It was usually in the fall when I would need to go for my “physical exam.” Typically I wasn’t informed until a day or two prior to the event. I suppose this was done to keep me from protesting or temporarily running away from home. No matter my inner thoughts, it was unavoidable and has formed the basis of my lasting impressions and interests on Zity.

Hearing the admonition, “You have a physical exam” whether from another adult (like a parent) or now receiving the timely phone call or email from the doctor’s office has done nothing to diminish the anxious feelings that I experience. That initial notice swirls around in my brain even as the days disappear until exam day. I find myself also seeking to relive special exam moments – undress in front of a nurse or parent; the nervousness of being weighed in front of others in just my briefs; and hearing “I need to get your temperature. You need to get up on the table and turn over!” No amount of protesting or delay stalled the inevitable. To engage in such actions meant being sternly handled by either a parent or surely the nurse who would “Yank Off” my briefs leaving me to nervously toil on the exam table. Surely being on my tummy was preferable to having my genitals displayed!

There remains something special about having the rectal thermometer protrude from my clenched buttocks. Time seemed to pass so slowly; I lost my ability to speak as the thermometer registered. Once removed, I felt paralyzed to turn over for fear the nurse would seem my penis and likely smirk. No self-respecting teen wants to be viewed as inadequate even if sporting an erection! Yet, turn over I did while helplessly trying to cover up! Surely this has had something to do with continuing feelings of submissiveness that I attribute to getting examined. That and the fact that the doctor always managed to walk in at the precise moment where my manhood was being displayed! I am not sure how that expression, “Manhood,” gained popularity but it was far from anything I associated with given the size of my penis at that age.

In my effort to sit up, I avoided eye contact and quickly tried to cover myself while looking helplessly at my briefs that were precariously perched on the chair in the corner. Surely this was an attempt at making me appreciate a loss of control. Despite my best wishes, the briefs never moved from that spot though I would get physically closer to them to no avail!

The exam like many others have commented went from head to toe and parts in-between. The genital exam involved visually checking my penis and handling it briefly before touching my testicles. That aspect of the exam sometimes hurt as he squeezed each one and asked me to cough. I never got why that was part of it but obliged. Thereafter, he had me face the table and lean over so that he could spread my cheeks and have me pulse my anus. Later on, when in 12th grade, I graduated to his finger and a rectal exam. All I recall is lunging forward as I felt invaded and gasping for all it was worth as he rotated his finger deep into me. Now countless exams later, I am told this is a rectal and prostate exam! Surely at the time, I had no such knowledge and was very reluctant to mention it to anyone though my classmates had surely received one as well. Even today, I find comedians who tease about this aspect of an exam to make me cringe!

In high school and in college, I had occasions to participate in the group physical due to trying out for a sport’s team. There is nothing like hormone driven young men stripped to their briefs waiting for the gloved hand! I don’t recall seeing my teammates with erections but many were semi and most were a bit anxious when the nurse required you to be naked! Somehow the bravado of being a big shot lost its meaning as the nurse felt each testicle and said, “Cough.”

In college, sport’s exam was more comprehensive so as to involve listening to my heart while still standing there naked and then having my genitals manipulated just prior to getting a DRE. By then, I began to wonder more about the size of the finger being inserted into my anus. Watching my teammates receive the same heightened my nervousness but later would add to the excitement when I could relive the moment.

I also found using the trainer to be an interesting experience. It seems to me that for young me, maybe for older as well, there was little regard for modesty. I had a back strain as it turns out but the trainer wasn’t sure and took me to a specialist. The doc was in my view just plain strange. I went with a fellow team member and once in the exam room, he had us strip naked, and individually stand in front of him where upon he did a hernia check and assume different positions so he could check flexibility. He also took my rectal temp; this was embarrassing and got me erect as it did the other individual. He had huge hands and his finger wasn’t pleasant to say the least. I felt my penis pulse when he pressed all around. Little did I know how sensitive the prostate can become? I leaked.

I think back on exam days. It is something that remains so personal and so full of thoughts, feelings and connections. In a way, it’s a bit funny when the doctor asks, “So how are you feeling today?” I dare not share what has been circulating in my mind as the door shuts………..…….Until next time……