressure inside me like I was being tugged both ways. I could feel something grow big between my cheeks.

"Mom...Ohhhhh Mommy I don't like it....ohhhh…" I continued to say as she tried to make me deep breath. I could smell her perfume and her sweet breath as she cradled my head and talked to me close.

"Anne I'm going to start the enema now...you let me know when you get a cramp or feel any discomfort and I will stop the flow." I was taking in short breaths and letting them out with a loud "Tuug…" The water started to flow and I felt even more full right away.

"UGGGHHHHH." I said as I straightened my body out and tried to roll onto my back.

"No...no Anne...come on roll back over." She and my Mom got me back into the fetal position and my mother caressed my back as the water flowed into me. She held my hips tight to the bed to keep me from moving them. I cried through the whole thing and had to ask her to stop a few times.

"STOP....oh god STOP…" I yelled as the pain grew in my tummy along with a cramp.

"I can't take anymore...oh I can't." I would cry as the nurse wanted to start the flow again.

"Try and massage your belly Anne...you know where it hurts...just rub your belly like your kneading bread."

I had never kneaded bread in my life and I moaned as I rubbed my belly and she started the flow. After all the enema was in she made me hold it for a long time. I continued to cry and complain.

"Ok Anne...I'm going to release the enema now...this will help relieve the pressure."

The pressure subsided as the water drained out of me. I could hear the nurse running more water in the bathroom.

"Mom I don't like this....please have her take that thing out of me." I cried. When all the fluid had drained out of me. The nurse made me get on the bed with my bottom in the air. I could feel the thing hanging from me. She filled me again and my Mom rubbed my back and encouraged me as I rubbed my belly and complained.

"Come on baby...just a little more to go." Mom would say as she put her face to mine.

"I can't ...it hurts." But I did, the nurse made sure I took every drop and then she made me hold it. When the wait was over I laid down on my left side and she drained the water out of me. She gave me three more enemas and I was so tired and hurting when It was done all I wanted was that thing out of my butt. After she took it out she sat down and tried to explain what was going to happen to me the next day.

"The nurse will come in early and give you a shot. This will make you really drowsy...after the surgery you will be in recovery. They will make sure that your stable before they bring you back. You will have a Kotex belt and pad on because you may have some bleeding and a Foley catheter in to drain your bladder."

"But why?" I asked with tears in my eyes.

"That's to make sure that your bladder drains, allot of women find it hard to urinate after this type of surgery...we will be checking you often and you will be medicated for pain through your IV...Now I will be in soon to take your vitals again."

I just groaned as she said this. That means she was going to put the thermometer in my butt. If I had a fever she would give me the medicine up there too. I could tell that I was running a fever, I could tell by the way I felt. When I was all situated my Mom left saying that she would be in early. I dozed in and out all night watching TV through my drug induced haze. The pain med kept the pain down but I felt woozy and sort of nauseous, and when I complained they stuck more suppositories in my bottom to take away the nausea.

Before light the nurse woke me to tell me she was going to give me the pre-op shot. My Mom was there looking very concerned. Soon my mouth was real dry and they wouldn't give me any water. Then they rolled in a gurney and I was taken down to surgery. I was scared as they got me onto the table with all the lights and the big metal stirrups. I was put to sleep before they had placed my legs in them.

I was uncomfortable for a few days after that. I hated the tube in my bladder and was grateful when it was out and I could go pee on my own. I fully recovered with some scaring at my belly button. The doctor said that I was lucky that there wasn't more scaring around the cyst. I was glad to be pain free and I hope I never have to go through that again. It was very humiliating and embarrassing.