I was standing by the one of the windows - curtains closed, of course. Doc walked over to me and took me in his arms. We had not discussed that tonight was going to be *the night*, we just assumed it would be. I’d been on the Pill long enough for it to be effective, and neither of us had had sex in quite a while, so there was no concern about STDs.

Doc took off his pants, shirt and tie before getting on the bed, leaving his undershirt and briefs on. After some pretty heavy kissing and petting, I slipped a hand under his shirt and could feel him tense up. “You okay, honey?” I asked.

“Yes, just a little nervous, as I’m sure you are.”

“I’m more than a little nervous, Doc.” I took my hand out and he relaxed again. A few minutes later, I grabbed the hem of his shirt and started pulling it up in an attempt to take the garment off. Doc took my hand and guided it away. “Doc, what’s wrong?”

“My shirt stays on.”

“Why?”

“It just does.” Why is he afraid to take his shirt off? What is he hiding? I thought. “Doc, what’s wrong? Why don’t you want me to see you?”

He was quiet for a couple minutes. I stroked his face, trying to get him to relax and waited for him to answer.

“I’m afraid you’ll judge me”, he finally broke the silence.

“I would never judge you. What do you think I would judge you for?”

Doc sighed and sat up. I propped myself up with my arm. He took off his undershirt and turned around and sat at the edge of the bed, with his back to me. He turned the lamp on the bedside table on. I immediately saw what he was so self conscious of. There were quite a few scars on his back. “Honey, what happened? And why would you think I’d judge you for it?”

“I was whipped”, he replied in a quiet voice.

“By whom?”

“A girlfriend. When I was a resident.” He had told me he hadn‘t dated in med school or residency.

“Tell me what happened, Doc.”

He didn't move. After a moment, he said “She had a bad temper and would often throw things. She gave me the first whipping for missing a wedding we were supposed to go to. I had been on call the night before and had a case come in just before I was off duty, a woman whose husband had stabbed her so bad, it tore her uterus open. She was young and wanted to keep her fertility intact. I had to take her to surgery and it took a long time to repair the damage. Jane was mad that I didn’t wait for my replacement so that he could do it. I couldn’t wait, it would have been a risk to her life. She lost her temper and followed me around the apartment with the whip.”

“There were more times after that?”

“Yes, a few.”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“She kept saying she was sorry and wouldn’t do it again. I believed her the first couple times. Her father was my attending, I was afraid that if I left, he would get mad at me and make life at the hospital miserable for me.”

“You finally did leave, though.”

“Yes. I couldn’t take it anymore and after the last time, I found an apartment. It wasn’t the greatest and was in a bad area of town, but it got me away from her. Her father never said a word to me about it, so I don’t know what she said to him about why I left. Hon, I know I lied to you when I told you I hadn’t dated seriously. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”

“Why not, Doc?”

“Because I couldn’t bear to have you think I’m less of a man.”

“Why would I think that?”

“Because I didn’t leave right away. It’s not manly to let a woman whip you.”

My heart was breaking for Doc. I slid over on the bed and sat behind him, wrapping my legs and arms around him and hugged him tight. “It’s not your fault, Doc. I don’t think you are ‘less of a man’. If a woman told you she stayed with her abusive partner, would you think any less of her?”

“Of course not, but that’s different. Men are expected to not put up with being hit.”

“I don’t think any less of you, Doc. Is this why you haven’t dated seriously since then?”

“Yes, hon. I was so afraid of it happening again. Then I met you and I fell for you – almost from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“I would never, ever do anything like that to you, Julian.”

“I know you wouldn’t, hon. I wouldn’t be here if I thought you would. But I was so scared for you to find out about what had happened. I knew that you would see the scars eventually, but had no idea what I would say when it happened. I didn‘t want to ruin tonight, which is why I stopped you from taking my shirt off.” He turned around and kissed me and we moved back into the middle of the bed. “Hon, is there something you’ve been holding back on? I know you are widowed, but you’ve never told me how your husband died.”

I sighed. I felt he was trying to take the conversation away from him and I didn’t want to talk about my late husband, but Doc had just told me about his past relationship, so fair is fair. “We had a fight, which we’d been having a lot of. He was late getting home from work, I had eaten my dinner and I put his in the oven on warm. By the time he got home, it was overdone and he threw a fit. I yelled right back at him, telling him it wasn’t my fault he was so late getting in. He left and went to a bar where he got drunk. On his way home, he lost control of his car and wrapped it around a tree. He was killed instantly.”

“I’m so sorry, Meredith. It‘s not your fault, hon.”

“My brain tells me that, but my heart needs to listen. It took me a long time to get over the guilt and date again. I’ve never dated seriously since then. Country boys want to tell me how to run my farm and I never thought a city boy would want to date a country girl.”

“This city boy is glad he fell for a country girl.”

“This country girl is so glad the city boy fell for her.”

Doc kissed me again. “Now that we have gotten these past issues off our chests, let’s move forward.”

“Sounds good to me, Doc.”

“I love you, Meredith. I’ve known it for a long time, but couldn’t voice it until now.”

“It's taken me a while to realize it, but I love you, too, Doc.”

Doc kissed me again, and we put all thoughts of our pasts out of our minds as we made sweet, sweet love. Julian took me to heights I had never been before, not even with my late husband. It was as if we were made for each other. Afterwards, I snuggled up to him. “That was so worth the wait, honey. Where did you learn to make love like that?”

“Nowhere in particular, hon. Pleasing you just came naturally.”

We fell asleep like that but I woke up an hour or so later and got up to blow the candles out. When I got back in bed, we ended up in the spoon position, which had become our favourite. Doc loves cuddling up to me from behind and holding me tight.

In the morning, we made love again, taking our time as Karen’s daughter and son were doing the chores and they were keeping Jessie until I called. Doc insisted on bringing me breakfast in bed. After we had eaten, we went for Round #3.

“Wow, Doc”, I said when we were enjoying the after glow. “Here I thought men in their 40’s could only do it once!”

“It’s you, hon. I want to make love to you over and over and over again. I can’t get enough of you.”

“I’m so glad we waited, Doc. I think it made it so much better.”

“I do, too, hon.”

We finally went downstairs late in the morning. “Doc, I’m going to go get Jessie from Karen’s. I think I’ll take Midnight for a ride and collect Jessie on the way home.”

“Hon, I’d rather you didn’t take the horse.”

“Why not, Doc?”

“Remember the last time riding and dogs mixed?”

“That was different, honey. It was a new horse and the dogs weren’t mine. Jessie doesn’t nip at horses’ heels.”

“I still don’t like it. I can’t stop you, but I hope you won’t.”

“Ok, I won’t. I’ll walk over.”

“Thanks, hon. I know I sound paranoid.”

“I understand, honey. You have been through a lot with me and my health and accidents.”

“I just don’t want another accident if it can be helped.”

I walked over to Karen’s. She was alone so we sat down with a cup of coffee. “I want to hear all about last night”, she said. “and this morning, it’s so late I know you two were up to something.”

I told her all about our date and how we made love over and over and over. I didn’t tell her about Doc’s past. Karen and I share a lot, but this was something I felt should not go any further than Doc and I unless *he* wanted it to.

When I got back home, Doc had lunch waiting. “Let me make supper, sweetheart. You do so much of the cooking.”

“I don’t mind cooking. In fact, I like it.”

After lunch, I ironed Doc’s clothes that I had washed the day before. He can’t iron to save his soul. He used to take his shirts and pants to a dry cleaner. I felt that was a waste of money and insisted on doing them myself. He sat and talked to me while I ironed.

“How is your pain level, hon? I don’t want you standing up too long, you walked to Karen’s and back.”

“I’m okay, Doc.”

“Number?”

“3”

“Which is Meredith-speak for 4 or maybe 5.”

“Maybe.”

“No maybe about it. I know you all too well. Do half of the ironing, then rest for the remainder of the day. You can finish another day.”

I sighed. There was no point arguing. He would get his way in the end. “Okay, okay.”

“Good. That is the end of it, right? No trying to sneak another few shirts or pairs of pants in?”

“Would I do that, Doc?”

“In a New York minute.”

“Hey, Doc”, I said, changing the subject, “How do you feel about going away for the night Friday?”

“Where to?”

“A friend of Karen’s has a cabin a couple hours away. Andrea can’t get there right now to close up for the winter, so she asked me to do it. I’ve done it for her before. We can go up Friday after you get off and come back Saturday or Sunday. Jessie loves going, she terrorizes the chipmunks in the woods.”

“Ok, I’ll go with you.”

“Good. It will give us some time alone without interruptions. I turn off my phone when I go, though I keep it with me in case I need it.”

“Two days with you without interruptions will be glorious.”

We packed up Thursday night, except for last minute things. I was driving Doc to work on Friday morning, then would pick him up in the afternoon and head straight out to the cabin. Doc took his things out to my minivan before we went to bed. We were taking my car, it was much more suitable for such a trip than his Beemer. I noticed he was taking his medical bag out. “Why are you taking that?”

“You never know when I might need it”, he said with a wink.

We arrived at the cabin around 7:30 Friday night. Jessie was out of the car and into the woods in a flash. I wasn’t worried about her, she never went near the road. Not that there was any traffic on it anyway. I got a fire going in the fireplace while Doc brought in our bags and Jessie’s food. The cabin wasn’t winterized, so we had to rely on the fireplace and space heaters to keep warm.

Doc looked around for something to make for supper while I went outside to see if I could get Jessie to come in. Andrea had said to use whatever we wanted from her cupboards. We were bringing back dry and refrigerated/frozen goods for her (frozen so that if the power went out, she wouldn’t have a mess in the spring).

I finally got Jessie to come back with the promise of a treat. Works every time. By then, Doc had supper almost done. I had brought a few candles with us, and put a couple on the kitchen table and lit them, then turned off the lights.

“I would never have thought a meal of hamburger patties, canned beans and canned peas in a cabin with no heating system would be romantic”, Doc said.

“Anything can be romantic with the right person, Doc.”

“I was going to say the same thing, hon. You read my mind.” I put my right hand on his left and squeezed it. One advantage of him being right handed and me being left is that we can hold hands like that while we eat.

After supper dishes were done, I made some hot cocoa and we took it into the living room. I moved the coffee table out of the way, then put a blanket on the floor and sat down with my back up against the front of the sofa. “Come on, Doc, it’s cozier down here in front of the fire.” I think he was a little reluctant but he joined me anyway. Jessie lay down closer to the fireplace.

When I was finished my cocoa, I got my guitar and sat down with it. I hadn’t played much lately, my days were full with work around the farm and evenings were spent with Doc, talking or playing Scrabble or some other game. I had yet to beat him at Scrabble. “Do you know any campfire songs, Doc?”

“No, hon, I don’t. I’ve never been camping.”

“Oh, Doc, you missed out if you didn’t camp during your childhood!” I played some songs I remembered from my days at summer camp. One Tin Soldier; This Land is Your Land (Canadian version); Michael Row Your Boat Ashore; Both Sides Now among others.

We were both exhausted so we went to bed not long after that. I wanted to get a good night’s sleep, as I had a surprise for Doc the next day.