Time does fly by with work and the holidays having come and gone. January generally means my having to get my physical, as required by my clinic, and use its selected doc. Since I provide comprehensive exams to men and our doctors are male and my colleagues. We are required to have yearly comprehensive exams. I see the female doc and her nurse who have no conflict of interest. I suppose that’s for our own good but it is embarrassing. I receive the same type of exam I give to mature men. It feels odd classifying myself as such but I am a long way from receiving developmental exams.

I had mine on Monday at 8:30 am. I prefer to get it over with as it is physically exhausting since nothing is left unattended. The mature man exam leaves no stone unturned. The process is very consistent. I now fully appreciate why most of the patients blush when told what is to take place. I am no different and also not beyond grimacing when hearing the news.

1. Go to the changing room and undress to briefs and store clothes in a locker. It is very much a locker room mentality where being naked is the norm and most of us accept it without question. While there, you see others returning naked and shriveled. If there for the first time, it is upsetting and yet curious as to what took place while you yourself try to coax your penis to look respectable!

2. Meet with the nurse and answer all questions about health while stripped to briefs. This is done in the hall way at a desk. By now, it's common to feel your heart beating faster and wonder "What have I gotten myself into?" For me, there is no need for an explanation just hopeful that it won't be too dreadful and that my penis will cooperate.

3. Get an EKG stripped to briefs along with 4 other guys all seeming to be nervous. Lying on my back with only the smallest of a bulge between my legs is my norm. Others can appear more suggestive - some wearing boxers so that there is slippage and testicles displaying.

4. One is then escorted back to the changing area and required to store your briefs and now go to the bathroom to provide a supervised clean catch urine with the assistance of the nurse. Here my penis along with others is wiped while I am observed providing my sample. Mine is shriveled so there is a necessary tug. During this time, one also see’s others presenting with enema distress! The reality of it takes hold.

5. Next, it’s get weighed nude in the hall, which is intimidating. Some seem enlarged or semi while others hang normally and then there are folks like me who shrivel and want to cover up but are denied this saving face gesture. Hands at one's side and face forward. Once this is over, I am taken to one of 6 exam rooms.

6. Once in the room, a rectal temp is required using a Welch Allyn Digital thermometer. For those who are unfamiliar, this has a longer probe that registers a temp quickly. There is no debate; it's going to happen. One side effect is that it will often induce an erection in your patient. True to form, I was made to lie on my belly, spread my legs wide apart, receive a finger lube and then have the probe pressed fully into me. I then had to close my legs and clench it to retain a deeper penetration. It did cause my penis to swell and become semi erect. It's is impossible for me to not wiggle as this takes place. One can easily observe those involuntary movements as the thermometer stimulates you internally despite your best intentions. The nurse holds the probe in position regardless of one's movements. Her had can brush your naked rear sending a reminder that you have no control. The gentle twisting of the probe is yet another reminder that you are not in charge. For me this clearly sends a charge to my penis as it does most men.

7. Next came the taking of mandatory swabs: rectal, penis and oral. With a slightly aroused penis, the swab is less difficult to conduct but still unpleasant. It’s common to hear a shriek and or loud protest during the penis invasion. Oral and rectal swabs are of little consequence though the rectal swab is minimally 10 inches long. It's difficult to pretend like it was nothing. Then my BP was taken while sitting on the table and blushing. When called to stand now, there is clearly a lube stain on the table and often a wet spot from lying on my belly. I would say that this happens 100 percent of the time during the exam process. It's funny how most will avoid looking at the evidence; there is no need to confirm the sticky feeling between one's butt cheeks or the slight drip that may happen when standing from your penis.

8. Next, I was taken, naked, to the enema room to receive my prep in the presence of other men receiving the same procedure. The bag looks uncomfortably big with an imposing nozzle. I am required to turn onto my side, knee – chest position, and take the nozzle and tolerate the raging solution. I am instructed to assume several positions with the nozzle remaining deep inside me. My penis has now gone into hiding. Then, after what seems like an eternity, the nurse allows me to stand and engage in the walk of shame. I am required to scamper down the hall with the nurse holding onto the enema tube as the nozzle wiggles deep inside me. I make way to the bathroom. Most of us gasp and hold our bellies and hang our heads down. Eye contact is rare. An inflatable nozzle is used to prevent embarrassment. I void and what a relief it is. There is no talking for those of us in stalls. When done, I wash my hands and use a sanitary wipe to clean my anus.

9. Before leaving, I receive a suppository to promote my erection for the erection exam and semen sample. The nurse administers this once I have fully voided. There is no explanation other than, “This helps with your exam later.” It becomes obvious when starting the genital exam since I get hard and rather quickly as though I was a teen or younger man. There is no leaving this to chance. One wants to have the patient obtain a full and strong erection for measurement as well as to produce a sample. Only a rare few are unable to orgasm. They are then referred to a specialist for a more extensive exam.

10. I have a full exam with basics of ears, nose, eyes, throat, abdomen, and testicles and penis exam while lying on my back. My shaft is felt and clearly becomes more reactive along with each rotation of a testicle. My sack is examined thoroughly followed by a rectal exam while lying on my side to check my passage. There is no advanced notice just turn and raise up my leg to my chest and get penetrated. During this she feels my sack and shaft which is longer and firmer. One anticipates that the patient will respond now that a finger has been inserted. It doesn't matter if he objects to the finger, the penis has a mind of its own when this is done. It is common to see some precum take place.

11. Next is the hernia check with me facing the doc. By now my penis in erect: L shaped for sure. I stand for a hernia check and rotating of my testicles. It is a moment of total honesty. Naked and having my member held along with each testicle being squeezed. I am then required to then bend over, spread wide, and have my testicles felt again. Next her finger invades, I am told to cough and then a deeper dive for a prostate check. There is some leaking as I bend over for a DRE and prostate check. The doc and nurse conduct themselves professionally but one wonders if they keep mental notes. Every male I have examined will groan at this point whether deliberately or involuntarily. There is not preventing it.

12. Next is the erection exam with prostate massage to yield semen sample……….doesn’t take long! I lay on my back; she inserts her finger deeply and reaches my prostate while the nurse engages my penis gently stroking and rubbing the meatus. My body shakes and has no control as I climax, which she feels both internally and externally, as I squeeze and moan. There is not much to see given the aid of the suppository helper and being so stimulated. There is huge variability in terms of how long it will take. It doesn't much matter; it's a sample one wants.

13. Lastly, I now undergo an anuscope exam; I graduated to this one this year. I am taken to the procedure room which has two tables so another guy is also receiving one. I assume the position on my knees, head down, legs wide open and butt sticking up. A lubed finger is given and then the slow and steady the insertion of the tube. I gasp as are many who experience this procedure. My sack hangs down as well. It’s relatively quick but it seems like forever. It is uncomfortable but smooth sailing thanks to the enema. Most of us cringe when hearing what is to happen. When I stand up I am semi or going soft. My opening is a tad sore and leaking KY.

14. Lastly, I am sent to the shot room for any vaccinations as mandated by our employer. All shots are given in the butt; no exceptions. I endured a flu shot and gamma globulin vaccination. The latter induced some tears. It's not uncommon that we all have a greasy butt and often seem a tad sad following the anuscope exam.

I leave feeling probed, sore, and embarrassed but who doesn’t? Seeing other men in the same situation is comforting in a way but also intimidating. One does check to look at penis and testicle size but that is brief since one is also being viewed. The only saving grace is that our exams occur without patients being present. One other fem docs provide the exams for us. We clear our schedules and present ourselves for this exam; there are 5 of us. We now all receive the mature male exam!