PART 1

I lay on my bed, still pretending to read a book. My heart was beating hard in my ears as I listened hard for the slam of the front door and the noise of the car engine that had confirmed my mother had finally left. I threw the book aside, and rushed through the door into my bathroom, locking it behind me. Even though it was my bathroom, and my mum usually never came in, I had hidden it, just in case. The smallish safe was hidden under my towels in the third draw down on the chest next to the shower. The key was hidden under the mat on my soap dish in the shower. I quickly, and excitedly, opened the safe lock and pulled out what I had crammed in there for safe keeping after nearly 10 days of secret work. It had been a period of secretly gathering materials; garbage bags, old towels, paper towels, duct tape...; from the kitchen, the shops or anywhere I could find them. A period of secret assembly. All in the short periods of time that Mum was shopping, working or occupying herself enough not to be worried about what I was doing. And now finally, she was out of the way until this time tomorrow, working upstate. I spread it out on the tiled bathroom floor, a culmination of effort and the knowledge, or perhaps hope, that it would be everything I had been pining after for almost 6 years. A makeshift diaper.

I was 15. At the age of nine, I began to get interested again in what I had stopped owning myself by the age of four, and what I had grown out of interest in two years later, when I stopped seeing them at my best friend Ollie's house. Over the course of a few months, the times we sat together and diapered each other, just for fun, had petered out. He stopped using them at nighttimes when we were both six, and I hadn't seen, in real life, a diaper that would fit me since. When I was nine, I suppose when the hormones started racing, I saw a commercial on one of the health channels on satellite that no-one really watches. "Andrews' adult diapers - Comfort & Security" was the slogan. Boys of twelve, fifteen, twenty, thirty, middle-aged boys, elderly men, all wearing nothing but a diaper and a smile. Showed those who really needed them that they weren't alone and that the product was what they needed. Making me think I was a alone, but the product was what I wanted. Over the next few months, I wanted it more than anything.

When I was eleven, the Internet was becoming a lot more popular, and my Mum's company modernised, she had to get a computer with all the networking mod-cons. I got access to the internet, and it showed me I wasn't alone. At first, it was learning other wanted and used diapers, just for the hell of it. Then it was reading the stories. Then I discovered a wealth of pictures. Of other boys, just like me, wearing diapers. There were dry ones, wet ones, dirty ones, towel ones, disposable ones, Pampers, Huggies, Depends, Attends, Molicare. They were all happy. I wanted the happiness.

I tried bedwetting. But I found my bladder was just too strong. I drank the Indian Ocean before bed, and all I managed to do was wake up in the middle of the night, and run into the bathroom. I could never get the courage to deliberately wet, not at night or day.

All I managed to do was the makeshift, and even that was the first diaper experience after six years. I spread the diaper out as much as I could. I had made it as much like a disposable as possible. I had put it one securely like underwear while making it, the cut the sides and put pieces of tape on as straps. Now, I was lying down on it, and securing it in place. I looked in the mirror, and looked at myself, and my emotions. There was something missing. A real diaper. This was made from a black garbage bag, and silver tape on the outside. The inside felt like what it was, towel, flannels and kitchen paper. Still, it was something. I held my breath and savoured the experience of letting pee go, while not standing over the toilet. At first, it felt good. Really good. I closed my eyes, but seconds later, felt the warm sensation down my legs. DAMN! I wasn't sure what I was angry at. The diaper, my damned continent genes, my mum. Me? It had leaked though. I was only glad the floor was tiled, easy to clean. Despite the failure of the piss, I thought that I might as well try the other thing. I squatted just a little, and let myself shit. I had been saving up! When I had finished, my butt was feeling good, and nothing had fallen out. I savoured it a little while, then fell back and sat down. Then the sides of the useless thing split, and got my floor even messier. As I got a hold of the cleaning stuff, I looked back in the mirror and said to myself 'This will not do.' Then I made myself a promise.

***************

The rest of the day I spent looking through forums and sites at more pictures of people happy in their real diapers. They were the same old, same old. Never any new pictures. Except today, they felt like a lot more of a kick in the teeth. The only thing which kept me out of depression was the promise I had made to myself earlier that day. I needed diapers, and I would get them. To hell with the lack of courage to piss and mess in my bed. Whenever I could prove to Mum I was a betwetter, a bedmesser even, I would. She would just have to be left in confusion that the diapers were disappearing faster than they should. I would wear them during the day whenever I could.

At eight o'clock, I heard Ollie's Mum's car pull out front, as planned. They had spent the day out, but I was to spend the night with Ollie until my Mum returned tomorrow. They lived across the street from us, in a house with the same architecture. His room would be exactly the same as mine if it weren't for the different colours and bed. I had never been in his bathroom. Actually, I never thought about that until right then. I'd always gone to the toilet across the hall. Out of old habit I guess. Why did he never just say to go into his.

That night, we were really engaged in a computer game. He was in his Mum's room, I in his. We were on a multiplayer across the network. I was so in to it, I suddenly realised that I really had to pee, bad. I paused the game and typed in the chat window I was just going into his bathroom, just I was closing the door, he ran into his room in a panic, and grabbed at my arm, just before I managed to close the door. I turned around and looked in just as he was opening it again. What I saw surprised me. A lot. As I looked round at Ollie's eyes for explanation, he looked as if he was about to break down. "I should have locked the door," he sobbed. I looked round again. It really was there. On one wall, a huge changing table. Aside it, what looked like a bookcase was filled row upon row of bags of all kinds of... disposable diapers. I turned round to him again, and took him in my arms. "It's OK," I whispered, "It really is."

A few minutes later, he had calmed down, and we were both sitting in the bathroom, him explaining to me. "I never really grew out of them. When we were little, me finishing bedwetting was just a front. In fact, the bedwetting was a front. Look," he said, as he pulled down his pants. He was wearing one right then. By the looks of the strip down the front, he was wet. "My Mum just thought it was time to make other people think I was like them." There was a moment's silence. I thought of saying, You are like other people, but it sounded cheesy. And after all, he wasn't. Instead, I asked a more bold question. I knew which answer I wanted to hear.

"Do you... like them?" He continued to look down at the floor, but for a moment, he stopped breathing. As if he was putting all his energy into thinking of the right answer.

"Would you... think I was weird if I did?" The relief and happiness on my face was almost visible. Instead of giving him an answer to his question, I showed him.

"You look as if you could do with a change," I smiled at him. "Hop on." I gestured him to the table. Without much hesitation or fuss, he got himself on. A little sheepishly, I reached towards his crotch. Something that might have turned me on under different circumstances. But this felt more... friendly. I ripped off the tapes holding it in place. He was heavy and strong, I was light and weak. I couldn't lift him off it. He lifted himself off it. I slipped it out, and found a diaper bag. Rolling up the wet diaper, I tied it into the bag, and dropped it in a pail. Then I found some talc and lotion, and applied them. Walking over to his store, I asked him which he wanted. He said Depends. I took one out, and unfolded it. Again, he pushed himself off just enough to let me slip the diaper underneath him. I lifted, and taped. He looked at me, and smiled. "Thanks," he said.

"You're welcome," was my reply. He hopped off the table, and to his surprise, I hopped on. "Have enough spares?" I asked. As we looked at each other again, we both established new trust and understanding. When I left that room, I was wearing a gorgeous, thick, diaper. It was white, and it felt beautiful. It sounds weird, but I felt normal for the first time in ages. I looked back at the see-through pail. I hoped that the rest of my underwear would be joining the pair that I just threw in there.

***************

That night, I woke with a wet diaper wrapped around me. The best feeling I'd had ever. Before I left with my Mum that evening, I had experienced a soiled diaper, more wet diapers, and three more changes by Ollie. I loved the feeling too much to ever let go.

But it came with a price I didn't expect. I proudly wet my bed that night, but I found my mother a lot less receptive that I anticipated. When she discovered it, she immediately sat down on my desk chair, pulled me over her lap with strong arms, and left my ass sore. Very sore. It was worse the next morning, when I decided to wake up wet and messy. By the time she had finished, I thought I was incontinent anyway. I had almost lost feeling. The next morning, she didn't lay a finger on me. Months later, I learned it was because she had gained understanding from an internet site the previous night. But it didn't make her happier. She made me clean the bed up. And that night, she did something that in other company would have devastated me. When eating with Ollie and Joanna at their house, half way through the meal she changed the conversation topic. "Guess what Joanna? Over the past three nights, John has turned into a baby!"

Ollie and I shot glances as each other. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"He's woken up three nights in a row, lying in his own filth. Don't you think it's disgusting that a 15 year old boy is doing something I should put him in diapers for? What do you think Ollie?"

Ollie looked as angry as I was upset. Instead of saying anything, he got up, unzipped his jeans and showed her what he was wearing. "I think you should put him in diapers. It's a wonderful solution, to a problem which I do not find at all disgusting." I very nearly started crying, out of mortification with my mother, and happiness from Ollie's friendship. He read this, moved his chair next to mine, and put his arm around me.

All eyes were on my Mum, as she began to gain perspective. I felt kind of guilty that I was taking them all for a ride. But is a need defined by physical biology? Does what I feel a mental need for not count for as much?

"I'm very sorry, John, Ollie. Joanna," she said. "I suppose that... it's not as uncommon as I was under the impression of."

"And?" asked Joanna, in my defence

"And, not disgusting. I'm really, very sorry. Do you think that John could borrow some of your diapers, until I can him some of his own?" The mood was a very quick change. The bond that had grown between everyone on the table allowed very quick forgiveness for Mum's attitude. Everyone could read her new understanding with a glance.

"I'll give you five," said Joanna. "And luckily, I can put you on our order. The supply company we get Ollie's diapers on lets you change the order every 18 months, and the change week ends on Saturday, the order will reach them by then if I post tomorrow, and the orders will start coming monthly in five days."

"Thanks very much, Joanna," my Mum beamed at her. "Is that OK with you Johnny?"

I tried to disguise at least some of my pleasure in my eager nods.

***************

I had exhausted the supply that Joanna gave us in the time period with very great restraint. One each night. I got one chance for a daytime diaper at Ollie's house half way through. A temporary fix! On the Thursday, I woke up early, my stomach in knots with excitement and worry that the order wouldn't even get here. I heard the van pull up, and had to wait a whole other hour before Joanna & Ollie rang our doorbell with my diapers. When Mum opened the door, I was right behind her. Ollie was wearing a smile, and pushing a cargo cart with the same number of crates that he kept on his bookshelf. Joanna looked very distraught, and with a profusely apologetic tone on her voice said, "Dianna, I am so sorry. I could have sworn I only ordered an extra bag of 40 night depends per month, but I must have doubled the order instead. You have just what Ollie does, a month's supply for round-the clock use. I tried arguing with the company, but they won't budge from their 18 month order thing. I can't help you. I'll pay for the mistake!"

"No, you don't have to at all," said Mum, "Simple mistake to make. Come in, we'll sort out how I'm going to pay you for these."

"Oh God, Dianna I'm sorry. Look, Ollie, you and John take up these crates to his room, we'll sort out the bank order."

Before we went up, I gathered all the courage I could, and said, "Look, Mum. I don't want all these to go to waste, and my toilet's been playing up anyway. I'll just use them the same as Ollie does. It doesn't matter."

Mum looked a little surprised, but sure enough, "Well... OK, if you're sure, I suppose it makes sense."

"Great! Thanks!" I said, and ran up the stairs, carrying as many boxes as I could, before she changed her mind. Ollie followed me, and in two more trips up and down, we had stacked eight crates in my room. I had 200 diapers, and I couldn't believe it.

"Mum was wrong," he said.

"What?"

"She did order an extra forty. She asked me to post the envelope, but instead of taking it directly to the mailbox, I 'accidentally' opened the envelope, crossed out the 'additional' box, and ticked the 'double order' box. I hope you're not still expecting a birthday present!"

I almost exploded with happiness, and I hugged him until he needed air again. Then he helped me put on the first diaper I could call my own.

***************

The next day, me and Mum went shopping at an address Joanna had given us. When we got home, I spent hours arranging all the new stuff. My bathroom was now as I had always wanted. I had assembled my new changing table over my toilet. I would never be needing that again! The top of my changing table was hospital-sterile. The first shelf under had lots of disposable, extra large disposable Pampers changing mats. Underneath, huge supplies of talc powder, baby lotion, and anti-rash cream. One cupboard underneath housed the disused lavatory, and the one next to it a huge diaper pail. To the left of the table, was a large chest of drawers. I had spent hours unpacking all the diaper crates and carefully stacking them in the drawers. I had made large labels on my computer and stuck them on the drawers. 'Depends,' 'Attends,' 'Molicare,' 'Tena,' and more. Then, on all the TB message boards where people knew me, I announced I was now no-longer a wannabe who just shat onto toilet paper stretched under me on the toilet, for a simulated experience. I was no-longer an outsider who peed in the shower, just because it was closer to diapers that the toilet. I was fully-fledged, and officially, a diaper boy! And I was finally the supplier of a new set of photos for the dwindling supplies of photos. Me and Ollie became known as 'The Diaper Boys.' Photos of us both together in diapers were all over the web within weeks. I was finally who I wanted to be.

**************

I never thought it could get better, but it did. The supply company asked Ollie and me to participate in a new test program. A number of new diapers were in development, and we were wanted to test them out. That meant that we got in a week what we used to get in a month. It was always free, and always different. Pampers were releasing new teen diapers. So were Huggies. Versions of 'Little Swimmers' called 'Wetter Swimmers' arrived, finally allowing me to wear my diapers even when I was showering, bathing or even swimming publicly. And Molicare's new 'Invisible diaps' came just before we started school. What I was dreading was about to become another big part of the fun. But was it just a false sense of security?

PART 2

The next few weeks were my first wearing diapers 24-7 since I was two years old. They were also the first time I owned them since I was four. They were a sensation I hadn't had since I was six. Finally, nine years later, I had the promise of many diapers to come. Interestingly, perhaps ironically, I had worked one thing out the same day the letter came. What I had worked out was that even if Mum used the opportunity in 18 months time to change my diaper order to just what I 'needed,' 40 a month for bedwetting, at my current rate of consumption, I would still have enough left over to keep on with daytime use during the next two months. I was almost guaranteed total satisfaction for 20 months. If I was lucky and played it right, Mum would never change the order.

Then, the letter came. I was with Ollie at the time, at his house. We had just changed each other, and now were playing on his PlayStation. Joanna, his Mum, came in saying, "Boys, a letter just came, it's addressed to you both." She left it on the bed and left. I paused the game and reached behind me. On the bottom right corner was the company's logo. "Inco-sup - supplying the need for comfort and security." Again, I savoured the irony that they meant the slogan for the incontinent, but it also held so much meaning for me. The address label had our names on it, and Ollie's address, the address to which Inco-sup delivered our diapers every month. I opened the envelope and we both read it together.

"Dear Ollie & John,"

"Incosup has joined a program that tests out new brands of diaper for the companies that make them. We have been asked to select a thousand of our customers to test what we are given. As one of the thousand with the largest orders, you have been selected to participate. The procedure is simple. Every month, you receive your regular order of diapers. Every week, we will send, on average, two extra crates of diapers. You will be asked to test the diapers from the crates then fill in an evaluation form. You will also have the opportunity to reorder those you think you get on with. As a reward for helping us in our field research, you will only have to pay half price on your regular order, and all those you receive to test and those test subjects you request repeats of will be totally free of charge. If you wish to participate, please call our hotline and your first test crates will arrive with your next monthly order, scheduled for six days after this letter was sent."

The letter was signed by some manager guy. We were both immediately hooked on the idea. I checked the post mark, the diaper order would be tomorrow. We both hurried to the dining room downstairs and babbled the details to our mothers. We hardly gave them the opportunity to say no before we then hurried to hall, where Ollie picked up the phone. Five minutes later, we were both members of the test program. And looking forward to it.

***************

The next day, I helped Ollie & the driver of Inco-sup's van unload. First there was our usual order, sixteen crates. Then, the driver brought out another six, three each. He handed us a small package then rushed off to his next delivery. We both examined the new crates. They were all packaged in a plain cardboard box, with 'PROTOTYPE' printed across the top. Someone had scrawled across the bottoms in biro the titles of the various diapers. The first two had written on "Pampers Teen." The second was "Huggies teen underwear." The third was "Huggies' Wetter swimmers." We then opened the package. Inside, a description of each of the diapers, and evaluation forms for us to fill in. We read the description sheets with interest.

**PAMPERS TEEN**

These are the first prototypes of using the best of pampers techniques for teenagers with incontinence problems. If the pilot scheme is a success, they will be sold in as many varieties and in as much quantity, on the shelves of supermarkets and shops everywhere, just as our baby-aimed variety. For the time being, methods of production and the machines used for them are exactly the same as in pampers babies. Consequently, the teen diapers currently hold the teddy-bear and other baby pictures motif on their front strip. When the Pampers Teens start getting produced properly, these strips will be rethought. Our aim is to create a brand everyone is comfortable with, and that can be used both for urine and feces waste. The same ratio of absorbency is kept as with baby diapers. They should not require changing until three uses of both urine and feces, although long periods of time without changing are not recommended.

**HUGGIES TEEN UNDERWEAR**

Huggies Teen Underwear incorporate a pull-up design similar to that used in Goodnites. They retain the look of underwear, but they feel like diapers. As where Goodnites leaked easily for anything above moderate wetting, and hardly tolerated solid waste, these will do the job of Depends, with the knowledge that anyone who will see you won't suspect a thing. Huggies have even made a deal with popular underwear makers to develop diaper outers that carry brand names, Y fronts, colours, patterns, some even look like briefs. Now, any teen can change for PE knowing that no-one will find out his little secret.

The last sentence was crass, but the idea was very intriguing. I hoped that they really worked. I was considering that when I went back to school I would have to give up diapers on PE days.

**HUGGIES' WETTER SWIMMERS**

Huggies' Little Swimmers were an immediate success in their first months of retail. Parents of toddlers and babies were becoming tired of aqua-diapers, or the frequent accidents that occurred when their sons or daughters simply wore regular diapers under swimwear in the water. Little swimmers incorporated swimwear-like designs, along with very tight and secure leg bands, and very quick to absorb pads in the crotch. The design has now been updated, improved and blown up to the size of teens who need protection in the water. Be it a swim at the pool, or protection in the shower or bath, Wetter Swimmers will not raise suspicions, and they will retain anything you can give them. As with any swim-diaper, a change or clean is recommended after every 45 minutes or so.

By the time we had read the various sheets to each other while the other walked upstairs with crates, we were finished un-packing and were ready and willing to start testing diapers! We went into my bathroom, and decided first to open the Pampers. We got them out, and actually found the baby-looking diapers quite satisfying. I got on the table first. I pulled my pants down, and then Ollie changed me. He lifted my pink T-shirt out of the way, and unhooked the Purple Molicare. With skilled hands and strong arms, he lifted up my legs and pulled out the diaper, taking care to make sure he took away most of the shit. He dumped it in my pail, turned me over and wiped me thoroughly with diaper wipes. After lotion and talc, he turned me back over and lifted my legs one more time. He unfolded the Pampers and slid one underneath me. He folded it over and taped it. Jokingly, he slapped my butt as I got off and he got on. I returned his favours, and then we both began 'evaluating.' The big-baby diaper felt really good. Secure, soft. I let go some piss. There was actually a lot of it. I could name one brand I had been using that would have leaked if I had let that much into it that fast. Second test, I began to let my bowels go. I had been saving that too. Even though I had let a lot go, I could easily tell that the diaper hadn't nearly been fully used. I could tell by the look on Ollie's face he was in the same place as me. We spent the rest of the day together. My diaper, or his, didn't need to be changed for six hours. That was three uses, just what the evaluation said. We changed each other out of diapers but didn't put new ones on for about ten minutes, while we decided what to do for the rest of the day. The final idea was to put on these new simulated underwear things, then go swimming to test out the swim-diapers. We both felt weird putting on these things like underwear. I knew what I was doing though, It had only been about six weeks since I wore them. But Ollie hadn't the foggiest. He had never worn them. I laughed a bit while helping him put the right leg in to the right hole, the left in the left, pulling them up. I even had to help him get his wiener in the right place! Eventually, we went downstairs with three swimmers each, a couple diapers for afterwards, some towels and goggles. We went down and told our Mums where we were going.

"Ollie, have you shown John how to hide the diaper, and where to change?"

We smiled. "No need, Mum," he showed her his underwear diapers and swimmers, then we went through the front door.

Ten minutes later, we arrived in the pool changing rooms. Ollie seemed excited that it was his first time changing on the benches, instead of hiding him and his diaper in a cubicle. We both laughed as we took off our 'underwear' and slipped on our 'trunks.' The guys next to us must have thought we were a little crazy. We both walked into the pool, and had a great time swimming with our pee and shit between our legs.

***************

Swimming was great. When changing back into daywear, we changed in a cubicle, so we could wear proper diapers again without being seen. The underwear were OK, but they looked too much like... underwear. We only wanted to use them when we were definitely going to be seen. We went into one of the big family ones. On one wall was a baby changing table attached to the wall and ground on struts. There was a baby diaper dispenser. We had great fun lying on the changing table, trying to force ourselves into the tiny diapers, and peeing into them to see how much they could take. A little guiltily, we left the cubicle happy with Depends on our behinds.

We were both laughing at one of Ollie's jokes when we came through my front door. Joanna was already standing there, and said, "Can you come in here, boys? There's something we'd like to talk to you about."

Instantly, I thought it must be something about me faking the bedwetting, and not needing the diapers. A hundred other possibilities sprung up. Did they know I was gay? Did they think Ollie was? Did she lose her job? Were we in trouble at school? That kind of thing was just something you responded to with negative possibilities. Mum was sitting at our round table, and we all joined her. "Do you remember," she started, "a few weeks ago, when you stayed over at Ollie', because I was working for the day upstate?"

"Yeah," I replied. I didn't know where this was going now.

"Well, I wasn't working upstate. I had to drive a few states over for an interview. I got the job, and we have to move." Instantly, my eyes shot to Ollie's. His Mum responded to this quickly. "Diana was going to tell you earlier, but I told her to wait. I had to find out whether I could get a transfer to the company's branch in the new town. They've accepted it. We're all moving." Our worried looks instantly changed to relief and excitement.

"The house I looked at up there was massive, we can easily fit all of us in. There's a bedroom for me, one for Joanna, and a huge en suite for you two to share. If you don't mind putting up with each other that is," she joked. I couldn't believe it! Instantly, all I wanted was to leave our houses and move into this new one.

"You two better start packing! We're moving in three days. You'll find boxes and cases in your rooms already. Movers will arrive in two days." We both instantly got up from our seats and ran to the door. "Oh, and one more thing." We stopped and looked at her. "We thought we might stop off at Disneyland for a night on the way." I beamed like a lamp. Life was good.

***************

We had gone by for three days on getting anything we needed out of boxes. No computers or PlayStations at all, and only one old black and white TV in Ollie's front room. We were moving on a hot day. We each had two overnight bags, of clothes and stuff, and huge one of diapers to share between us. We sat next to each other in the back of my Mum's big huge car that the new company had given us. She had dropped down a soundproof Perspex thing like they have in taxis between us and them. We didn't have to hear what they said, they couldn't hear what we said.

"Remember our pact?" Ollie asked me.

"How could I forget?" was my reply. We had decided that the likelihood of meeting anyone we knew at Disney land was tiny, and consequently, we were not going to be ashamed of our diapers. When it was as hot as it was today, did you expect to see babies wearing pants to hide their diapers? We weren't going to let too-hot legs spoil any fun. Did you ever see a baby ashamed to have his diaper changed in public, or at worst, at a changing station? We weren't going to spend forever finding a private place to change our diapers. The pact had officially started the moment the car left our old street behind. I was wearing a yellow T-Shirt and purple molicare. He, a white T-shirt, Pampers diaper. When we had got onto the interstate, I needed a change. A little kid of about five watched from a car next to ours with amazement, as I swung my feet onto Ollie's lap, he slid a Pampers changing mat under me and took off a wet diaper. He waved at the kid with the hand holding the diaper, and he looked forward again, embarrassed. Ollie put me in a depends and I sat back down.

PART 3

Here is part 3 of John in diapers. It starts just after John, Ollies and their Mums reach Disneyland. I've never been, so don't expect astonishing amounts of accuracy. Remember: It's all about the diapers!

As the car pulled up in the car lot, I felt a little scared, after all my mental preparation, about wearing my diapers in full view. It was more than likely someone would react badly. Tease us, even attack us. The only thing that made me feel better was that I never knew of anyone who had been able to win a fight of any kind with Ollie. Looking down at my pants, crumpled in a heap on the floor, and wondered if I was making a mistake. Finally, I resolved that I would be a lot happier once I got started.

As expected, when we started queuing, there were what must have been almost a thousand people queuing with us. We joined the back of one of them, and began to practice putting up with the stares we were getting. Anyone who could see us elbowed the person next to them and pointed at us. At first it was embarrassing. After getting us a little angry, we began to find it funny. By the time we were paying, we'd learned to ignore it. There was one thing that was hard to ignore. A man with a ten year old son grabbed him by his pants, and exposed a size six Pampers, which he was barely fitting into. In a loud voice, the dad exclaimed, "There, you see that? If you don't start behaving yourself, you'll end up like those two over there. You still want to be in diapers when you're sixteen?" Red with embarrassment, the boy pulled his pants back up, and held back tears. We both had a hard time restraining ourselves from doing something to punish that guy for embarrassing all three of us.

By the time we got inside and had been on three rides, we both wanted changing. We went inside a baby changing room. Inside were a whole lot of mothers changing diapers, and only one changing table available. Ollie got on first and everyone watched as I put a new one on him, and again as he changed me. Just as we turned around to leave, we saw a mother changing a diaper. The only thing different about her from the other mums was that her 'baby' looked about our age. He looked at us, a little embarrassed. "Oh damn," his mum said, "I left your diapers with Joey. I'll be back in a sec." She left him on the table, a dirty diaper untaped but still sitting behind him. We both walked over to him, and introduced ourselves. "Hi," he replied, "I'm David. You guys... incontinent?"

"He is," I said, "I'm a bedwetter, which means that..." I grappled for an explanation. It was already a lie after all, "If I get scared on the rides I might wet."

David was a little more honest. "I just like the diapers. My mum thinks I'm incontinent." We both smiled and admitted, "Yeah, same here! Well, he really is incontinent, but he likes them, too."

We exchanged smiles, when his mum walked back in. "Found them. Oh hello," she said to us when she saw we were all talking. "Excuse me," she said, trying to get past us to sort out his diaper. "Actually Mum," he said to her, "These guys were about to lend me one of theirs. We were gonna go off together for a couple hours." His Mum seemed pretty OK with it. "OK Dave. I'll leave you with this," she dropped the diaper bag, "Meet us back at the hotel at... five?" He nodded agreement, still lying down with the shitty diaper. His mum walked out of the door. He looked at Ollie and asked, "Would you mind?" Ollie stepped forward and scooped up the diaper, sealing it up in a bag and dropping it in the diaper pail under the table. It looked very out of place among the little pampers and Huggies. I found my self wishing that all those babies knew how lucky they were, and that they would never have their diapers taken away by the evils of potty training. Ollie gestured to me to pass him some lotion and a diaper from David's bag. I picked it up and looked inside. "Uh, I have lotion, but all I can find here are two Goodnites."

"A Goodnite will be fine," said David.

Ollie and me both screwed up our faces. I handed the Goodnites to a twelve year old behind me changing his little sister's diaper. "Go nuts," I said. "Friends don't let friends use training pants," I said to David, as Ollie was rubbing lotion. "They totally suck. Here." I passed him a Depends from our diaper bag, and then stuck a few others in his bag. David thanked me, then the twelve year old behind me pulled my sleeve, gesturing with the Goodnites. "What the hell are these?"

"They're Goodnites. You put them on so you have somewhere to pee. Duh!"

"Hey, you may need this shit, but I have toilets. Me normal, you freak. Got it?" He stormed out, carrying his sister, leaving the two Goodnites on the bench. That was the first time I had had a direct confrontation with someone who was happy with the toilet, and angry with me for being a 'freak.' At that moment, there were five people in that room. Four were in diapers, and he was the only one not. Wasn't he the freak? As I left the changing room, I saw what seemed to me like the whole world queuing up for the toilets. I felt like all their eyes were on me. Was I the freak?

****************

That night, me and Ollie shared a hotel room. We weren't having any more time in Disneyland, we were just staying there for the night. It would take us the whole day driving to reach our new home if we left at 8 and arrived at 6. Despite the need for rest before a long day's traveling, I couldn't sleep. Ollie was fast asleep. I guess being in diapers all his life, he had grown used to being different and tolerating it. After having my confidence boosted by meeting John, I had felt on top of the world. What that kid had said, all those people queuing for the toilets, it really reminded me what my new diaper life meant. How come how people chose to manage their excreta was such a big deal? I got up, and looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing pyjamas. I looked normal. I thought normal things. I did normal things. I liked normal things. As I pulled down my pants, what I saw reminded me that I was normal but for this one thing. Was it such a big deal? No-one usually saw it or knew about it. Was it a mistake to do this 'Look-at-my-diapers' thing at Disneyland? If people didn't see it, would they consider me normal? I guess most people have something which sets them aside which no-one usually knows about. An unsightly pimple. An operation scar. A criminal record. But did it make it OK, just because no-one knew about it? For the first time in a long while, I felt my shit between my legs, and it came with a measure of disgust.

****************

Before anyone else had woken up, I had snuck out to the hotel corridor, and found a washing bin. Looking around to make sure no-one saw me, I sneaked open the lid and grabbed some undies. Running back into my hotel room, I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door. I had already stacked up my clothes for the day. A T-shirt, a denim shirt, some jeans. Sitting to the side, a diaper sat. Folded up, gleaming in the light from the lamp. I placed the underwear next to it, and sat on a stool, staring. On one hand, lay a pair of underwear, the toilet looming under it, looking about as tempting as garbage dump. On the other, a diaper sat on the shelf above a changing table, looking so tempting it was like before I managed to get diapers in the first place. But it came at a price. I spent the next ten minutes, sitting naked, deciding whether or not I could handle that price. My deliberations were interrupted when Ollie banged on the door. "Johnny, get a move on. Your Mum just called, we're leaving in fifteen."

"OK," I called back timidly. I made my decision, and got dressed. I opened the door, and Ollie asked, "Is that diaper for me?" pointing at the one on the shelf above the changing table. Hesitating a second, I replied. "Yeah. You keep it."

Half an hour later, we were already on the interstate. I had forgotten how hard it was to hold back pee for long periods of time. We were supposed to be stopping in half an hour for breakfast. It felt so much longer. By the time we had got there, I went straight for the toilets. Everyone assumed I was going there to change myself. I wasn't. I ran into the first cubicle, cursing it for not having a lock. Without time to stop myself, I pulled my pants and underwear down, sat on the seat and let go. It felt horrible. At first I thought that I must not be going properly, because as soon as I had let go, it had gone. The experience of the toilet slowly came flooding back to me. In a glum mood, I hardly realised the door open, and my cubicle door swing, Ollie standing in the doorway, looking down at me with a look of confusion. It only took him a second to understand exactly what I was feeling, and why. He shut the door, and propped it shut with the diaper bag he was carrying. He sat down in front of me. "Once, when I was about nine or ten, I went to a youth centre. It was great for the first few days. Loads of new friends and things to do. Then one time, a kid walked in on me while I was having a diaper change from the youth worker. He immediately ran out and told everyone I was just a little baby, and waved the wet diaper he had found. Everyone spent the rest of the day laughing at me. When I got home, I cried myself to sleep. The next morning, my Mum dropped me off, and before I let anyone see me, I ran into the toilets and ripped off my diaper. I walked into the main room, and pulled down my pants. Everyone saw I wasn't wearing a diaper, but they still laughed at me. I was the boy who got naked. By the end of the day, I was the boy who walked out of there with wet pants because he couldn't control his bladder and he wouldn't let the youth workers diaper him. Wet pants boy was worse than diaper boy. It's even better when no-one knows you're a diaper boy. But if they do, it's better to be diaper boy that wet pants boy."

"I don't have to be either though. I don't wet my pants. I have lousy... continence."

"I wouldn't be so sure. Well, yeah, you're not going to be wet pants boy. But you know who you will be? Unhappy boy. Since you've been in diapers, you've been much happier. Much happier. No-one will want to know unhappy boy. Some people might not want to know diaper boy. But most people will never find out you're him. And a lot of those who do will grow to be OK with it." He grabbed into the diaper bag and handed me a Pampers. "This is who you are. Who you need to be."

Overcome with too many emotions to list, I nodded. Ollie smiled, and pulled me too my feet. He ripped off the lousy underwear along its seams and threw them into the toilet bowl. "Let the toilet people have them," he said. He unfolded the diaper, and strapped it on.

PART 4

The car parked itself in front of the garage door, and everyone eagerly got out. Mum pulled the keys we'd just picked up out of her pocket, and turned one in the lock. I will leave describing it to you until we got it furnished. At the moment, the house was fairly bare, and none of us much liked the decor of choice of the previous owners. But what we could see was vast space and a lot of potential. Ollie and me ran up the stairs and across the balcony to what was to be our en suite bedroom. Massive, huge room! The bathroom occupied a corner of it, and the opposite wall was covered in windows. Next to the bathroom door, the movers had already stacked all the boxes labeled 'Ollie,' 'John,' and 'diapers.' The first boxes we had to open were 'Diaper changing stuff,' and 'Pampers,' as our two-day diaper bag was severely low on supplies. After a refreshing change, we got down to deciding how we wanted our room. Mum had told us that both my and him Mums' jobs came with big pay rises, and as long as we didn't get too far over $1500, we could do what we wanted with our rooms. We dug my laptop out of a box, and began deciding how things were going to go.

The decorators and carpenters that we got in were fantastic. The house was finished in a week. Let me take you on a little tour: The kitchen and dining room was one of those really modern ones that are designed to fit in any kitchen space, and come in lots of boxes with really complicated instructions. It looked like the set of a cable cookery show, but less tacky. Our living room had a couple of big sofas, a huge hi-fi, and one of those plasma screen TVs. Ollie's Mum was a bit of a technology fanatic. There was a study for my Mum, and one for Ollie's. The last room downstairs was a small toilet, which I couldn't tell you about, because I've never been in there. The stairs were on the left hand side of the main hall, and led across a balcony, with three doors, one dominating the left half, and two equidistant on the right half. The two on the right were our mums' rooms, and the one on the left was ours. Inside, a sofa facing our television and the old hi-fi from our old living room was in the half of the room that also had the bathroom. In the other half, two double beds, facing each other, and two desks. It wasn't unusual for us both to sleep in one of the beds. Not that we were 'sleeping together' in the conventional sense. It was hard to explain why, but that's just the way we felt comfortable sometimes. Most nights, we were in our own beds though. My favourite bit: the bathroom. First, there was a cubicle containing two showers. The house only had one bath, in my Mum's room. We had had the decorators rip out the toilet, and we'd had great fun helping them smash it up with sledgehammers so it would fit in the skip. Apart from the showers, and the wash basin, there was nothing else you would expect to find in a conventional teen's bathroom. A huge changing table, much more adequate than the baby-aimed ones we both had in our old houses. The carpenter had made it specially for us, and it was fantastic. On the wall above, dispensers of baby lotion and talcum powder, that were designed so that if you had no-one else to change you, they dropped in the right places for where you were lying, and easy to operate with push buttons on the sides of the table. Underneath was a big box of wipes and one of tissues. On its left, a big garbage bin, just as tall as the table itself. It was adapted for diapers. The inside was cased with Micro-Ban plastics and things, which trapped the smells and kept it sanitary. Above it was a dispenser of diaper bags, and concealed behind the bin, a garbage shoot. Across the opposite wall, the best sight you've ever seen. The whole wall was covered in shelving, widely spaced apart, with hinged doors that opened upwards. On each door, a window that ran the length of it, a handle, and special label holders, each neatly typed. 'Depends' 'Depends overnight' 'Attends' 'Molicare' 'Pampers' 'Huggies Pull-ups' 'Swimmers' and more. We'd left a few empty for the next prototypes that would come. The cabinet was well lit, and brought the pleasure of diapers with elegance of design.

As for the prototypes, out next delivery was due a day after the decorating was finished. As usual, both Ollie and me were waiting outside for the van, which was much more on time (very early: six thirty in the morning), and driven by a much nicer man than the old one. He greeted us both with a smile and a friendly nod. He brought us round to the back of the van, and opened the door. The van was really full. "Whoa," Ollie said, "That's a lot of diapers."

"Well, you guys are the first on my delivery round."

"Really?"

"Yep. Inco-sup headquarters are only a few blocks down."

Both our eyes widened. Looking down at the delivery form he'd given me to sign, I looked at the address. It was real similar to ours. Fantasy images of the headquarters began to form themselves in my mind. A huge tower office block with a big graphic of a diaper on the front. Going inside, and finding everyone wearing nothing but a diaper, running tests on diapers with tiny hoses and test tubes of blue chemicals.

I continued to fantasize about the Inco-sup headquarters, and talking about it with Ollie, while we carried the crates off the truck and stacked them in our bathroom. While we were unpacking the diapers and stacking them in the diaper cabinet, we decided to visit the HQ as soon as we finished unpacking. We also talked about the new prototypes they'd sent us, and the developments in the ones we'd re-ordered. The teen pampers now had updated graphics. Now, they just had 'Teen Pampers' written on them, a green wetness indicator on the front, and a yellow shit indicator on the back. The Huggies underwear things were just the same, and the swimmers were too. They'd also sent us some plastic pants with disposable inserts made by a company I hadn't heard of before, some Teen Huggies that were diaper-style not underwear- style, very thick and comfortable, and some new brand called Teenneeds.

We both diapered each other in a new Depends Overnight, which was the most absorbent, and we didn't have a diaper bag yet to carry stuff to change ourselves while we were out of house. We told our Mums where we were going, they told us they would leave the keys under the mat, because they would leave for work while we were out.

Our house was on the fringes of the town centre, but not so close it was disturbed by the town's noise and lights. It was a short, five minute walk to the first few shops and restaurants, and took us a further five minutes to track down the street that Inco-sup were on. I was only a little disappointed to find that the buildings weren't how they were in my mad fantasies. The office block was about 45 yards wide, and ten stories high. There was a wide alley for the lorries at the side, which joined up to the main loading bay of a large warehouse behind it. The office blocks were unmarked, but the street level floor was converted into a shop. It was quite discreet, only a few windows that you would have to look very hard through to see that they sold diapers for big people. The sign above the door said 'Inco-sup' in baige letters, and the small sign next to it carried the company's slogan. We hurried in before anyone on the street had time to recognise us or commit our faces to memory. Inside, had I come in before I had my diapers, I would probably be more than tempted to shoplift. The centre isles were covered in diapers. Not crates of the proportions we got through deliveries, but lots of different bags. The first isle that met my eye was selling Depends in anything from big bags of 40, to little trial packs of 2. The next isle sold Attends, the next was split between Molicare and Poise. The one behind that was carrying teen diapers, from the less than adequate Goodnites, to Depends Overnights, and a few bags of the Huggies and Pampers prototypes. The isle behind that was selling talcum powder, anti-rash creams, lotion, disposable changing mats and wipes. Another was marked 'Travel supplies,' and contained small travel versions of powder lotion and wipes, along with a variety of diaper bags. This was Our first stop. Picking up a basket, we bought a big diaper bag, that wasn't very obvious to anyone who just looked at the outside. Inside was enough space for a whole day's worth of diapers for both of us, pockets for lotion and things, and a large, foldaway changing mat. We also picked up some of the travel packs of condiments. Next, we moved over to a small magazine rack, where there wasn't anything very exciting. Mostly very non-exciting incontinence literature for old people, and patronising teen bedwetting magazines. But we picked up a few leaflets about the making of diapers, one about why people wear them or might need them, and a list of websites. We paid for our purchases, and made our way back home.

The first thing we did was to take the new diaper travel bag out of its packaging, and packed it with the condiments we had bought, and as many diapers of as many different kinds as we could, so we could just pick it up and go. Next, we looked through the leaflets. The making of diapers was fairly un-interesting, and it was clear why it was free. The leaflet about why people wear them was really interesting. It had the obvious like incontinence, bedwetting. It also had my reason, just loving them. It also had some interesting articles about high schools that use them because they didn't have toilets, high schools that use them as punishment, parents who use them as punishment, and space missions where it's too difficult to pee in a toilet without gravity. After finding out that the list of websites were all either boring or out of service, we decided to try the new prototypes we had been sent.

Ollie was the first to get up on the table. He wanted to try the Teenneeds. They were easy to put on, but fairly scrawny. They didn't absorb well and seemed to be designed for people who couldn't control their shit. After hating them for a few minutes, he ripped it off while he was changing me into one of the plastic pants things with the inserts. He took one of the yellowish rubber pants, and one of the inserts. The insert was held into place by two brackets that wove in and out of holes on either end of the crotch. He stretched them open, and tugged them up to my crotch. They were really tight, and the insert held hardly anything. They were so tight that they spread the shit all round my ass, and it ended up getting my pubic hair real messy. After bad experience with bad diapers, we both got in the shower and helped each other clean off. Once our crotches were clean, we slipped on swimmers and cleaned the rest of ourselves. After finishing with that, we decided that the Huggies would have to wait, because we couldn't cope with more awful diapers today! We got into some Molicare, and spent the rest of the hot day watching television in our diapers.

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