It was now into December and I was trying to think of a Christmas gift for Doc. I wanted it to be something special and from the heart. I’d been trying to think of something for a few weeks now and had finally come up with an idea. I needed some help, though. After telling Karen my idea, she put me in touch with one of her husband’s friends, who is a blacksmith. I went to see him and told him what I wanted, he gave me a quote and said he could have it done in time for an extra fee. It was my fault for it being so late, so I said yes and gave him a deposit.

Doc wouldn’t let up on wanting to know what had caused my latest cyst flare. “Why do you think something caused it?” I asked at the dinner table one night when he had brought it up again.

“I know you, Meredith. I know when you are trying to hide something.”

“Your crystal ball is broken, Doc.”

“Do you give me your word that you weren’t doing anything?” I didn’t answer. “You refusing to answer is my answer. What were you doing?”

I got up and gathered up our plates. “You don’t need to know.”

“Sit down, Meredith. We are having this out. Now.”

“There’s nothing to ‘have out’.” I carried the plates to the sink.

Doc got up and cleared the rest of the table. I turned the tap on to fill the sink, even though he usually washed. He reached over and turned it off. “We are going to the living room to discuss this. Go sit down, I will bring coffee in.”

Holy crap, Doc was wanting to talk before doing the dishes. And wanting to talk in the living room, not the kitchen or tv room. This was serious. I dried my hands and went to the living room. He came in a minute later with our coffee - we always put a pot of decaf on before sitting down to supper so that it will be ready when we are finished our meal.

Doc sat down beside me on the sofa. “Meredith, I think I know what you were doing that set off your pain the other day, but I want you to tell me.”

“Doc, I don’t want to tell you because then you will try to tell me to not do that activity again and I refuse to stop.”

“If I tell you to not do something, it’s for your own good, Meredith.”

“I know, but I am an adult and can make my own choices.”

“And then I have to treat you for the consequences of your choices.”

“You don’t *have* to, Doc.”

“Who would if I didn’t? Would you go to the ER or your family doctor? No, you wouldn’t. Which is why I do it. Don’t get me wrong, hon - I’m happy to be able to use my training to help, but I need you to tell me when you are hurting or not feeling well and what you were doing when it happened. So, what were you doing when your cyst flared?”

I sighed. “Jumping Eclipse.”

“I thought so. How high?”

“4 feet.”

“Meredith! No wonder you were in such pain. The higher the jump, the harder the landing. I forbid you to jump again.”

“You can’t do that, Doc.”

“I can and I am.”

“Try and stop me.” I looked at him defiantly.

He looked defeated. “Meredith, do you care about me?”

“Of course I do, Doc. Why would you ask such a question?”

“Do you know I worry about you?”

“There is no need to. I am fine.”

“You are not ‘fine’, Meredith. “You have a very large cyst on your ovary that continues to grow and causes you extreme pain at times, yet you refuse to let me take it out. You have arthritis all through your lower body that gets aggravated by too much strenuous activity. You are very accident prone and get sick a lot. Why would I not worry about you, hon?”

I started to tear up and got up so he wouldn’t see it.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to pee.”

“Can’t it wait?”

“No.” I went down the hall to the bathroom and took longer than I needed to. Before leaving, I splashed cold water on my face in an attempt to hide the fact I had been crying. Back in the living room, I sat down beside Doc.

“Why don’t you want me to see you cry, hon?”

“Who said I was crying?”

“Meredith, please. Let’s not lie, okay?”

“I didn’t lie, Doc.”

“You are dancing around the question, which is about the same as lying. Why were you crying?”

“I love you, Doc. I don’t want you to be worried.”

“Then don’t give me reason to worry.”

I sighed. I hated the fact that this sweet, caring man who I was head-over-heels in love with was so upset and that I was the one causing him to be upset. But he knew going into this relationship how I am and that I am unlikely to change. On the other hand, compromise is an important part of successful relationships. Did I really want to be so unyielding as to risk losing him?

I reached over and put a hand on his thigh. “What can I do to help ease that worry?” I asked.

“Stop jumping Eclipse.”

I was afraid that would be his answer, but I had to be willing to bend. “Ok, Doc.”

He looked at me incredulously. “You will?”

“Yes, honey.”

“What is the catch?”

“No catch.”

“That easy?”

“Doc, I love my horses and the work I do with them. But I love you more, and I don’t like you being so stressed over me. I’m willing to compromise and find another foster home for Eclipse. But I'm not going to stop riding.”

He put his hand over mine. “You don’t know how much this means to me, hon. And I don't expect you to stop riding, even though I'd like you to. I know how much it means to you.” He reached out and gave me a big hug. “I love you, Meredith.”

“I love you, too, Doc.”

And that is enough mush for now. I normally do not do ‘mush’, but Doc has a weird effect on me.

Later, in bed, Doc snuggled up to me from behind. “I know how hard this is, Meredith and I want you to know how proud I am of you.”

I put my hand over his and squeezed it. “The hard part is yet to come, Doc.”

“You mean saying goodbye to Eclipse?”

“Yes, though at least I haven’t had him for long. That might make it a bit easier.”

Doc held me tight as we fell asleep.

The next day, I called the rescue co-ordinator and asked her if she could find a new foster home for Eclipse, a home where he could be jumped and entered in competitions. She said she would try but she didn’t know if any of the other fosters were experienced at jumping. “Eclipse might have to be retired as a jumper and begin a new career as a riding horse. I know that is not what his previous owners wanted, but that is life”, Amanda said.

“He loves jumping”, I replied. “I could try and talk to Julian (I use Doc’s real name when talking to people who aren’t close friends) again, but I doubt he would ease up on the issue of me jumping.”

“Don’t worry about it. You are my best foster and you never ask me for anything unless you absolutely have to. I’ll try to find another placement for Eclipse but if I can’t, can you keep him and just not jump him?”

“I’m sure I can, Amanda. Julian just doesn’t want me jumping.”

“Meredith, I never thought I’d see the day when you let a man tell you what to do regarding your horses!"

I laughed. “I never thought I would either! But seriously, he’s not telling me what to do. I’m voluntarily giving up jumping because it worries Julian so much. I love him and don’t want him to worry. And just between you and I, I'm secretly glad. Jumping is too hard on my body. I'm just too stubborn to know when to stop.”

“Is it your cyst?”

“That's part of it, but not all. It's also my arthritis. It's very hard on my back and knees. But this doesn’t mean I am going to stop working with the horses. That will happen when I’m in my grave.”

That night, I told Doc about my conversation with Amanda. He would not budge on the issue of jumping. “You told me you wouldn’t - are you going back on that?”

“No, Doc. I won’t jump unless you say you are okay with it.”

“I’m not going to do that, hon. I am not okay with it. Besides, this is a first - you backing down without a fight. I’m going to savour it”, he said with a wink.

“Don’t get too used to it, Doc.”

Amanda was able to find another foster home for Eclipse, and a couple days later, he was on his way. It was really hard to say goodbye, and I was trying my best to not resent Doc, which got me pissed off at myself for resenting him. It wasn’t his fault I had chronic pain and he was just doing what he felt best for me. To blow off some steam, I sent Karen home and I gave each stall a complete bedding changeover - instead of just picking out the soiled parts, I removed all the straw and put fresh down. Karen does this at regular intervals, but only 4 stalls per day. Then I cleaned the chicken coop - not a fun or easy task. Finally, I cleaned out the open pen in the other section of the barn where the horses can come and go as they please when they are outside. It gives them shelter from the elements - rain in summer and snow in winter. I keep it well bedded with a thick layer of straw, just like in their stalls.

By the time I was done all that, I was in considerable pain, so I swept up the concrete areas of the barn and went inside for a shower. It was almost 4pm. I had put meat and veggies for stew in the crock pot before Doc left for work. It was time to make the gravy for it. When that was done, I went back upstairs, took a couple of my pain pills and lay down. I was feeling so frustrated and so guilty for resenting Doc - no matter how briefly - that a tear or two escaped my eyes.

I must have fallen asleep as the next thing I knew, Doc was leaning over me and kissed me on the forehead. I opened my eyes. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Go back to sleep, hon. I’ll get dinner when it’s ready and bring it upstairs. Then you can tell me what you were doing to put you in such pain and why you were crying.” What did I tell you? He *always* knows, even when I’m asleep! “Have you taken any pain meds?”

“Yes, I took two pills.”

“Good. At bedtime, I’ll give you the good stuff.”

After he did dinner cleanup, Doc lay down on the bed with me. “Ok, Meredith, what were you doing today?”

“Doc, how do you know?”

“How do I know what?”

“That I am in pain.”

“I can just tell, hon. It’s a sixth sense with me. Also, you never lie down during the day unless you are very sick or in a lot of pain. When I kissed you on the forehead, it wasn't hot, so I know you aren't sick. That leaves pain. Now, what were you doing?”

I told him about the work I had done in the barn. “Why, Meredith? You know better.”

“I needed to work it off after Eclipse left.”

“Work what off?”

“The sadness of saying goodbye.”

“What else, Meredith?”

“What do you mean ‘what else’?

“There’s more to it than that, hon. You’ve said goodbye to many foster horses and never since I’ve been here have you had to ‘work it off’. So, what is it?”

“You really want to know, Doc? You might not like what I say.”

“Yes, I really want to know. Doesn’t matter whether I like it or not, I want the truth.”

“I was feeling resentful of you.”

“I see.” There was a moment of silence. “Do you want me to leave, Meredith?”

“No, of course not!”

“I don’t want you to resent me, hon.”

“I don’t resent you anymore.”

Doc propped his head up on his hand and looked at me. “Tell me what you were feeling, the good and the bad.”

I sighed. “I was resenting you for telling me to find another placement for Eclipse when I asked you what I could do to help ease up on you worrying about me. I felt guilty for resenting you because that isn’t fair to you. For one, I did ask and for another, you only want what is best for me and you don’t want me to be in pain. I was wrong for feeling that way.”

“No, Meredith - you weren’t wrong. Your feelings are never wrong, what is right or wrong is how you deal with them. Wrong is going out there and working yourself into a major pain flare or hiding your feelings. Right is doing something you can handle, like cooking or baking or working on your website, and talking to me about it. If you resent me, tell me. We’ll work it out, I promise.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Doc.”

“Neither of us are perfect, hon - we never will be. There are times I ask myself what I did to deserve you. Now, for a change of subject. I’ve been making a shopping list for our party on Saturday, let me get my laptop and we’ll go over it and make any changes we want to make. I’ll do the shopping tomorrow after work. I want you to rest the next couple days, no barn work except for supper feeding. The party is only a few days away.”

“Where has the time gone? Seems only yesterday we were decorating.”

“I am thoroughly enjoying the season this year. Oh, by the way, we’re having a small party at the office next Friday. Ms Jamieson’s husband and Nick’s wife are coming, I hope you will, too.”

“I’d love to, Doc.”

“Good. It starts at noon. We didn’t schedule any patients for the afternoon. Of course, if an emergency crops up, either Nick or I will take it. Now, hang on while I get my laptop.”

We finalized the grocery list, then Doc gave me a shot for my pain and we called it a night.

I did as Doc ordered and took it easy for the next couple days. I didn’t want to be in pain for the party. At his insistence, we had hired a lady to clean the house once a week. She came on Friday this week instead of Wednesday, so the house would be freshly clean for Saturday. Doc started the cooking Wednesday night and did some more Thursday evening. I had done a bunch of baking and froze it the week prior so it wouldn’t be so nuts the last few days before the event.

Saturday was here and Doc was busy in the kitchen. I went around the house, checking the trees and decorations, making sure everything was as perfect as I could get it. We were having a buffet style open house as there were too many guests for a sit down dinner. We’d invited Karen and her family, Walt and Martha, their sons and families, Ms Jamieson and her family, Nick Bonilla and his family and a few other doctors and their families that Doc knew. I had set up a couple TVs in the ground floor bedroom for kids to watch and play video games on. I didn’t have any games so I borrowed some from Karen and told the guests to feel free to bring their own for their kids to play. We also had the basement rec room for people to hang out in. We never used it ourselves, but it sure was handy for the party.

Once that was done, I joined Doc in the kitchen, helping wherever I could and getting the baked goods arranged on platters. Having a back porch was a godsend at times, this being one of them. I could put the platters back there where Jessie couldn’t get them. She was not allowed in the kitchen when food was being prepared, much to her dismay. When it was just me, I didn’t care unless I was cooking for others, but Doc has been adamant about keeping the dogs we have had through the years out of any food prep area.

Finally, it was almost time for guests to start arriving. I went upstairs and showered and dressed. I’d bought a fancy Mrs Santa outfit - a long red skirt with a low cut dark red top that came down to the middle of my calves in the back with a split in the front. I wanted us to wear Santa hats, but Doc would have nothing to do with it, he said it wasn’t dignified.

When I came downstairs, Doc whistled. I didn’t even know he could whistle. “Oh wow, Ms Hottie!”

“You like it, Doc?”

“I love it, hon. When you said you wanted to dress as Mrs Santa, I wasn‘t sure it would fit in with the type of party I wanted, but you look very classy. I better get up there and get ready.” He gave me a kiss and groped my butt before he went upstairs. Doc may be sophisticated, but he’s also a man.

He came down a short time later dressed in slacks and a shirt and tie under a sweater. “Doc, you look very handsome!” I said before giving him a kiss.

“I’m so excited, hon. This is my first time hosting a Christmas party.”

“It’s going to be fun, Doc.”

And it was, even with the extra excitement we hadn’t planned on. Guests started arriving soon after Doc got dressed. I hadn’t seen Walt or his sons much since the summer so it was great to see them and their families. Martha, Walt’s wife, invited Doc and I to a Christmas dinner the next Saturday.

They had often invited me to holiday dinners as they treated me like family and they seemed to be accepting Doc as my partner. Walt had been impressed at Doc being able to get me to leave that day when we were haying, something he could never do when he felt I needed a break. “Anyone who can make you obey him is a friend of mine”, he’d said one day in the fall when we’d gone to their place for dinner. Doc piped up with “She doesn’t always obey me, unfortunately.”

“Spank her”, Walt jokingly advised and Doc and I looked at each other and laughed.

Their son, Ben, his wife Charlotte and their two boys, David and Michael, arrived about an hour after the party started. Charlotte was pregnant with their third child and was due any day. She was looking pretty uncomfortable. “Well, at least if you go into labour here at the party, there’s an ob/gyn to attend to you!” I said to her in a light hearted manner.

Doc, perceptive as always, said “You don’t look so good. Are you feeling okay?”

“Just feeling a little off”, Charlotte replied. “Probably from being ready for this pregnancy to be over. I don’t think we’ll stay very long.”

“Let me know if you need me or if you go into labour, okay?”

“Sure thing, Dr Richards.”

“Please call me Julian.” Charlotte was not Doc’s patient, she went to Dr Watters. How she could stand him was beyond me.

A while later, the party was in full swing. Doc’s colleagues had arrived. I had met a couple of them but not the others. Curt Wilcox, who’d treated me for pneumonia, was there, as was Adam Beckett, the surgeon who’d repaired my broken bones after getting thrown from my horse. It was good to see them in a non clinical setting, though Curt had been out to the farm a couple times before.

I could tell Doc was having a great time. He was fussing over the food and making sure there was always enough put out in between talking with guests. Everyone loved it and he got lots of compliments.

About an hour after she came, Charlotte came to me and said they had to leave. She had gone to the bathroom and her water had broken on the toilet. “I’m so glad it happened then and not out here on your beautiful hardwood floors or one of your rugs!” she told me. “I hadn’t had any contractions until a few minutes ago!”

“Don’t worry about that”, I responded. “Let me get Julian, I don’t know if you have time to get to the hospital.”

Just then she was overcome with a contraction. “Sit down, Charlotte.” I looked around to see if I could see Doc but he wasn’t in the living room. I did see Curt Wilcox and motioned him over. I told him what was happening and he started asking Charlotte some questions.

“There’s no time to get to the hospital”, Curt said after timing her contractions. “Is there a bedroom we can put her in?”

“Yes, there’s one down the hall and more bedrooms upstairs, but will that make it too hard bringing her back down?”

“Down here would be better.”

“Ok, I’ll kick the kids that are playing video games out for the time being. If anyone sees Julian, could you please tell him to come to the room?”

Curt and a colleague of his helped Charlotte down the hall. It looked like we were going to have a baby delivered at our Christmas party!