I hadn't been waiting for long when there was a knock on the door. I was excited to meet Dr. Little. But it's actually Nurse Terri again. “I just got a call from Dr. Little, and he says that he's running a little late. He wondered if I might go ahead and take care of your vaccines now to get them over with. You need a tetanus booster and a flu shot. Why don't we get them out of the way?” I wasn't expecting the question, but I said that it's all right. For me, the worst part about getting shots is waiting and imagining what's going to happen. It's probably better to get it over with.

Many typical doctor's offices do this part so badly. Once I sat in an exam room for at least 15 minutes while they prepared the injections. I was pretty regressed by the time the nurse showed up. I was sitting Indian style on top of the exam table, playing a game on my phone, trying to distract myself. It was so hard to keep being an adult in that moment. Today is so much better, because I can be myself as my anxious little one comes out of the shadows. Jennifer is there, and she invites me to sit in her lap. I put my head on her shoulder, and she gently strokes my hair. “Are you feeling scared?” she asks me. I nod. “It's OK to be scared. I've got you,” she reassures me. “Why don't we sing a song?” She starts into a soft rendition of “Yellow Submarine,” which cracks me up. I start to sing along. She knows all of the words, unlike me.

Fortunately, just a minute or two later, there is a knock on the door, and the waiting is over. Nurse Terri opens the door and comes in. I look away because think she will be holding needles in her hands, but I take a glance and see that she doesn't have any. “Do you have my shots?” I nervously ask.

“Yes, they're right here in my pocket,” she says with a smile. “Would you like to see them?”

“No!” I shout and turn away.

“That's OK. Some people want to see them, but other people don't. You don't have to look.” She quickly puts gloves on her hands and sets alcohol pads and bandages on the table. “You look comfortable there on your mommy's lap. Let's just keep you there. I'm going to give you two little vaccines, one in each leg,” she said, tapping her thigh for emphasis. “It will be so quick that you won't even know it.” From experience, she knew to move quickly. She hiked up the hem of my gown, exposing my thighs up to the edge of my underwear. Then she took the alcohol pads and swabbed both of my thigh muscles. "Count to ten and the first one will be over.” Jennifer and I started counting together, and Jennifer kept stroking my hair gently. Terri took a syringe out of her pocket, used her teeth to remove the cap, and swiftly injected the medicine into the muscle. I have only reached six when she was done, and I barely felt anything. “Great job! Now let's get the other one. This time, I want you to blow with your mouth like you're blowing out candles on your birthday cake.” She repeated the procedure on the other leg. This time I felt a little ouch as the medicine was injected, and I flinched a little. “Keep blowing,” she instructed as she continued pushing the plunger. “I'm sorry about that. The tetanus shot tends to hurt a little bit as it goes in,” she explained.

“You're all done!” she exclaimed as she placed Ninja Turtles bandages on the needle marks. “You were so brave. Give me five!” I stood up and gave the nurse five after she put the used needles in the sharps bin. Then I paused for a minute, suddenly unable to figure out what I should do next. A familiar feeling started coming over me.

“How are you doing?” she asked me.

“I'm getting a little light-headed,” I responded.

“Let's get you up on the table,” she said without missing a beat. “Jennifer, help me out.” They each took one of my shoulders, guided me onto the exam table, and lifted me by the armpits until I could sit on the edge. “Lie down for a minute,” Terri instructed.

I lay on my back, looking at the ceiling through the fuzzy purple dots swimming across my vision. My ears started ringing like I had just come from a rock concert. I felt Jennifer's fingers stroking my hair and realized that I was sweating. “There, there,” she reassured me. As my consciousness returned, I became aware that I was sweating through the open back of the gown onto the waxy table paper.

Terri stood over my body, looking me in the eye with a face that made it clear that nothing bad was going to happen to me. “You're doing just fine. Some people are fainters,” she said calmly. She sat on the exam table next to me, remaining in eye contact, and started gently rubbing my thigh muscles over the injection sites. “This will help the medicine get absorbed faster.”

“I'm sorry. I've always had trouble with this,” I said.

“It's no problem at all,” Terri said. “We've got as much time as we need. No one else is here right now. Did you have a bad experience with shots when you were little?”

I nodded, suppressing a tear.

“I'm so sorry,” Terri said. “Do you want to talk about it?” She kept rubbing my thighs in gentle circles. "One of the things we do here at the clinic is to modify earlier traumatic experiences."