Chapter One

It was a beautiful Spring day, a Sunday, and neither Dr. Todd Martin, my current "significant other" or I, a student nurse, were on duty at the hospital. We were out for a walk enjoying the budding trees and unseasonably warm weather.

"Debbie, I have something to ask you. You know that I had put in for a brief leave of absence so that I could go out to Los Angeles to teach and do a little research at one of the trauma centers. Well, my request has been granted and they have given me three months. So I am going on June 1st. I want you to come with me."

This news came somewhat as a surprise although I thought he deserved the leave. Also, the period of time would correspond to my summer vacation, but this was only for two months.

Todd sensed my hesitation and said, "We could have lots of fun. Remember that Los Angeles is quite a city with some of the bizarre and exotic activities that we have enjoyed in a small way."

"Todd, I am thrilled that you would ask me, but you will be very busy with your work there and I would just be in the way. Besides, I have been thinking about going to Europe to do a little research of my own."

Looking disappointed but interested, Todd asked, "What kind of research?"

"Well you know that I have been rotating thru psychiatry. The first two weeks were on the out-patient service which was dull. Everyone was either depressed, had sexual problems or other interpersonal difficulties. Then I went on the in-patient, "locked ward" service. I am really enjoying the challenges there but am a little disappointed. Although some of the patients are admitted in an agitated or violent state, they are quickly given drugs and become zombies."

Todd laughed and said, "What's wrong with that."

"Nothing except they don't seem to make much progress towards recovery. Anyway, I got to wondering whether the results of modern therapy for these patients was any better than treatment before we had all these wonderful drugs. So I started reading and looking up articles in the hospital library. You know, most of the therapy in the past consisted of physical means to control hysteria, agitation, violence and the manic states. These means included restraint, hydrotherapy and others."

"So what were results of that approach?" Todd asked.

"The articles don't really say, but the implication was that the patients responded some of the time. It's hard to tell. Anyway, I discussed this topic with the chief of the psychiatry department. He told me that in certain European countries, the cost of modern drugs prohibits a medical approach and therefore the old physical approach is still used. I told him that I had recently earned $2000 doing some extracurricular work - I didn't tell him what type - and maybe I would just take a trip abroad to look into this further."

"The chief had seemed amused by this but had told me that it would make a wonderful thesis for my nursing degree. Also, he said that he knew psychiatrists in both France and Spain and would be happy to contact them if I wished."

Todd interrupted me, "You aren't really serious about this, are you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. And I told the chief that I was fluent in Spanish having grown up in a Spanish neighborhood. I didn't tell him that most of my vocabulary consisted of dirty words and slang expressions. He is going to let me know. Anyway, I could go over there and return in time for a week with you."

I guess Todd didn't really know what to say. He obviously didn't want to stifle my enthusiasm but was concerned about my traipsing around Spain by myself. So I said, "Probably nothing will come of this. And if it works out, just think of all the fun you will have by yourself in California."

A week or so later, I excitedly called Todd to say, "Guess what? I am going to Spain. The chief asked me to come to his office today and informed me that he had received a call from Dr. Pedro Morales who it turns out is the head of the government mental hospital system in Spain. He lives in Madrid and apparently would enjoy having me come over and be his guest. So, I called a travel agency and have my tickets!"

Todd could hear my enthusiasm but did say he wanted to discuss things with me. We met that evening and had some arguments. Finally he said, "Well I support your decisions. Just don't do anything foolish, come back as quickly as possible and I'll see you in L.A."

Chapter Two

The flight to Madrid was rather uneventful. I kept thinking of how I was to get the answers to my questions. I was met at the airport by a young man who turned out to be a resident studying under Dr. Morales. On the way into town I had a chance to use my Spanish and found that it came back quickly. He complemented me and laughed at some of my expressions. I was surprised and happy to hear that he was taking me to the home of Dr. Morales and would be staying there. This would save me some money.

Dr. Morales was in his late sixties as was his attractive wife. They graciously welcomed me and showed me their guest room. After dinner that evening, Dr. Morales took me into his study where we talked for sometime. He explained his position and the fact that he was sort of responsible for the standards of care in the mental hospitals, standards that he had a hard time checking for the hospitals were spread out over the country.

"My problem, Debbie, is that I get occasional reports of poor care, abuse and questionable experimental treatment, but when I go to the hospitals, everything looks fine. I feel that I have to let them know I am coming, otherwise it would be like the Gestapo making a surprise visit. I think maybe they prepare for my visits."

I replied, "I guess as your representative I would get the same reception. But I have been thinking about a different approach. How about your admitting me to one of those hospitals as a patient? Could you do that?"

"Yes, but I can think of several reasons why this wouldn't work. To begin with I think you would have a hard time faking mental illness. Next, it could be hard on you, perhaps even dangerous."

"No, I am very familiar with various forms of insanity including violence, manic states, paranoia, and extreme agitation. Next, I am tough and actually think various forms of therapy would be very interesting - and mentioned a few. Also, I can't imagine any real danger might be involved. You are probably concerned about sexual abuse, even rape. Well, I'm just finishing my period, so I am not likely to get pregnant."

"You may be over-estimating your ability young lady, but you seem to have really thought things through. And I guess I could specify that under no circumstances should they use electroshock or insulin shock therapy. Hell, maybe you are a little crazy - and I could sure use the information about what really goes on."

I was excited about the possibility that my imaginative thoughts might really come to pass. What would it really be like?

"Debbie, you go to bed and think about it. Maybe the answer is to follow me around my hospital here in Madrid for a few weeks."

"No, I really want to try it," I replied, my hands a little sweaty and my pulse a little fast.

"I suppose I could set it up with the plan that I would come and get you in five or six days."

That seemed to be a very short time so I said, "No, if we are going to do it, let's do it right. How about two weeks?"

His reply was, "I'll think about that. Get a good night's and I'll get my wife to bring you to my private office at about ten in the morning. I have to make rounds early and will then see what arrangements I can make. When do you want to do this?"

"The sooner the better," I replied. I didn't want time to wonder whether I was really crazy.

Chapter Three

I slept rather fitfully, my thoughts going in all sorts of directions. I probably should have called Todd but knew he would raise hell with my plan. After breakfast the next morning, Mrs. Gonzales took me to the office that was attached to the hospital. I was greeted my the office nurse who seemed efficient, attractive and sympathetic. I could not tell how much Dr. Gonzales had told her. She ushered me into a little waiting room and a few minutes later took me into his office where he greeted me with a smile.

"Well, things seem to be working out. You can still back out, but I have made arrangements for you to be taken my private ambulance to a hospital that I have questions about, and be admitted there. I have also done the necessary paper work. This includes an involuntary commitment by reason of "insanity" for a period of ninety days, this being the standard. My name is down as the committing doctor. I have stated that there is no known family. The diagnosis is paranoia with violence. I have specified no exact treatment plan but have stated I would not allow the shock therapy that we mentioned last night. They may think this is peculiar but will obey my request. I called the head psychiatrist and he has accepted a transfer today."

I gulped and said, "You mean right now?"

"Yes - unless you say no. I have ordered the transfer vehicle to pick you up in 45 minutes. My nurse will help get you ready. Remember that I will plan to retrieve you from the hospital in 12 to 14 days unless I get too nervous before then." With that he buzzed his nurse and explained to her my background, interest in the physical forms of mental therapy and the plan for "commitment".

She seemed to be amazed but also quickly caught on to the possible insight that might be gained into what really transpired at the hospitals. As she led me into a treatment room, she said that she had thought about doing what I had proposed but decided she was not up to it. She told me get undressed and to put on a hospital gown while she talked to the doctor.

I stripped down and pushed my arms through the short sleeves of the gown. I noted that there were no strings on the back and remembered that this was standard practice. No strings to possible tie together as a noose in an attempt to commit suicide.

When she returned she said that the doctor would be in shortly. She bundled up my clothes and took my earrings, watch and a ring. These were placed in a bag with a tag bearing my name.

Dr. Morales looked at me carefully when he entered. "Last chance," he said.

"I'm ready," was my reply although I wondered whether I really was.

"O.K., we are going to give you some paraldehyde. You may not be familiar with this drug but it was frequently used in your country before the advent of modern drugs. It is a sedative and can be given by mouth or per rectum. It has an odor and tastes rather bad, occasionally causing vomiting. So the nurse will instill it into your rectum. The sedation would be standard practice for someone with your diagnosis."

As the nurse was preparing this I asked, "Where is the hospital I am going to?"

"You don't need to know that, and wouldn't know it if you were a real patient," was his reply - which made sense to me.

With that the nurse had me roll onto my side and gently inserted a small catheter into my rectum. I then felt the cool fluid flow in, following which the tube was removed. I didn't feel any different but she explained that it took about 10 to 15 minutes to work. She then brought into the room a stretcher on wheels and had me lie down on it. A blanket was placed over me and she then produced leather restraining cuffs.

"Sorry about this," she said as she placed these around my wrists and ankles. Straps were passed through the hasps and were attached to the frame of the stretcher, drawing my hands and feet to the sides of the frame. I tested the straps by pulling but found that they were strong. Then over my body at the levels of my breasts, waist, hips and lower thighs were placed broad straps of canvas webbing. These also were fixed to the frame and tightened snugly.

"Feeling helpless, Debbie?" Dr. Morales asked. "You better get used to it."

By this time I was feeling light headed and dizzy. I tried to reply but my mouth would not work, so I just smiled. I became aware of two men entering the room.

They talked a few minutes to the doctor and inspected the papers he gave them. I remember them moving the stretcher out into the hallway but little more until... ..as I drifted back into consciousness, I realized the van or ambulance was swaying and could hear the engine. Should I start screaming and acting like a patient?

No, I had better wait. They stopped soon afterwards and when one of them checked me by shaking my head, I feigned sleep. I guess they went for lunch or a toilet break. Come to think of it my bladder was getting full and I was hungry. I heard one of them say the hospital should be only about another twenty miles. With that I decided to start my act.

This consisted in screaming, swearing and demanding to know what was going on.

One of the men came back to me and tried to calm me down, but I called him every bad name I could think of and said I knew he had poisoned me. When my yelling finally included his mother and his lack of a father, he roughly stuffed a rag into my mouth and taped it in place.

Now my cries were simply unintelligible grunts. The rag pushed my tongue down and almost made me gag.

Soon afterwards, the vehicle slowed, stopped and then backed up. I could see an old stone building, looking a little like an old factory except that the windows had bars. It really looked like a prison. I guess they talked to someone for I heard doors opening and then they were pulling the stretcher out and wheeling it into a corridor.

"Take her into the admitting office," someone said. "Did she give you any trouble?"

"No, she slept most of the way but was a little noisy. I don't think she is as violent as the documents say."

"Well our stretchers are same as yours, so take one and you can be on your way home."

"Thanks and good luck with her. Too bad, she looks like a pretty young woman."

With that I guess the ambulance left. I could see one male orderly and one rather large, buxom female nurse.

"Well her admitting orders are to clean her up, feed her and get her bedded down for the night in one of the tight rooms even if she isn't agitated," she said.

They came over to me and released the body straps. I just glared at them.

Then they unfastened my wrists and ankles. It was time for my act. I pulled out the gag and suddenly kicked out with one leg. Although I had not intended to hit anyone, my foot caught the nurse right on one of her large breasts. She gasped, yelled and fell to the floor. The orderly tried to grab me by throwing his arms around me. To break this embrace, I had been taught in karate class to bring my knee up - which I reflexly did. He went a little pale and grabbed his testicles calling me a dirty bitch. But I was free and ran into the hall, aware that I was almost naked. A bell sounded. Through the nearest door I ran only to find myself in an office with no other exit.

As I turned I was confronted my another nurse or aide carrying a baton with a flashing red light. I had heard of cattle prods and other shocking devices and assumed this was one of them so I backed away from her. I was also aware of a man taking something out of a pack but the nurse seemed to be the biggest threat to me. Suddenly over my head and body came a net which engulfed me. I was thrown to the floor and rolled, making the net tighter around me. My arms were against my chest and I couldn't get them free. Very little was said as they tightened a strap around my ankles, and there I lay.

"I guess her diagnosis was right. Let's get her cleaned up and quieted down," the nurse said. With that I decided to really give them some trouble by urinating.

"She's going to be a problem."

"Well, we can handle her - just watch." The nurse and orderly then simply dragged me screaming, net and all, out into the corridor and down into another room which looked like a big shower room. To my dismay I could see pedestal mounted nozzles on one side pointing towards open stalls with various rings on the walls and floor. The nurse reached through the netting and replaced my wrist and ankle cuffs, this time placing small locks on the hasps. My wrists were then fastened together in front of me. Only then was I unwrapped slowly. As soon as they could get to my cuffed wrists and before releasing my thighs and legs, a large hook was placed around the link between the cuffs. This hook was at the end of a block and tackle arrangement coming down from the ceiling of the stall.

As the orderly held me, the nurse pushed a button on the wall and I felt my hands being pulled upwards. I was soon in a standing position on tiptoes. The rest of the netting was unwrapped and my gown was torn off. I almost forgot to curse them for I was mortified at what was happening.

But I didn't forget to yell bloody murder when the first blast of ice cold water hit me.

More than the coldness was the tremendous force of the jet. It hit me on the left side of my abdomen forcing me backwards and spinning me around. Tethered by my cuffed wrists, my toes left the tiled floor and my shoulders and arms took my full weight.

The stream kept punching at me as I swung and spun. I hurled obscenities at both of my tormentors only to get the jet directed at my face which at that time was lodged between my raised arms. My head tilted backwards and the water filled my mouth and nose. For a moment I couldn't get my breath and had spasmodic coughing, but the stream then went down to my breasts which felt like they were being pushed to one side or the other. When my thighs became the target, the water streamed between them, freezing my warmest parts. Christ, I didn't know how much more I could stand.

"Please stop, you bastards. You're killing me." As the jet hit my legs, I found that I could flex my knees and hips, thus avoiding the blast. Dangling there as the block and tackle unwound, I realized I was dizzy from being spun, my shoulders ached and my strength was decreasing. I had to lower my legs but immediately they were hit again and again, knocking me off my tiptoes. "Pleeeasse", was my plaintive cry. They then started on by body again, then my head and neck. Suddenly it was quiet. I hung there shivering and saw a young woman, perhaps my age, dressed in a patient's gown approaching me.

She seemed to walk and act like a zombie. The nurse told her to wash me thoroughly.

The patient was carrying a pail which set down near me. As my eyes cleared from the water that had been hitting my head, I could see she had a scrub brush, soap and a few rags.

"Wait," said the nurse. "I'll make it easier for you to wash her." With that the nurse and orderly unclipped the fastener between my ankle cuffs and positioned a three foot bar between them. I jerked my legs but it wasn't effective. They soon had my ankles fastened to the rings at the ends of the bar. I found that I could still reach the floor with one foot or the other, but not both. Even this bit of relief left me as the nurse again hit the button controlling the lift mechanism. There I swung. Happily, the water in the pail was warm. Unhappily, the scrub brush had very stiff bristles. There was no gentleness to the way that the patient applied the brush to my back, belly, thighs, arms and particularly to my breasts. I could see my skin getting red and felt my nipples burn. Looking down at them, I didn't see the patient dip a long, two inch wide bottle brush in the pail of soapy water. She grabbed and pulled my hair with her left hand, and as I screamed, the right hand stuck the brush into my mouth. I swung my legs at her causing her to move backwards, but the damage had been done. I sputtered and spit the foul water from my mouth.

Then I felt the orderly grabbing the cross bar and raising my feet. Into my exposed vagina went the bottle brush, not once but several times, despite my protests. My anus and rectum received the same treatment. By this time I was crying for mercy.

"Ready for your rinsing?" the nurse asked.

"No, please. No more." But on came the cold jet stream. With my legs spread widely, they seemed to concentrate on my pelvis. I had never felt such a douche in my life.

The rest of my body was not spared. I was jerked and spun until I was exhausted and frozen.

As the jet stopped, the patient dried me with some gray towels. I simply dangled there and when the nurse lowered me, I collapsed on the cold tile floor unable to do anything but shiver.

"O.K. Debbie, here's your clothing for the night," the nurse said. With that she and the orderly began inserting my arms into the sleeves of what I immediately recognized as a straight jacket. It was already too late to grab the heavy canvas material at the arm openings and my hands couldn't grasp the material of the sleeves. I was unceremoniously thrown on my stomach. The orderly sat heavily on my rump as I thrashed with the little strength I had left. I could feel the sides of the back being pulled together.

"I hope you like the size," the nurse said. "It may be a little on the small side but we'll make it fit."

I could tell she was lacing the two sides together for the jacket which extended from my neck to my pubis got tighter and tighter. Then with the orderlies help, she began with the four leather straps. The first of these was around my upper chest, the second just below my breasts, then the waist and finally my hips and lower abdomen. Each of these was pulled as tight as possible. I was turned and brought to a sitting position as I said, "It's too tight."

"No, I don't think so," was her reply. She sat on my knees and pushed my sleeve enclosed hands through side loops on the jacket. The orderly behind me pulled the strap extensions of the sleeves across my back and grunted as he buckled the ends together. I had never hugged myself this tightly. Finally, I was pushed back onto the floor. The nurse reached between my thighs and grabbed two straps originating about 8 inches apart on the bottom of the backs of the jacket sides. These straps she pulled up on each side of my labia and fastened them to buckles on the front of the jacket. I could feel the straps sort of cutting into me. Also, straps encircling the sleeves at the level of my wrists were snugged down. As an aftermath, I looked down to see my ankle cuffs fastened together and a strap placed tightly around thighs just above me knees.

"There, that should hold you. You won't be pulling any stunts like you did when you arrived. Juan, call the office and find out where we should take her."

Juan I guessed was the orderly for he left and soon returned with a gurney upon which I was lifted and then transported to a small room. There was no furniture of any type and the walls were covered by gray mats. The floor area was about four by six feet and was covered by a thick rubber mat. In one corner there was a grating. The door to the room was about 4 inches thick and was also padded, except for a small window about five feet up.

"Like your new home?" Juan asked. "You will find it is fairly quiet although you can occasionally hear your neighbors. Your supper should arrive soon." With that, he shut the door and I heard a lock being turned. With the little light coming thru a grill in the ceiling, I could not see any sort of knob on the inside of the door.

I tried briefly to move my arms but was really exhausted from the "shower" and the rest of the day's activities. I guess I then napped for I awoke to the shaking by a different nurse or aide.

"Dinner's served," she said, placing what looked like a two-bowled, rubber dog dish on the floor.

I managed to roll onto my side so I could see the food. In one bowl was a liquid, probably water; in the other was looked like mush or dog food.

"We put your meal in a blender to make it easier for you to eat."

I yelled at her, "It's poisoned, take it away."

"No, I wouldn't do that to you, but there are two of the staff that would. One is the nurse you kicked in the chest. This caused considerable bleeding into her breast. They tried to aspirate the blood using a needle and syringe but it didn't work. Her breast is huge and painful, and she's vowed to make you pay. The other person is the orderly you kneed. He's had an ice pack on his balls most of the day and is not the kind of guy to take that injury lightly. But the food is not poisoned so eat up."

"You eat some first," I said.

"No. I don't have a spoon with me, but you'll find a way to get it down," was her reply. "We will be turning the lights down in a while and then you must be quiet and not disturb your neighbors."

"What happens if I don't? And get me out of this thing."

She simply smiled and said, "Sweet dreams."

I realized I was hungry and thirsty but certainly the food was not appetizing. I rolled over to the dish. By getting on my stomach I could position my face over the water and actually was able to sip a little. I then tried the mush. The first swallow wasn't bad, but with my second I ended up getting my face including my nose covered. I coughed and upset the whole dish, ending my "dinner". I guess I could have eaten the stuff off the matted floor but decided I wasn't that hungry.

My next problem was urinating. Having not gone to the bathroom since the morning, my bladder was uncomfortable. I surmised that the floor grating along the back wall was my toilet. With difficulty, I rolled over to the wall. Should I go lying on my back or my front? I guessed it didn't make much difference but the prone position seemed more appealing. It worked out pretty well anyway.

A few minutes later, the lights dimmed. My nap had satisfied some of my fatigue and I really wasn't tired. So I decided to play Houdini. I had seen escape artists get out of a straight jacket and knew I could also. It was just a matter of getting the thing up my body a little and then getting my arms out of the sleeves. I wriggled and hunched my shoulders repeatedly. Things seemed a little looser so I continued my efforts without much success.

The only thing I was accomplishing was tightening the straps running through my crotch. So then I pulled up my arms as hard as I could but the wrist straps and the fastening across my back didn't make much motion possible.

By now I had worked up a sweat. So I relaxed. I realized that I really wasn't that uncomfortable. In fact the lack of mobility, being held the way I was, sort of excited me.

This had been a dream of mine for some time. My breasts were caressed by the rough canvas and my nipples were sensuous. Also I was aware of the craving between my legs. Maybe if I repeatedly flexed my hips I could stimulate myself. I did succeed in getting pretty aroused but could not reach a climax. So I just lay there and thought that this was how a straight jacket worked. You expend a lot of effort in an agitated state, and then give up.

After sleeping awhile, I awoke with a start. It took only a moment to remember where I was. I had no idea of the time, but did know that I was sweating and my arms ached.

Thinking that if I stood up I might be more comfortable, I worked myself into a sitting position with my back against the wall. Then I inched my way up until I was actually standing but threatening to fall over any minute. This sort of frightened me and I decided to do a little yelling for help, using a few expletives in the process. The result was a some swearing and demands for silence, probably from the person in the adjacent "tight" room.

So what. I yelled some more and this got results.

The lights got brighter and the door opened. I guessed it was the night nurse and she didn't seem happy. Entering the room, she slipped on the mush and water but didn't fall.

"Guess you have a lot to learn, young lady. You overturned your dish, didn't eat, and now have the patients next to you awake. I see you have managed to stand up. Well what goes up, falls down."

Before I could say anything, she simply pushed me over. I fell rather heavily onto my stomach, pushing my forearms into my upper abdomen and knocking my wind out. I felt her sit on my back and she then grabbed by hair and pulled my head back. With her other hand put a rubber ball into my open mouth. It popped by my teeth. Holding the ball in position, she then tied behind my neck the ends of the rope that was threaded through the ball. The rope pulled at the corners of my mouth and I immediately started salivating.

"That will keep you quiet. Better get some sleep. Dr. Gonzales has you scheduled for an admitting examination at eight." With that she left me.