I had spent some time in the waiting room shivering in my paper gown, which was partially soaked through from the hosing down Miss F had given me earlier, yet now she was here sitting right next to me. I was cold, a little damp, and still relatively unsure of what I faced on the other side of this door. None of the sounds I heard had been good: groans, drilling, and the firm commands of what I assumed were various dental professionals. If they were just going to check the health of my mouth, I felt pretty good about my chances considering my track record with my actual dentist, but maybe they were just looking to torture me or snatch a few teeth from my mouth.

These thoughts swirled around for a good thirty minutes as I wordlessly sat. Miss F seemed chipper: her eye contact was warm and friendly, even behind her mask. She occasionally rested her hand on my thigh before switching back to feverish texting. Eventually, the heavy wood veneered door swung upon once more, and I heard my name.

“Is he nice and tidied up for us?” I looked up and saw the voice's owner: a tall, sturdily built blonde woman in fuchsia scrubs, face mask resting on her chin. She had massive blue eyes and a cheery disposition. Maybe too much so? I couldn’t tell at this point: for all I knew she was here to torment me for the next few hours. I couldn’t help but notice the small flecks of blood on her mask and scrubs, I figured this couldn’t bode well.

“Yep, he’s all ready.” Miss F replied.

“Alrighty dear, come with me and we’ll get you all sorted out.” I got up with an awkward lurch and made my way to the door.

“Have fun in there!” This was Miss F again.

Well, how bad will it be if she’s encouraging me like that?

I pondered this as I made eye contact with the big blonde woman, who gave me a warm smile as I came to meet her. I was surprised when she extended her hand to me.

“Nice to meet you! Come on in.”

“Likewise.” I said shakily. So far so good, right? She beckoned me in fully through the doorway, and I could now take in the various dental suites in this new room. They were all enclosed, all packed with various dental professionals, all women, working on a variety of patients. I saw trays loaded with tools, a notable amount of syringes, and waste bins full of bloodied gloves and masks. Based on the lack of enthusiasm of the patients here, I assumed they weren’t here because of some dental fetish itch they needed to scratch. My surveying was interrupted by my new handler.

“So we’re just going to get you situated in this back corner here, should be nice and quiet since you don’t have any neighbors.”

“Much appreciated, ma’am.” I didn’t want to say too much before I could gauge my situation. The entrance to the suite was obscured by a pink curtain, which the woman retracted before beckoning me in. Another woman now stood before us, shorter but also with blonde hair. She was notably pale with a steely disposition and dark amber eyes.

“Ed, this is Miss Frida, she’s a dental hygienist and she’ll be helping me out with our little assessment.” Miss Frida’s demeanor softened a little bit as we shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.

“You know what? I forgot to introduce myself! I’m Dr. Payne, yes, that’s my real name, if you can believe it… anyway, I’m the Oral and Maxillofacial surgeon here, and you’re actually getting your checkup with me! Lucky you. Why don’t you get seated for us, and we’ll get down to business.” Dr. Payne patted the chair as she said this, and I gingerly stepped over to get situated. Even with my nerves, I enjoyed her slightly campy humor. I noticed Miss Frida rubbing her hands down with some kind of sharp smelling antiseptic. As she did this, Dr. Payne began scanning a clipboard. I noticed that the tray next to me had a gingival probe, a mirror, a tub of vaseline and a small bite block. I had seen patients in the other suites wearing full blown cheek retractors, so I felt lucky to get off easy, at least for now.

“Let’s see, Dr. Shaba gave you a DNT order, lucky you… vitals looked good, good disciplinary reviews, references check out, very good… Okay, so Miss Frida and I are going to be taking a look in your mouth, seeing if you need any work done, and we’ll just see what needs to be taken care of, sound good?”

“Yeah, thank you doctor.” I had no idea what the hell a “DNT” was, but maybe I’d find out later. I figured that a solid review was all that mattered for now.

“Sure! Alrighty, so Frida and I are just going to get our equipment on, and we’ll get right into looking in your mouth…”

I had already noticed Miss Frida putting on a blue isolation gown out of the corner of my eye. Dr. Payne opened a cupboard in the corner and began unfolding a pink one. After these came eyewear and face shields with black brims.

“I thought I should mention, in my own practice we would give you an extra oral first, but I figured we should get the scary stuff out of the way first, don’t you think?” Dr. Payne’s chipper demeanor was oddly disarming, and though some would find it forced, I could feel her generosity.

“Oh sure, whatever you need Doctor.” She smiled warmly in response. The two of them then took laborious time stretching on matching pairs of bleached white latex exam gloves. Dr. Payne then raised her visor and slid on a hot pink face mask. I noticed Miss Frida had already put on a conical blue mask, presumably to match her gown. The two of them wheeled over to my sides, Dr. Payne on my left, and Miss Frida on my right.

“Frida, will you lube him up for me?” Miss Frida dabbed her finger in the vaseline, and proceeded to delicately apply it to my lips. Shortly after this, I felt her clipping a bib around my neck. She took a bit of time to change gloves once more, and as she did this, Dr. Payne picked up the bite block.

“Alrighty hun, I’m just going to put this bite block in, that way your jaw can stay nice and relaxed while I work, sound good?”

“Sure Doctor.” With that, I opened instinctively, and she placed it on my back molars. She flicked on the overhead light, and Miss Frida returned.

“You can close your eyes if you want dear, just breathe for us…” Dr. Payne seemed to relax her demeanor now, and as I tried to do the same, I felt her lean in and begin searching around my mouth with her mirror and probe. I felt her checking my gums for depth, and she meticulously felt every corner and crevice around my teeth. I almost started to worry that she had found something wrong based on how long she was taking.

“Yup, just as I suspected… A very good looking mouth. Buildup is minimal, no cavities, some cute little crooked central incisors, a perfect set of teeth as far as we’re concerned.” I felt Miss Frida patting me on the shoulder as Dr. Payne said this. The bite block was then plucked out of my mouth by Dr. Payne.

“That’s a relief.” I had little to say as I could feel my face starting to flush red.

“Oh you’re such a worrier dear! You should know, I asked them to send me someone good today, so that should tell you what you need to know. It’s kind of bloodbath out there, but we’re going to go nice and easy on you, or at least we’ll try!”

“Much appreciated doctor.” My responses were cautious, but I did my best to show my gratitude.

“Okie dokie, since you don’t need any work done on your teeth, we’re just going to give you a prophylaxis treatment, just like the one you get every six months. Frida is going to take care of that, and then I’ll step in maybe halfway through and get you worked over, sound good?”

“Sure.”

“Alrighty! Let me just get you strapped in then…” Given everything else I had seen in this clinic, I wasn’t surprised to hear those words. Miss Frida ominously began sharpening a few of her dental scalers while Dr. Payne rustled through a drawer far off to my left.

Surprisingly, she returned with a heavy gray polyester blanket, a long white drape, and yet another tub of vaseline. She placed them on her lap before pulling out a number of nylon straps fastened under the chair. I saw a look shoot across the doctor's face, as if she had suddenly remembered something. She proceeded to change into a new pair of gloves, and open the tub of vaseline. All the while, Miss Frida was sharpening tools, checking instruments, and fiddling with a pair of loupes.

“Almost forgot! Because I like you, I’m just going to put some vaseline on your skin where the straps will be, just so you don’t chafe. I should tell you, the only boys who get my good side are, well, the good ones…” I just blushed a bit and smiled as she began liberally spreading the vaseline across the parts of my anatomy that the gown didn’t cover; my legs and arms, to be exact. She was patient with her work, and she shot me the occasional smile as our eyes met every so often, thoroughly invading my space as smooth, warm gloved hands worked up and down my limbs. Her work was punctuated by the arousing sound of her mildy labored breathing, which was to be expected given her focused lurching over my frame.

“She always loves doing this, you should know.” Said Miss Frida.

“Oh stop!” Dr. Payne gave a joking reply. Eventually, after about two more minutes of this work, she seemed satisfied, and changed gloves once more. After gathering the aforementioned nylon belts,, she methodically set to work strapping me in from my chest, all the way down to my ankles. She made sure to be gentle in her work, which amused me given that most other patients would probably panic at this sight.

After this came a previously unseen transparent plastic tarp.

“Just to keep the blanket clean.” Said Dr. Payne, matter of factly. This was followed by the blanket, and finally the thicker white tarp. I was covered from my chest to my feet, like some kind of autopsy patient, not like I minded of course. Dr. Payne and Miss Frida shared a knowing glance, and they walked to the same drawer from before. Dr. Payne laid out a packet of sterile gloves, a disposable gown, and a bouffant cap, and she assisted Miss Frida in changing into all the items. I had never seen this level of attention go into a routine dental exam, but I certainly wasn’t complaining. The gloves came on in magnificent fashion: Dr. Payne stretched the dull beige latex over Miss Frida’s hands, then gown cuffs before letting it ceremoniously snap against her wrists. The two of them made their procession back to me, and took their usual places. Dr. Payne took hold of the bite block on the tray using a pair of tweezers, and addressed me.

“Safety first, right?” I gave a small nod as I opened my mouth up for the block.

“So polite! I don’t even need to ask him to open.” Dr. Payne seemed well aware of her kill-’em-with-kindness charm, which made it all the better.

“Alrighty, here we go…” This was actually Miss Frida, who leaned into me with a scaler in hand, ready to set to work.

To Be Continued