“Okay,” he said as he looked at me and pulled out the extension on the table. “Go ahead and lay back for me.”

I shifted around, paper crinkling under me, as I laid back, conscious of how naked I was, feeling my scrotum moving between my legs and my penis starting to stiffen. I realized how completely naked I was: nothing, not even glasses or a watch on.

“Hands behind your head,” barked the doctor as he stood next to the head of the table. I put my hands back, exposing my armpits, conscious of the accumulating sweat and smelling a little bit of my deodorant. He started pressing on my left armpit and moved down to the left side of my chest. He repeated the inspection and palpation of my right armpit before he continued.

Putting the stethoscope back into his ears, he gently placed it onto my left pec. “Listening to your chest again, just breathe normally,” he said as he moved the stethoscope to listen to a different area. Moving lower, he started to listen to my abdomen. “When did you last eat?” he asked as he moved the stethoscope lower, my anxiety increasing.

“Last night,” I said. “The receptionist told me to not eat after 9.”

“Good,” he said as he began listening to the right side of my belly, then moving to listen to the left side. I stared at the ceiling and watched the expression on his face as he listened carefully to my belly.

As he removed the stethoscope and placed it in his coat pocket, the doctor walked to the end of the table and told me to rest my hands at my sides. He grabbed my left foot, checking the skin, rotating each ankle, and even peering in between my toes. “Any issues with athlete’s foot?” he asked as he continued his methodical inspection.

“Sometimes … I’ll use Lotrimin and it will take care of it,” I replied as he flexed my left leg and felt my knee. As the doctor moved my left knee towards my chest, I became extremely conscious of my now fully-erect penis and scrotum flopping around. Finishing my left leg, he repeated the same process on my right leg, moving higher and higher, methodically inspecting the skin as he went.

Finished with my legs, the doctor announced he was going to begin palpating my stomach. “Just relax your belly and let me know if anything hurts,” he said as he pressed all over my abdomen, moving lower and lower. Watching my face as he continued his palpation, “Any problems with contraption or diarrhea?”

“Going to check your pulses now,” he said as he placed two fingers of one hand firmly on the left side of my groin and two more fingers above my left ankle. I lay there and stared at the bright light overhead as he switched sides.

Finished with the pulses, the doctor placed his hands inside just above each knee, gently pressing them apart. I knew what was coming next.

Looking at me, he said “bring your feet toward your bottom and let your knees relax.” As I got into the frog leg position, I felt the cool air on my scrotum and was again reminded of how naked I was. As he turned his attention to my pubes, he said, “Hands behind your head again,” and started raking his fingers through my pubes. “Just looking for rashes or lice,” he said as his methodical inspection continued.

“Any problems with jock itch? Your scrotum looks a little pink,” asked the doctor casually as he inspected the skin on my scrotum and my inner thighs.

“Yeah, it itches sometimes...I was going to ask you.”

“You might want to try two weeks of antifungal twice a day down here to take care of that,” he said as he lifted my scrotum up and began pressing firmly on my perineum. “Any pain when I do this? Any burning when you pee or ejaculate?” he continued as he palpated my shaft through the underside of my scrotum, moving higher and higher up the shaft toward the head of my penis.

“Sorry about that,” I say quietly as I motion down towards my erect penis.

“No problem. Let’s me know everything’s working okay. Have you ever been tested for syphilis?” he asked as he spread open the tip of my penis to look into the opening. “The head of your penis has some discoloration...have you ever had any sores here?”

Watching him point out the head of my penis, I look down mortified as I see the large pearl of pre-ejaculate that had collected at the tip. “See...right here..,” he says holding my penis in one hand and pointing at the head with his other hand.

I tell him I’ve had that discolored area since I was a kid. As I lay there, spread wide open, he continues his inspection of all sides of my penis with commentary about skin rashes and how syphilis is known as “the great imitator” but that he will add testing to my bloodwork just to be sure.

“Just relax...” he says as he releases my penis and moves back to my scrotum, grabbing my left testicle firmly and rolling it between his fingers, before releasing it and doing the same on my right testicle. “Are you checking your testicles for lumps every month?” he asked looking me in the eyes as he firmly rolled the right one.

“Yeah …” I replied sheepishly.

“Okay, show me how you do it,” he instructed. I moved my hand down there, but felt strange as he watched me manipulate my own balls.

“Good, just like that. Feel for any bumps or anything that wasn’t there the previous time,” Moving both hands back to my sac, the doctor grabbed both testicles with his hands, pulling and comparing them. “Left one definitely seems smaller than the right side but both still seem normal.” He finally released them.

“Okay, let’s do the swabs now,” continued the doctor. “Hands behind your head again,” he said as he unwrapped a swab from the tray. “Open wide.” He stuck the swab into the back of my throat, making me gag a little.

“One down,” he says as he put the swab into the container and grabbed a second one, removing it from the paper package. “This one goes in your penis,” he noted as he held it up to show me. “It looks big but it is soft and spongy,” he said as he grabbed onto the end of my erect penis and spread open the meatus.

“Deep breath,” I heard, as the doctor slid the swab inside. I gasped: it burned and went in deeper than I thought. “Doing good. Now it just needs to stay in for about twenty more seconds,” he calmly said as he held the swab in place with one hand and gently held my shaft with the other. “Almost done, just need to turn this,” he said casually as he rotated the swab and started to withdraw it.

“Jeeeezzzz,” I moaned, as he pulled the burning swab out.

“Worst part is over,” he said, releasing my penis and placing the swab into the sterile tube.