Dr Reed woke at his usual 6 AM. After a shower he dressed in linen slacks and a Hawaiian shirt. Somehow he just felt festive. His new associate was covering calls and the hospital patients so he didn't have to round. Geez, how many years had it been since he had enjoyed an entire weekend off??!! After a piece of toast and a cup of coffee he opened the front door and picked up the daily paper. He enjoyed a second cup of coffee as he paged through the paper, then scanned a couple of recent medical journals.

At 9 AM he decided to give his next door neighbor a call. He'd called on her just last evening to evaluate her abdominal discomfort and, after diagnosing constipation he'd given her an enema, which she'd almost seemed to enjoy. He'd promised to check back on her today. The phone rang 3 times before Kristen picked up the receiver. "Hi Kirsten. How are you feeling today?"

"Oh doctor... I'm so glad you called. I'm better but you know I really think I should have maybe been a little more aggressive with the enema last night. I was so relieved after the one that I didn't take a second. I should have. But this morning I could really use your help on another matter. My daughter, Emily, is home from college and has a terrible sore throat. Could you please have a look? I hate to impose on your good nature but..."

"Of course Kristen. I don't mind at all. I'll be right over and I'll bring my bag. If you haven't already checked her temperature you might do so. See you in a minute."

John picked up his bag and, just in case he thought it was strep, grabbed two pre-loaded syringes of CR Bicillin from the frig before the short walk next door. He rang the bell but overheard loud voices before it was opened. Kristen Welker stood before him in grey sweatpants with her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Oh please come in Doctor. I'm having a discussion with Emily."

Sitting on the couch in a t shirt and running shorts was a peevish young lady with frazzled black hair and a red face. Dr Reed noted in Kristen's hand was a slender glass rod, a tissue and a jar of Vaseline.

"No way you're sticking that in my butt Mom!"

Emily, it's the most accurate way and it's how we take temperatures in this house. Besides, this is the only thermometer we have and I bet you don't want it in your mouth because it was in my bottom last night. Now if you give me any more trouble I'm getting the hairbrush instead of the thermometer. You're not too old to have your fanny paddled...I don't care if you are in college "

"MOM!" Emily shouted as she pushed down her shorts and turned over on the couch. "Does he have to be here!" nodding at Dr Reed.

"Emily, he's a doctor and sees bottoms all day. He took my temperature yesterday. So...Yes!"

"Would you like to take Emily's temperature since you're the doctor? It might teach her some manners."

"Of course " John said as he took the jar and thermometer from Kristen's hand.

"MOM" Emily shouted, but she lay on her tummy with her bare bottom framed by her shorts, just below her cheeks.

The doctor sat on a chair beside the prone girl. He removed the lid from the Vaseline and dipped the stubby tip into the jar, being certain to accrue an especially large glob of lubricant on the tip. Kristen glanced at that, then back at Dr Reed with a knowing smile. John spread Emily's tight round cheeks with his thumb and fingers while, with his right hand inserted the tip into the waiting pink bottom hole. "This might be cold " he said as an audible gasp escaped Emily. "I'm going to hold this in your bottom for a few minutes so we get a good reading Emily." He looked back at Kristen who was smiling.

"Not as grown up as you thought Young Lady. We still have to take your temperature in your bottom like a little girl." Emily blushed deeply and pressed her face into the sofa.

After 5 long minutes Dr Reed slid the thermometer from Emily's sphincter and read it. "102.1" Let me have you turn over so I can look at your throat."

"Just a second Em. "Mom picked up a piece of tissue. "I'm going to wipe this Vaseline off your bottom so you don't soul the couch." And with that Kristen Welker spread her daughter's bottom cheeks and thoroughly wiped her butt.

Emily, still mortified, sat up and opened her mouth on request. Her tonsils were huge with an exudate. Dr Reed felt her neck for lymph nodes, feeling several prominent lumps.

"Ok. You most certainly have a nasty strep throat. The best way to deal with this is with a shot of penicillin."