One lazy wet and windy Saturday afternoon, after breezing through an Alternative Medicine magazine the day soon cleared, not outside, but my body warmed with the article, which read.

Alternative Medicine Medical Examination to get to the root of the winter blues Prepare your body for the coming warmer months with a complete medical exam to clear up the winter nastiness and warm your body. Strictly confidential and professional. Excitedly, I called that Monday morning to book an appointment time, thankfully I could be seen and soon as the next day. That day I wondered how thorough this exam would be after they told me to clear the day of all appointments and arrive to the clinic by 9:00am.

The next morning I woke and showered. I made my way down town to the clinic. I was a little early as I made my way up to the entrance. The building was modern and somewhat clinical, similar to other medical or dental buildings. Upon entering a nurse in O.R scrubs handed me a clipboard and asked me to complete the medical questionnaire and then return it to her at the reception desk. After what felt like 25 minutes of ticking boxes and answering questions about every part of my body I handed the clipboard back to the nurse. She then placed an identification tag around my wrist and told me to take a seat and someone would be with me in due course.

Flicking through some old editions of the magazine in which the article was placed, a man, also dressed in O.R scrubs came down the hall and asked me to follow him to an exam room. This was a typical doctor's surgery room with a large desk and small examination table against the wall. He motioned me to take a seat at the desk as he went to the other side and also took a seat. He read through my questionnaire asking me questions about past problems, vaccination record and other tests, which should be performed periodically.

He then stood up and asked me to sit on the paper covered table for the first of the examination procedure, preliminary testing as he called it. It was the basic ears, nose, throat, reflexes and glands. Height and weight were recorded and then temp taken, orally. With these tests he filled in the blank portions on the final page of the questionnaire. He then had me sit back down and he collected sheets of paper from a file and collated them in a folder. He handed me the folder and instructed me to follow him to my patient room.

Down the hall we passed rooms with slight frosted glass panels, with this I knew they were exam rooms, and soon I knew I would be in them my self. We rounded a corner and entered a small room with a hospital grade bed, a bedside metal table and an adjoining suite. He told me to use the bathroom and behind the door I would find a gown. He told me to change into the gown, ties at the back and place my belongings in the cupboard and lay and rest on my bed and someone will be in shortly to take me to the next exam.

I went into the bathroom, changed from my jeans and jumper, placed them in a cupboard. I still had my bra and briefs on, he didn't tell me to remove them, and I placed the gown on and wondered back to the bed. After about 5 mins of waiting, a young orderly came in pushing a wheel chair, he also was dressed in blue O.R scrubs. I was seated in the wheel chair and he wheeled me down the corridor past a couple of doors then he pushed forward the door of one exam room and wheeled me in. Here was a phlebotomy chair with a table set up next to it with tubes and syringes of assorted colour. I got up out of the wheel chair and took a seat in the phlebotomy chair. He told me he would be collecting a series of bloods for testing and would then place an I.V. into the back of my hand for ease of inserting medications at a later stage. He then instructed me to place my arm outstretched on the wide armrest. He then placed a tourniquet around my upper arm and felt for a suitable vein to draw blood. He then released the tourniquet and prepared the tubes and needle. Then with the snap of latex gloves the tourniquet has again tightened and the smell of alcohol before a prick of a needle. Several tubes were taken then the needle was removed. He then placed a cotton pad and a strip of tape over the venipuncture sight. He then placed the tubes in a bag and sat them aside.

Next he unwrapped a paper package which contained the I.V. line and then started rubbing the back of my hand with alcohol again. The tourniquet was placed around my forearm and tightened. With a slight sting the long needle was deep in my vein then taped into place. His gloves removed and with this I knew it was over. I was placed back in the wheelchair and wheeled to my next exam. Back down the hallway and through a door which said "Maxilofacial Examination Room" I was a little taken back with this as I didn't quite know what this meant. Upon entering I saw a dental chair set up in the middle of the room, the room was equipped exactly like any dental surgery. There was a strong looking man dressed in a white dentist's smock and a young girl sat to his side. "Take a seat on here please" the man requested. I stood up from the wheelchair and stepped towards the chair. At that stage I started to become a little worried as I hated visiting the dentist and at times neglected to visit on a yearly basis. Soon a paper towel was placed around my neck and the chair reclined. I then heard the snap of latex gloved twice and looked up to see the dentist's face now obscured by a mask. The light was switched on, shone on to my eyes then onto my mouth. I was told to open wide and an instrument tray wheeled closer to my shoulder. With the rattle of metal instruments two disappeared into my mouth. A lot of scratching and picking was going on then another intruder entered my mouth, this time a plastic vacuum tube from the young girl to my left. A lot of "o.k." and "Hmm" was heard from the back of me and with that, out came the instruments and I was now sitting upright.

The dentist moved to face me and tell me the bad news. I had two cavities, which needed to be filled as soon as possible before they got beyond repair. He told me that his morning was filled up with exams but he left his afternoon free for treatment. I would be back in the afternoon to have the cavities filled. The paper cloth was then removed from my neck and I was back into the wheel chair being pushed toward my room.

After a brief rest and a glass or two of water to rehydrate a women walked into the room pushing a gurney. I moved from my bed onto the gurney and was then pushed back down the hall towards another door. At this stage I was wondering what I had gotten my self into, indeed this was a very thorough exam and I was sure I was far from done with.

Upon this door it read "Women's Health" and I knew I was soon taking the next step in my exam. This room also had an examination table in the middle of the room, but this time it also had stirrups attached and the backrest was sitting at about 60 degrees. At this stage only a female nurse was in the room, her back to me I could see her assembling and placing instruments on a metal tray. The orderly ordered me to take a seat on the side of the table. He soon left the room and a male doctor entered the room, also in O.R. scrubs. He asked if I could turn and lay on the table on my back, he then lowered the back on the table so I could lay flat. He then untied the back ties of my gown and pulled the front down to reveal my breasts and stomach.

First off was the breast examination, I was asked to remove my underwear and lift my arm above my head while he palpitated my breast, feeling for lumps. This was then repeated on the other breast. He then moved down to feel my stomach, pushing hard he told me he was feeling my bowels for impaction. The gown was then pulled back and I was told to move down the table and rest my knees in the stirrups. The back of the table was again raised. I could feel something being placed underneath my bottom, a plastic backed absorbent cloth. The doctor turned to the bench where the nurse had finished collecting equipment and had now placed the tray on a trolley and was placed at the end of the table. A large O.R light was switched on and positioned between my legs. I could feel the slight heat of the light as I saw the doctor turn towards me as he tied his mask behind his head.

Then the snap of latex gloves before his head vanished between my legs. The nurse then left the room. He warned me before he touched me and placed his hand on my thigh before spreading my vagina apart. I could feel his stare has he inspected every inch of of my vagina. He turned to the tray beside him and picked up a long cotton swab and swabbed down the length of my vagina. This swab was placed in a tube containing a gel like substance. He then turned for a tube of K.Y and squirted some on his gloved fingers. He told me he was about to enter his fingers to feel the walls of my vagina for any abnormalities. In shot two fingers and my pelvic muscled constricted around the intruding fingers. He told my to relax and that it would only be uncomfortable for a short time. I could feel him prodding around and he then placed a hand on my pelvis and pushed to feel my ovaries and tubes.

His fingers exited and he turned to pick up a large clear plastic speculum. This was soon lubed also and the duckbill like end sitting at the opening to my vagina. He reassured me that he would be gentle and that only minor discomfort would be felt. I felt the speculum enter the vagina and with a twist of the hand it was in place. I then felt the blades being opened, they were stretching me open and I felt like I would tear until I heard them lock into place. His head turned towards the tray and I saw him pick up a little brush like devise. This then entered the large opening the speculum had made, I then felt a quick cramp as he scraped some of the cells from the cervix. He removed the brush and smeared it on the glass slide. He took a small pen light from his pocket and shone the light to take a visual inspection of the cervix. The speculum was released and taken from my now stretched vagina.

I heard him take off his gloves and place them in the bin beside the table and take another pair from the box resting on the metal tray. Another snap and he had a fresh pair on. He told me he wanted to feel the membrane, which separated the rectum from the vagina, and that he would have to insert a finger or two into my rectum and another in my vagina. With that he again lubed his fingers and I felt them moving around my anus and slowly enter the rectum. Another was entering my vagina. He moved around in both openings and soon released his fingers and removed his gloves. He soon moved the tray table and washed his hands in the sink on the counter.

As he was washing I removed my legs from the stirrups and sat as I waited for my next instructions. In walked the nurse from before and moved to the side of the table pushing a similar trolley. She told me that she was going to connect a fluids bag to the I.V. in my hand as I wasn't able to eat before the rest of the exams. This was started and I was told to put my legs back in the stirrups that the doctor had to do one last thing. I was told I was to have a catheter put in to ease the pressure on the bladder. He placed a green sheet between my legs which had a small section cut out of it. He opened a paper package and donned a sterile pair of gloves. He wiped my urethra with betadine, which felt very cold at first. He opened the paper packet containing the catheter tube and held it in his right hand and slightly pinched my urethra in his left.

The lubed tube slowly entered my urinary tract. It stung but with my high pain threshold I was able to bear the pain. A short sharp stabbing pain hit me and the tube entered my bladder. He then reached for a needle and syringe to inflate the balloon. The tube was taped to the inside of my leg and I was aided to a wheel chair in the corner of the room. The catheter bag hung from the side of the chair and an I.V. fluids bag hung from an I.V. pole at the back of the wheelchair.

After an hour rest back in my room two orderlies came to take me for another exam. By this stage I was truly wondering what else they could be looking for. They had inspected every entrance and exit of my body. I knew I still had to go back to the dental unit to have two teeth filled, and was dreading that later in the afternoon.

I was wheeled down the hall once again this time I entered a room with no sign on the door.

I entered a room, this was a little larger then the other rooms with television monitors and machines around the room. I was lifted onto an operating room table, the I.V. line was hung from a pole and the catheter bag to the side of the table. I had a sheet placed over me and a small pillow under my head. The doctor, another I hadn't seen before was also in O.R. scrubs. This doctor had a pair of glasses on with small magnifying lenses attached. He had a mask tied around his neck and knew too well it would soon be covering his mouth and nose. A nurse came to my side and asked me to turn onto my back so that she could give me a muscle relaxant. She told me she couldn't give it to me through the I.V. because it had to go into the muscle. I lay on my stomach and felt her move the sheet and lift the gown to reveal my bottom. I felt the cold rubbing of alcohol and heard her uncap the syringe. Then the sting as the needle was driven deep into the muscle.

As she pushed on the plunger the drug spread through the muscle and I felt a burning sensation. The needle was pulled and I was again lying on my back. The doctor neared the table and pulled out the stirrups from the end of the table. I was moved to the end of the bed and my legs placed in the stirrups.

The doctor informed me that first he would insert a naso - gastric tube, as I was unable to eat, but that I needed nutrients. The nurse wheeled a trolley to the heard of the table and uncovered the supplies. The familiar snap of the latex gloves and a light shining in my eyes I knew I was to again endure another procedure. He lubed the tube and slowly introduced into one of my nostrils. Slowly I felt it travel down the back of my throat, I was told to open my mouth and I felt a spray of what I was told was a mixture of local anesthetic and sterile saline. I was told to swallow as the tube passed down into the opening of my stomach. It was then taped into place and the cold liquid hit my stomach in an unfamiliar feeling. He then moved to the foot of the table and moved my knees apart to get better access to my genitals and rectum. I was told he was to perform a rectal examination and then a colonoscopy to rule out polyps or any irregularities on the intestine wall. I felt something being placed under my bottom and thought it was a protective pad, not unlike the one used for the pelvic exam.

Then the light was switched on and focused between my legs. He said that he would first thoroughly lubricate my anus and rectum before introducing a proctoscope. I heard again the sound of gloves being put on and saw him tie the mask behind his head and adjust the glasses he was wearing. He pulled over a stool and sat between my legs.

First he massaged lubricant around the entrance of my rectum before a finger was inserted. He felt around the opening and slowly pushed his finger deeper inside of me. His finger was soon released and I heard the sound of a metal object being adjusted. He sat the end of the proctoscope and the opening and told me to bear down and take a deep breath as he pushed the cold metal devise inside of me. This was a funny sensation, as I have never had anything bigger than a finger inside of me. I hurt and felt like i would tear but my anus soon adjusted to the large intruder.

He removed the inner tube and took a pen light to take a better look. He took a swap and removed the proctoscope. He told me that there was a little fecal matter inside and that my colon must be clear for the colonoscopy. He said he would begin a series of flushes using a colon hydrotherapy machine to clear me out. The nurse moved a machine with tubes attached closer to the table. The doctor said that he would insert a speculum, which is attached to two tubes, one for the water flow and the other to expel the fecal waste. He inserted the speculum, a little smaller than the proctoscope, which was just inside me. He told me he would turn the machine on and that the water flow would begin. He said I would fill up, maybe feel a few cramps as the intestinal muscles contracted to remove the fecal matter, and reverse the flow.

This was repeated several times till the water ran clear. The speculum was then removed and I was placed on my side with my knees up to my chest. I then heard another trolley being wheeled toward the table and a TV monitor placed in front of me. This is so I could see the pictures that the scope was taking. I was given a drug through the I.V. which would slightly sedate me, enough so that I couldn't feel anything but still be alert to watch the graphics in front of me.

He then parted my cheeks and inserted the probe. It seemed to go in forever, scrutinizing every inch of the colon. I felt a slight pinch as a biopsy was taken then the scope removed. I was then put in an upright position, sitting on the side of the table, trying to get my balance and the sedative wore off. I was then lifted back on the gurney and taken back to my room to rest.

I fell asleep for what felt like 10 minutes, but was in fact 2 hours. I was awoken to find a male with a tray set up on my bedside table. He was here to remove the naso - gastric tube, catheter and I.V. line. As the naso - gastric tube was removed I have several feeling of dry reaching as the tube tickled the back of my throat. The catheter was removed without a problem and I was told to rest again. After about half an hour one of the young orderlies came in with a wheelchair and told me I was going back to the dental unit to receive my treatment.

I was wheeled in and sat back in the chair, still feeling a little groggy. I was reclined and looked at the light above my eyes in a fixed state. I heard the dentist and his assistant behind me preparing instruments and the like. Then the snap of latex gloves. I was further reclined until I felt like I was slipping off the chair. The light was focused on my mouth and I was told to open wide.

Again there was picking and probing before I felt the sting of the local anesthetic needle. Slowly tears rolled down my face and the never-ending injection kept squirting local into my gums. The long plastic vacuum tube was again in my mouth making a slurping noise. I heard the audible sound of the drill and the turbines got into full swing. Long drilling sounds filled my head and the squirt of water and the blowing of air. Soon the drilled holes were filled and I was sitting upright. I was given a green liquid to gargle and to rinse my mouth out.

I then made my way back to my room when the doctor I first saw when I arrived motioned my to his office. He was about to deliver the finding from the tests that had been performed during the day. I took a seat as he delivered his findings. He concluded that I was in top condition, and only had a minor yeast infection in my vagina that antibiotics would clear up. He then told me that my vaccination wasn't up to date and that a nurse would be in shortly to administer the vaccines that I needed.

She soon knocked on the door and entered carrying a small kidney dish with 3 syringes in it. One was to go in my arm and the other two in my hip. She told me to get the two out of the way and asked me to go over to the examination table and lean over the side. She lifted the gown and wiped the 2 sites with alcohol. The first one didn't hurt at all, apparently just this season's flu vaccine. The other stung, it was the antibiotic prescribed to clear the yeast infection. I was then told to sit up on the side of the table and that I would receive a tetanus booster. That hurt also but I was happy to be back on track with my immunization record.

I went back to my room, got back into my own clothes and met with the doctor in the foyer. He handed me a print out of the test findings and asked me to make another appointment to check that the yeast infection had cleared.

I then left the clinic, feeling a little tired but knowing I was fit and healthy. I know I will defiantly make another appointment for the next change of season.